0221 Female Led Relationships: Is Edging Safe? A Doctor Talks Chastity, Denial & BDSM

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and would love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back, episode 21. Today, I am talking to someone that I met via email and he is very knowledgeable. He has years of lifestyle experience as well as medical background and I asked him to be on the show so I could ask him some questions regarding our topics the last couple weeks and maybe some other things that came up. Sit back and enjoy as I talk to Dr. B. All right, so introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself and anything that would be interesting for us to know about you. Okay, I'm a physician by profession. I hold both a medical degree and a naturopathic degree or naturopathic degree as the case may be. I'm holistically oriented. I haven't written a script for a pharmaceutical in several decades. As far as kink background, I've been in it my entire, I guess, adult life from the age of 16 on. Originally, I thought it was my own creation. I made my own things, my own restraints. For me, it was a creative outlet with girlfriends to see how many ways I could excite them and get them off and whatnot. When I got to college, I went to school in New York City and I happened upon a couple of kink-oriented sex shops and discovered that other people were in this as well. I didn't have to make everything anymore. I could buy this stuff. So I didn't have to be a leathersmith anymore and all of that good stuff. Do you miss doing that stuff? No, I still do it. I have a lot of tips and tricks for people on where to buy things that are rebranded as kink, like nipple clamps and that sort of thing. I have a screenshot that I can send you of a Home Depot sign that says rope chains, blah, blah, blah. Aisle 15. Underneath it, somebody sub-captioned it, apparently there's a party on aisle 15. It was always a creative, fun outlet and it's always by consent. For the longest time, I was dominant and always had a sub-tendency, so I guess you could still call me a switch. But I went from complete dominant to being on the submissive side because the dominant side is a well-worn muscle and the submissive side is new and exciting. I've been on the submissive side for the last six or eight years now. I've taught it all over the place, different conventions throughout the United States, private gatherings. It seems to have mainstreamed a lot more in the last few years because of originally Madonna coming out as being in the scene, writing her book, I can't remember what it's called, but I have a copy of it. And then Fifty Shades of Grey, which was good and bad, but it's gotten so mainstream now. When I was in it, everybody was in middle-age and there were no kids in their teens, twenties or whatever really in it. But now it seems to have shifted. There's a lot of young people in it as well. One comment that I really liked when we were talking previously was the comment that you made about the main character in the Fifty Shades of Grey. It really stuck with me was that a lot of times in the BDSM lifestyle or just some lifestyle activities in general, they always portray that the people who are into that have some sort of problem. Like they're not 100% healthy, like they must have had a bad childhood or something along those lines. And I totally agree with you that I think that's just a terrible portrayal. Yeah. That's when I interview people that come for advice because everybody thinks that they're the only one and there's something wrong with them. I always say, well, do you have anything in your past that may have imprinted you? And some people do and some people don't. I've got a background in hypnotherapy as well and I've hypnotized people into past lives and found out that some people lived a master-slave relationship before. I don't know if you know, but in past life regression, it's most common that people travel in the same circles through life. And so whoever is your son may have been your husband or your best friend may have been your wife or whatever the case may be, but people keep coming back in the same circle of people. And generally when you meet somebody for the first time and you really connect with them, it's because you're reconnecting with them. Yeah. That's fascinating. I love that stuff. Yeah. It's fascinating. But as far as like well-adjusted, I gave you a couple of studies that were done by various people, professionals in psychology and psychiatry, and the studies that they had done basically proved out that people that are in the scene are more well-adjusted than the average person. And they don't have anything to be ashamed of in their activities or in our activities, if you will. For anybody that's interested in those studies, I will look in my email and see if I can link them in my show notes. If you're interested in reading them. The last few weeks I have been talking about edging and denial, and it seems to have been a kind of a hot button topic for people. I've gotten some kickbacks saying that it is not safe for you medically, that you can cause permanent damage. I would be interested, specifically starting with the edging aspect of it. In your opinion or your profession, is there a medical risk to practicing edging? Or if there is, is there a safe way to practice it? There is no risk in edging whatsoever. All you're doing is delaying gratification. It actually enhances orgasm, ultimately. There are practices that one can do on their own to do that. As a teenager, I discovered that for myself. As a teenager, you could come about five times a day, and that's how I started, as most teenage guys do. Then I realized if I delayed it and worked it longer, number one, I could last longer, and number two, the orgasms were that much more powerful. I am now 66 years old. I have no problem with erections. That's mostly because I eat well and live well and practice wellness. That's mostly a cardiovascular issue. It has nothing to do with abuse or anything. People don't realize the penis is actually an extremely resilient appendage. There have been studies done that it basically takes over 500 pounds of pressure to sever a penis. Makes me cringe just thinking about it. I don't think anybody has any risk of doing that. The only thing that I caution people on is a cock ring or something that's on for too long that's really cutting off circulation. Basically, you can tell if somebody's losing circulation anywhere because they start turning blue and purple and whatnot. That's the only thing, because then you're killing flesh beyond that. On that note, then, is there any risk to wearing a chastity device as long as your balls and things aren't turning purple? Is there any medical risk to a chastity device in long-term wear? No. Again, if it fit well and it's not constantly chafing or rubbing them raw, which then opens you up to infection, I would say no. There are devices that go behind the scrotum and kind of pinch off the testicles. As long as they're not too much strain on it, it's fine. I've worn them myself. Some of them, you can't bend over. You have to squat, because if you bend over, it starts pulling on the testicles with what we call the vas deferens, which is the spermatic cord that connects the testicles into the body. You can kind of herniate that. I've experienced that myself. No damage was done. Well, and I assume in a situation like that, you're uncomfortable. I mean, if you're bending down, you feel the pain or whatever. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah. I mean, that's what pain is. Your warning light's on. Yeah. Pay attention to what the fuck is going on. So then, that's why I said I resorted to squatting then instead of bending over. So that's the only caveat to that. So, on the subject of denial then, and I know we had previously had a conversation about this. I was curious about not letting my husband ejaculate. As far as the denial goes, is there any risk to that? The only risk is that if the prostate is laid stagnant for too long, there's conjecture that it makes you more prone to prostatic cancer. I don't know if that's completely true or not. I would say it's better to use it than to lose it. And so, if you don't let him fully ejaculate, you can at least stimulate his prostate. And that will express out prostatic fluid, which is essentially doing the same thing for the prostate. Semen doesn't come from the prostate, nor does it come from testicles. It originates in testicles, but I always see these pornos where like, I'm going to milk your balls or whatever. The semen is not in the testicles. The semen is in the seminal vesicle, which is up behind the bladder. And so, if you're milking a prostate, you're getting prostatic fluid. Some guys claim that they can ejaculate from prosthetic stimulation alone. I've seen it in videos. I've never experienced that. I'm kind of envious of that one. Well, and my husband and I have had this conversation too, as far as like pegging is concerned. If I am anywhere near him with a strap on, I mean, he instantly loses his erection and just drips, but he has never fully ejaculated from me pegging him. And I hear that's pretty common. I guess I haven't really talked a ton about it to other people, but I mean, I assume it's possible to come while being pegged. I think it's more between, like I said to you quite often, sex as BDSM are between your ears, not your legs. And so, I think the act of being penetrated and the stimulation on the prostate, if that's exciting to someone enough, they'll ejaculate. I mean, I remember a situation, I just thought of the other day, when I was like 13 or 14, I had a girl just rubbing my thigh and I could have come. I had to have her stop, but those days are long gone, unfortunately. But yeah, I think it's mostly the psyche of the person saying, I'm being violated, I'm completely submissive and it's turning me on, so I can't control myself. And that more power to him. Right. He cannot also, he cannot maintain an erection either at all. Like if there's any type of playback there, it's gone. Same here, same here. Well, that makes me feel a little better. There's always that stigma of, am I doing something wrong? He's not excited because his penis isn't hard. And that's not always the case. I mean, he's still very stimulated. From a male being penetrated situation, I can tell you that in order to be penetrated, you have to relax, right? To open up. And that's contrary to getting an erection. Getting an erection, you're kind of like tightening up. Yep. So I think you're crossed between two purposes and you can only achieve one. Right. On the note of, so I get so many questions about tips or tricks or ideas for punishments for Doms to give their submissives or things like that. And I know we've had a conversation. It's kind of a little off topic of the edging and denial, but I know there's a lot of people interested. What are your biggest tips or tricks for handing out a punishment or even a reward of some sort, different ideas or things like that? Initially, when I was a dominant, I would always give my prospective submissive a questionnaire that I could give you, which was about 200 questions. And it was pretty much everything covered in BDSM. I prefaced it with, these are things that are done in BDSM, not necessarily all things that I do, but basically it's a list of activities and have you ever done it? Would you ever do it? And how excited would you be on a scale of one to five, I think it was, on you doing it? So right there, I had my go-to list for excitement. And I also have my punishment list. Because if I had a zero or a one, then I'm going there. That's brilliant. That's my punishment list. And they've already just outed themselves completely. That's so smart. Yeah. Well, it's like I'm a scientist, so everything is about gathering data. In terms of like dominance and submission, I will steer people into their, what I call buttons. And those are their areas of vulnerability, whatever the case may be. I've also found a lot of people gained a lot of power within themselves by running those gauntlets. And so I always found BDSM as a positive experience. If you're coming from a place of exciting them, you're doing it through control and denial and whatever the case may be. But it's activity between mutually consenting adults. I found submissives that I played with gain self-awareness and self-power and exercise a lot of demons from their past as well. And also part of that questionnaire, which I'll forward to you, is a list of have you had any traumas in your background? Because you can step into a minefield if you don't know about that. And you have to know where you can steer clear of. Some people have rape fantasies. Some people have been raped. And you want to touch lightly on that if you touch that at all. Because you don't want to send somebody into a problem that you can't get them out of because you don't have the background for it. Well, and you have to be careful, too, I suppose, because asking people if they have traumas and some people maybe don't remember, like, I think, you know, there's a lot of my childhood that I don't remember. I don't know that I had any traumas. But I mean, I don't I don't remember. So I don't know. I suppose, you know, I mean, even like when I was in massage school, they talked about that when you are doing a massage on somebody, you could trigger something emotionally because a lot of that is held in your body and they may not know why this is happening. And, you know, they teach you very minimal on how to handle that situation. But I couldn't imagine, you know, kind of similar to I talked about this. You know, my husband wants me to spank him with a leather belt. And it makes me very nervous because that's something that his dad did when he was young as a punishment. And I worry about the reaction he's going to have. And he kind of explained it to me that he wants to replace the feeling that he has from his childhood with a feeling of a good feeling of, you know, something that I'm doing to him to kind of erase that bad memory. So. And that goes back into my saying that people gain power by reenacting to some degree those traumas. So because he was the one that approached it, I would say you're safe. Yeah, still makes me real nervous. Yeah, he'll he'll come out more whole on the upside at the end. I think I'm more worried that I'll start doing it. I'll like it so much. I won't want to fucking stop. Poor guy will have no ass left. Yeah, but you can kind of you as the more you do it to the more you you can judge where people's edge is, you know. My analogy was like a good surfer. You want them to ride the wave as long as they possibly can. And so you kind of get a feel for that edge. Have they gone over the other side and lost the wave or you've worn them out or whatever the case may be. I've always established safe words with people, but I've never had anybody need to use it because I knew where they were better than they did. You know, especially if somebody goes into subspace because they literally can't speak quite frequently. I did an episode on that, too. That's almost kind of scary if somebody with bad intentions, you know, is doing something and somebody gets into subspace and doing something that, you know, them agreeing to something that they aren't consciously agreeing to. There was a lot to cover in the 20 minute time frame. So there is more next week. Come back and check out part two. I hope everyone has a fantastic week. It's a decent human being. Be kind, stay healthy, and we will chat next week.