0220 Female Led Relationships: Orgasm Denial and Control in a FLR

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I need to move my notes because I'm blind as a fucking bat. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back. Episode 20. We are continuing on more orgasm talk. Yay us. We're going to talk about orgasm denial and control today. But first, let's talk about housekeeping, shall we? First, my subbie and I went away for the weekend. No kids and no work, kind of. He worked a little bit, I think, but it was nice to just get away and relax with our friends. I think that's all of the housekeeping issues. Nothing new on the camper, in case anybody was interested in the Christine's Camper podcast. Don't really have much to report. So let's dive in, shall we? Let's talk about orgasm denial and control. What is orgasm denial? Wikipedia says, erotic sexual denial is the practice of refraining from sexual experiences in order to increase erotic arousal and or tension. The prohibited experience can be narrow or broadly defined and banned for a specific or intermediate length of time, depending on the practitioner. If you take anything away from that definition, you should take away from, it all depends on the practitioner. You make your orgasm denial experience your own, and you choose the parameters in which you practice. So let's see what the definition of orgasm control is. Can mean any of several sexual activities involving forcing, denying, postponing, or extending orgasm, sometimes in combination. That's the definition of orgasm control, according to Wikipedia. Here's an example of orgasm control that comes to mind for me. So I've said before I met my husband, I was dating a guy that was six years younger than me, and he got a boner on a windy day and had the sex drive. I mean, at that time I was in my 30s, early 30s. So he was six years younger than me. I mean, he's still six years younger than me, but he was pretty young then. So we would have sex and he would be basically get it in and be like, oh my God, don't move, don't move, don't move. I'm going to come. I'm going to come. Like this was every time we had sex almost, not all the time, but, and sometimes I was a bitch and I just kept moving because I wanted it done. And other times I would be nice and stop moving. So I think with orgasm control, it has such a vast array of different ways you can control your partner's orgasm or control your own. That was just a funny story I wanted to share. A few things about orgasm control and denial. It can be done alone. I find this absolutely shocking. I would not have the willpower. Like that's, I don't even know if I could do edging. Like I just get there and I'm like, yeah, let's do it. I don't know if I could do it on my own. However, it is usually done in a dom sub dynamic where one person has control over the other person. Like I said, I think it would be extremely hard to do on your own. Fuck. You'd have to have some hell of a fucking willpower. I don't know that I have it. Okay. Second tip about orgasm denial and control and or control. Sex can still be pleasurable even without the orgasm. It's more about the connection and enjoying what feels good, really being in the moment. It can also, like we just said, be a real sign of control. You're deciding if your partner gets to get to that finishing point or if you're just going to enjoy each other's company and play with each other a little bit and enjoy what feels good, but not get all the way to the finish line. I mean, I've done this to my subbie. Here's what I like about this part of it. Just the, well, and I'll get more into it on the different types of orgasm denial, but I just wanted to elaborate that sex can still be fun even without the orgasm. It is not the same as edging. However, it is similar. Both delay the orgasm, but edging ends with the orgasm where denial or control, mainly denial, obviously it's in the name, doesn't necessarily end that way. However, that's where the control part comes in. It is totally up to your partner. Maybe they deny you for a specific amount of time or a certain amount of time and then decide, okay, I'm going to let you have your orgasm now. Everybody knows how I feel about fucking labels. I mean, really, do you have to label it? You do the thing that you want to do and call it what you want to call it, really. I mean, it's your dynamic. Whatever works for you is what's right. It's similar to edging, but edging generally ends with an orgasm where the denial slash control doesn't always end that way. Let's move on to different types of denial. There's teasing. This one is my favorite just because my entire adult life I've been called a cock tease and I've grown to be quite fond of my nickname. I thoroughly enjoy teasing. It is probably one of my favorite things to do, mainly because I love the drip. I love, there's nothing, there's a lot of times I say this, but there's nothing sexier than my husband's caged cock with a real nice drip of pre-cum coming off of it. It is just, it's probably one of my favorite things in the world. So teasing is probably one of my very favorite things to do. I like to constantly tease him. It is just something that I enjoy in my life. You can do bondage. Now the fun part about doing bondage in orgasm denial is that when you are, someone is restrained, they can't move, that heightens their sensations, especially if you blindfold them, you lose your sight and everything in your body is just like on high alert. So sensations are so much stronger and everything maybe feels more intense. Another area of denial that we practice is chastity. It's slash key holding. This is probably my favorite form of denial. It kind of ties in with the teasing as we mentioned. I very much love the aspect of chastity and you, if you've listened to my podcast in the past, you know why I love it so much, but on top of it really being a mental thing, there are a lot of physical and denial is one of them. You know, if it's, and I don't know why this is, is this way for anybody else? Like two o'clock in the afternoon rolls around and I'm either ready for a nap or horny as fuck. It's one or the other almost every day. Anybody else feel that? I mean, the two o'clock slump or the two o'clock hump? I don't know. But with him being in chastity, it I think heightens his state of arousal and there's nothing he can do about it. So I'm able to practice denial without even being with him. Like he's being denied all day at work or he sees something that maybe gets him a little worked up. I mean, I know he looks at other women. We both do. Something maybe gets him worked up a little bit and puts a little pressure down there as he tries to grow. I very much enjoy that part of the denial. I also very much enjoy that part of the control that I have over him. And then again, there's solo orgasm denial and fuck, no fucking way. I have no willpower to do that. I wouldn't even be able to. Okay. So let's talk about, so we've kind of just to reiterate what orgasm denial and control is, different ways you can practice it, different types, doing it alone, doing it with a partner, how it's more prominent in a dom-sub relationship. But let's talk about maybe what some of the benefits of it are. I think it can really deepen your erotic connection with your partner. I know that our chastity device has deepened our connection, both erotic and non-erotic. I mean, our connection is so, so strong. And it's not just because of that chastity device, but it adds a whole nother level. And I think it also leaves him in a heightened state of arousal, which also makes him much more attentive to me. I think that with the weight of that in his pants, and I shouldn't say I think, because I know that because of the weight that he has, it is like my hand grabbing on him all day. And I think that keeps him in a constant state of arousal, which makes him that much more attentive. And I've said before, he's very attentive to me, even without that on, but it just tightens it and makes it even more fun. Another benefit to the denial includes, you know, having, if you're using the restraints, using the restraints, your senses are very heightened and things that maybe wouldn't normally be so exciting are much more exciting. And your heightened arousal, again, is present because you are restricted and, you know, unable to move your hands or your legs, or maybe you can't see or talk or whatever it is. I personally don't like the gag in the mouth. I don't know why. And just very similar to edging. Another benefit is once you are allowed to orgasm or once you allow your partner to orgasm, the orgasm is significantly more intense. I would be interested in some feedback on that if anybody has, like, for instance, I got a comment on TikTok that this gentleman's partner, I don't know if it was his wife, practiced edging on him 50 times a day for 30 days and then let him finish. Like, I totally picture that. I don't know if anybody's seen Scary Movie where, like, she takes her underwear off and her bush fills the whole room. But I think in that same scene, he blows his load and it pushes her off of him and throws her against the wall. And it's just this big gush of semen. Like, that's what I would picture that orgasm to be like. And I would be curious if anybody's ever tried that. I mean, was it so intense that it, like, blew your socks off? Or did you, like, fucking pass out? Or was it just the best mind-blowing orgasm you've ever had? I'd be very curious to hear about that. So summarizing that part, it can just be a more intense orgasm or it can heighten your orgasm experience or however you want to say that. And this is kind of a topic, this kind of is tiptoeing into what I want to talk about next week. I'm really hoping to have my subbie on here with me. But I kind of want to address, like, his feelings and thoughts on the edging and the orgasm control and denial and whether or not it's necessary in a female-led relationship. All I'm going to say currently, and this is just my opinion, we'll see what his is. I don't think that anything is really necessary in a female-led relationship other than communication and boundaries or just communication between the partners of what you want the dynamic to look like, your boundaries of what's okay and what's not okay, what's a hard limit and what's not. So I think really the only necessity to a successful female-led relationship is communication really. I mean that solid foundation and communication. All of the rest of this stuff I think is just an addition that can heighten your experience of your female-led relationship. I don't think it's, oh my gosh, if you're not doing chastity, you're not in an FLR. Bullshit. I don't believe that at all. You customize it to what makes you happy and what works for you and your partner. Personally, I very much think chastity is a large part of our female-led relationship. We would be just fine without it, but it heightens the experience of our female-led relationship in participating in it. We both agree that we like it very much and we continue to do that. And I think that is a general rule of thumb for anybody. I mean, don't feel like you have to do edging or, you know, I mean, personally, I think teasing is very fun. I enjoy it, but that isn't a necessity to have a successful female-led relationship. I mean, the main things that I hope you take away from this are none of this is necessary to have a successful female-led relationship. It's just tips or things that you might enjoy that you can give a try. And some of this stuff I knew nothing about. I did a little bit of research and here we are. You're listening to me and my opinions on what I found. The biggest thing that I have taken away from last week's episode is try things out. Experiment with your partner. Make sure you have your boundaries set and make sure you're communicating while you are participating in edging, denial, whatever the case may be. See what works for you. See what feels good and go with that. Don't, I mean, do your own research, but try it out. See if you like it. It's really the only way you're going to learn if you like it or not. And the first time maybe a hot fucking dumpster fire, don't get frustrated. Communicate with each other where you think things went wrong. Tweak what you need to tweak and give it another try. Unless you both agree, this is absolutely not for us, then move on. There's so many other things out there that you can try. Sometimes you just have to be creative. I think that wraps everything up. Like I said, next week, I really would like to have my subbie here with me. I don't know how the logistics of that are going to work, but I will do my best to make it happen. I hope you all have a fantastic week and I will chat with you soon. Be good human beings, take care, stay healthy and stay safe.