0611 Female Led Relationships: Life, Loss & Stress-Staying Strong in a Female-Led Relationship

This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Maybe this one, because we're going to talk about something, but maybe this one we should catch up. Should this just be an update and then we can do a second one? Yeah. Okay. Is that okay? Yeah. Okay. So then the whole thing will be housekeeping. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Here we are. I feel like I'm, I'm something. Important. Important. I'm important. Let me suck some balls into my mouth. There's the intro. Not mine. Yep. I'll suck some creamy orange stuff. Somebody's got a health issue. All right. Well, since nobody that is working at the place that we're employed, we can say this here. Guess who's going back to the beet harvest this year? Yes. Yes. We're getting the band back together. We are. We did not think we were going to go and It's bittersweet. It is. It really is. I will let you. Yeah. Do your little promo and say the things because the people on. FLRSKOOL.com Already know. Yeah. So we, um, if you are one of the 140 something people on FLRSKOOL.com. Thank you for being there. Thank you. You folks already know that my mom passed away and it's been a month and change ago. And maybe for some people, this isn't really that big of a deal, but it's really fucking hit me and it continues to hit me. So that might be part of our little bit of absence for a few weeks. The other part, and we'll get into this a little bit later is a fucking job from hell, but that is an eight. Now that is enabling us to roam both country. Basically. It's very sad because when she passed, it was, it was very sad. And I guess I didn't realize it would affect me quite like it did, but the weight that was lifted off our shoulders and, and I mean, our ability to be free, really. I mean, there's other than our kids who are self-sufficient, there's, there's really nothing holding us in this area, which is good because we'll talk about our jobs later, but it was hard because I felt guilty for feeling free. Absolutely. Absolutely. But I also have a lot of resentment towards the facility she was at. And I hate that that is where she passed away. Yes. I hate that. Yes. To be fair. To be fair. That is where, while she was still of sound mind, that is where she said she wanted to be not necessarily that facility, I would say, but in that area. And unfortunately that was the only area. The only facility in the area. Yeah. Yeah. Thankfully, while her passing was hard, her celebration of life or what is it? It's a memorial because there's no body present because she was cremated, went off without a hitch. Yeah. Really? And it was actually quite beautiful. There were so many people there that spoke so highly. I had no idea how many lives she had impacted. Brian and I have only been together for, well. It'll be 12 years in August. And we've been married. It'll be 10 years this New Year's. So it was, it was nice to hear stories of her younger days and her smile is something that 100% everybody mentioned. The grandkids got up and talked, all the things. It was, it was just, it went off without a hitch. And then we will bury her sometime. Sometime in June. Sometime in June. Yeah. With her mom. So it's sad, but the freedom. Yeah. That's why I say it's bittersweet. Yes, it enables us to do the thing now for a while, which we had planned on doing. And this was just a short chapter, right? Kind of long. It was a few years, a couple of years, whatever. No more fucking Minnesota and winter for this girl. All done. All fucking done. So cute. It's okay. I don't like to be cold. No. But. The main. Go ahead. You go. Twitting. I was just going to say the main reason we weren't going to the beet harvest was because we didn't want to be that far. It was very hard to find people that we could rely on because literally if it wasn't for mainly Brian, but us, she would have died years ago. That facility would have killed her. Yeah. So that's it. I mean, we can go down on a big tangent or whatever, but that's just, that's just the. Kind of update on that. We have gotten messages about how we're doing. Oh, we matter. Yes. Just kidding. I mean, not, but. Well, I mean, you could see in the, in all the previous, this season's episodes, really. Right. What we were going through with my mom at the time really didn't affect. This. You know, no, this is solid. We just have more time now. Yeah. Because there isn't the three hour drive. Right. There's a little less rushing each day logistically. Right. Which means I get three more hours with you every day. Which is an adjustment, not, not you having three more hours with me. And that was sweet. Just, you know, like, this is one thing you mentioned and I will say. You are the last one. You are the last beetle that he has no surviving siblings or parents. Right. He is one of a kind as I've always known, but he's the only one left. And I know in the beginning, when she first passed, it was very weird because we felt like we were forgetting or you were forgetting to do something or we needed to go somewhere. Oh, as far as. Yeah. As far as right after that whole first week. I would say even more than that. Yeah. And then on. Still today. Yeah. Like it, it hits my mind today. Like, oh, I have to make time to do. Yes. I have to figure out when I can. Oh, I didn't get to or how am I going to like. That's still enters my mind sometimes. As far as what I'm talking about is going to see my mom every day, bringing her milk, bringing her treats. Making sure her room is good. All of that stuff. I did that pretty much every day. And that was about a three hour chunk of my day. More so. Sometimes our day. Often our day, but. But that space is not there now, you know, so it makes it a little bit tough. The plus about. When we went is it gave us time. For just road chitchat. It did because we had some car time. Yeah. So that was a plus. But I think that. We continue that now when each of us comes home from work. I would agree with that. Yeah. And, you know, we go to the gym. We started to go back to the gym again. Um, that's road time with us. And that's the time we talk about this, that, and the other thing, whatever it is, whatever logistic, whatever. I don't know. Funny thing I found on Facebook, whatever it might be. What were you crossing your fingers for? Okay. This is going to get us off on a tangent. But I thought of this the other day and then ADD kicked in. Right. So anybody else that maybe is dealing with a death in the family or elderly parents who have dementia or whatever, would you say? Because this is an area I struggled with, right? Like, I don't know how to navigate death. Well, I don't handle it well. And we really didn't have time right to do it. I mean, the day she died, we're back at the bus moving hay bales because the bus had to be moved. Yeah. Like, you know, everything went very fast. And thankfully, very smooth. And you backed that big ass bus right into that spot by that fucking deck like nobody's business. My question for you is. Ninja-like. You are ninja-like. The fender is touching the deck. Okay. My question for you is, how, like, would you say that it would have been helpful for me to be more dominant, more aggressive? Or do you think that, not that I handled it wrong, but is there something that I could have done differently in that instance, as far as our relationship, our dynamic is concerned? Like, is there something that, like, would it have been a stress reliever for me to beat your ass? It is always that. I know. But I mean, this is different. This is the death of your last parent. I don't know that that really went wrong or right. I mean, it just, it just, well, I don't, I don't know that I needed more. I don't think, because what I'm saying, I don't. I didn't know if that crossed your mind. Like, man, I really wish she would have, you know, beat my ass or. Not during that time. Right. But then very shortly after I started the job from hell. Yeah. Right. So now I'm in a hotel room. Supposedly for about a week. Right. And then it's two weeks and it's almost three weeks. Right. And we're not seeing each other, even on a couple of the weekends. Yeah. You did take my birthday weekend off. Right. Yep. Just in the beginning. But those last couple of weeks, it was straight through. I was there for the week, though. The weekend after my birthday. I was there Monday through. Right. Thursday, Monday through. Right. I left Friday morning. Right. But the boy was there. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't have a long time. So we didn't have any alone time, really. But I appreciated when you were there. That was very helpful. And we know this historically for some reason. When I'm working out of town, I crave attention. Right. Because I'm stuck in this. Well, especially with this tile job. Right. With this job. But even with other bigger jobs that I've been on away, I'm an attention whore. Right. Valid. So I think that during that time, if I could have had more communication. Right. More direction or something. Because I even mentioned it at one point. I probably glossed right over it. Did I respond? You did. Oh. Yeah. Good job, Christine. You said something. You will not do this or you will. Whatever. And I said, that is the direction that I crave. I love that. And that makes me sound selfish. Well, it's a slippery slope too for me. Yes. I'm right. I'm sharing how that affected me. Right. Okay. So just from my point of view. You just lost your mom. And this job is a fucking nightmare. Right. So I'm not sure. I'm treading lightly because. Right. I don't know. Because you are entirely different. From when your dad died. And from when your sister died. To when your mom died. Yeah. Right. Like your dad died and life just went on. Yep. Like it was like nothing changed. Yep. Same with when your sister died. And then when your mom died, it was like. I mean, it affected me too. But it was like. Pile of bricks. Everything was different. Everything was different. So I didn't know. You know what I mean? And I'm weird about death anyway. I never know what to say to people when somebody dies or. Like what's. Sorry for your loss or. You know, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to act. And it's hard for me because I didn't know how you were going to react. I didn't know if it was going to be like with your dad and your sister. Were you just like. We just kept going and we didn't really acknowledge that either of them. You know what I mean? But it's been very different with your mom. Rightfully so. Yeah. But I just didn't know how to. You know, and then when you're kind of like, well, I could, you know. Some of it just comes out of me without me even thinking. And you always tell me just say what you're going to say without even thinking about it. And that's when the good stuff comes. But. I think it was kind of a relief for me too when you mentioned that. And the job from hell is still hanging over our. It is a weight. On top of my head. Yes. Yeah. It's far from over. So that's that's pretty stressful. Our current working situation. Is more stressful for you. More aggravating. I'll just say aggravating. Well, here I will describe why I have a problem. We are both of us really are in the land of invisible. Yeah. When we work at this place. And we outwork nine out of if there was 10 employees. We're two of the top workers. There's one other person that I can think of that rivals us. And probably surpasses us. I don't like being invisible. If you've listened to this podcast for any amount of time, you know that the world revolves around me. It's your fucking podcast. It is. It's my fucking world. I'm in it. Like acknowledge my presence. And I have a very hard time. I don't know. There are so many things. I'm not going to go down this rabbit hole. Because literally, I could do two hours of a podcast. Bitching about this fucking shithole and how poorly it's run. And it's not a I shouldn't say that it's not a shithole. It's it really is. The job is great. The job itself. I very much enjoy the job I do. It's everything else. Yeah. And I don't I don't need like a pat on the back. Or whatever. But it's like I'm not even acknowledged as competent. Yes. And that's the thing. It's not just, you know, being acknowledged for the thing that you did. And I don't even give a shit about that because I do that because I care about my job. What I care about is like nobody thinks I'm competent enough. Right. Yep. Now, do I do that to myself because I ask questions? Like I was thinking about this the other day. A lot of times I will ask questions. I'm very inquisitive about what I'm doing because I'm an overthinker. Am I asking too many questions? Do I just do it? And here's, I think, why I don't do it. Because the person who's above me, if I don't do it their way. They're like, why did you do it that way? And then make me feel like a dumbass. So I want to make sure I'm doing it the right way. But then I have to remember that the person that I answer to is also signal like my oldest son is older than them. Yep. So I need to have more confidence in myself. Agreed. You're way more of an adult than that person. I'm way more than. Not chronologically, but just. Yes. Than most of the people. Yep. All of this to be said, we are free. I thought that we would stay in this location for at least the next five years because I really liked the area. And after we are not even a month into this season, how things went down when your mom passed, how we were treated, where they have put us because nobody likes buses. To be fair, we knew this when we got a bus, right? We live in a converted schoolie. Yep. We are not widely accepted, right? Like at campgrounds and things like that, which is why we have solar. We don't want to be in a campground, right? Right. However, when we were hired for this position, they knew we were in a school bus and we were a dick in the wind all winter. But once things started opening up, oops, sorry. And we have a cunt hair of a spot that you have made spectacular for me, by the way. Thank you. I do love our spot. We are secluded, but we are so far back. Yeah. It actually makes more sense for us to park around the block. Yes. And cut through a small wooded area to get to our, it's closer than us driving through the campground. Yep. It's not a good fit. We will never be accepted. And I think I have a very hard time because I don't feel like it's fair for me to be judged for decisions I've made about how I live my life. And that goes back to the female-led relationship. If they were to ever find out about this podcast, we would be terminated immediately. However, this podcast has existed the whole time we have been there. Yep. And we are still two of the hardest workers. Absolutely. That they have. Doesn't affect how we do our job. And last year when we went to the beet harvest, I think they got a taste of it, but I think they have forgotten. And this year they will feel it because we just won't be there. Nope. I just have a hard time with being judged because I don't have millions of dollars or. Or a big house or nice cars or. It would be entirely different if we had a big old class A gear and fucking deed, but we choose to live in a converted school bus. I don't know. So. I guess if that's how you want to judge people, then that's more on you than on me, really. And really, I don't need people like that in my life, so I'm going to do what I need to. Right. I just. We'll just get through the season. I don't like when people don't like me for no reason. They don't like you for their reason. You know what I mean? Right. They have a reason. Well, yeah, but it's a stupid one. To you, it's a stupid reason. It's a stupid reason to anyone with a brain. Right. But to them, it is their reason, their valid reason. Yeah, anyway. Or whatever it is, right. It shouldn't matter. My side of all of this, we work separately at two different aspects of this place. We're at two different locations. They own multiple. They have three locations. We work at two separate locations. So I'm in a little, I'm in a little different situation because I've basically been given the keys to get this done. Yeah, nobody fucks with you. For the most part, that is true. That's unfair. Last year, though, micro-fucking-manage, right. But I put in a year of doing the thing and going above and beyond. Let's be real, it's because he has a penis. Well, that's part of it, I guess. But I'm just left alone to do the thing now. It seems. This last week is pretty much my first week of boots on the ground there. I wonder if that will change now that the big celebration is done. Everybody, like specifically your boss. Maybe. They have all been very focused on that. Maybe. They've been at my location a lot. Yeah. All of them. Maybe. I don't know. Not the point. The person, well, I actually report to two people and that's part of the problem. Right. Should just be the one. And then that one. With the penis, actually. Well, I'm good with either way. Right. I just want one or the other. Right. Because then there's a chain. Right. Instead of, you know. One does things this way. One does things this way. And they both tell you to do it their way. And then. And then I have no fucking clue how to do it. Yep. Right. So, yeah, it was a nice week last week because I just did the thing. It was nice, too, I think, for you to be out doing the thing that is relaxing. You have earbuds in your ear. You know, however. Didn't listen to any music, though, to be honest. Did you just do podcasts? Nothing. I just had buds in as ear protection, basically. Look at you enjoying nature. I try to put buds in as often as I can so people stop talking to me. Except for me. I do like when you talk to me. Talk dirty to me. It get hot in here. My goodness. Is there anything else? So we weren't going to. Adam, did I say this? We weren't going to do the bead harvest because we were committed to seeing this entire season out and just how we have been made to feel this year. Yeah. I think one of the biggest takeaways from his mom passing away is life is fucking short. She was young. She was 74. That and I know I'm old now because 74 seems so young to me. Well, it is, though, in the grand scheme of things, because most people live into their late 70s, 80s, 90s. My grandma's in her 90s and still driving. Life is just too short. Your grandma. I know. Right. This is my mom. I know. Right. That's like a generation down. Well, I mean, you're like my grandma's age. I'm pretty close. I like I'm old and wrinkly. That I am, Walter. Life is just too short for us to deal with this kind of bullshit. We loved the bead harvest. I'm sure we've talked about it before on podcasts, the sugar beet harvest. I'm pretty sure we have. Yeah, because it's fantastic. The people are people like us. They're nomads. They live in buses. They live in campers. Some of them are just taking time off of their regular jobs to come do it. Right. But everybody we have met has been fantastic. This will be our third year. Yeah. And we have a couple that we work on our piler with and we love them. They're fantastic. And I was real sad that we weren't going to get to see them this year. And now we do. Turns out we are. But now I'm in an uncomfortable position because I have to figure out how to be like, deuces, I'm out. Do it just like that. Should I? Yeah. I'll probably use somebody's name anyway. Yeah. So that's an update on that. Things are still chaotic, but I would say we are settling into a new norm. Yeah. And the big question is, where will you take your beautiful goddess wife this winter in her big, beautiful bus? The continent is our neighborhood. We can go anywhere. Well, if diesel prices don't drop, we are short distances. Nope. All of that will fall into place. Yes, I know. Yep. I'm excited. So we won't have much studio. What does that mean? Okay. You say what you're going to say. Well, this is relative because then where are you going to beat my ass? In my bedroom. Cause you're going to make me a door. It's not like it's soundproof in there. Listen, he has insulation. There's not a lot of space. Well, I feel like there's probably a trailer in our future at some point, which will be the ass whooping trailer along with the podcast studio. Yep. Along with Holly and the Jeep. Yes. Multi-use trailer. The world is our oyster. It is. Or the U.S. anyway. Anything else you wanted to talk about on here? I think that through this part of the chapter, the latter part of the chapter, we were able to remain us. I would agree. A lot of it happens like through, like we're talking a windshield time or through texts or when the boy is sleeping at three in the afternoon still. I mean, we find the time, right? Yeah. Or we take advantage of the time. Yeah. Right. So that's a tip, I guess. If you are going through like a shit storm or whatever, take advantage of those times. Right. You have to make what time you have matter. Right. So I think that's important. Important. I think we just, yeah, important. I think we just did that and do that naturally. Yeah, I would agree. I think there's still things we could be more intentional about. I feel like until we have an answer on some things, have answers on certain things, I'm not going to be able to relax, nor are you. I know that you feel like maybe you're getting back to normal, but I can see it. Like your career prior to us moving into the bus sucked the life out of you. And I will tell you, I have not seen you like that until this last job. And I think that that's what it should be. Probably your last job. Yeah. That type of job. Right, right. I mean- We're on board with the smaller things now and then, that's fine. Or things for friends, but I don't know. It has been a nightmare and it will have an effect on us one way or another, whether it's positive with sprinkles of negative, or it's going to be real negative with ripple effects of more negative down the line. Yeah, it's hard to say. That's the unknown right now. I don't like the unknown, at least this unknown. I love the unknown of not knowing where that bus is going to take us. Right, and that's what we focus on. Until I have to whore myself out for diesel. Just kidding. Nope, you won't. I'm totally fucking kidding. You won't have to. That's good. We'll whore you out instead. Nope, won't have to. We got this all covered. It'll all be covered. Everything will be fine. So this is our, what? We do this like once a month where we have just a rambling episode that is like- Yeah, kind of. You know what I mean? Only, I don't know if anybody- I don't know, are all the old episodes back up? We're in season, early season two still. I will say, thinking back to the podcast that I recorded when we were even still in the house, I had one a month probably, if not more, where I was on the hot bus express. Um, yeah. So there are some housekeepings from those episodes that are trimmed down a little bit. So that stuff isn't necessarily like- It's, I leave relevant things in there. I feel far less hormonal, which is interesting because technically now I should be more hormonal, but I feel, I don't know, different. Interesting. Maybe it's just, oh, my feelings are dying. Just kidding. Nope. I don't know. I feel, I, I, I don't know. I don't feel as- Rollercoaster-y? Unstable. Yeah, that would be, I'm not, I'm unrollercoaster-y instead of rollercoaster-y. And I haven't really taken a ride on the hot mess express. I mean, I'm still a hot mess, but not, I just am very scatterbrained sometimes, but I don't feel- I think that's a lot of people. Down in the dumps as much. Yeah. I blame you for making me move into a school bus. Yes. I will take that blame. You should. Happening. Anything else? I don't think so. We talked about all the things, hating our jobs and- But that we're still solid. Yes. You and I are great. Yeah. I'd treat you so good. I'd be so good to you. I'd be so good to you. No way. I feel a Shoresie marathon coming. Yep. You can find some of the- Some of the things we say that just seem way out of context are either on Letterkenny or Shoresie. Give your balls a tug. Yep. Come along on that ride with us. A little Canadian hockey show. Both of them, really. Yep. Now we're just rambling. Say Minnesota goodbye. Next week, we'll be back to normal, my favorite word, normal content. Mm-hmm. Maybe we'll pull a question out of flr, S-K-O-L dot com. And if you're not part of that, you should be. Right. It's free. It is. Courses are coming. Yeah. Unlike my husband. Correct. See what you did there? See what you did there? See, we're fine. Everything's fine. No jizzing for you. That's okay. I will happily trade that to have you in my life. Aww, you're so sweet. That's where I'm at. Are we doing anything else then? I don't think so. Are we done? I think so. Are we done? Yep. Are we done? I think so. Have a fantastic week. Stay safe. Stay healthy. And for fuck's sakes, be kind. I love you all. Can we come in?