0618 Female Led Relationships: What Does a Successful Locktober Actually Look Like?

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and would love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. This is like comedians in cars with coffee, only this is... This is Christine Kellogg in cars talking about cocktails. Yes! I like it. That's what this is. Welcome to Benny, the studio on wheels. Benny the Buick. Benny the Buick. Benny and the Jets. We are on location at an undisclosed location. It's really fucking windy. It is. We've talked about where we are multiple times. A little bit, yeah. But what we're really here to talk about is what month is it? Locktober. Yeah, buddy. So this is our temporary studio on wheels, right? Because we're not in the studio anymore and other... This is a little bit of housekeeping, I guess. Yeah, housekeeping. Hi, Judy. Yeah, this is our temporary thing for now. And down the road, it might look like other environments. We will be mobile. Yep. Because it is important to put the podcast out no matter what. This is irking every production bone in your body. Why? Because you're so particular. I'm surprised, if I'm being quite honest, that we don't have sheets on the seats and lights hanging. This is like comedians in cars with coffee. Only this is Kellogg in a car with a crazy guy. This is Kellogg in the car. Oh, I forgot to say, hey, Subby. I haven't done this in so long. I forgot to say, hey, Subby. Hey, how's it going? Okay, we have completed what needs to be done. Uh, this is Christine Kellogg in cars talking about cock cages. Yes, I like it. That's what this is. In an undisclosed location where it is quite windy and kind of chilly. It is, but not in the car because it's like an oven almost in here. I don't hate it. Like a solar oven. The longer these go, the hotter it's going to get in here. Just kidding. All right. So we're going to take a different approach to Locktober this year. One, because Subby is not currently locked. We are working on... Sadly. I know. He's mentally locked. Physically, not so much. Yep. Yep. But we're going to talk about a realistic approach to Locktober. Mm-hmm. And we're going to go for the more of... It's not all or nothing. Much like your dynamic, you modify it to what works for you. And like I said, currently he's not locked, but mentally he is. Now, I'm not saying that wearing the key doesn't make a significant difference in my behavior or how I feel. But I would agree with your statement that even though you're not locked, we function as though you are. A hundred percent. The first thing I'm going to say is that Locktober is not a contest. And while that might piss some people off, it's not about, oh my God, I lasted 31 days. I'm the winner. Yes. Whatever. Yes. It's not a contest. Locktober should be what works for you and for your partner. And maybe 31 days is not what works. Along that lines, being locked for 31 days is not a definition of a successful Locktober. No. I think that's a big point that I need to point out. If you don't make it the whole 31 days without a release or staying locked or whatever, it's not a failure. It doesn't mean you were successful if you are locked for the whole 31 days. Right. Now, contrary to what I may have said in past Locktobers, I don't know that I ever said though that it was success. I think I've always said you modify it to what works for you. Yeah. But. Because there's reality. Yes. Right. Some people can't be for whatever reason. They travel a lot or maybe a government worker or someone with a metal detector maybe. Or I don't know. Whatever the circumstance may be, they just can't. And that's okay. But up here, you're still in your mind, you can still be locked. So let me ask you this, but you can't ask me it in return because I don't know if I have a fantastic answer for it. What would you say? And maybe you can answer for both of us. What would you say we are trying to accomplish by participating in Locktober? Which is also the question you should think of before participating. What are your goals or what are you trying to accomplish in participating in this month-long chastity journey? What would you say would be like for us specifically? Yeah. And this is a great question for pretty much anything. Right. What is your why? Yep. Right. What is your why? What is our why for you locking my little dick in chastity? It just makes my heart go pitter-patter. Does it? I think if we go all the way back to the very beginning of this. Fuck yes. That. For a little backstory, in the early part of when we were dating, I was on Tumblr. This is prior to a lot of the social medias. No, no. But I was on Tumblr just scrolling through things and I saw a chastity cage for the very first time. And I thought, oh, hmm, I'm not opposed. I wonder what she would think. So I sent it to you. And your response verbatim was in all caps and exclamation points, fuck yes. It was. Right. Why? It was fuck yes for us to start with. I'm not exactly sure. Well, I can tell you what it was. Fuck yes for me. Okay. Instantly, it was very visually appealing for me. Okay. I don't know. And I think honestly, if I think back, it was the cage you sent me was specifically what I have always preferred to see you locked in. Right. Before you even knew it was a thing. Right. 100%. You sent this to me and visually, immediately, I was like, yes. Now I will say, fuck yes, to be specific. I will say a lot of the early stages of our relationship was a lot of me not holding back. I just went with my first instinct and solidly in the 13 years that we have been together, that has always been my most successful route with things. Otherwise I tend to overthink them and I ruin it for myself. Yeah. I very much try to eliminate the filter between my brain and my mouth when we're having conversations and just let the things come out because then I can't overthink it. And then I'm comfortable enough with you that we can have the conversations and maybe he offers a different perspective and maybe my initial thought wasn't exactly right on, but you always make me feel comfortable. And when you offer a different perspective, I don't feel like I'm wrong. It's the perspective of, well, what about this? What about this? And then think of it this way or whatever. So I think that's a key component, right? Like immediately it was visually appealing. The next thing that I found as we got going in our chastity journey is I very much enjoyed wearing the key. I don't know what, I mean, it was very symbolic for me. Like I just feel like a different person, maybe not a different person, but I do know that I like the way it makes me feel like we have this little secret, like our little dynamic. And it's just something, well, I would like to say only you and I know about, but anybody who listens to this podcast or knows my social medias knows, but that's not everybody in the world, right? Like we've been doing this for six years and it wasn't until this year that somebody recognized me. At a public place. Yeah. And like, listen, if you ever see me in public, you can always come up and say, hey, I listened to your podcast. You don't need to say any more than that. But I understand not wanting to approach me too, because you don't want everybody to know you're listening to my podcast. I'm aware. So no hurt feelings, but it's just like a connection that we have. No matter where we are, we have that connection. So I think that was the other appealing point. Go ahead with your fingers crossed. Crossed my fingers because I had a thought and I did not want to rudely interrupt her. However, she prefaced the question by saying that I would have more to say about it than she would. Sorry, apparently I lied. And she took up the last 20 minutes. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm glad you said something. Somebody woke up with their sassy pants on this morning. Yes, I'm just teasing. I'm glad you did say that though, because that, and I mirror a lot of what you say, right? You touched on the feeling of the key, making you feel special or... Like it was our secret. Yeah, it's our secret, right? It's something between us. It's a bond. When I'm wearing the cage, it's the same thing. It's our secret and it's our connection. But going back to the beginning, I think when I saw it and I was processing what that was, to me, I believe that that was handing you over like the ultimate control, right? Not of my life necessarily, but of a big aspect of life, you now have complete control over, right? And on that, just because it was locked up doesn't mean it wasn't ever used. Right? You have control over it. So I trusted you and it was fucking hot that you said, fuck yes. So I mean, that was chocolate on the fucking ice cream right there. But it was the commitment. I was ready to commit that to you. Like, yep, yes, this is logical. This is the right direction for this. Now we just need to figure out how to do it. So... Okay. First one, because I might've forgot the second one. The first one I wanted to say was, I will say one of the biggest benefits that we have realized from chastity, whether he's locked or not, is how to be intimate without penis and vagina interaction. Like you figure out ways to get very creative and it's really fun too. Like for me, I very much enjoy when the cage is uncomfortable for him because I'm doing things to make it uncomfortable. I don't really, I mean, I don't love it when a ball slips out. I don't love it, maybe a little bit, but I don't necessarily, that's, I can't even say that. I don't want to see you in pain a little bit, a little chuckle. And then I'm like, Ooh, are you okay? Yes. But the intimacy part of it and learning how to be, I mean, intimacy is such a, it's a, it's a, it's one word that describes so much. And you learn so much about intimacy when you choose to lock your partner's penis in the chastity device. I don't remember what this one was about. We, you were talking about control and I don't remember exactly what I was going to say. It wasn't necessarily like that. I was controlling you anymore, but it was like solidifying that I was in control. And I also, like you've said, it's a, it's a very big reminder. Well, maybe not big. It's a reminder of who was in control and our dynamic. And it was a nice reminder. I think it was along that line. So that's basically our shared why. Yes. So all of that being said, if you're thinking about doing Locktober or exploring chastity and starting in October, the first thing you want to think about is what's your why? Why are you participating? Why are you choosing Locktober? What does Locktober mean to you? How do you, how do you see that going for you? And I will caution that it should not be because you saw something on Twitter or whatever about this and just thought it was hot. Yes. Okay. Yes, it is. Right. But what else? Don't do it just because it's hot. I mean, it was visually appealing to me and that's what got my fuck yes. But there was a lot of conversation involved in what that would look like. That was just my initial reaction. I guess if you're single and you want to do chastity, which is fine, you could probably just have the hot factor. It's like living a fantasy. But I urge you to put a little more thought into it. What are you trying to accomplish? Is this a way for you to get in touch with your submissive side? Yeah. Like what would be the reasoning for you individually locking and why would you be participating? Maybe you have a porn addiction and you think this will help you get in touch with other valid outlets rather than the whole porn. And listen, I'm not saying porn is bad, but if you feel like you have a problem or it's excessive, then maybe participating in Locktober is something that will help you realize different avenues that you could put your attention to. Yep. I agree with everything you just said. So Locktober can mean, I mean, you don't have to necessarily be locked the whole month, right? And I know that might put some people's panties in a bunch, but you have to choose what works for you. And I mean, if you're dynamic, even though you're locked, you're regularly participating in penis and vagina sex and you don't want to go a month without it, you don't have to. Right? Like you choose what works for you. Locktober is successful when you decide what you want it to look like for you and you accomplish your goal. Yep. Like an overall. Chastity just, it isn't just October, right? It's a, you know, a fun little play on words, you know, that involves chastity. But you could, this is obviously can happen any time of the year, right? And it does. Well, I mean, you have Locktober, November, Denial December. I mean, we have a whole list that we could. Pigtember. Pigtember. That's a new one. It's been out for a while. Okay, fine. It's not new. We did not participate in Pigtember. One thing I'd also like to point out that if you are doing Locktober and you notice an irritation, something's not right. Safety is never negotiable. You certainly don't want to get an infection. Yep. On your penis. Yep. I don't know how more direct I can be about that. If you notice a cut, a sore, if something just doesn't feel right, it does not mean you failed. If you take it off, safety should always come first. Yes, that's the, a whole nother. Fuck off. That's, that's another whole aspect of this. Very well done. Right? Yes. So, uh, the safety part of it. If you're just trying this in Locktober, this, welcome. If you're just trying this, have some patience. Yeah, fuck. Right? For sure. Just because something doesn't work or doesn't fit or doesn't feel right or something within the first five minutes, you know, take it off. Think about it a little bit. Try something different or just try it again. I mean, listen, having a chunk of metal or plastic or rubber or whatever it is connected to your cock is uncomfortable sometimes. Conversely, the right cage can be incredibly comfortable. For sure. And, and that's, you know, another topic probably. Yes. Because, uh, it, it can be very comfortable and it can really heighten your experience being caged. So, but the, the safety part of it, um, you know, fit cleaning, um, the wear of it, you know, are you very active? You know, keep those things in mind that, well, maybe when you're playing pickleball, that's not a great time to be locked. You probably just aged us. What? Pickleball. That's like a retirement game. That's not. But I mean, anybody does it though. Yes. Everybody's playing pickleball. Right. But I mean, an active sport, if you're playing basketball with the guys or whatever, you know, and that might not be the, but maybe it would be, I don't know. Yes. And you have to understand, I mean, listen to your body is important because it's not going to be comfortable at first. It can be comfortable, but it's a foreign object on your man parts. Like it's not going to be super comfortable from day one, but listen to your body. Your body will let you know if it is not a good fit, I think. I think we've said this on every episode. Chastity is not what makes your relationship a female led relationship. This is a sprinkle. So the core of your relationship is your female led dynamic. So just because you participate in chastity doesn't define your female led relationship. So please make sure when you're determining whether or not you want to participate in Loctober or you are, or whatever that looks like, it's just a sprinkle. It doesn't define your dynamic. It enhances it. Right. Would you say? There's so many, so many couples that are in an FLR that don't involve chastity whatsoever. And, you know, I guess there's people that aren't in FLRs that do participate in chastity. Right. There's no hard rule, no black and white. This has to be this to do this necessarily. Yep. Your relationship is your relationship. Your chastity journey is your chastity journey. So your female led relationship looks like what you want it to look like. You set your goals. You set your boundaries. You set your, you know, whatever, what's expected of your submissive. Expectations, yep. Yes, that's the word. It's yours. And Locktober doesn't define your dynamic. This is just an addition. Right. So if you're considering it, sit down, figure out what you're hoping to accomplish. As a couple. As a couple. Or even if you're single as yourself, like we referred to earlier. Yes. What's your goal in participating in this? And even if it doesn't go the way you planned, you learn what you can from it and you move on and you can try again. Yeah. Yep. Do you have anything else to add or do you think that's. I think on this specific one, just, just, you know, just keep in mind that there isn't a. There's no handbook. Like, like your Locktober journey. Just we'll just compartmentalize your Locktober journey. The success of it is determined by your goal. Whatever that goal is. Yeah. So it doesn't have to be the 31 days. It doesn't have to be 24 hours. It doesn't have to be a weekend or a week or it, it is what you decide what it is. So that's the point of this one, I think. Yep. It can be intermittent. It can be, I lock Tuesday, Thursday. I lock Monday, Wednesday, Friday, whatever it looks like. There is no rule book. Yeah. If you are a single man participating in Locktober and would like some assistance. I like where this is going. I do offer key holding. You can find me on loyal fans, or you can email me. Christine Kellogg at gmail.com. K-R-O-Y-S-T-I-N-E-K-E-L-L-O-G-G at gmail.com. And we can discuss terms and go over what it is specifically you're looking for, or how I can assist you in your Locktober journey. And it's not just Locktober. No. Whenever. Whenever. If you are single and want some assistance. Anything else? There's interesting ways to make that happen at a distance. It's not impossible. Nope. And it is safe. Yeah. Yep. Did you have anything else to add? I would just like to add that all of these kinds of conversations, whether it's just the full straight FLR conversations, or the sprinkles, or the real life things, whatever. You can find all of those conversations on the FLR. S-K-O-O-L dot com. That is now five dollars a month. But it's just five bucks. It basically pays for the maintenance of what's going on there. Yep. We are really starting to build a great community there. I'm forever thankful for everybody that is there and interacting. And on that note, I hope you all have a fantastic week. Be good human beings. I love you all. Stay safe. Can we come in?