0216 Female Led Relationships: How do you punish your subbie?

I am the one that is not comfortable with that form of punishment. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back! Episode 16 and we are going to talk about punishments. I'm gonna give this another go. Buckle up. But first, let's address some housekeeping. All right, housekeeping issues. What do we have going on? I think that we have finally figured out what each social media platform is going to be used for. I, first of all, would like to shout out to the phone conversation earlier this week. It was a fantastic conversation. I had so much fun chatting with you. You know who you are. I know initially, way back when, I had discussed a sort of coaching and mentoring or some sort of program revolving around an FLR dynamic. Well, in chatting this week, it made me come to the realization more of that I don't fucking know everything and I say that all the time. However, sometimes it's really nice and helps you process things if you can just talk to somebody who is in a similar dynamic. So that's what I want to be here for. I want to be that person that you feel comfortable talking to. I can give you my opinion and maybe that will help you come to a realization of maybe one, why you feel a certain way or two, sometimes it's just nice to have your feelings validated because let me tell you there's times where I feel absolutely batshit crazy and it's just nice to have somebody that you can talk to to really make you realize that you're not alone. Everybody has emotions and it's okay to feel crazy sometimes and it's just nice to have someone to talk to. I think OnlyFans is a good place where when we're able to get content of my subbie being caged and me punishing him or us playing or whatever and by playing I mean me abusing his caged wiener or cock that's such a better word caged cock or just different scenarios like that. I don't know that there will be a whole lot of spicy content where my private parts are out because I just don't know where I'm at with that yet. It can be for voiceover work as well if there's something that you would like to order a voiceover or you can also just email me if anyone has any questions reach out I'd love to chat about it. I don't know that there's really any other housekeeping issues other than my hair is frizzy as fuck because it's cold as shit. Let me see let's look at the old watch what is it? Oh negative four it's heating up. Fuck I'm ready to be done with this state in the winter. So let's dive into punishments. As you all know I really struggle with this topic a lot because I don't know how to distinguish between a punishment and a funishment. So I visited my good friends on Chastity Mansion. I don't know if you've ever been to that site or whatever but it's fantastic. The people are fantastic love it. I was reading some comments and just kind of took some notes on what came to mind as I was reading about different punishments and things. I think that there has to be good communication and boundaries and all that needs to happen to establish punishments. So maybe sit down and determine what are agreed methods of discipline or agreed methods of punishment and as I was reading some of these someone had made a comment once about that being the dominant in a relationship just seems like more work or like you have to mom your husband. Now some people might enjoy that. In reading some of these it is almost when you think of punishment ideas or discipline ideas more the discipline than the punishment but the discipline if you're looking for something more outside the box kind of think of how you would discipline a child for something when they do something wrong and then you add your own spin on it. It really kind of opened up areas that I never would have thought of I guess. Examples of discipline you could do verbal scolding or lecturing, adding additional chores, performing a task repeatedly. Now this could be a number of things like a verbal scolding and lecturing. I don't know if that would work for me specifically just because maybe a verbal scolding. I don't want to lecture my husband. I mean he's not stupid and I don't know if this is like something from my childhood that comes back to me but I think of lecturing as very degrading and while my husband does enjoy humiliation I don't know if this would be a proper method of punishment specifically for us or discipline or whatever. I consider my husband an equal. I mean taking the FLR out of it he is my partner. He has equal say in things in our relationship. I mean ultimately I have the final say but I guess it depends on how you view your relationship. I think of him as an equal on some levels and I feel like lecturing him is degrading in a way that isn't positive period and it's entirely me. I would say I am the one that is not comfortable with that form of punishment. He may be totally on board. I don't I guess I've never thought about it or discussed it with him. Let's see some examples of punishment. Kneeling, standing in a corner, writing lines, tickling while restrained or making him come up with his own punishments. The kneeling and standing in the corner I like. The writing lines is interesting. I guess I had never thought about that or if I have I haven't revisited it. Tickling while being restrained would not work for us because my husband isn't ticklish so that wouldn't work but that seems like a hell of a punishment. I also don't think I would allow my husband to come up with his own punishment because I don't know if he would actually come up with something that is a punishment or if he would come up with something that he would actually enjoy. So, I don't know if with him coming up with his own punishment would be good. However, I can see the benefit to this like in the early stages of our relationship where I was not familiar with the different aspects of punishment or discipline or whatever. I mean I'm still not overly familiar with it but in the beginning when it was very new it might have been nice to have him give me some ideas because my brain really wasn't on that thought process. It was still new to me and I wasn't used to thinking in that manner. However, that's a slippery slope because them giving you ideas or coming up with their own punishments can easily turn into what feels like tapping from the bottom and can really fuck with the dominance confidence. For instance, we've been living this lifestyle for some time now if I was to tell my husband to come up with a punishment it would probably be safe because we know each other well enough. But my whole point I guess to this is when you do something that you're not overly familiar with and you maybe feel a little bit insecure about it as it is and then to have the person you're doing it to turn around and say that was really good but next time could you do this? And while that comment might be harmless in their eyes it can totally fuck with your confidence as a dominant. Like you're new to this and you're learning and then they say oh that was really good but that's where this can be kind of a slippery slippery slope in my opinion. There was one other thing along the lines of setting up boundaries that I found interesting. There was one comment that mentioned something about waiting for 24 hours prior to handing out the punishment or waiting till the next day from the infraction to the time the punishment is implemented. There were a lot of interesting comments on that. The positive to waiting is one it might give you some time to cool down. I guess it depends on what the infraction is or what the what they did to misbehave or what they did wrong that they're being punished for. I guess it would really depend on how much it pisses you off. You have to gauge your emotions. I mean if you're fucking livid and seeing red probably not a good time to go ahead and do a punishment that could maybe I mean sometimes when you get to that anger level where you're just not really connected with reality and you could just lose it and really hurt your submissive. I guess it would just depend on each individual relationship. So I can see the positive and the negative or the positives to waiting. Another positive to waiting is you don't necessarily put a time limit on it. You just say I'll punish you later for this and then your subbie is constantly on his tippy toes or walking on eggshells or constantly consumed by the fact that there's a punishment coming. They don't know what it is and or when it's going to happen. So it's kind of being kept in a state of anticipation which in itself could be kind of fun. You know you want to make sure you have your boundaries set what's acceptable what isn't and that can always change. There can always be new negotiations and you know there was a lot of comments too about it should happen organically like you should just try different things and see what works for you what you enjoy what you don't enjoy and then go from there. Don't come up with the punishments ahead of time just let them kind of happen organically as time goes. I can see the positives to that too. I'm not really good at thinking on the fly. Like I do much better when I know what my options are and then if I have options and I can just choose one I think I do better with that but I can see the positives of also letting it happen organically figuring out together what works best for both of you or what you both enjoy. Let's talk about some different variations of punishments that I kind of came across or that came to mind as I was reading through some of the comments on this thread. If you are financially dominant over your sub say you give them an allowance every week there are multiple different ways you could punish them through the financial aspects. You could lower their allowance giving them less money to live off of. You could force them to save part of their allowance to buy you a gift an expensive gift and then you have that physical reminder of the time they fucked up. That's one way you could do it. You could take their allowance away altogether and I mean I guess it just depends on how vindictive you want to be or how how bad the fuck up was that you know the punishment goes with the fuck up or the disobedience or whatever you want to say. One that I saw this is fantastic I don't know if this would work with my husband's cage or not but one I saw was for people who are participating in chastity make them wear their jeans with no underwear because apparently the zipper and seams can be quite painful. Another option would be taking away something that they enjoy. You could take away TV time or you could take away their computer or their phone or take away their access to the internet whatever the case may be. So take away something that they enjoy that's really wide open. If you are in a dynamic where your subbie has chores you could add more chores. I did see a comment where one of the men commented that his miss made him clean a room that had already been cleaned. So that may also go back to doing something over and over. I mean having to clean the same room over and over and over again would be frustrating but then of course you know because I was a shit teenager I think back and I probably would have just not cleaned it. I would have just said I cleaned it. So however it works for you I mean do you want to stand there and monitor him or do you have enough trust in him to be sure that he's doing what he's supposed to be doing. There's so many so many things that go into how these punishments work. You can add time to their chastity like how long they're locked up you can add time to that or extend times between a release. Make him eat something he doesn't like that was interesting to me and I don't know I don't know if I could do that to my subbie and also there isn't much that he doesn't like to eat. Not calling him a pig but he's not real picky when it comes to food. Not a big fan of salads but you know a lot of people would consider it a kink but it's really just our day-to-day lives and if I'm gonna punish my subbie I want it to be something that isn't or doesn't feel like a punishment to me. So I don't know if I could do the take away the kink thing. I could actually well and I'm making him wear the cage longer that's not really a punishment he really enjoys wearing that cage. I had mentioned in the past that I will wear skimpy clothing like you know I will wear the tank top and ripped jeans that he enjoys and I tell him he can't touch me and that kind of crosses over into that's a punishment for me as well because I enjoy when he touches me. So you know the things you take away from your subbie if you're doing that type of punishment is it punishing you more or is that punishing him more and there has to be creative punishments out there that don't involve the dominant suffering. I mean I think I've said this a hundred times spanking is probably more of a punishment for him but really if I if I think about it the spanking part of the spanking part of our relationship really should just be a part of our relationship as more of a stress reliever. It's just something that happens because I think it really allows my subbie to just forget about the shit that's going on in everyday life and just focus on the moment and be in the moment. I think his blood pressure would drop significantly if I spanked him every day. Real hard to do with a house full of kids though. So just kind of to recap punishments are a real fucker and maybe I'm making them harder than they need to be but I don't think so because it seems to be the most common question that I get is how do you punish your subbie and my response is generally he doesn't generally do anything that warrants a punishment but you just have to have your boundaries set your boundaries what's acceptable what's not what's a hard limit and then you can both do research too I mean you can both look into different types of punishments. I mean Google is a plethora of information whether it be true or not is always questionable but there are ways I mean you do some research on it and then you figure out how to make it your own and run with it. All said and done I hope this helped you maybe either just gain a better understanding for punishments or give you a different perspective of punishments. I know that I had never really thought about you know the writing lines or the kneeling. I love if we didn't have kids in the house I would make him be on his knees all the time but I think with our girls in the house if he was kneeling at my feet they might kind of be like what the fuck and I don't know if I'm totally ready to have that conversation but I love the kneeling or even the standing in the corner and I know I've talked about this on another podcast holding a coin against the wall with their nose or I did see like a rubber ball holding that against the wall with their nose as you spank them or hit them and if they drop it it adds more spankings or whatever. That might be an interesting one too because they're not able to really relax and enjoy the spankings. They're more focused on making sure they don't drop that ball or that coin or whatever and make sure that you have if you're doing the coin against the wall I think it was do it in the bathroom because of the humidity or the moisture from your breath when you're breathing it will adhere to the wall and if it's on carpet and it drops you won't hear it. Just a fun little tip. I think I said that right. It's been a while since I talked about it but I hope everyone has a fantastic week. My plan for next week provided the kids are where they need to be and everything aligns I want to do a Q&A podcast for just a Q&A podcast with my subbie. So if anybody has any questions I have one person that emailed me a bunch of questions. Thank you so much. They're fantastic questions. I think those are initially the ones that I'm going to address on the next episode with my subbie but if you have any other questions that you want me to answer email me if you're a patron send me a message however you want to do it. I love answering questions and I even love more when the questions are thought provoking which most questions provoke thought because my brain is all over the place but hit me up if you have some questions and that is my plan for next week. We will see if the stars align. I hope everyone has a fantastic week. I hope this podcast was useful in some way shape or form through my rambling. Stay safe. Be kind. Just be a good human and we'll chat soon. Love you all.