0615 Female Led Relationships: When Does an FLR Become Micromanaging?

This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to, and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle, and I'd love to share it with you, and get your thoughts and opinions. Don't put bananas in my butt. Told you so many times before. My butt is not a banana, don't. Welcome back. This is like the second time this week. Hi, Subby. Hey, how's it going? Man, if everybody could have just seen how, what it took to get this. Fucking hell. It's pretty fucking ridiculous. To the FLRSKOOL.com crowd, we're going to take some pictures of the set. Because it's about as northern redneck as you can get. Yeah, we know. But it looks pretty fucking good, actually. Considering what we're using for lights, it looks like the chair has boobies. The chair might have boobies. That's fine. No judgment. It's a female chair. It is. It's hard to shake that, isn't it? Fucking hell. All right. Oh, I need to brand ourselves over here. Oh, do you? Yeah. Do I? Do you? Yes. Do you have any housekeeping? Well, it's the same as it has been. If you're not on FLRSKOOL. That was so lame. If you're not on FLRSKOOL.com, it's about the same. It's about the same as it was. It's, it's, it's, it's. Oh, this is going to be a fun one. Buckle up. It's about the same as it has been previous weeks. And if you're not on FLRSKOOL.com, my god. I won't look. FL. Mike, I can't, why can't I say it? FLR. FLRSKOOL.com. You should be. Because all the cool kids are. Yes. Who doesn't want to be part of the cool kids club? Oh, I just blew a spit bubble. Better than a snot bubble. What a shit show the start of this one is. But we can laugh about it. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm almost crying. Is my makeup bleeding? No. Do I look like Alice Cooper? Nope. Dang it. School's out though. Oh, see what you did there? Did you want to do one more? FLRSKOOL.com. Not yet. Not yet. It'll come up though. What, what is this first one going to be about there, sir? Where's your phone? Yeah. So, well, which one are we doing first? We had two, right? What two were we going to? We have. Oh, 10 signs or how to tell if you're dominant, signs that you're dominant. That's going to be an episode. And then, uh. When is it dominance and when is it micromanaging? Oh, we're starting with that one. So this one is all about dominance versus micromanaging. Is it the same? And is it bad to micromanage? Well, considering what we came up with, some of the things that are micromanaging, I kind of don't mind actually. Let me, let me give you a little background. Yeah. On how we came to this. Yeah. We're driving along as we do often. And we did a walk talk the other day and we did just a walk also the other day. One was before the other, obviously, but I had this thought pop into my head that sometimes I'm maybe not as dominant. Did you see my eye twitch? Yep. I'm not as dominant towards him sometimes because, well, there was two reasons. One, I hate when he doesn't fucking talk to me. So we've talked, we've talked about this in past episodes, how you take longer to process, like you need 24 hours to process everything. And then we come back around to it and sometimes have a conversation the way life has been lately. Sometimes we don't. The other thing was previous relationships for Subby have been not great. His previous marriage, his ex kind of made him feel stupid. So me saying things that I want done, sometimes I pull back because I don't want him to think that I'm implying that he's stupid. Which then brought us to, is it being dominant or is it micromanaging? Because we have also talked about in the past how I do the dishes because he doesn't do it my way. And my way is obviously the right way, always. Am I dominating or micromanaging? Do I stand behind him while he does dishes and say that's not the right way? And that's not necessarily 100% true. You know how to do dishes. You do dishes. That's not the point. But that was the first example that came to mind. That's an example. But this is a real valid point, right? To where micromanaging can be micromanaging. Yeah. Like, my God, it can be excessive. It really can. And draining. To both. Right. Yes. We also discovered on our drive in discussing that Subby may like to be micromanaged to some extent. That's what you want to call it. That's what Google called it. Yeah. Right. Because we did a little dive on the AI, the Google AI, to see, okay, what do you think on this thing? Because, you know, to have a third perspective on things is helpful, right? So we did this whole thing and it comes up and it's on your phone if you want to look at it. But it came up with things that I actually wouldn't mind. Right. And they listed it, Google listed it under micromanaging. Okay. So this would probably be a good time then to pull out the old telephone. I feel it's... We grabbed some notes. Notes are good. And we will have links in the bio. No, we will have links in the show description. Third time. We will have links in the show notes. Should I read the scenario? How do you want me to do this? Well, there's two parts. Do you want me to read the dominant and the micromanager and then say how... Yeah. Okay. The first note denotes which is which, right? Yes. Here's a side-by-side everyday scenario demonstrating the difference between healthy dominance and anxious micromanaging. Scenario one, household chores. This one specifically goes into grocery shopping. So the dominant approach. You hand him a list and you say, I need this done by 4 PM so I can start dinner. If you do not care which route he takes or what brand of paper towels he buys. I do care. As long as the objective is met. You trust his execution. The micromanager approach. You follow him to the car, text him specific aisle numbers and call to criticize him for buying the wrong brand of pasta. You end up frustrated because he can't do anything right and he feels incompetent. Okay. So in this scenario specifically, one, I do care what type of paper towels you buy. However, you are aware of what paper towels I like. So I don't need to micromanage. So that's interesting, right? Because in the first scenario, the subbie was just sent to go get the thing, right? That's assuming the subbie knows the thing to get. Or maybe the dominant doesn't care what he gets as long as it's what's on the list. Like maybe there isn't a different, you know, I don't have a preference on pasta per se, right? No, but I know that I know what you would kind of prefer. Right. I know what we normally get. Like we've been together long enough. Wow. I know what we normally get. And generally, we are always together. Like I would probably not really go to the grocery store or you probably would not go without me. Right. But there could be a scenario where that is, you know, but because we have history together, we have 10 plus years or whatever together now, I kind of know what we get. And if it's something that's really important, I will contact you. This is what they have. I need help. I'm phoning a friend. But if a couple is new together, maybe they don't know that, right? Or maybe they've been together for 30 some years and the husband up until that point had never really done much grocery shopping. And that's absolutely valid. So, maybe he's not aware of what. But then I feel like it's on the submiss, the subbie. To ask the questions. I feel like it's on the subbie to ask the question, to look at the list. What do we need here? What do you usually get? If they don't have this, what do you get? Right? So, then it's back on the subbie to kind of micromanage himself, you know? And I'm just thinking that right now. And if you were to go to the store and get the wrong paper towels, I probably wouldn't say anything about it. I would just bitch about it for the following week until we ran out of them. You would mention that these are wrong. No, I would say. Then you would bolster that. I would say, these paper towels fucking suck. Yep. That's what I would say. But I know what we normally get. Yeah. Or I know to not, I know that you, to make your heart happy, you don't want the paper towels you can see through. That is correct. We need a girthy paper towel. I want like a washcloth paper towel. Yes, we need it. I mean, really, I should just have reusable paper towels because that would be ideal. Yeah. But that's a lot of fucking laundry and that has nothing to do with what we're talking about. It is, but you need a good paper towel. At the same time, you probably don't need the million dollar home paper towel. No. We don't need it. So, we're somewhere kind of in the middle. Weird. So, I, shocker, just like every, well, just like everybody, I think we're looking for the best value for our money, right? So, if, well, just say the Scott brand is X amount and then the next step up is like three cents more or something like that. I'm going to grab the three cents more one because that's the next step up. Right. For basically the same price. And generally, we do trial and error. I mean, this is a big part of the podcast on paper towels, but. Yeah. Sorry. But that's across the board. Yes. If you're shopping for X and X is X price or whatever, and the next thing up is a dollar or within whatever reason, you get the next thing. But this is where you should know what your wife slash girlfriend has been getting normally. And if you don't know, you should ask the question. And let me throw you for a little loop here, right? Like you have extra on your plate because if we are in the desert somewhere boondocking on limited funds, I will fucking use the see-through paper towels to the best of my ability and I won't say a fucking word about it. If we're conserving. Right. Right. So everything has context. Yes. As well. So in the group. Yes. So is key. Grocery store scenario. Would you say, or are you listening? Would you say that? Okay. Rewind. Here is how I, if I was going to send you to the grocery store, buy your onesie, I would send you with a list. I would tell you what we're making for meals and I, and you know what we need for those meals, or I would have a detailed list of what we need for each meal. Yep. We don't generally shop for more than five meals at a time. Yeah. You know what we like for snacks. Yep. So you would have pretty free reign. Yes. For the most part. Yes. But you know what I care about brand wise. So I don't feel like what I'm doing is micromanaging. I don't see that as micromanaging. So I would say in this instance, I'm just being dominant. Not a micromanager. So then, so then what would be a micromanaging aspect of that? For me to use specifically? Yeah. In, in like a. So specifically with grocery store shopping, I mean, micromanaging might be specifically listing each brand that I wanted and giving you the aisle numbers as well. But would that be micromanaging? Because that would make your shopping so much easier. So I guess, I don't know you listening. What would you consider micromanaging in this scenario? Yeah. Right. Like, do you think what I'm doing to Subby is micromanaging or am I just providing him all of the information? To set me up to not fail. Yes. For success. Yes. As much as I'd like to see, I mean, I don't want to see you fail, but if there was punishments involved, I might want to see you fail a little bit. You could fuck with me and put the wrong thing on there. I could. You know me so well, though. I don't know that it would work. However, I am ever changing. All right. Scenario two. This is a social and calendar planning, right? The dominant approach. You look at the monthly schedule, declare we are hosting a dinner for my parents next Saturday and assign him a task. You are in charge of drinks and playlist. You set the vision, delegate clearly and let him own his piece. The micromanager approach. You pick his outfit for the dinner, tell him exactly what to say to your dad and interrupt him mid-conversation during the party to correct a story he is telling. You manage his behavior instead of the environment. Okay. Before we get too far into this, I'm going to say right now, I am probably 100% in this scenario going to be a micromanager. Not because I want to be, but like, well, you would like me to choose your outfit because you want to make sure that you are dressed to my... Yes. And we're not alone in that. Right. Right. So that part, I don't know that I would consider micromanaging. If it is micromanaging where I interrupt what you're saying to correct the way you're saying it, I am a fucking get me a sign. I'm a micromanager because... I just don't see that as micromanaging, but maybe that's where we're at. I don't know. I think I do that too often. I think it's because I'm younger and I have a better memory. Yep. But really at the end of the day, does it matter if the specific detail I interrupt to say, is that going to affect the story? Right? Like, was it a necessity for me to interrupt? Does it make the story any less interesting or valid? Yes. Now that is a different question, right? Does it matter what the color of the van was that drove by or whatever, right? Does that matter? I mean, would that be micromanaging maybe? Maybe. If you had a detail like, hey, we were on this road going this place and we were actually on that road going somewhere else. Does that affect the story? Like maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Do I interrupt to say, no, we were on 110 or we were on I-10 going to here. And let's be real, geographically, I would never interrupt him to say that he was right or wrong because I'm completely illiterate when it comes to directions. Yeah. That is all valid for sure. So, I'm having a hard time finding that line between what is dominance and what is micromanaging because in this relationship, the micromanaging could actually be something that that couple does. So, circling back to something that we say all the time, you have to make your dynamic your own. Right. So, if there are bits and pieces of micromanaging in there, one, do we need to label it? You are having the communication and discussing what works for you. Right. Does it need a label? This is what works for you. You're setting boundaries or you're setting, what did you say? Your SOP. Yeah. I mean, that's such a- That's valid. I mean, Google actually brought that up that the dominant then should write an SOP on whatever task or whatever. I feel like it should be called something else. An SOP makes me think of work and I don't ever want to think of our, I mean, a relationship has always worked, but I don't want to think of it as a job. Right, right, right. Whatever the relationship SOP is or whatever, the procedure, whatever. I can see where outsiders would see you as micromanaging or the female as micromanaging in some of these scenarios. Within the relationship, though, you've talked about this, right? You've communicated that this is a thing and it's okay and it's encouraged and supported and all of that, right? So to you as a couple, it's game fucking on. So kind of in a way, it's kind of like being in chastity and nobody knows, right? Like this is your connection specifically with your partner. Yes. And this is something that you've both agreed upon. Yeah. And you're kind of like giving a big middle finger to the rest of the world. Yes. This is our thing. Yes. We don't care what you think. So the question is then, is the micromanaging versus dominance from the outside perspective or from the inside perspective, you know? Because I'm sure that there are licensed psychologists or therapists or whatever that could pick apart even our dynamic and say that certain things that we do wear on you or subconsciously might wear on you at some point. Maybe. I mean, we aren't going to line up to go talk to anyone specifically, I don't think, but. No. Thanks. I needed that reassurance. Yeah. I'll bring it up. Like, because we're authentic, right? We can have the conversations on film or whatever. There are times. On film. Are you 950? On the old Victrola. Anyways, there are times when we're in the middle of something and I have a step one, step two, step three, step four thing, right? I'm not quite to step four and you're asking me a question about step four. You know what I mean? But I'm not there yet, you know? Yeah, you're kind of old that way. Yeah. But listen, to some extent, I also am, right? When I'm getting ready in the morning and I'm doing things and you're doing things that I would do when I'm done getting ready because you're trying to be helpful, it fucks with my whole routine, right? Yeah. So when you're in the process of doing something and I don't care about steps one through three, I'm already on four because I'm Celsius high or whatever it is, right? So is that the micromanaging part? And I'm just asking the question. I'm not convicting or anything. I guess I would need a more specific example of exactly what you're doing in your steps where I'm jumping ahead to, like, okay, for instance, when we were just getting the studio ready, right? Yes. I was doing something separate from what you were doing and you were in the middle of whatever it was that you were doing and I asked you a question and you're like, I'm right here right now. Like you're so hyper-focused on what you're doing. Right. Because I need to complete that step to get to the thing you're asking about. Right. But what I was doing was completely separate from what you were doing. It was separate though. It's hard to say. Well, okay. In this situation. This is your world. Right. It's my world. I see it holistically, like all of the pieces, right? But I can't do all of the pieces at once. Your hand's totally going to be in that shot. That's okay. Okay. I can't do all of the pieces at once. I need to do the lights first. So that's the step one, step two kind of thing. So much like when I'm getting ready in the morning or like today when I was packing because I'm going to stay with my daughter. Yep. And that isn't even a good example. Yesterday we were going to go somewhere and I felt rushed and you weren't even doing anything. No. And I'm trying not to rush you. I'm just giving you space for the thing you're doing. Yeah. This is relevant to nothing really. But I know that you feel rushed when I'm just doing the thing. So I need to figure out how to not make you feel that way. Don't put your fucking shoes on and could you just lounge on the couch and scroll Facebook? That's how it would help. Because then I know you're not, I feel like you're waiting on me. And I don't like when people have to wait on me. And really I need to change that mindset. Fuck you. You can wait on me. Yes. A hundred percent. You know what I mean? Like I just need to be able to turn that switch off in my brain. Yes. That makes me feel like I have to hurry up because you're ready to go. Yes. Fuck off. You can wait. It's my time. I'm just getting to my completion part so that when you're ready, we can go. Yes. I'm just doing my part. Yes. So that's not a signal that I'm waiting. I'm just, I mean, I'm waiting, but I'm not waiting. You know what I mean? If that makes any sort of sense. It actually does make sense to me. So maybe that isn't a good example of what I'm talking about. But I mean, we have our routines, right? I don't know that we micromanage each other, right? But we have a process in the morning. I maybe start getting ready because it takes me longer to get ready than it takes you to get ready. And I also get real pissy when I'm, this is why I get ready first, because I get pissy when I'm ready. And then you're dicking around doing other things. And I feel like you're going slow and you're just doing your thing. Right. But now I'm fucking ready. So now we should go. There is no waiting because I'm fucking ready. Yes, exactly. So, I mean, that's why you get ready first then. Also, so is that micromanaging or is that just a rule that we've established? It's just what we've established. But I get ready first. Yes, I get ready first. But then when I'm ready, you usually start mid me getting ready, right? So you're still usually ready before me. And I do just some basics. But to your point, when I'm doing something else and then I get on a tangent and do something else and then something else. And then I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm fucking ready. Let's go. Right. You are quite patient with me dicking around before we get ready to go though. But that's how this works. Right. None of this actually is relevant to what we were kind of talking about, but it was like a realization that we've kind of come to and how our dynamic works. And what brought this whole topic up, and this is not the best example either because it isn't specific, but like we have two storage units that we need to go through. And I have been independent my whole life, right? Until I met him. And now, which is also a struggle. We could do a whole episode on that about how you stop being independent and let people help you, right? Because I can't fucking stand it. Like if I need something, I will fucking get up and get it myself. I can do it. But that's not the dynamic that we, I mean, I chose this also. Like I have to follow through, follow through game is weak on that sometimes. But I have a method in my head of what I want done with those storage units. And you have a method in your head. And like this, like I said, this last visit is excluded because that went fine. It was just how it had to go. We weren't spending all day there. Right. It wasn't a big swing. It was just, we're killing some time while we were waiting for something. I desperately, this is my ADD, maybe whatever it is. Like I desperately want to tear into our storage units specifically and empty that motherfucker out. I feel like everything is so up in the air. And I've talked about this in the last few episodes. I feel like we have shit everywhere and we don't, we don't have shit everywhere. We just have three storage units, one of which is in a completely different state. And you know, with everything that just recently happened, I think that's the root of it, right? Like I was forced to change quickly. And we've said that too, but where, where do I like, do I assert my dominance and say, listen, we are going to do the storage unit today and we're going to do it my way. Or is that going to make you feel stupid? And then am I, you know what I mean? Is that micromanaging? Like I, it really, I don't care how we do the storage unit once we get there. And maybe I will once we get there, but I just want to fucking do it and get it done. And like nothing else. I'm so focused on those fucking storage units because we've had them for five years, four years, whatever it is. And we keep saying every summer, we're going to do it. We're going to do it. We're going to do it. And we never do. Yeah. Well to that though, we've been a distance from them. So it's really hard to just jump over and do them. But now, fortunately we are blocks away or whatever. So, so things like that, like the storage unit. Do I, do I dominate and do I be dominant? I don't, I mean, obviously I dominate. The, but the storage unit thing is a giant game of unblock me. Fuck it. Let's just have a junk explosion all over the parking lot. And listen, this is not the place. What I want, what I want to know is am I being dominant or am I being, what am I being? If I say to you, like, I don't know that I can overstep with you, but I don't want to overstep to the point where I piss you off and you stop talking to me. Well, okay. But we have a safe word. Game on then. Yeah. And we we've had, we've come to this specific thing multiple times that we have a safe word, right? Safe word. Right. So, and I've been, I've been asking you push, push. Cause I don't know where that line is. Right. I don't, I don't know exactly where that line is because nobody's ever really done that. There's been attempts. And in my previous marriage, I don't, that wasn't a dominant thing. That was just a bitch thing. Right. See, and I don't want to, I don't want to come across as that, right? Right. Part of the reason that I'm careful about what I say, like you will suggest, hey, we should go to the coffee shop and do this in the morning and then we should do this in the afternoon. And I don't know, I don't know how to express kind of what I'm saying. Like, I don't know how to get across what I mean when I say, I don't know if I should push that boundary or if I'm being dominant or just a bitch when it comes to certain things. We have a way different context than my previous marriage is, is what I'm getting at. That's why I'm asking you to do the thing. If I was in my previous marriage, I wouldn't be asking to do that. Yeah. Right. So if I said I wanted to watch the notebook, would you use the safe word? I might. I might. Okay. Anyway, sorry. Maybe. I don't know. I don't want to watch it. No, I don't know. Anyways, we brought this up on the way here too. The way I do things, the way I do them. How did I say it? It was a lot of do-doing. It's a lot of doing. The way I do things. Is the way I do things. Is the way I do them because that's how I do them. No, that's not it. I don't know. I don't remember what it was. I can't remember. It was a lot. It was a lot. But it said the thing. Yes. It's directly said the thing. Yes. How you've been shown to do the things, that's why you've always done them that way, but that doesn't mean you're doing them. You know what I mean? Right. It's, yeah, I don't know that everything, the way my thought process is on everything is the right way necessarily. But I have thought of the pitfalls of each of the, to get from point A to point B, I've thought of the pitfalls and this is why I'm steering this direction to get to this, right? But have I thought of all the pitfalls? So that's a great place where a second brain can come in and say, no, did you think of this as whatever. And you do that sometimes. Yeah. I tend to not do it often because I don't want, like, I always preface it with, I'm just trying to understand because I don't want you to feel like I think that you're stupid when I'm pointing out, but some of the things that we do, I don't understand. And it's probably good for me to understand how certain things, especially with our boss work because should I ever need to handle something on my own? That's sad. But like, I don't want to do things by myself. I just want you to take care of the yucky things. Right. No, but it's good for you to understand. But I have to understand in case. But in this case, I'm like on step five and you're asking me about something on step two or something. You know what I mean? To where, yeah, I did that already or that's whatever. And am I asking you because I want you to do it a different way? Or am I asking you because I'm trying to understand? Yeah. I'm going to need a specific example. If we're going to take the truck somewhere, like you asked me if it's going to make it, right? I don't know. Yeah, that is one. It probably will, but I can't guarantee it. That's my anxiety. That truck had no business making it from point A to point B the last time. No, multiple times. And then again, right. And then again, from another point A to point B. Yes. It needs to rest for a hot fucking minute. Yeah. Right. And the things need to be done to it. Oh, this one might be good. This'll be the last one because I'm not going to do the financial one. Because I have an argument with the financial one because I would want the micromanaging. Right. So, okay. So here's the financial management. We can touch on it quickly. The dominant approach. You lead the budget meeting and set the boundary. We need to save $500 this month. So let's cap personal spending at $100 each. You hold the line on the big picture goal, but do not police whether he spends his $100 on video games or coffee. The micromanager approach. You log into his bank account daily, question every $6 lunch purchase and demand receipt for everything. You treat him like a child managing an allowance rather than a partner yielding to a financial captain. Like you would be the captain. Yeah. You don't even have your own bank account. Correct. So here we are. Yes. Like, there's no argument to that. And that has kind of been that way once you got over the cell phone situation. Yeah. Right. Like. It's just a gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? Whoa, pump the brakes, big shoots. I can't be on your cell phone planning to buy me a truck, but I can't be on your cell phone. Anywho. Yeah. Fucking makes me giggle still to this day. I don't know that that's an issue for us. I don't really care what the label would be for that. We do what works for us. Right. But I do ask for permission for certain things. Most of the time. Yes. And it's not very often that we're not together. Right. You know what I mean? Part of the reason I ask permission for, well, there's two parts. Let's be honest. Part of the reason, one of the parts of the reasons that I ask for permission is because it follows our relationship. Our SOP. Our SOP. Right. It follows that. And that makes my heart happy to make sure. The other part of that is I don't know if there's $7,000 in a bank account or $7 in a bank account. I have no idea. You know what I mean? So it's twofold why I ask permission for that. Mainly because I follow the SOP. Stupid. That's going to stick. Isn't it? KFLR's SOP. All right. So this last one is handling his mistakes. The dominant approach. He forgets to call the mechanic. You look at him calmly and state, this needs to happen tomorrow morning. Please handle it first thing in the morning. You hold him accountable from a place of steady authority without losing your cool. The micromanager approach. He forgets. So you sigh heavily, snatch the phone and say, nevermind. I'll just do it myself. Like always. You punish him with passive aggression and assume the victim role, which breeds mutual resentment. I don't know that I, I don't know. Like if you forget to do something, I mean. You're not like that though. No, I'm not. I don't generally either do it myself. You know what I mean? Like if you forget something, I don't generally just take it over. I just probably. Sometimes you just do the thing. I just probably bitch at you until it's. I mean, I don't know. Do I bitch at you a lot? No, you don't bitch at me at all, to be honest. Is that door open or? Note that in the SOB. Going to be making some additions. I don't know. I mean, generally I have a little bit of grace for when you forget to do something because generally you're trying to do seven other things because this is a bad habit that we have, right? Like we're going to do one thing this day and then you find seven other things we can do on along the way that makes it more time efficient, but it doesn't really make it time efficient because then things run longer. So if we're going on a road trip or something, say we're going to see one of the kids while we're headed that way, we should stop here, here, here, here. And then we don't get to the place we're going until fucking seven hours after we said we were going to be there. Right. I'm thinking if we're leaving the front door of that bus, can we accomplish as much as we can while we're out that front door before we get back to that front door? And sometimes it works really well. Right. Most of the time. But sometimes we pack on too much. Yes. And I think then I get overwhelmed and then I get bitchy or we think we have more time or we end up cutting time short somewhere where we really wouldn't want to cut time short. And then we end up bailing on part of it anyway, because we want to do what we were doing here. Instead of one event, life is short. We should enjoy the journey and only do the one thing. But that's the only thing that I think, which really has nothing to do with anything that we're talking about. Kind of. Kind of. We're just... As far as you forgetting to do things though. I mean, generally you're doing, like I said, eight different things and seven of them probably are trying to earn money. So I can't really say a whole lot. Maybe. And for the most part, I try to take care of things like that anyway, so that you can just be the money mule that you like to be. I don't know. It's an interesting question. Is it dominance or micromanaging? Absolutely valid to some couples. Is micromanaging a bad... Is it bad? I mean, we are presenting micromanaging as a negative... Yeah. It has a negative connotation. It sure can be though, right? I mean, why? Because, okay, so if we're going down just the micromanaging role, if you're constantly micromanaging somebody and you've not established that that's an okay thing... I suppose that could... It wears, right? It wears on the person being micromanaged and it exhausts the person who's doing the micromanaging, right? So then you're both exhausted and worn down, and then communication breaks down. Yes. So it's valid. Well, and then in turn, if I'm doing certain things for you, like I'm micromanaging, so some of it I'm just doing myself, and then you begin to expect me to just continue to do that, it just becomes like, oh, well, I don't have to do this because Christine will do it or whatever. Or if I'm always handling something and then all of a sudden I get overwhelmed, like I feel like I don't have any more to give. And then I get pissed because I'm doing everything, but I'm the one that chose to do everything. But you've become accustomed to me doing everything. Right. Not that that's the instance in our dynamics specifically, but that could be the danger. Right. That's a hypothetical. And then if that's the case, then communication needs to happen. Like either I need to be aware that you're doing all the things and then I need to ask you, you're doing a lot, I need to do some of these things for you if that's okay to take them off your plate. Or you need to communicate to me that you're doing too much. These need to come back to you. With us specifically, I would say that you know me well enough that you know when I'm wearing fin. Yeah. Usually happens every three weeks roughly. Anyway, that's, yeah. I think one of the biggest things that would be helpful is you, instead of saying, can I help you with that? What can I do to help you? Don't make it a question because I don't need help, but I might want help. Right. It's different. And the wording I think sometimes matters. I think that assumes what can I do? Like I already have a list of things that you need done. What of those can I do to help you? Yes. What can I do? I already know that that list is long. Which of these things can I take so that you can appreciate by it? Yeah. You're pretty good about that too. Usually when you say. Let me do this. Yeah. Or you're very good about just saying, what can I do to help you? Rather than, you know, usually it's when I'm melting down. What can I do to help you? Stop breathing. No, don't stop breathing. I think that covers that topic. It does. I mean, we had the conversation. There's probably more to talk about that. We welcome at F-L-R-S-K-O-O-L.com. Well done. Yes. Give us your feedback. Is micromanaging bad? Does it belong in a female led relationship? Is that it for this one? Valid question. I don't know if there's an answer. I don't know that there is either. I think that's it. I think that's it. Right? Right. Oh, that's quick Minnesota goodbye. Yes. I'm editing the last one of the last couple of podcasts and the amount of times that I say, right? With that face? No, but I feel like that now. I think it's become your, um, or your soul. So we're going to make a right is the third word on the list. Now we should make a series of little games, right? Or drinking specifically to each podcast, right? You yeah. See, you could just, uh, listen to it. And well, you'd have to listen to the raw version though. Cause I think you had a lot of that. I can't even tell you how many, like dozens. The amount of ums and okay. Yeah. So, so, okay. So yeah. Right. But do I say that a lot? Yes. And the wave is like massive. And then you go into, but I like the big butts and I cannot lie. Don't put bananas in my butt. Don't put bananas in my butt. Told you. What was it? I don't even know. So many times before my butt is not a banana door. Okay. Here we are. Yes. Okay. Minnesota. Goodbye. So that wraps up this one. Yep. Have a fantastic week. Stay safe. Be kind. I love you all. Here we come in.