0202 Female Led Relationships: What an FLR Looks Like When It’s Not Just a Fantasy

0:00 Nobody really does things right but me. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back.

0:46 Season two, episode three. This is going to be a combination of topics. We are going to talk a little bit about what is an FLR or what is an FLR to your dynamic as well as a little bit on Locktober. But before we get into that, let's address some housekeeping.

1:29 The first, I don't know, it's been a busy, busy, busy week. We are all done at camp for the season, makes me very sad. Our camper is all packed up and winterized. So we have one down, one to go. We are getting ready for Door County, Wisconsin to go to camp for the first time. Hopefully not be late to the party as usual and see some fall color. We are going to be leaving tomorrow morning early to take my husband and I and his daughter. It was supposed to be a last camping trip with our girls, but my daughter is going to California with her friend.

2:14 So I really think that's it for housekeeping. I can't think of anything else. Why don't we just dive in? All right. So let's start with what is an FLR? If you're listening to this podcast, you probably already know, but it's a female-led relationship. The female is in control. Now, that being said, your dynamic is your dynamic. It's whatever works for you. So while you are in control of all things, you can also delegate because you are in control.

3:01 There is no checklist or set in stone definition of a female-led relationship. It is whatever works for you and your partner. That is going to be different for every person in a female-led relationship because people are entirely different. There are many aspects to a female-led relationship that you can add or choose not to add. You can add cuckolding. You could add chastity, which is where October comes in, my favorite month. Or you can choose not to add either.

3:42 And that is totally fine too. Anybody who maybe doesn't know what cuckolding is, cuckolding, because I always like to say holding, cuckolding. Anyway, that is where it's kind of a one-sided open relationship. For example, in our relationship, I am allowed to play with other people and my subbie is not. Now, before anybody comes at me with that is bullshit or I'm a whore, whatever, and frankly, I don't give a fuck, but this is something that we sat down and discussed at length.

4:24 And if I'm getting right down to it and being totally honest, it was 100% his idea. It is not for everyone and that's okay. You can be in an FLR relationship and not participate in cuckolding. It is entirely what works best for you. So in our relationship, we had a discussion at length and it's something that is important to him or that he has turned on by and he would like to be a part of our relationship. He is very involved anytime I choose to play with anyone. And as I've said before, I'm more comfortable if he's there.

5:07 That may not always be the case. I may want alone time with whoever I'm playing with, but up to this point, that has not been something that I choose to do. I just feel safer with him there. I have some history with a bad sexual experience when I was very young and I think it still affects me to this day. So he's like my protector. I feel better when he's there. And that's kind of part of our dynamic too. He is in chastity and can't touch himself as he watches me with someone else doing things to me that he can't.

5:53 All of that being said, thank you to COVID. We really have not in just life in general. It really hasn't been a part of our dynamic lately. Safety is important if anybody is thinking about doing this. One person that I did play with prior to COVID, both of us went and had a full panel of STD tests done and everything like that and had the sheet showing that we were both clean. That's a fantastic idea. There's clinics everywhere that will test you for real cheap.

6:34 Obviously still use protection or, I mean, and that's on you if you choose to use protection or not. That's between you and who you're playing with or what your dynamic is with your relationship. I choose to be safe. But again, I haven't really done much. Recently, just because of the state of affairs of the world and I just choose to not right now. And life in general is real busy. Maybe now that camp's over, things will settle down enough or I don't know. We'll see what happens.

7:15 Also adding chastity to your dynamic can be a fantastic addition. The benefits of chastity are the orgasm denial. The significant changes you will notice in your partner once they are locked up are pretty amazing. The first few days can be a little rough for both parties. It can be quite an adjustment. And like I've said before, start out slow. I mean, make sure that you don't jump into doing a whole month right from the get-go. And we'll get into that more when I talk a little bit about Locktober towards the end.

8:00 You sure don't have to add cuckolding or chastity to your female-led relationship. You can simply just have a female-led relationship that is just you and your partner and you being in control, if you are the female, of the entire relationship. And what does that look like to be in control? There are many, many ways that you can look at that. I always say do your own research, but I was chatting with somebody last night and, you know, doing your own research is fantastic, but don't let yourself get discouraged because the people that are writing these articles probably have entirely different circumstances than you.

8:54 You kind of have to glean the information that you find useful and that can be implemented in your own dynamic. But don't take it as this is what's set in stone because everybody has a different lifestyle. Everybody has different challenges. Everybody has different jobs. You have to glean the information that is useful to your relationship and implement it accordingly. There's nothing set in stone and there are female-led relationships that probably look very similar to just a standard vanilla relationship. And there are probably others that are hardcore, you know, like I talked about in episode 12 where the woman has a power of attorney and the man literally has no rights or access to any of their property, any of their belongings, any of their money, any of the things.

9:48 You choose what works best for your relationship. Our relationship right now is a little bit less kinky or hardcore FLR than it has been in the past just because of things that are happening in our life. We are getting ready to transition to moving into our camper. We are working on getting our businesses going. My husband's work is slowing down. There are a lot of circumstances that are affecting how we live our life. While I am still in control, I do a lot of things for him to take care of him. Whether I'm in control or not, I fucking love that man and I want to make sure that I, just like he does for me, do whatever I can to make his life a little bit easier.

10:38 And that's our dynamic. And I've said this before too, if somebody was to be observing our relationship from outside, they'd be like, this is the weirdest FLR I've ever seen in my life. He comes home from work, takes a shower because he's usually dusty, dirty, gross, maybe feels sweaty, whatever. He comes home, he takes a shower and then he takes his clothes downstairs because I don't want him laying on the floor. And then he sits down with a computer in his lap and gets to work again. He starts working on editing, whether it's for the podcast, content for OF, other things because he's doing video editing for people, real estate videos, anything like that.

11:23 He starts working on that while I cook supper and we sit at the couch to eat. We don't sit at a table because that's how we roll. I bring a plate of food to him. I get him something to drink. He eats and I take his dishes and then I clean the kitchen. I choose to do that mainly because I might have a little bit of OCD and that's something I choose to control. But looking at it from the outside, people will be like, why isn't he doing that? Why doesn't he clean or whatever? Because I choose to take that on. Our morning showers, we've talked about this on podcasts before. He gets my towel. He gets my shampoo and conditioner because I don't leave it in the shower because I have teenage girls that will use it all.

12:06 Whatever. He brings the things I need for my shower up if I'm going to shave that day. He'll bring my razor, my shaving cream, all the things. Most mornings I make him wash my hair. He gets my towel when we're done and he carries all the things back down and puts them back where they belong. My whole point to the story is you make it what you want it and don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks and don't question yourself. If it's working for both you and your partner, then it's right. That's the way it is. Now another topic that I had a conversation about was punishments and we've talked about this before too.

12:53 It's very hard for me to think of punishments for my subbie. Generally he doesn't misbehave but sometimes you have to get creative and I'm working on doing some more research on different punishments that will work just because I think it would be helpful. So stay tuned for that. I think the biggest thing when implementing any type of punishment is that your submissive understands that this is a punishment. They may enjoy it but they have to understand this is a punishment. It might be helpful to just establish, you know what I mean?

13:33 Because maybe something you're using for a punishment is also used for a reward. Well, if you establish that this is happening because you did something you shouldn't have or I guess I don't know. You really kind of have to make it your own. It's real tricky. Now there is an article that my subbie found. It's in German. I don't know. I'll try to link it. I'm not gonna read it word for word but the article is about controlling your submissive's erections.

14:14 Like to the point of saying get rid of it or lose the erection or just looking at it and making it go limp. Now this fascinates me because that's a fuck ton of power right there and that's gotta be a hell of a mindset for the submissive. It takes training from what I read and the person that wrote the article was actually when she was training her subbie was giving him like a Viagra or I don't know, there's a red pill and I can't remember what it's called now that it's all natural but and she like trains him, teases him, gets him worked up and then makes him lose his erection.

15:02 It's fascinating to me that you can have that much control. Like I've never tried that with my subbie. It takes a lot of confidence too in your ability and sometimes I don't have that if I'm being totally honest. I think a lot of the confidence that you experience too from these types of relationships like I'm a hundred times more confident in myself and my abilities today than I was when we first started this and I think I've gained a lot of confidence from different people that I've talked to at the campground or our best friends that used to be parked next to us here but there are a lot of fantastic human beings at our lifestyle campground and I've really in the years that we've been there I have really gained a lot of confidence in my body image.

16:01 I mean it's not there a hundred percent but I'm working on it but my comfort level in what I look like, my comfort level in the life I live, my comfort level talking to people about things that has changed dramatically through this podcast, through going to that campground, through conversing with like-minded people. It has really changed my life and I hope people listening to my podcast feel the same way like it's okay to be you. Don't let people make you feel like shit because you like something.

16:42 Training your submissive to lose an erection on command. That's what it is about. She talks about training sessions, giving penalties for not accomplishing it when commanded. I will see if my subbie can link this but here is because I wasn't going to read anything but here is a little bit of the article. The issue is I expect he can lose an erection at my command. I think that's a justified expectation. So the training session is given as a penalty and if there had been no violation the training session would not take place.

17:23 I sit on the front of my sofa and tie his wrist behind his back. I have to gag him because he suffers so much. I have my ruler next to me on the sofa and I start squeezing his flaccid little penis and tickling his balls. As soon as I start my speech and he sees the ruler he starts whimpering and pleading into his gag. I tell him if he wants me to use my ruler with lots of hard blows all he has to do is erect his penis. But if he gets an erection it will give erection correction. Of course he gets very tough with the Cialis I give him and the typical denial time that he has to endure. Then I start hitting him with the ruler not just knocking which is pointless but real blows that provide panicked begging.

18:11 His little tail is all pink and I get all wet. I use this punishment with the same state of mind as a beating and it lasts as long 20 to 30 minutes. Now on that note that would maybe be another good thing to add. This is more of a mental note for me but you should have maybe a time limit on your punishments. It's almost like dealing with kids. They have to sit in time out for this amount of time so when you start a punishment make sure your submissive knows this punishment is going to last from 20 to 30 minutes or gosh I would think anything over 20 to 30 minutes would be a bit excessive but I guess I mean if that's your dynamic more power to you.

18:58 Then I tell him I'm getting angry and that he's definitely erect and now needs to soften or I'll hit harder. His penis is really red now. Sometimes I stop at this point for an orgasm. When I do and he's softened I use my hands to erect him again when I'm ready to pound again. I tell him that this is perfectly fair as it is part of training to lose erections on command and I will train him to do so even if it takes years of erection correction sessions. I keep beating and telling him that I'm pissed off and demand that he loses erection at my command and if he hadn't committed this offense he would not have endured the erection correction session. During this phase of the activity I often go out and back with the Lennox applicator.

19:44 I don't mention the applicator but I put it next to me on the sofa. He begins the most pathetic whimpering and pleading. I don't know when I googled it it says powerful and long-lasting heat therapy specially formulated ingredients clear will not stain clothing easily applied with push-up stick applicator. I'm not real sure that's what they're referring to but that's what I found. And it could be something I mean this was written by somebody in a different company I believe it was in German I had to translate it. So she puts it next to her on the sofa he begins the most pathetic whimpering and pleading since he's so very sore and seeing the Lennox brought into play it's like his world has come to an end.

20:36 I keep beating and telling him I'm pissed off and demand that he lose his erection at my command and if he hadn't committed the offense he would not have endured an erection correction session. At this stage of the activity I often go to him with the Lennox applicator. I don't oh okay so then it just starts repeating itself. I don't it must be in the translation because it just continues back it keeps saying the same thing over and over and over again. So this whole article kind of goes into I mean this would be a punishment I don't my subbie would probably love this.

21:18 I don't know that I'm in a mental place to do that to him. I don't know if I have the right perspective of it. I don't have a problem like spanking, riding crap, any of those things. I wouldn't mind trying electro play we haven't done that but I don't know if I could beat his flaccid penis with a ruler. I'd really have to wrap my mind around that. Okay so enough of that rambling. I'm a little bit rambly today. Shark week yay.

21:59 My whole point in all of this is you can take it to extremes if that's what works for your dynamic like if you want to have a power of attorney over everything if you want to have complete control of all money, all property, all the things and also do erection correction sessions with your submissive and your submissive is on board beautiful that I do think that you should make sure that you have a safe word in place. You just make your dynamic what works for you and start out slow.

22:40 I say that all the time but our female-led relationship has evolved tremendously from when we first started. Now as I said earlier it's kind of at a lull right now. I mean we're still practicing a female-led relationship. I'm still in control but it's kind of on autopilot right now just as our life things are kind of taking over. I mean we have a winter to downsize our house significantly. We have the girls to get ready for college and they're going to graduate high school. We have grad parties to plan. We have a lot of things that need to be done to the camper before we can move in.

23:24 So ours kind of is on autopilot right now and life is kind of taking over the more kinky aspects of it. However we do have a goal for ourselves this winter that at least one weekend a month we are going to rent a hotel room. A weekend when my youngest is with his dad or we'll go to see our friends from camp who are no longer our neighbors. Tear again. And spend some time with them just where we have some time where we can interact openly about our dynamic things like that or we'll go crazy. So also in your dynamic if you have a house full of kids or whatever make sure you take some time for yourselves to have a play date or whatever allows you to connect on that intimate level.

24:20 It's so important. I think what did I read somewhere? Something about the marriages that last the longest are the ones where they don't stop courting each other. Meaning continue to act like you just met and don't get stuck in the day-to-day routine and I make it a point to tell my subbie regularly how much I appreciate him because that man works his fucking ass off for our family and I genuinely appreciate that as does he. He tells me how much he appreciates the things that I do to take care of him or you know sometimes I will if I know he's having a hard day at work I will put on something like his favorite is ripped jeans and a tank top.

25:10 He fucking loves when I wear that and I've kind of gotten into this bad habit of sweatpants or leggings. Not that those are bad but there's just something about ripped jeans with a black tank top so sometimes I'll just specifically wear that even if I'm not going anywhere do my hair put some makeup on. Sometimes I do that just to tease him. I can be mean too. We should probably get off the FLR topic. Let's talk because you know it's the third week in October but these are tips that you can use to prepare for next October if October is something that you want to participate in.

25:52 It is fantastic. It's my favorite month as I keep saying but just some general tips for example example well okay so what is Locktober? It's being locked in chastity for the 31 days of October. It's the kinky version of Lent. So how do you get started and get prepared for Locktober? I would highly highly highly not recommend just throwing a cage on your dick the first of October and going the whole month if you are not used to long-term chastity. You need to one, prepare your body. I would try locking it up maybe 48 hours just to see how it goes and do it during your work week where you're going to be going to work or doing your daily activities see how that cage handles your daily movements your all the things.

26:51 The first two to four days of being locked can be rough and then your body kind of adjusts. One way that you could spice up Locktober is you could have four different cages one for each week. An idea too that I like is start out with a decent sized one and by the last week of October it's a quite tight small cage. That would be fun. Find ways to make it your own and if you do decide to participate in Locktober and you get halfway through and you just can't do it there's pain there's irritation any of the things take it off.

27:38 It's not worth putting your man parts at risk or causing some sort of damage whatever the case may be. You can totally do Locktober on an honor system too. I mean it takes a lot of trust but it can be done. It doesn't have to have a cage it can just be that for the whole month you cannot touch your penis you cannot ejaculate. I mean if that's the type of dynamic that you have and you are comfortable with that that's beautiful you can still participate without the chastity without the actual cage. So just to recap the whole thing you decide what your FLR is.

28:25 It can be very extreme it can be controlling everything to you're in control but your submissive control certain aspects of the relationship. Make it your own and don't feel guilty. Do your research but only glean what pertains to you it's not going to be cookie cutter. This is how it is this is what you do. I will work on the punishments episode. I'm also going to work on an episode about cuckolding. If anybody's interested in an episode about more about chastity I think I've done a couple of those so let me know. And as far as October goes make that your own too but prepare for it.

29:08 Like if you aren't doing it this October get ready for next October or I mean fuck if you want to do it another month just to test it out there's no rules. You do what you want as long as both people are on board and nobody's getting hurt it's their game. And now I have to go I have to go clean out a camper and get it ready for Door County. I hope everyone has a fantastic week. Be decent human beings. Don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions about anything. I just ask that you be respectful.

29:49 I'm happy to answer any questions discuss anything about any of these dynamics give you my opinion you take my opinion for what it's worth and implement what works for you in your relationship. And I'm done rambling now. I love you all. Chat soon.