0614 Female Led Relationships: Do Female-Led Relationships Belong at Pride?

This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. We're so fucking vanilla, the ice cream is jealous. Yep. Like legit. That is the fucking statement. Oh my god, that is the fucking statement. Welcome back. Hey Sabi. Hey. How's it going? This is two of three. It is. Same post, different time. Yep. Still hot. This one carries right over though, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Okay. Do you want to... This one is going to require a little bit of phone access. Yep. Where am I going? Oh, do we have housekeeping? Housekeeping. Oh, it's a team effort. Everything's a team effort. That's true. Yeah. This one comes from F-L-R-S-K-O-O-L dot com. That is sort of the housekeeping. We got that going. If you haven't heard the other episode, patrons on Patreon, please take note. That's going to close up July 1st. We incredibly appreciate your kindness on that platform. Feel free to bring it on over to school if you'd like. It's like I can't emphasize enough how helpful the gifts were and have been throughout the entire run of this show. Like, come in clutch, pay for things that need to be paid for. Yes. Patreon has... I mean, I have my own responsibility in Patreon. It was very hard for me to continually post when I felt like I just wasn't reaching anyone. Shouting into the vacuum. Yes. Yep. I feel like school... However, yeah. There's all kinds of posts. There's all kinds of conversations. Yes. There's, you know... This is the community that I was looking for with Patreon, but I understand the difference. Like, I get it. Yep. This is just way easier, I think, for people and... Yep. A couple different ways you can do school. You have to request to join so we can kind of keep an eye on who's coming and going and all that. Courses. There is one dropping very, very soon, if it hasn't dropped already by the time this came out. It's very foundational. See what I did there? I see what you did there. Yeah. I'm convicted editing it, right? That's how good the content is. Like, there's been a lot of time put into creating these things. And a lot of the time, or a good part of the time anyways, is just the editing of it. Yep. So I spend a lot of time with it. I'm very... Are you well-versed? I'm well-versed and all that. So that's coming out if it's not already been out. The courses are a la carte. You can buy them. They're available if you are on the first tier. There's two tiers. There's... Well, actually, there's three. There's free, $29 a month, and that includes all the courses. And then $49 a month includes all the courses and our live coaching or conversation with us, or one of us, or however you want to do that. Yeah. Yeah, it's very fluid. Yeah. And that can happen right on the platform. There's a Zoom-type feature on the app, on the app slash platform, that you can talk with people. So... And where was all that? flrskool.com All right. Was there any other housekeeping you announced about the Patreon? Sorry, I was reading. I think we're good. Okay. I think that wraps it up. So, as Sabih just mentioned, school. We received a post in the general discussion area. So on school, there's a general discussion, a men's discussion, and a ladies' discussion. Yep. This kind of takes back to the housekeeping. I would really like to get ladies' group back up and going at some point. We'll have to figure out what that's going to look like, along with our travels and things like that, and how we do that. Because I still do have a kid living with us. So... There will be ways. This post was appropriately timed because it is Pride Month. Yep. And the post is, do you feel you belong at Pride? I don't know why I'm so passionate about this or why this triggers things in me. I'm sure it goes back to the judgment thing, right? Yeah. You can probably paraphrase if you wanted to. It's about, yes, we belong because we are part of a sexually discriminated community. Absolutely. And we found that out recently. I feel, and this poster said the same thing, feeling more connected with people in the queer community. And I think that's just because they have a more open mind, or they're more accepting because they've been judged or been discriminated against. There are some reservations about going due to not being outed, right? If you are there. Now, that might be something that I bring up later. So not wanting to be outed, being there, supporting. The cons are the type of dynamic or the way their family is outside facing. Is that a fair way to put it? Mm-hmm. And that they have privilege that comes with that. Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. And then this little end piece, which is a con, there has been countless pieces from people saying they are tired of kinky people appropriating a hobby as a sexual identity. And we've been asked, what are you doing here breeders when joining pride protests, et cetera? That's the both sides. Yes. Right? So I'm going to preface all of this by saying, I know nothing about what pride... I mean, I know what pride is, but this is coming from... I'm probably naive on this. I'm going to express how I feel about it. And these are my feelings and my opinions. They are not meant to be judgmental or to hurt anybody's feelings or to just... These are just my opinions, my feelings, my questions, or my thoughts. I would love feedback. I'm not trying to be mean. Yeah. Well, I mean, your feelings or whatever can be altered by more information. Really? Yes. You know what I mean? Right. I'm always open to a new perspective. Right. On things. Right. Would you like to say what you're going to say with your fingers crossed over there? Well, I just wanted to say that the person that posted that faces the opposition or backlash actually from both sides. Right. This relationship is like in the middle. Like it's not good enough for these people. And it's certainly not accepted by these people. Right. Right. So now what the fuck do we do with it? Right. So I'm going to tell you initially when I read this, what I thought or what I actually said to you. I don't feel like kink has any place at Pride. Okay. Now I need to... I also Googled the definition of kink. So when I think of Pride, here's what I think of. I think of a place where it's safe for people to go and interact with other people who are facing the same difficulties in their dynamic. Right. In the world. Or their identity. I almost feel like it should be a family safe gathering. Okay. So I have seen where there are different Prides where people are marching with sex toys or like giant dildos on their heads or dicks painted everywhere or whatever. Yeah. Now I'm fully for freedom of expression. Yep. But I feel like what this whole month should... Not should. I feel like Pride month should be a celebration of being able to be open about what makes you happiest and who you choose to spend your time with. Mm-hmm. Whether that... The adversity that you have overcome to be able to be open about that, right? So gays, lesbians, things like that. Like this is a time where they can celebrate that they are able to be legally married or... You know what I mean? Yeah. Announce that you're... Because certainly in other countries, this is not acceptable at all. Right. In America, where things are fantastic... It's mostly acceptable. Right. But I mean, you have the freedom to express. Right. And you have the freedom to legally marry. Whether it's accepted is a different thing. Right. But it's... I mean... We have that freedom. I just don't want it to come off like America's the greatest place in the world. Well... But we do have a lot of freedoms that other countries don't. Correct. That's what I'm getting at. And I don't want to go down a political road because I will never do that. Nope. I feel like our relationship style, like a female-led relationship, automatically goes to kink. It does a lot of times. It's not. Okay. So let me just read. And this also kind of pisses me off. The term kink... This is the Google definition of kink. The term kink has both literal and slang meanings, generally referring to an unconventional twist or a break in the norm. Now, is that meaning relationship style? Or is that meaning... That's very broad. If you're a lesbian, you're kinky. That's not true. Right. I mean, and if it is, good on you. But the two don't have anything to do with each other. Not necessarily. But by that definition, they kind of do. It's a change from the norm. If you just break it down to that... Let me read the first example on Google. Sure. Examples. Consensual power exchange. Like dominance and submission. Interesting. How do I break that? Like, that is going to be my new goal. Just because I'm in control, that doesn't mean we're fucking kinky. We're so fucking vanilla. Ice cream is jealous. Yep. Like legit. That is the fucking statement. Oh my God. That is the fucking statement right there. And here's what it is too. Role-playing, sensory deprivation, like blindfolds, bondage, or fetishism. Okay. So the concept, the word comes from the idea of a bend in one's usual desires. It is widely practiced by consenting adults and focused on exploring heightened intimacy, fantasy, and vulnerability. Okay. So that I can kind of get on board with. That's talking more about the actions that you do that would be kinky, right? So when I think of pride, I think of a time where you should celebrate your freedoms to be with who you want to be with. Right. I think that the lines are getting blurred and that's where people are getting pissy, right? Or feeling whatever. Yeah. I don't see any reason why our dynamic shouldn't be at pride. 100%. Other than it should be fucking normalized. And so should all of the other relationships, right? It's so frustrating, right? Because everybody automatically assumes that if you're in a female-led relationship, you're kinky. Right. That's not always true. It's not fucking true at all. Nope. Do you know what I think of when I hear female-led relationship? Fantastic communication. Excellent boundaries. Honesty. Yes. Transparency. I want to break where people hear female-led relationship and think, oh my gosh, she's whipping the shit out of him and putting things in his butt. Yep. I'm not opposed. Right. But that's not applicable to every person in an FLR at all. No. Really, it's not. And you know what's interesting too is a majority of the people that I communicate with on the regular have adult children. They are mature consenting adults that have decided to swap the roles because they have been in a patriarchal marriage for double-digit years. Or surrounded by them, grew up with them. Right. And that's what they had to learn by, right? Like I have. And are you going to tell me that all patriarchal relationships do not involve any element of kink? You know what I mean? But it's acceptable because it's the man doing the kinky stuff to the woman. But why is only the exchange kinky? Right. And is sex kinky then? And right. But then the norm, why is it the norm that the men are in charge? Okay. So what is the norm? Right. But that's what I'm saying. Are we going to, it's only missionary and meant for reproduction? So, oh my goodness, we do doggy style, we kinky motherfuckers. Right. So exact. That's what I'm saying. That the doggy style or whatever position is then what? Kinky because it's different than the norm. Right? Right. It's frustrating. It is. And I don't understand. Okay. And here's where I struggle, right? Like I'm white as flour. I don't. Oh, you have great skin tone. Thanks. I don't know much or in the past, I haven't known much about discrimination because I'm privileged. I mean, by most senses of the word, I've never had to fight to be accepted until I met you. Really? That's all my fault. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just kidding. But like, I would have done the norm the whole way. When we were talking to those people at the campground. Oh, my God. That was a preview of what my fucking life would have looked like. And that's scary. Yeah. That's fucking scary. Well, and yeah. Yep. In an alternate reality, your life would have been like that. I think that I probably would have had a heart attack. Had I not had the life that I've had, because I am so fired up about. I get fired up about the discrimination because of the relationship I choose to have with you. And there's no grounds for it. I mean, you tell me something that is a foundational ground for me to be judged because I'm in control in our relationship. And you are a consenting adult. Absolutely. So I don't understand. I don't understand why we would not be accepted at Pride. Right. I guess I've always kind of thought that Pride was a place where everybody was accepted. Isn't that what we're looking for? Inclusivity. Yeah. Yes. I mean, isn't that what we're looking for at the end of the day? Fucking be kind. Yes. Yes. So I don't know. Now, right now, on the other side, we're not accepted by the Pride people. Not all of them, but some of them. And we don't know this. Who label us breeders, right? Because we're not. Because we're able to breed. Is that why we're breeders? Well, OK, but lesbian and lesbian can't breed. Well, a gay fella and a gay fella can't breed together, right? So that's why they distinguish between what they're doing and what normal people do. Shouldn't the definition of Pride, though, be the freedom to love who you want? So if I choose to love a man. Yes. And I'm a female. Oh, but wait, it has to be different. Then now that's the definition. OK, so I put your dick in a cage. Does that mean that I'm different enough to enjoy Pride? Like, that's the frustrating part to me, right? That's that's the thing. That's why we're in the middle of this. Because we can't keep either side happy. Right. And please don't misconstrue this. This is not us bashing. We've never been to a Pride celebration. No, this is not an attack on anyone involved in Pride whatsoever. We just don't understand. I just don't understand. Right. So if you're listening to this and you're like, oh, I have I have. You got all the things to say. I got feedback or I have a perspective. Please, I'm all open. I'm not. I don't give a shit. Who you put your dick in or who you let put their dick in. Maybe there's no dick involved. I don't care. Yeah. I really like at the end of the day, I don't give a shit. I might be a little partial to the gay side of things. That's a voyeurism. That is a kink for me, though. Yeah. Right. Like, right. Right. And that's OK. And now I feel like I shouldn't say these things because I don't know who's listening to the podcast or whatever. Right. But listen, whatever. I have said this so many times. Yes. Something about that that I very much enjoy. And I encourage and support. But I would never say I would never be like I would never want to do that to somebody who didn't consent. But anyway, we're getting off topic. Right. My point being. When I think of pride, I think of a place where everyone is accepted. This is also a big part of why I have embraced the and here's the word kink community so much because I have found that people who think outside the box to be far more accepting. This is why we really liked the first campground that we had an issue with. Yep. The people. Fantastic people. We really, for the most part, liked the people. Every group of people has someone that tries to ruin it for everyone. Yes. Right. Yes. But at the end of the day, the person that's trying to ruin it for everyone probably has some deep seated hurt or something that happened. Right. So you just have to show some grace. I just have a very big problem with discriminating against someone because of who they love or what they choose to do in their bedroom. From both sides, though. Right. Right. Yes. Because. From both sides. Right. Because. Well, we've never. We will have been or we are normal people or whatever are discriminated against by some of the pride folks. We have never personally been discriminated. I'm just going off like this comment. But it happens. Right. A hundred percent. Yeah. So do we start our own thing? I mean, I'm not implying that we need a whole month or I'm not saying anything like that. No, we don't. It would just be nice. I mean, that was kind of the purpose of the podcast, right? In the very beginning was to open a safe space for people to ask questions. Yep. Right. And now. That's like the mission statement right there for the podcast. And now I'm like balls to the wall because I want to normalize these relationships because I don't care what anyone says. And if if you are going to be able to sleep better at night, not admitting that your wife carries your balls in her purse. And that's a very stereotypical reference. But some men live a female led relationship and cannot admit it because it's so ingrained in their brain that they have to be in control. They have to. They're in charge. The old the old lady. The wife. The wife. That's your favorite. Oh, I fucking hate that. And when somebody uses it as an enduring. Yeah. I mean, there are people like if they were to say it, let me go ask the wife or something like that. It's different. But generally, the implication implies. I'm not bashing or ripping or whatever on anyone that uses that term or whatever. I could never call you the wife. Right. Or how about my wife? I know. I don't know if this really addressed the whole topic of the school. I mean, is there anything else that you. The question was. Do you feel you belong at Pride? Yes, that is the question. If the answer to that when you hear that question is no, that's sad. Yeah. If you're a listener to this. Yeah. You have some element of whatever. Right. So by default, then you. Well. You should belong or you feel like you belong with. The other misfit toys, you know, a kind hearted little. Label, I guess, whatever. Term and endearment. So somebody said that they had a lesbian friend invite them to Pride and they debated going because they assume that they are straight as an arrow. I would prefer to support them, but don't exactly want to out ourselves, especially if they wouldn't become comfortable with our kink while celebrating the right for them to be free and live the way they want. Yeah. Let me just say this. Anything that you and I do together, I don't consider it a kink. I consider it part of our relationship. Right. This is part of our life now. This isn't just a hobby thing, right? Or a fun thing that we do. This is a legit part of our relationship. Right. The word kink is out the fucking window for me. Yeah. That's my view of it. It's kind of like kink almost just kind of like the word normal for me. It kind of makes me do it. Yeah. It's on the other side. Yeah. Right. I have, you know, a dick or a cage. I have my dick in a cage. Right. Yes. That's kinky to people. Yes. I don't see it that way. Totally normal. I did get a message to this is completely aside and you can leave this in if you want. Somebody messaged me and asked if I think that there are dicks that are too. Oh, no, it was bananas. If there's bananas that are and then immediately I go to don't put bananas in my butt. Yeah. I've said it so many times before my butt's not a banana door. Anyway, do you think that because I must have called it banana. Yep. I do think that there is bananas that are too big or too beautiful to put in a cage. And my response was this. I have yet to come across one. Yeah. I'm not saying they don't exist, but putting it in, putting the banana in the cage is about far more. Yes. Than the physical aspect of it. Yes. However, there is something very, very appealing to me about a penis in a cage. Like, I just think it looks fucking amazing. I don't know what it is. And it's I think it's deep rooted. It's that I can't have what I want or I don't have the free will to. And I do. You do. But right. But it's locked up. Right. But you have the control of it. You have the control. And maybe that's what it is. Maybe it isn't that I can't have it now. It's more that I'm in control of it. I get to have it when I want. I fucking want with that. Yes. Yes. I get it when I want it. That is a complete sidebar to anything. But I just thought of that. I wish that there was a space where and this is a goal someday. People can just come. Ironic. I don't know if I mean that like physically or literally. And just feel safe. Right. But when you have a group of people like that, there's always the concern of being outed. And when I had that concern in the very beginning, you were like, well, if they're there. Yes. Like I would love, love to have a gathering. Right. Of just tell us about your relationship style. Tell us about how you communicate. What what do you what are what tips and tricks have you done in this dynamic to make it functional and successful? Right. Like I like to hear real life stories. Absolutely. And how do I do that? And I think that is the biggest roadblock that we come across when we try to get a community like an actual gathering of our community, because people have high profile jobs. Yep. Which makes all the sense. The two tend to go hand in hand. Right. The husband has a high profile job and needs, you know, or whatever. And it's not always like that. No, but that's just one at one aspect. Right. For sure. Or you have people who have adult children and are I mean, they're they could be retired, but still do they want to be out in the open like that? I mean, right. Once you've established these lifelong friendships and you are of the older generation, I would be devastated to lose a friend that I had had for 50 plus years or whatever the case may be. Just because they found out this, this or this. Then my question is, how did they find out? Right. I mean, you almost have to seek it out. My shit doesn't show up if you're looking at knitting videos. Right. It's algorithm. So we run the risk really of being on someone's for you page. Right. Right. But how did we get there? Right. That's. Right. That's my first question. And here I'm at. Our kids know. Right. And really, my family has nothing to do with me. But the family that used to knew for the most part. And frankly, I don't give a fuck because I have my family that I have chosen. And I'm happy with where that is. And the important people in my life know. So now my goal is more about helping other people. Yeah. And I have. I'm a level up now on confidentiality. Sure. Now it has happened to me personally. Yep. Now, if it was going to happen to anybody, we are probably the best people for it to. Sure. Because we just fucking roll with the punches. Yep. And we knew that was a risk. Yep. Right. Yep. We even cut a social video that said exactly that. I did talk. And like a week later, two weeks later, it happened. Did you actually post that? I can't remember if I did or not. I think that one was posted. And maybe that's what caused the deep dive. I mean, it's either that or me putting stuff on my husband. I mean, I don't have a video of me putting stuff on my husband. No, but we talk about it. Yes. And I will say, I think that is one of the things that I feel the best about our podcast is one of the most common comments that I get is about how real we are. Or I am when I used to have this podcast by myself. The good old days. I don't know if I'd go that far, but. I enjoy having you here. That made me feel good. You trigger my, you tickle my brain and make me think of things. Oh, I don't trigger your tism? No, you don't trigger my tism. Ah, sometimes when you're breathing you do, but it's. No, I'm just kidding. That's funny. One time. Just the one time. Just the one time so far. And thankfully you didn't stop breathing. I didn't. That's going to be very sad. I don't, did we address everything on that? I think so. Do we feel comfortable? I don't know if I will or not. Yeah, probably not. I would probably cry if somebody was mean to me. Yep. Or wouldn't I? I mean. Let's just say we don't feel safe on either side of that fence. No, I don't. We really don't. I'm just curious about how you got where you are and what it is about how you choose to live your life that makes you happy. Right. It's just curiosity. I just love learning about people. So the very long winded answer is I personally probably would not go to a Pride event. I wouldn't. I think I would be too uncomfortable. And in fact, there's a Pride gathering at a park that is just literally a couple blocks from where we're recording this right now. I might go to that one. Because they have food trucks. Valid. Yep. Is that it then? Are we all done? I think so. Okay. On that note, be safe. Be kind. I love you all. Have a fantastic week. Can we come in?