0617 Female Led Relationships: The Hardest Part of FLR Isn't Control—It's Communication

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) You want real? I don't give a shit. Don't watch my shit. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back. Just pissing people off left and right. Nobody's gonna watch my videos. Oh well. The right people will. That's right. I don't care. That's the point. You want real? I don't give a shit. Don't watch my shit. Do you have housekeeping? Well, do ya? We said this on a previous episode or maybe not. Maybe this one's before the other one. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? I don't know. This is the last episode. In the studio. In the studio. In this studio. Yeah, we won't talk about the dumpster fire that got us to this point. The shit show in Schaefer. Stop it. I'm gonna have to rein his ass in. We're gonna talk today. Yeah. Unless you have other housekeeping. I don't think so. This is the last one. We live a few hours away from here now and it just doesn't make sense to have this. So after this episode, we are no more. Which makes the courses for F-L-R-S-K-O-O-L.com a little difficult. Yeah. But we'll figure it out. My background will just be a little different. We'll figure it out. Anyway, not the point. Go ahead. That's it. Yeah. Okay. Good. I was done anyway. Oh, I forgot that. Hi, Judy. Oh. Hey. Hey, Judy. How's it going? We're saying hey to Stephen. Oh. I said hi, Judy. You say hi, Stephen. My bad. Hey, Stephen. How you doing? That sounded dirty. Miss you, brother. There are only two friends. Just kidding. Don't say that. Pretty close. He's close. Stephen, Judy, we love you for loving us. We're not even kidding at all. Anyways. Yes. Hot fucking mess, man. That's all right. What do we want to talk about? Do we want to talk about our conversation on the way here? About our conversation or about the Instagram reel that you saw? Oh, gosh. Well, we can do the Instagram one late at another time. Okay. Yeah. We can do that like a car episode or something. Okay. That'd be all right. All right. Yeah. Because this is a better episode, I think. Yes. Yeah. Because it's all about me. Yes. No, it's not. It's about you. Serve it up. So we had a conversation. We were doing some driving. And I don't even know. Oh, you were talking about the Instagram reel. Yes. And so I don't know. I don't know. Would you say we're like a little disconnected lately more so? Or I guess I don't know. Here's what we've noticed. Or here's what I've noticed. There's a lot going on. A lot getting ready to go. It's been a hell of a year. We say that so many times. It has been a fucking year. We say that so many fucking times. We've had so many years. We need to figure it out. Sometimes he will take a tone with me that pisses me off. And sometimes he will catch it and he'll apologize and he'll say, isn't you? Yes. I'm frustrated with the situation. Yes. Other times Jackass McGee over here does it and doesn't even realize he's doing it. And I don't do anything because I don't want confrontation. Right. And I guess that's not even an appropriate way to say it because I won't get confrontation. He'll just fucking shut down and give me one word answers going forward in the conversation. Wait, to be fair, I have not directly confronted him in the heat of the moment, but I've told him before that I don't want him to shut down on me because it makes the whole fucking next day and a half like shitty because you just don't talk because you need time to process and all the things. So we had the conversation about what do we do in that instance? Because in my mind, I want to tell you to stop fucking talking to me that way and stop being a dickhead. But I don't because I don't want you to shut down. So what is your take on this? Like you have no idea you're even doing it. Most of the time. In the moment. In the moment. In the moment. Yes. I, you know, stepping back from it. Absolutely. I see it and I know that I do it. Right. But it's like 99.9% not you causing it. It's a mass of different things. Right. We got to this conversation because I'll reference it. The reel that I saw on Instagram was a couple who is having a conversation and they, the husband asked the wife what she wants to do for dinner. She says, I don't know. I don't care. And the husband said, well, I don't care either. And whatever. And that would that open it up. Welcome to our dinner conversation in our bus every single day. It is. It is. Right. But the brilliant part of this reel is that they broke the fourth wall and they dissected each part of the conversation as they were having. So they had the conversation again, but this time they looked at the camera and said, in this moment, I'm thinking blank. And he said, in this moment, I'm feeling this. Right. That sparked this conversation. Yes. Because in that moment, we plow right through it. Right. Yep. But we've not really dissected that moment until the drive today. Yes. Cause it's very, so specifically on the dinner topic, it's very frustrating for me. I mean, we're just going to combine all of this together. Yeah. It's very, it's very frustrating for me when I say, what do you want for dinner? He's like, whatever I'll eat anything. He fucking will. It's the truth. But sometimes I can't think, right. So I'm asking, I'm delegating as the leader. Yes. I would like your input. I need your help. I need you to tell me what you want, what you really, really want in this moment, because I can't think right now and I don't want to make a decision. Yeah. And then you're just like, whatever. And that's valid. And then I get pissy and then I'm like, right. Okay. You're getting wieners. Excuse me. So back to the other thing too, then, but in, in also in that moment, you want the free, the freedom, the. I don't know that it's freedom. I just need the, I need the courage to just say to you courage, I suppose. Yeah. Or not even the courage. I need to lose my inhibition. My let's have a little vocabulary sesh. Yeah. Whatever's blocking you from doing that. I need to feel comfortable or I need my give a fuck needs to just give up in that moment. Yes. Yes. I mean, I know I don't need to lose my give a fuck, but I do need to stop giving a fuck because I know that you love me and you're not going to leave me. Yes. Because I tell you to stop being a fucking dick to me. Yes. A hundred percent. So in that moment. Inhibition. Maybe in that moment, please say the thing because we have a great relationship. It is fucking great. Yeah. Okay. Because we, we talk and we ad nauseum talk and not even just like it's good. It's so fucking good. Yes. And more often than not, we're on the same page. Right. Right. So this furthering, furthering while I was looking to see if it was still recording, furthering that, that thing, the communication can also happen in that tense moment. Yes. Right. Yes. You, you can like, I opened the door, I guess. I don't know how to phrase it. I opened the door to you just because you don't want to give me permission. Right. But it's not permission. No, I know what I'm saying. It's okay. Yes. It's okay. You're telling me you're communicating to me that you're okay with me doing that in that moment. Yes. Because you're not going to curb my behavior without doing it. You're consenting. Right. I'm consenting exactly to you to please do that because in that moment you can curb my behavior. Right. And let's be honest in a female led relationship. Right. The female is to a point curbing the behavior of the male. Okay. And you signed up for this boys, right? You signed up for this when you accepted or wanted this porn FLR thing, but that to the side, because there's a whole big other part of this. And listen, if you're a lady and you're listening to this, I have been in this for six years and I still have insecurities or reservations about just letting the shit flow out my mouth. A hundred percent. We're still figuring this out. Yes. And I think, and I think like in my courses on. FLRSKOOL.com. We talk about the communication and what that looks like and how things are changing. And there's, I mean, we have said this so many times, I almost throw up a little bit when I use this word, but we've been through so many seasons, but life is constantly changing. And the demands on us are constantly changing. Our circumstances are changing, but we're not a victim of any of that. We just need to figure it out. Right. We need to figure it out in that moment. Right. And sometimes I think I just get so caught up and that's not even true. I don't know why I have so many. I just don't want the conflict. Like I don't want to, we don't fight, right? No, we don't fight. We don't fight. No, no. Uh, here's another example. Welcome to Christine's camping podcast. When we blew the tires on the camper in Oklahoma, right? Yeah. We've talked about this. You were very selective in the things that you were saying at the time, not because I was, no, I just needed to figure it out. I know you need time to think. You just gave me that space to figure that out, but that's called discernment. Oh, look at you with the big words, but that's what that is, right? That is an excellent time to say, okay, I need to, I just need him to do the thing. I don't want to do the thing. He's doing the thing. Right. So then that's okay to not say anything at that time. And certainly in that instance, had you said something or snapped at me in that instance, and I had just gone balls to the wall and said, don't talk to me like that dickhead. That wouldn't have helped. I don't, I don't know. No, a hundred percent. It wouldn't have helped. Right. That would have been the wrong time. A hundred percent. Right. But so know when that, yeah, we worked well together there, but when we're sitting in the bus, just having a conversation, sometimes you get a tone with me that I'm just like, yeah, did you just fucking say that? Oh, sorry. Not get the fuck off. Yeah. But, but you're right again, you know, even circling back to the making the dinner decision, right? Like ladies, you don't have to make every decision. You have the ability to delegate, delegate the decision that you don't want to make. You don't always have to be in control just because you are the dominant. You're in control of what decisions you choose to make and what you don't. And that can change. I mean, major decisions, obviously there should be some foundation to that, but like simple day to day things you can say today, I don't want to decide what we're having for summer. And this week I don't want to decide what we're having for summer. You fucking figure it out. Right. And that still plays into this though, right? Yeah. Because, because of the communication, we can be completely open about things and we can talk about like, you know, post game synopsis or whatever about that time in Oklahoma when you pulled back or whatever. You can talk about that being, that was perfect, right? Because that really helped the whole situation. Yeah. I waited until we were situated to say, Hey, did you notice that that rim was real bent? Which he did not. Nope. That was unlocking the next boss. Yep. I said that. And then I said, okay, I'm going in to make Thanksgiving dinner because it just so happened to be Thanksgiving. Yes. So, but we got past it. Yes. Right. Because we work well together. Yes. Right. And that's because like, well, we will not stop saying communication. We're just not going to, we're not going to stop saying that because you don't get to where we are or where you are without talking about it. And sometimes it's uncomfortable. Did I want to bring up in the truck today that he treated me like a dickhead the other day? No, I sure didn't. But. But you did. You know, you have that safe forum to do that in. Yes. 100%. But I will say like, that is what's important too about those weekly meetings or weekly check-ins or whatever that looks like. That's your time where like you, I always want to handle things immediately. I want to talk about it right fucking now. And he needs a couple of days to process. And that's where like these weekly, if we checking in weekly, you, Hey, remember on this day. And I know sometimes that's a bitch because you can't remember exactly what happened, but if it's important, take a note. Right. If it's important, it's probably going to stick with you. Right. The, the safe thing about the weekly thing is that that moment has passed and the tensions are down dissected. Right. We've had time to process, but, but when you, when you have talked about it and then that opening is made for address it at that moment, because that's when I'm going to, Oh yes. In the circumstances we were talking about, I will address it immediately because you probably don't remember. You have no idea what I'm talking about. Right. Not necessarily, but sometimes, but often on, but, but the moment is the, the emotions are less at the, you know, for our situation, specifically the most effective way to address something is in that moment. Right. Regardless of where the emotions are, because when it's corrected in that moment, it is coupled with that emotion pounding that fucking nail in that this is how it is. You know what I mean? Yeah. That makes sense. There's no right or wrong. I'm just saying you're saying for this, for an example, for this situation, listen, you as a couple, you as a couple figured this out, honestly, figure this out for you guys. We're talking about what, what works for us. Okay. We're not saying you have to do this or that or whatever. We're talking about what works for us. Right. And maybe this also works for you guys. Yeah. That's the whole fucking point of all this. We're not pushing a relationship down anybody's throat. We're not saying, but we're talking about real fucking shit. Agreed. In an, in a female led relationship. And it's, and it's not always, you know, it's not always pegging. It's not always cuckold. It's not always chastity. It's not, it's not always any of that. That's all extra stuff that can be part of your relationship, but it's not based on that. Okay. Oh, look at you get fiery. Yeah. But I mean, the fuck sake, right. You know, I agree. How do I get my wife to do? No, stop there. Yeah. Start over here. Yep. And that's like two, that goes along with, uh, where, where can I find yes. A dominant. Yes. Stop looking for the dominant. Yeah. Just look for, look for the woman who is, is you can, okay. Spoiler alert. Look for the woman who may have some dominant tendencies, right? Yes. And you can sense it in her, right? But she's honest with you. You can be honest with her. She's got an open mind, right? Those are the qualities. Those are the very first qualities, because if you can openly talk with somebody and trust them, okay. And they have an open mind, the fucking sky's the limit. It really is. It really is. Everything you want is going to happen necessarily. Oh, fuck. You know how busy I'd be if everything he wanted to happen. But I mean, the, the, the idea is there the idea or at least the conversation. Yep. I can, I can bring up anything to you. Oh, for sure. Right. You can bring up anything to me. A hundred percent. Right. Get to that level. That is fucking the foundation of, of this relationship. Communication is key. Sorry. Rant over. So soon. I'm pretty passionate about it. Are you stepping, like I'm passionate about you not being gay? Yeah. Yeah. We have our, we each have our own passions. It's fine. It's acceptable. It's just, it's just ridiculous. And stay tuned because maybe the next episode we'll talk about where he does something and I say, stop talking to me like that. Dickhead. I might not say dickhead. You might. I probably. And that's okay. Whatever I deserve in that moment, because you're in charge. I'm going to start carrying a belt. Promise. Pitter patter. Mom, why are you whipping Brian? Just kidding. Well, son. That would never happen. No, no, I'm totally fucking kidding. He's almost 18 and we can kick him out too. Yeah. We'll put him in a box truck. That's what he wants. We're going to build him out a sweet box truck and he'll follow us across the U S. Can you imagine the things that boy would do if he had his own space? It's terrible. Immediately. I don't. Okay. So we have, we did really good with that one. We have five minutes and 34 seconds. Is there anything else that you want to talk about? I don't think so. I'm kind of sad that this is the last episode. Are you going to get emotional over Klimt? No. I love you. Just use that word. That's fantastic. No, but it's, you know, it's the end of a season. We had, yes, we had such high hopes for this space and we actually did use it, which is more than other things, ideas that we had. And it worked pretty good. We could have done more, but you know, life and whatever, it was a good space. It did the things it did. We appreciate. And now we'll move on to whatever the next space looks like. Get ready to see my bus and my neck. Yeah. I don't even know what that looks like yet. Maybe it won't look like anything. Maybe. Maybe it'll look like an Airbnb where there's a kitchen table and we can talk. Maybe it'll just be poof, catch me on socials. We're all done. Maybe. I fucking doubt it. We have too much to talk about. Yeah. We've not talked about all the things yet. We'll see. A little fiery about something else, but I'll let it go. We're going to start by the way. Where can you find our courses? FLRSKOL.com. I'm going to start. That's a lie. We are thinking about starting walk talks again. Only they will be video walk talks. Yes. They will be ask me anything or we will just talk about. We'll put questions out. Yep. So listen, if you don't want to hear me breathing heavy, because I've gained some weight and walking is hard. If you don't want to hear me breathing heavy, don't fucking watch it, but they're only going to be available on school. Yes. So it's a good safe place for them to be. Did you hear me? I'm just sitting here and I'm fucking breathing heavy. You're fine. Anyway, he'll continue to put out. He'll, as in Subby, will continue to put out previous episodes until we run through those again. So if you're listening to this and you happen to hear an episode that sounds very off or different, make sure you look at the show notes because he always puts re-released on the episode so that you know that it is a re-release because we lost everything from the past. So that's why we're re-releasing them. There is valuable information in there, but not all of it is current. And I know that throws people for a loop because we do throw some current ones in there, but look for the re-release in the show notes that will tell you. We are in season six right now. Yes. So we are always in the season of the year. We should be. Oh, look at you. Yes, we should be. Yes, that is true. So it's 2026. We're on season six. Yep. Right. That's so fucking smart. That just hit me right now. We started in. Six years we've been doing this. Started in 2020. Yep, we did. This is why he keeps me around because I'm the brains of the operation. Holy shit. He's the talent. The amount of work I do on this podcast just now. That light bulb went off. Keep in mind that your son is also the same age as the year. Oh, I know. And so am I. I am not. But the podcast. I am always one year older than the last number of the year, though. Oh, yes. I will never have to ask you how old I am again. So he's telling you how brilliant I am. And I have no fucking idea how old I am. Sorry. Interesting. Yeah. The things, this is why we're a team. We work well together. 100 percent. So if you're interested in the Walk Talks, if you have feedback on anything, if anything, I mean. Come on over to the FLRSKOL.com. Or you can find us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter. Send emails. Yeah. Or DMs or something. I'm to the point now where if I'm not doing fucking sex phone calls right now. I'm not. Nope. I wasn't either. Yeah. But if you legit want, like, coaching, relationship advice, whatever. Yes. It's not free. Email me. We'll figure out the price. Yes. And we'll go from there. Unless you're on school and you're paying for a certain amount. It's kind of like Patreon, but not. Yeah. It's way better than Patreon. Yep. And if you like hot sauce. Oh. Sam's house. So good. Smokey J. Sam's house. Get you some Smokey J. Put it on everything. You're welcome. It's organic. He grows everything, makes everything himself. It's fantastic. You should check it out. On that note. Have a fantastic week. Be a good human. Be kind. Be well. I love you all. Can we come in?