0212 Female Led Relationships: Most people get swinging completely wrong — let’s fix that.

Because I'm usually so prepared and put together. But would you guys really love me as much as if I was? This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. This week, we're going to talk about the 10 myths of swinging and the swinging lifestyle, just because I like to get people's panties in a bunch. But first, let's talk about some housekeeping. I would like to the Q&A episode, I need some questions via email or voicemail and info is in my show notes. So hit me up if there's a question where you want to leave a voicemail or an email, you can stay confidential. Just let me know in the email if you do or don't want me to use your name when I answer the question on the episode. And we will get that up and going. I think that will probably happen after the first of the year. Also, I am discussing with one of my people that I email, one of my friends. I want to do one episode a month with them to discuss past episodes and things that they have noticed or have feedback on. And I will be emailing said person today and we will need to get together and have a little chat. So if you're listening, I'm going to try to email you today and we will get something set up where we can discuss the logistics of how that will happen. I think it will be really fun. So stay tuned for that. I think that addresses all the housekeeping issues or issues or things or whatever. Real weird weather here. Holy fuck. One day it's 55 degrees and tornadoes in December and then the next day it's negative fucking 30. Not literally. Real chilly. All right. So let's dive in to my favorite thing. Myths. Now I am reading from a website. I will give you the myths and then I will give you my feedback. You know how the style goes when I read an article and the article will be in the show notes. All right. 10 myths. Swinging and swingers lifestyle. This is from Swing Social and I do not see when it was published. A year ago. If I just use my eyes that don't work very well. So they are debunking 10 swinging myths that you may have never heard of or thought were true. So myth number one. All swingers are ugly and overweight. Truth. Swingers come in all shapes and sizes. We know some younger really good looking swinger couples and older really good looking swinger couples who spend a lot of time on their body. There are also some younger and older couples who just enjoy themselves and aren't hung up on working out to impress others. I fucking hate how much pressure is put on body image. It's real fucking frustrating. Listen, I'm not a fucking Barbie doll, nor will I ever be a Barbie doll because I have the bone structure of a linebacker. And guess what? That's fucking fine. That's how I was made. I built like a dude. That's what I always say. Obviously, I'm not. I have tits and a vagina, but I don't... I am not attracted to people by their looks. Like when I was with my ex-husband, I used to think that his best friend was fucking gorgeous way back in the day. And the more I got to know him, I was like, ew, you are a shitty human. And it totally killed his looks for me. I am attracted to somebody by their personality and anybody that can make me laugh, you're in like Flynn. And if you have good punctuation and grammar, but that's not a deal breaker. So this whole ugly and overweight thing, and that's a comment I get a lot about the naked campground too. I couldn't go there. My body's not good. Guess what? People at this campground are real fucking people, and they're of all shapes and sizes, and they're all beautiful. So there. Myth two, all swingers like to get kinky. Truth. Well, one of the good points of swinging, in my opinion, is that you can push your boundaries and try things you might not if it was just you and your partner. It isn't about kinky sex. There are some more experienced hardcore swingers out there that like a bit of BDSM and more fetish style play. However, they identify this on their profiles and tend to hang around the more hardcore sites anyway. So easy to avoid. Every couple's play is different, and that means that you will get a mix of sexual... a mix of sexual appetites and needs or desires. I think swinging can be tricky that way. I think that you should get to know the person... Well, fuck, I don't know. I don't know anything about swinging because, I mean, I guess technically I am a swinger, but my husband does not. I guess the only thing I could really say about that is if something is happening that you're not comfortable with, fucking say stop. You always have the right to say stop, male or female. If something's happening you don't like, stop the play session immediately. And don't feel bad about it. It's your body. It's your choice. Myth three. This is a good one. Swinging equals cheating. Truth. Swinging is not cheating. In swinging, both halves of the couple know everything that is going on, everything is with consent of both parties, even if both partners aren't present. Cheating is where one partner is doing something without the knowledge and consent of their partner. Pretty self-explanatory. And along this line, there has to be excellent communication between the partners before the swinging takes place. Agreeing to swinging to save a marriage is a terrible fucking idea, unless you are sure both partners are on the same page. I don't think swinging is the answer to saving any marriage, personally. It may have saved marriages in the past, but going into it with that intention is probably going to end poorly. Myth four is also swinging equals cheating. Swinging is not cheating. Myth five. Swingers have terrible marriages. Truth. You need a pretty solid marriage to be able to swing. I couldn't agree more. Most of the couples we know have great marriages, love each other, and just use swinging as a bit of adult fun inside the marriage. They tend to be couples that have the best communication skills with each other and the most trust in each other. It is hard to tell if their communication skills with each other are good because of swinging or they have fun swinging because their communication skills with each other are good. They also tend to be very supportive of each other in all aspects of their lives. This whole paragraph right here, I wish more people would really, like, step back and stop looking at the actual sexual act of it because I think that's where a lot of people get hung up is the fact that your partner is fucking someone else. Step back and take a look at, like, the things that happened prior to the actual play session or swinging or whatever you want to call it happening in a perfect world. Conversations have taken place. They've discussed all possible outcomes that could happen and what to do if one person gets jealous and changes their mind and they kind of have things set up for if things go the wrong way, what to do and how to navigate that. And I have said this, I think, since the beginning of my podcast, you pretty much have to have a rock solid relationship or swinging doesn't work. I can't agree more. I can't share my husband. So and I've said that before, too. I don't necessarily know if it will be that way forever. It will take a lot of communication and I will have a lot of. Self-growth to do. I was cheated on in the past and I think that left a real terrible mark on me. And I think that I may be not fully healed from that because I've always kind of been a jealous person since then. But I don't know. I admire swingers because I think that that is, I think it's fantastic. As long as you're safe and everybody's consenting, it seems like a fantastic addition to a marriage or a relationship in general. As long as there's good communication. Do you guys ever get sick of hearing me say that? As long as there's good communication. Myth six, all swingers use drugs and alcohol. Truth, we have yet to come across any swingers that partake in any drugs other than smoking and drinking. And we have met a lot of couples. In fact, if we are on a play date, there tends to be less alcohol as alcohol inhibits performance. I have heard one couple where the man takes some enhancers when he goes to parties. But other than hearing about that one person, we have never come across any drug taking. I also came across this in the beginning of my lifestyle journey. I was on FET a lot and we did go to some munches and things like that to get vetted for events. And a lot of the things that we went to, drugs and alcohol, but I think alcohol was mainly the one addressed, were not allowed. You had to be sober or the events where there was alcohol allowed. There was very strict guidelines and rules about if you become belligerent or extremely intoxicated, you'll be asked to leave immediately. I think people who are able to handle alcohol appropriately, like I get a drink or two to relax, but I also get the drink inhibiting performance. So I guess it would just depend on your preference. I don't know. Myth seven, swingers make terrible parents. I don't like that one at all. Truth, most of the swinger couples we know are parents and they worship their children. They are careful to make sure their swinging life and their home life are separate. And because of this, it can be hard to arrange a meeting. Meetings get canceled or put off all the time due to children falling ill or won't go to sleep for the babysitter. The ladies love to talk about their children and it's amazing how they can switch from children to a sexy topic quickly. Some couples even have a separate phone they use to arrange their swinging activities because their children use their phones sometimes. I don't know how what you do in your sex life really has anything to do with how you parent your children. Unless you're doing things that your children shouldn't be witnessing, but does that make you a bad parent because you're having sex? I just don't understand how the two even intermingle, really. Your sex life is totally separate from your parenting. I mean, what you like in your sex life doesn't creep into how you parent your child. Maybe I'm missing something. Myth eight, all female swingers are bisexual. Truth, I wish this was true. I am bi-curious, which means I like the odd adventure into exploring that side of myself. However, very few of the women out of all of the couples we have played with have been bi, and several of the women have said they would hate the thought of playing with another woman. In fact, the bi women we have played with have said how hard it is to find couples that play with, let's try that again. In fact, the bi women we have played with have said how hard it is to find couples to play with where the woman is even remotely bi-curious. I found this interesting. I mean, I didn't think all female swingers were bisexual, but a lot of the ones I've come across for swingers too, not a lot, but a few that I've interacted with, like at the campground and things, the couple is swingers, but they only play with women, which is interesting. I mean, it seems unfair, but I don't know their dynamic. I mean, so what? The guy doesn't care if the woman plays with another woman, but he can't handle if she plays with another man. It sounds like somebody might be a little insecure. Again, maybe she doesn't want to play with another man, not my dynamic. I don't know all the information and I'm not judging. I'm just saying it's interesting to me. Myth nine, swingers force the swinger lifestyle on others. Truth, there is a saying in the swinger community, make friends of swingers, not swingers of friends. Swinging isn't for every couple, and we certainly recognize that not every couple has the right dynamic between themselves to even discuss swinging, let alone suggest trying it. There may be the odd exception where a swinging couple may find another couple or person so sexy and irresistible, they might approach the subject, but this would be rare. Some couples may be open about their lifestyle and everyone in their circle would know. Some of their friends may even show interest, but there is such a stigma around, there's such a stigma attached to swinging that most couples don't announce to their friends what they get up to, let alone try and convert them. This is interesting to me because I don't, I don't understand why there can't be open conversation about things like this. I mean, I understand why there isn't, but why could there not be? It's, I think the reason this is so interesting to me too is because our friends from camp are open swingers. And I mean, they talk about it very openly, people at their work. Well, some of the people at work know, they know about the campground, things like that. But if you're my friend before you knew I was a swinger, why wouldn't you be my friend after? And I always go back to that, but it doesn't change who I am as a person. And obviously, if you're not into swinging, I'm not going to push it on you, much like anything else in my life. If I like beer and you don't, I'm not going to sit there and say, you should have a beer, have a beer, drink a beer. If you're not interested, that's OK. It's something that we enjoy that's different. I enjoy beer, you don't. OK, so we can still get along. I don't want to understand why people's sex life is such an issue. Or why does it affect their friendship? My brain's going really fast and my mouth cannot keep up. Myth 10, you can tell who is a swinger by truth. Sorry, but there is no way you can identify a swinger unless you walk into a swinging party or a swinging club. I don't behave any differently towards people now to before I became a swinger. And you would not think that any of this. And you would not think that any of the couples that we have met are swingers. We don't wear any special identifying trinkets or jump on people for sex in public places. So there you have it. The top 10 myths busted. OK, so this last one. You can tell who is a swinger by. Obviously, there's identifying things. You know, people talk about the pineapple, upside down pineapple, the flamingo. There's obviously identifying things that people will put out specifically. So, you know, they're a swinger, maybe open to hosting, things like that. I don't know a ton about swinging, but I will say out of the people that I have met throughout my life, the people that I have met at our campground, a majority of which are swingers or in some sort of lifestyle, have been the most amazing people. They are honest and straightforward. They are not judgmental. They're just accepting human beings. And if they don't like something they say, I don't like that. And imagine the world if people were just straightforward and honest and not judgmental. It would be an entirely different place. There is one more. I found seven myths about swingers and the swinging lifestyle. This is by Pillow Talk. I will link this. This is from 2020. I found this interesting. The first one specifically, it says swingers are old and creepy. Swingers aren't all old and they're definitely not all creepy. My husband and I are in our mid thirties and I certainly don't consider that old. Most of the swingers we've met are 30 to 55 and are in healthy and happy marriages. So I just want to stop there because I do notice that a lot of the people that I, in the beginning, not so much now, I'm noticing there's a lot more younger people trying out different dynamics and things like that. And I really think that that's because it seems like maybe some of it is becoming more acceptable. The younger generation coming up is, I don't know if they're paving the way. That might be a shitty way to say that. I don't think it's paving the way. I just think that some of the dynamics are becoming more acceptable as the younger generation is coming up. I do think that in the beginning, there were a lot of people, I mean, my husband is nine years older than me. And I do think there is some older people that are in the lifestyle or swinging or whatever because it was so unacceptable when they were younger. Or just simply the fact that, you know, I run across a lot too that people's children are grown and out of the house and now they're looking to spice up their life or try something new. And they've been together for 30 years, 20 years, whatever it is, they're comfortable enough with each other and have enough communication that they're like, hey, let's explore this. And props to them for finding ways to keep things spicy or just the fact that they have the ability to communicate with each other about trying new things. And, you know, I mean, I think it's fantastic. So props to the people that are of older generations that are getting out there and trying this. That's amazing, in my opinion. What was a couple other ones? All swingers are part of a couple slash single. People aren't allowed in the lifestyle. Oh yeah, all swingers are not couples. Believe it or not, there are some single swingers out there. I think this was a term I just learned. I think sometimes they call the female a unicorn. I could be wrong on that. I think there's a fuck ton of single men out there that are looking for things or men that aren't single and their wives don't know what they're doing. Another myth, they're reckless and there's a greater risk of STD among swingers. This is a common misconception that swingers are sexually reckless based on what we've experienced. That couldn't be further from the truth. That couldn't be further from the truth. Most swingers have strict safe sex only rules and clubs and parties typically require verified negative STD tests prior to allowing couples inside. I think that's interesting too. I think most of the people that I've encountered prior to the campground, like on FET and things like that, they all wanted STD tests or regular updated testing to make sure that you didn't have anything. Condoms are always a good idea. I think overall, swingers are probably a little bit more careful than just standard vanilla people. I mean, fuck, I remember when I was younger, I've randomly slept with people and I never even thought about STDs. That was a long time ago, but... Swinging is a man's world slash men drag their wives into the lifestyle. This is such a pervasive and inaccurate myth of the lifestyle. I was the one who initiated our exploration into the swinging lifestyle and I'm almost always the one to call the shots. I don't believe it is the man who initiates the swinging. I do think that over 50% of the time, it is the man who initiates interest in a female-led relationship or chastity or pegging or any of that. I do believe that that is mostly the men, which is fascinating to me. But swinging, I think I agree that I don't know that it's more men than women. I think it's either pretty equal or it's more often the woman than the man. But I can't, I mean, I don't really have any ground to stand on for why that's my opinion. It's just what I think. And then it talks about the same thing. Swingers are all kinksters. Swingers are easy to identify by a black ring or upside down pineapple. Let's talk about this one a little bit. What's it say? The general consensus among our swinger friends is that if there were a sign or symbol specific to those in the lifestyle, no swinger would use it for fear of being outed. While there are a few rumors floating around the web as ways to spot swingers, including compass, grass, compass. I don't know what that is. Grass in the front yard, a pineapple doorknocker, pink flamingos in the yard, women wearing toe rings and matching couples yin and yang tattoos. Oh, I've never heard of the yin and yang tattoos. That's interesting. Or the toe rings. Interesting. None of the swingers we know display a banner proclaiming swingers looking to party in their front yard. Oh, I like this one too. The swinger lifestyle is all about sex. For most of us, swinging requires real life relationships to be built. The typical swinger is often more choosy about their partners than the singles are. With the exception of the first lifestyle couple we met on our first swinger date, most swingers aren't couples who screw for sport. This one is interesting to me because I think if I ever was going to be comfortable enough to let my subbie sleep with someone else. And again, this isn't something he desires. He has no desire to be with another woman. But I think if it was something down the road where I was like, oh yeah, you should do that. It would have to be somebody that I was comfortable with. It would have to be somebody that I trusted. I don't know. We would have to develop a relationship. And just like me, I don't just let anybody in my pants. I mean, you get one vagina. I don't know. I just feel like, you know, I've talked about in the past about how think of, you know, if you're, if you're cuckolding, think of your bull is just kind of like a human sex toy. And while that is kind of what I do in an actual session when there's actual playing happening, I still need to have some sort of connection with that person or sex isn't going to work. Things aren't going to get where they need to be for sex to happen comfortably. I have to have some sort of connection with that human being. If you're a shitty person, I can't fuck you. I mean, I'm sorry, but I just can't like, and that's, what's hard about even me interacting with other people for a play session. I care too much about what type of person you are. And I have to have some sort of attraction. So it can be quite tricky to find people to play with. Okay. So let's recap. There are a lot of myths and things out there about swinging and the swinging lifestyle. And as you can see from what we talked about, not all swingers are ugly and overweight. Not all swingers are into kink. Swingers actually have a very strong foundation to the relationship in most cases. Overall, from my personal experience, swingers are amazing people. There's amazing people out there that aren't swingers, but I'm just saying there shouldn't be so much judgment against what people do in their sex life as to who they are as a human being. So, and I'm sure when my husband posts these on TikTok, the little snippets of my podcast, people on TikTok are going to fucking lose their shit. And I will say, I have noticed that the people that really have the most mean and harsh comments have either, one, been cheated on and were hurt real bad, or were in a swinging relationship that went completely bad, which gave them a bad taste in their mouth about swinging. And listen, all of the above is acceptable, but that doesn't give you any right to judge somebody else that is swinging and has a healthy, strong relationship. Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean that it doesn't work for anybody. And you have no right to judge people because of what happened in your personal experience. You are one person, everybody is different, and everybody enjoys different things, and that's fucking okay. So there's my rant for the day. I'm stepping off the soapbox. Don't forget to send me your questions, voicemails, whatever, and let me know if I can play them on the podcast or if you prefer to remain confidential. But let's answer some questions. I think it would be fun. I hope everyone has a fantastic week. Stay warm if it's cold where you are. Be good human beings. I love you all. We will talk soon. Can we come in?