0605 Female Led Relationships: Perimenopause & Libido Loss....Buckle up!

WEBVTT

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.

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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.

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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.

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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.

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That's gonna be the new thing.

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It's my fucking podcast and your breathing aggravates me.

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There's the opener.

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Stop breathing.

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Welcome back.

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Hi, Sammy.

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Hey, how's it going?

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Good, how are you?

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We're still wearing the same clothes that we wore a week ago.

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What?

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I would take my shirt off but it's fucking cold in here.

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It is.

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Just because we have the same hoodies on doesn't mean we wear these all the time.

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Listen, nobody probably would have fucking known if you wouldn't have said nothing.

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We also live in a bus.

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We only have one hoodie.

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Don't judge.

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We do not have one hoodie.

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We listen and we don't judge.

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If you could only see the amount of hoodies this woman has.

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I don't know why he's talking right now.

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Nobody told him he could speak.

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This is true.

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Do we have any housekeeping?

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Starting to sound like a rap song.

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I don't think so.

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No?

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Really?

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No?

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Because we kind of covered some of that in the last episode.

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The thing that...

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What is it?

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The name that should not be said or something like that?

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Yeah.

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The thing that should not be talked about.

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No, I'm just kidding.

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Yes.

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I'm just kidding.

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If you're on Patreon, you know about the thing.

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If you're not on Patreon, you don't know about the thing yet, but you will know soon.

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Connect with her on Twitter.

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Twitter X, whatever.

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Or TikTok, I guess.

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But Twitter is probably where you get a little more meat and potatoes.

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Sorry.

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Anyways, go ahead.

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I don't like Twitter.

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Just kidding.

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I love Twitter.

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Take that out.

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I will because...

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Yep.

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Pudding just drove by.

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All right.

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Okay, today and this week on this episode...

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Okay.

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Just kidding.

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Sorry.

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We're going to talk about why I'm so crazy.

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She's not crazy.

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I'm not crazy.

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We're going to talk about perimetopause and how it affects female-led relationships because...

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Bam.

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Look at that.

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That's a great topic.

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I feel like I might be going through it.

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I am 46 years of age, almost 47.

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47.

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Thank you.

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Years of age.

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And I just googled some of the symptoms and I'm like, holy fuck.

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I might be perimenopausal.

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I have said since episode whatever of this podcast that when I lose my estrogen, you better watch the fuck out.

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But listen, it's not even the estrogen we should have been worried about.

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I'm not doing nothing with testosterone.

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I got no sex drive.

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Zero, zero sex drive.

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And it's funny though because there's...

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Well, I mean, I have a middle school mentality.

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Yeah, we have our conversations and around the bus and around whatever.

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Very sexual charge.

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We're very innuendo-ish.

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Yes, right?

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So it's not your mind necessarily, right?

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Your mind is still there.

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You just don't have the oomph or whatever.

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My mind is still here.

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So we're winning.

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Yeah.

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No, but I mean, it's baffling to me actually.

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It's baffling because she says things and like offers things or whatever.

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I'm a really good dick tease.

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A lot of wives would never do, right?

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I don't do them.

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I say them.

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No, and that's fine.

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That's fun.

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I didn't mean to exit the camera there for a minute.

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I had to stretch my back because I'm a runner now.

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Yes, you are.

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And people aren't chasing you.

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I know, it's fun.

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Anywho.

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Yes, back at the ranch.

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Here, I'm going to tell you what I did because there is no blog post this time around.

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I literally used Google AI and said, how does perimetopause affect women in a female-led relationship?

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It directly affects the cognitive and emotional command center.

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So the first thing that I saw was cognitive brain fog.

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And I will tell you, I think I talked about this in the last episode also, that, you know, there's a couple of days right before Shark Week starts.

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That, and for anybody that doesn't know, Shark Week is when I get my period.

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I guess I have to be more descriptive about that.

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Yeah, I don't.

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Um, somebody asked me what the hell Shark Week was.

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I'm like, I'm going to bleed.

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Anyway, a couple of days before my cycle starts, if we're going to be proper, I have terrible brain fog.

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I get extreme, like this morning, extremely klutzy.

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I drop any, it's like I have butter on my hands.

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I can't hold on to anything.

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And then it frustrates the shit out of me.

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Right.

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And here I am over here feeling for her because there's nothing I can do to help.

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That's a lie. He's scared and in the corner crying.

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And I like it. Metaphorically, yes.

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It's not that bad yet.

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The next one is the no F's to give effect.

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Conversely, many women in leadership roles report a newfound assertiveness during this stage.

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As estrogen levels drop, some women find they are less willing to people please.

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The door is open. And become more direct in their leadership style.

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So let's talk about that because I literally just said in the last episode, I've come a long way in the last year.

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I feel like in my confidence and in my yes, we have to though.

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I think I think we got lazy for a while about me.

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I know. Can we stay on track?

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I'm lazy. No worthless.

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No, I just mean it's sorry.

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Come on fucking punch him in his big Walter knows.

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Anyway, did you see that? She struck the child.

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Did you feel the breeze? You're awfully close.

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I know. I didn't touch you though. No, we got lazy.

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I think for a while. We just got just overrun by just life.

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Just go to work. You know, make make the money to pay the bills feed our faces.

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Make sure that this person gets their fix this thing.

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See what dramas on tick-tock. Yeah, watch a lot of tick-tock play a lot of games on your phone.

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Scruffy book. Anyways. Oh, I see how we roll over what you do.

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I'm in research mode constantly watch that's going off right now.

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I don't know. Shall we talk about it minds on silent that leaves you.

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I don't know how to put it on Charlotte and you're the tech savvy one of the two of us.

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You know what it to me watch off. As you can see she's still snarky.

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Okay, my point being that just in my let's just focus on this for a minute because the world revolves around it.

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Yes, would you say in this in the past even the past six months?

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Would you say that I have been much much more comfortable in my dominant role or made bigger strides in speaking to you?

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Yeah, and not even speaking to you in communicating what I want.

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Mm-hmm. Okay, I would say yes to that.

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And I would also say that potentially I picked up on that and I you mentioned it.

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Yeah, and I leveled up to I like wipe the cobwebs from my eyes and okay, let's fucking go.

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Yeah, right. Yeah, I would agree.

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So I think that yes to that. Yes is the answer.

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I like how we got away from me and back to you.

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I leveled you asked me the question totally fucking with you.

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Wait for this next one. Are you ready? Oh, yeah, you ready?

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I can't wait. Patience and irritability.

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Oh my. Chronic? Like breathing irritates her.

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My breathing irritates her. I said it one time and I said I didn't want you to not breathe.

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Yeah, just could you hold your breath for every 30 seconds?

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We had a conversation a week ago where we kind of broke through some things and hey, we don't really talk about this.

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So we need to talk about this, right? And we need to be open with this communication thing.

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We've anything we pounded down is the communication, right?

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And yet we lacked at it, right?

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But we opened that up and broke open those doors again and we're good.

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But what sparked it was something like what what is irritating you and she said you're breathing or something like that.

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But I loved that so much because it was there was no filter.

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There was no thinking about it. I didn't even think about it.

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It went straight from here to here and out like I couldn't even stopped it if I wanted to.

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Loved that. Okay, so patience and irritability.

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Chronic sleep deprivation from night sweats.

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You have mentioned that. Can cause patients to run thin in an FLR where the woman may set the emotional tone.

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This irritability can lead to more frequent conflicts if the partner doesn't understand the hormonal roots.

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Yes, look at that, right? And that's communication, right?

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Fuckin' hell, when did I get old?

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No, you're not getting old. You're fine.

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I don't wanna. God, you're so fine.

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What I sent him a shirt.

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Yeah, what I said. I sent him a shirt today that said I'm so sexy even life gets hard.

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I said buy it.

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Anyway, yeah, so I have been saying something about night sweats for some time.

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But mine are not anything that really interrupt my sleep.

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They sometimes do because I get so hot.

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I'm just sweating and I have to kick the blankets off.

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And then I turn the heat down because I think that everybody's hot.

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It's not just me. The whole bus is hot, right?

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And I wake up with icicles coming down my nose.

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It has not been that bad.

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But I don't know that it affects my sleep a whole lot.

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Like if it wakes me up, it wakes me up for a short amount of time.

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I wonder though, if it does wake you up, right?

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Because it takes you out of the sleep cycle.

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Now you have to start over again.

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So you are probably lacking in sleep from that breaking it up, I bet.

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And maybe that's why it's so hard for me to get up and go to the gym some days.

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Like especially when we get home at midnight.

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See, he laughs at me sometimes because it will be like 7 or 8 o'clock and I'm falling asleep on the couch watching TikTok.

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I'm so tired sometimes.

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But is it that you're just bored to tears of the things that you're watching?

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Well, maybe, but it's hard to say.

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Anyway, I couldn't watch it.

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Listen, I don't like to look at the stupid shit you look at on Facebook either.

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I'm learning about buses and diesel heaters and jeeps.

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I fucking am too.

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I am.

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I'm making Facebook friends.

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Oh, interesting.

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ChatGPTU, that's all the friend you need.

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Just kidding.

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That's really all I got.

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Anyways, beside you, you're all I need.

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He's fucking snappy today.

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I'm sorry.

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And sassy.

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Sassy pants.

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Changes in intimacy and physical power.

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Libido shifts.

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Okay, wait.

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So there's more.

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It says the physical symptoms of perimenopause often require a temporary renegotiation of the relationship's intimacy rules.

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Now, we do not really have any rules set.

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He just doesn't get laid.

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Well, we have some kind of unsaid rules.

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But I don't know that anything needs to change necessarily.

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Or maybe it does, I guess.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I mean, we need to revisit that one.

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I don't know.

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I guess here's where I'm at.

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You know, as I start working out more, is that going to help regulate my hormones more?

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And will I get a little bit of a sex drive back?

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Do I just need to start reading erotic stories all the time?

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And then he just has to be there within the next 15 minutes before the libido or the whole sex drive drops?

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I don't know.

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There's a window.

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Yeah, it's a small one.

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Usually it's at 2 p.m.

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during the week when we're not together.

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But I think that we just kind of have to go.

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We have to play it by ear right now.

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And I think I do feel better now that I'm exercising more regularly.

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I think I was going to go down a whole different Avenue with this.

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And anyway, like what did you think you'd go down?

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I don't know.

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I think I had something in my brain that I was going to say, but it's just gone.

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Oh, I don't know.

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Maybe it will come back.

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Okay, libido shifts, fluctuating testosterone and estrogen can significantly, significantly lower sexual desire or make arousal take longer.

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I don't think it takes me a long time to become aroused.

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I think I can be aroused pretty easily.

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You just get interesting.

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Well, maybe not.

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No, no, maybe.

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Fine.

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I mean, like reading an erotic stories.

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See, but before it would take like one ES.

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Now it would maybe take two or three.

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Like a drunkard.

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My sex tolerance is high.

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What?

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That's okay.

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Let me ask you this.

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Yes.

00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:18.039
In the evening when it's time for bed, we have kind of a ritual, right?

00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:20.600
She gets in bed.

00:14:20.799 --> 00:14:22.379
I cover up real good, right?

00:14:22.519 --> 00:14:26.659
And then I do just a nice like light massage your whole body.

00:14:26.940 --> 00:14:28.759
Yeah, that makes me feel like I'm sinking into the bed.

00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:30.559
I want to just immediately conk out.

00:14:30.700 --> 00:14:32.080
Okay, that's what that does.

00:14:32.179 --> 00:14:35.019
I have no idea what that does because we never really talked about it.

00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:41.000
And I try to walk him along for me sharing my feelings of how it feels when he rubs me down every night.

00:14:41.539 --> 00:14:41.679
Yeah.

00:14:41.740 --> 00:14:43.000
Well, I mean, that's what we do.

00:14:44.659 --> 00:14:51.879
I do it kind of in a sensual way, but I don't mean it to be like foreplay or anything.

00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:53.320
I mean, it's just...

00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:57.039
I don't think that I find it arousing.

00:14:57.519 --> 00:15:00.220
Okay, but it is relaxing.

00:15:00.440 --> 00:15:06.379
Yes, like when you come up behind me in the morning and like do the boob thing.

00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:07.620
Every once in a while I get to do that.

00:15:07.639 --> 00:15:08.419
That's a little bit arousing.

00:15:08.700 --> 00:15:09.139
Is it?

00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.100
Yeah, I really like that motion.

00:15:11.240 --> 00:15:11.480
Okay.

00:15:12.039 --> 00:15:17.720
But at night, I think your touch is what calms me.

00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:20.960
Like it brings me...

00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:25.299
Like sometimes I've had a little too much caffeine during the day or something along those lines, right?

00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.539
And I think, you know, when...

00:15:28.539 --> 00:15:41.779
And I have told you this since we met, like the first time I hugged you, like the image that I get in my head of the best way to describe this is we're in the middle of a tornado and everything is like whirling around us, right?

00:15:41.820 --> 00:15:44.679
And then you touch me and everything just calms down.

00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:50.000
Like you are almost like what grounds me to some extent or your touch or whatever.

00:15:50.820 --> 00:15:57.399
And that's a big part of why like when we lived in the house, when you would come home, I would make sure that we hugged for at least 30 seconds.

00:15:57.600 --> 00:15:57.700
Sure.

00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:06.100
Not that I was timing it, but because that is like the amount of time it just takes for everything to kind of settle in and relax.

00:16:06.100 --> 00:16:07.620
But that is more of what that does.

00:16:07.700 --> 00:16:10.279
It like relaxes me and it's like it triggers something in my brain.

00:16:10.379 --> 00:16:11.440
Okay, it's time to go to sleep.

00:16:11.580 --> 00:16:13.179
It's time to relax, shut your brain down.

00:16:13.580 --> 00:16:16.700
It doesn't always work, but it always is better than before you did it.

00:16:16.779 --> 00:16:17.139
Okay.

00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:20.340
And then to that, I would like to say this, okay?

00:16:20.980 --> 00:16:23.620
And this is just hitting me right here, right now.

00:16:24.100 --> 00:16:25.720
That since we started...

00:16:25.720 --> 00:16:26.500
Breaking news.

00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:26.759
Yeah.

00:16:27.220 --> 00:16:46.480
Since we started that thing, that ritual, that nighttime, whatever we do, since we started that, I feel that you don't have 15 drastically different things to ask me and tell me and all the things.

00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:55.340
I think that for the most part, we go to bed with just a little back and forth, right?

00:16:56.039 --> 00:17:01.700
And not as much hectic as previous to doing that.

00:17:02.139 --> 00:17:03.059
What do you think about that?

00:17:03.059 --> 00:17:03.339
I would agree.

00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:05.559
I think that we still...

00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:05.940
Fascinating.

00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:06.838
I would think that...

00:17:06.838 --> 00:17:08.519
I think that we still do have...

00:17:08.519 --> 00:17:11.480
Sometimes there are nights where we still do have a lot of conversation.

00:17:12.019 --> 00:17:15.098
Like we can go to bed at 10 and we don't actually go to sleep till 11.

00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:17.259
Or sometimes we go to bed at 10.

00:17:17.460 --> 00:17:18.539
We're having conversation.

00:17:18.700 --> 00:17:20.858
I fall asleep at 10, 15 and he's still talking.

00:17:21.078 --> 00:17:21.618
And I'm still talking.

00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:24.460
I'm mid-sentence and...

00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:26.740
And that's okay.

00:17:26.980 --> 00:17:31.480
Oh, and by the way, your snoring is drastically decreased since working out.

00:17:31.480 --> 00:17:33.440
Do you think that has anything to do with quitting smoking?

00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:35.200
Yes, probably.

00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:38.380
I am a non-smoker for anybody that was keeping track.

00:17:38.660 --> 00:17:40.880
I know in July...

00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:42.079
What month are we in?

00:17:42.099 --> 00:17:42.400
February?

00:17:42.539 --> 00:17:43.480
July will be a year.

00:17:44.359 --> 00:17:45.140
Holy shit.

00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:46.299
But yeah.

00:17:46.420 --> 00:17:46.900
That's crazy.

00:17:47.019 --> 00:17:47.140
Yeah.

00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:48.640
Sorry.

00:17:48.759 --> 00:17:50.799
I think that's just an observation that I made.

00:17:50.940 --> 00:17:51.140
Yeah.

00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:55.359
And I think that we should keep doing that because I think it's good for both of us.

00:17:55.640 --> 00:17:56.599
It affects me too.

00:17:56.759 --> 00:17:57.019
Yeah.

00:17:57.240 --> 00:17:57.640
No, I know.

00:17:57.680 --> 00:17:58.059
Absolutely.

00:17:58.500 --> 00:17:58.599
Because you moan.

00:17:58.900 --> 00:18:00.180
I get to...

00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:02.619
No, you don't.

00:18:02.799 --> 00:18:03.480
I get to touch you.

00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:05.039
I get to feel your curves.

00:18:05.180 --> 00:18:06.000
I get to...

00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:09.980
But then I get to be the person that calms you.

00:18:10.119 --> 00:18:10.240
Yep.

00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:12.180
That is a fucking privilege.

00:18:12.619 --> 00:18:13.059
Right?

00:18:13.460 --> 00:18:15.220
And I take that pretty seriously.

00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:15.660
Yeah.

00:18:15.980 --> 00:18:16.240
Right?

00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:18.940
It's kind of fun time.

00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:19.299
Yeah.

00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:22.880
But it's more calming you down.

00:18:24.420 --> 00:18:24.859
Sorry.

00:18:24.859 --> 00:18:25.359
I like that.

00:18:25.420 --> 00:18:26.599
My hair is triggering the tism.

00:18:26.900 --> 00:18:27.700
Oh, I'm sorry.

00:18:27.799 --> 00:18:29.000
I'm sorry if that offends anybody.

00:18:29.180 --> 00:18:30.180
I don't mean it to be offensive.

00:18:30.180 --> 00:18:32.720
But I seriously also on this same topic.

00:18:32.940 --> 00:18:34.359
Okay, you say what you're going to say.

00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:38.259
I'm just going to say because you're at the heightened thing right now.

00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:40.700
Everything is bothering you like my breathing.

00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:42.539
No, your breathing isn't bothering me today.

00:18:43.140 --> 00:18:45.099
No, but my hair just touches me a certain way.

00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:45.460
Sometimes.

00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:46.059
I don't know.

00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:47.900
I don't know how to explain how I feel.

00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:56.380
Sometimes things that normally didn't bother me just make me want to fucking rip my eyelashes out one at a time.

00:18:56.420 --> 00:18:59.259
Like, I don't know how else to explain how it makes me feel.

00:18:59.259 --> 00:19:09.420
And my only, you know, I went to the doctor probably almost a year ago to have my blood pressure checked because I had quit smoking, right?

00:19:09.640 --> 00:19:09.940
Yes.

00:19:10.279 --> 00:19:12.480
So it hasn't been a year because it was.

00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:15.539
Anyway, I went to the doctor.

00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:25.039
My blood pressure without smoking was two points above where it needed to be on the top number and they suggested that I continue with blood pressure medicine.

00:19:25.039 --> 00:19:35.019
I did for 90 days and now I quit taking it because I am exercising and I think two points is not, and I monitor it at home.

00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:38.819
I haven't recently, but it's been fine without the medicine.

00:19:40.059 --> 00:19:41.440
Maybe a dangerous game to play.

00:19:41.539 --> 00:19:42.019
I don't know.

00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:43.180
I also don't.

00:19:43.319 --> 00:19:44.339
How do you know your body?

00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:49.220
Yes, and I feel much better since we've been working out.

00:19:49.900 --> 00:19:58.200
But I mean, even just the conversation that I'm just having now, like I have all these thoughts in my brain and I'm sure it's ADD and I've heard that ADD can get worse the older you get.

00:19:59.819 --> 00:20:06.799
I will tell you if there's anything I can say with a hundred percent certainty, I don't want to end up like my giver of life.

00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:12.819
I can solidly say that you are not anything like.

00:20:14.059 --> 00:20:15.200
Yeah, there's a lot.

00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:16.140
You're giver of life.

00:20:16.279 --> 00:20:16.460
Yes.

00:20:16.559 --> 00:20:27.339
There's a lot of, a lot of things that I don't, things that I hope aren't genetic, but the whole perimetopause thing scares me a little bit.

00:20:28.019 --> 00:20:36.200
I sometimes feel like my hormones are way out of whack or sometimes like it seems like it's even more intense now.

00:20:36.380 --> 00:20:45.920
Like if there's negativity in the bus, I just draw it to me and nobody keep track of how many times I said like.

00:20:46.819 --> 00:20:47.259
That's okay.

00:20:47.559 --> 00:20:48.359
It drives me nuts.

00:20:48.359 --> 00:20:54.799
I think it's, I think it's, I hope anyways that it's helpful that we're talking about this like this.

00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:55.160
Yes.

00:20:55.319 --> 00:20:55.500
Right.

00:20:55.619 --> 00:20:55.980
It is.

00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:02.240
And I believe that you are being open about what you're feeling, how you're feeling and all that.

00:21:02.299 --> 00:21:05.460
I think it's, I think it's important for you to talk about it.

00:21:05.599 --> 00:21:08.700
Well, I'm appreciative that you just listen and you're understanding.

00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:12.279
And sometimes when I'm being a little hard on myself, you make an excuse for me.

00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:14.980
So I appreciate that.

00:21:14.980 --> 00:21:18.500
In those moments, you're more hard on yourself than you really need to be.

00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:24.380
Because no one's expecting ABC from you, you know?

00:21:24.619 --> 00:21:24.940
I know.

00:21:25.259 --> 00:21:28.779
So, but I feel like, I don't know.

00:21:28.859 --> 00:21:30.960
Sometimes I just feel like a big failure at things.

00:21:31.940 --> 00:21:35.859
And then other days I'm like, I'm kicking fucking ass today.

00:21:35.859 --> 00:21:36.779
That's the one right there.

00:21:36.859 --> 00:21:37.039
I know.

00:21:37.099 --> 00:21:38.420
I don't know how to harness that one all the time.

00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:46.640
So here's, let me just quickly, here's what Google AI suggests for for strategies.

00:21:46.660 --> 00:21:46.960
Yeah.

00:21:47.019 --> 00:21:48.400
Oh, I thought I wasn't supposed to say AI.

00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:49.259
I thought I was in trouble.

00:21:49.539 --> 00:21:50.019
No, no, you're good.

00:21:50.180 --> 00:21:52.240
Strategies for a female-led relationship dynamic.

00:21:53.299 --> 00:21:54.779
One, lead with education.

00:21:55.960 --> 00:21:57.799
Hence, the podcast.

00:21:57.880 --> 00:21:58.940
This and other things.

00:21:58.980 --> 00:21:59.859
Yes, a hundred percent.

00:21:59.880 --> 00:22:02.039
Get your information from all the different places.

00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:10.039
And then, like we say all the time, get your information from all the different places and what works for you.

00:22:10.180 --> 00:22:11.859
Yeah, we certainly are not.

00:22:12.279 --> 00:22:12.680
No.

00:22:12.680 --> 00:22:14.539
We're just talking about what works for us.

00:22:15.619 --> 00:22:21.799
Yeah, but it says use your leadership role to research and educate your partner about your symptoms so they don't take your mood shifts personally.

00:22:22.099 --> 00:22:34.660
And I think also, especially the last couple weeks, I have been very, I have tried to be very intentional about, like sometimes my text messages, I will send it and then I look at it and then I'm like, ooh, that was really bitchy.

00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:39.900
Like the PayPal card thing where I was like, well, you have all, and I did not mean it that way.

00:22:40.180 --> 00:22:41.660
You started with perfect.

00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:44.019
That's true.

00:22:44.700 --> 00:22:52.660
So I sensed a little disgust with yourself at the time, but I mean, what are you going to do?

00:22:53.119 --> 00:22:53.480
Perfect.

00:22:55.680 --> 00:23:00.880
So then I believe I followed that up with, I'm not trying to be bitchy.

00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:02.519
You did, but I understood.

00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:04.240
Adjust your routine.

00:23:04.339 --> 00:23:11.200
If brain fog is high, delegate more administrative tasks to your partner while maintaining final decision making and authority.

00:23:11.900 --> 00:23:13.180
Here's my problem.

00:23:14.539 --> 00:23:15.799
I can delegate.

00:23:16.900 --> 00:23:21.480
I just need him to do it exactly how I would do it.

00:23:23.500 --> 00:23:23.900
However.

00:23:24.519 --> 00:23:25.680
But I've gotten better.

00:23:25.839 --> 00:23:26.039
Right.

00:23:26.259 --> 00:23:28.039
Because I folded your laundry.

00:23:28.099 --> 00:23:28.519
You did.

00:23:29.019 --> 00:23:29.859
The other day.

00:23:30.059 --> 00:23:30.460
Yes.

00:23:30.819 --> 00:23:33.079
And you just thanked me, right?

00:23:33.259 --> 00:23:33.420
Yep.

00:23:33.539 --> 00:23:35.259
You probably fixed it a little bit.

00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:36.059
No, I didn't.

00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:36.279
Oh.

00:23:36.460 --> 00:23:36.640
Nope.

00:23:36.819 --> 00:23:37.519
Well, there you go.

00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:38.740
Look at you letting loose.

00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:39.180
I know.

00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:42.819
Woo! Next thing you know, you'll be doing the dishes.

00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:43.359
Maybe.

00:23:43.779 --> 00:23:44.220
Maybe.

00:23:44.420 --> 00:23:45.359
One can hope.

00:23:46.900 --> 00:23:47.339
Maybe.

00:23:47.440 --> 00:23:48.339
I've done the dishes.

00:23:48.859 --> 00:23:49.660
Wait a minute.

00:23:51.859 --> 00:23:52.299
When?

00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:52.720
I did.

00:23:52.859 --> 00:23:54.440
I just did them the other day.

00:23:54.680 --> 00:23:55.119
Literally.

00:23:56.140 --> 00:23:56.619
Nuh-uh.

00:23:57.420 --> 00:23:58.420
I did a sink floor.

00:23:58.460 --> 00:23:58.700
Remember?

00:23:58.819 --> 00:24:01.200
Because we had to lift the sink up to get the jug out.

00:24:01.619 --> 00:24:02.220
Those dishes.

00:24:02.420 --> 00:24:02.839
Just before that.

00:24:02.980 --> 00:24:05.799
I don't want to say how long those dishes had been in there.

00:24:06.099 --> 00:24:08.819
Anyways, because I just did them.

00:24:09.329 --> 00:24:11.460
I think you were at your daughter's.

00:24:11.579 --> 00:24:11.720
Weird.

00:24:12.259 --> 00:24:12.920
I'm never there.

00:24:13.220 --> 00:24:14.140
Shocker, right?

00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:15.259
Umbilical cord.

00:24:15.339 --> 00:24:16.019
Is it still there?

00:24:16.180 --> 00:24:17.460
No, we're sharing custody.

00:24:17.700 --> 00:24:19.099
She said she gets me on the weekends.

00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:20.279
You get me during the week.

00:24:20.579 --> 00:24:21.779
You think we're kidding?

00:24:22.740 --> 00:24:23.079
That is not.

00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:23.720
Is she serious?

00:24:24.099 --> 00:24:25.799
That is exactly what's happening.

00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:27.180
Not all the time.

00:24:27.460 --> 00:24:27.880
Nope.

00:24:28.140 --> 00:24:28.900
Quite often.

00:24:29.000 --> 00:24:29.259
Yeah.

00:24:29.660 --> 00:24:31.400
She just found out her dog has diabetes.

00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:32.420
I have to be supportive.

00:24:33.480 --> 00:24:33.740
Okay.

00:24:33.819 --> 00:24:35.599
I think, I don't know.

00:24:35.880 --> 00:24:37.599
Listen, I do it for both girls.

00:24:37.740 --> 00:24:37.940
Yeah.

00:24:38.759 --> 00:24:43.039
Anyway, prioritize self-care as a command.

00:24:43.759 --> 00:24:55.779
Frame your need for sleep and self-care as a priority for the benefit or for the health, priority for the health of the relationship leadership.

00:24:56.859 --> 00:24:57.680
I do.

00:24:58.619 --> 00:24:59.440
Go ahead.

00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:00.420
I had a thought.

00:25:00.539 --> 00:25:00.859
No, go.

00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:01.480
No, please.

00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:01.839
Go ahead.

00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:02.559
It's gone.

00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:05.660
Listen, just roll with it.

00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:06.019
Okay.

00:25:06.019 --> 00:25:11.079
I wonder how wrote the book of love.

00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:11.460
Huh?

00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:13.299
Yes, exactly.

00:25:14.180 --> 00:25:16.759
God, I fucking love doing this.

00:25:17.880 --> 00:25:26.359
I wonder where if there's a gray line of some sort between like a perimenopause and depression.

00:25:27.980 --> 00:25:31.839
Do those do those things intertwine?

00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:34.019
I will tell you one spark the other.

00:25:34.380 --> 00:25:35.079
I will tell you.

00:25:35.079 --> 00:25:35.839
Yeah, it could.

00:25:36.599 --> 00:25:45.880
I will tell you from somebody who was literally on antidepressants for their entire life from the age of 14.

00:25:46.079 --> 00:25:46.660
Until me.

00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:49.920
Listen, you can't take all the credit.

00:25:50.140 --> 00:25:51.019
Just take that credit.

00:25:51.140 --> 00:25:51.900
I don't think it's you.

00:25:52.019 --> 00:25:53.220
I think it's our relationship.

00:25:53.380 --> 00:25:53.700
Yes.

00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:54.539
Yes.

00:25:55.299 --> 00:25:55.720
Anyways.

00:25:55.900 --> 00:25:56.660
Which you suggested.

00:25:56.740 --> 00:25:57.019
I'm sorry.

00:25:57.420 --> 00:25:59.900
Anyway, why would you do this to me when you know?

00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:01.740
Did you not see the one up here?

00:26:01.859 --> 00:26:03.779
It says communicate and listen.

00:26:03.940 --> 00:26:04.039
No.

00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:04.779
Okay.

00:26:04.779 --> 00:26:10.819
I'm sorry, but I will say some and even I have been on them with you that winter that we were in the apartment.

00:26:11.059 --> 00:26:13.140
I was way bad.

00:26:13.339 --> 00:26:13.559
Well.

00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:15.400
I'm not.

00:26:15.579 --> 00:26:16.619
That had to do with the winter.

00:26:16.980 --> 00:26:19.099
So winter blues here in Minnesota.

00:26:19.339 --> 00:26:20.599
And I was mad that we weren't gone.

00:26:20.859 --> 00:26:21.019
Yep.

00:26:21.180 --> 00:26:21.420
Yep.

00:26:21.420 --> 00:26:21.599
Yep.

00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:21.779
Yep.

00:26:21.859 --> 00:26:23.900
And then I wasn't around quite a bit.

00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:24.180
Yep.

00:26:24.640 --> 00:26:25.940
So you're stuck in this apartment.

00:26:26.220 --> 00:26:26.420
Yep.

00:26:27.059 --> 00:26:29.640
And there's no reason we don't have to discuss why.

00:26:29.859 --> 00:26:30.920
I'm just saying that.

00:26:31.019 --> 00:26:31.720
Yes, there was.

00:26:31.980 --> 00:26:33.059
It was circumstantial.

00:26:33.079 --> 00:26:33.680
I think.

00:26:33.799 --> 00:26:33.900
Yeah.

00:26:35.059 --> 00:26:36.960
It wasn't chemical circumstance.

00:26:37.319 --> 00:26:41.519
Yes, because I was on them and then I met you and then I went to college or whatever.

00:26:41.700 --> 00:26:47.460
I got off of them and then I went back on them and I think I was only on them until we were full-time in the camper.

00:26:47.680 --> 00:26:50.319
And then I think I went off of them again, whatever it is.

00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:55.460
Because we were around each other 24 7 and we've not stopped for years.

00:26:55.839 --> 00:27:00.960
Yes, and I've only told him one time in the entirety of our relationship that is breathing aggravated me.

00:27:01.240 --> 00:27:02.380
So we're doing good.

00:27:02.380 --> 00:27:02.960
We're doing all right.

00:27:03.059 --> 00:27:03.259
We're doing.

00:27:03.900 --> 00:27:10.220
But I will tell you that I don't feel now like I felt then you know what I'm saying?

00:27:10.279 --> 00:27:12.200
Like it feels different for me.

00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:13.799
Does that mean it feels different for everyone?

00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:17.799
No, I don't necessarily feel sad or depressed.

00:27:17.819 --> 00:27:23.880
I mean, there's times where like my age really scares me and sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to die.

00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:26.640
Well, I'm not I'm in my 40s.

00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:27.140
Fuck sakes.

00:27:27.259 --> 00:27:27.819
I'm not.

00:27:27.900 --> 00:27:29.400
Yeah, I'm not 90, right?

00:27:29.500 --> 00:27:32.299
Yeah, I don't have a date of death Steve.

00:27:32.299 --> 00:27:34.900
We'll have to get together and talk about when I can schedule that.

00:27:35.059 --> 00:27:35.799
No, just kidding.

00:27:36.519 --> 00:27:37.400
Best not to know.

00:27:37.500 --> 00:27:48.140
No, it is, but I think it's just like I feel, I think the biggest thing I feel is I feel terrible that I didn't treat my body better.

00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:49.460
You know what I mean?

00:27:49.559 --> 00:27:53.859
And I don't necessarily feel, I don't feel depressed.

00:27:54.339 --> 00:27:58.640
If I was, if I think if I was depressed personally, I would not get up and go to the gym in the morning.

00:27:58.640 --> 00:27:59.339
Oh, a hundred percent.

00:27:59.640 --> 00:28:00.460
And I agree.

00:28:00.619 --> 00:28:01.539
I think they're separate.

00:28:01.539 --> 00:28:08.160
Right now when I'm fighting the hormonal part of it, I think is like, you know, when the, when I went to the doctor, I think this was supposed to be part of my whole thing.

00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:13.400
I said something about, you know, my knees and my hips have really been kind of achy and she said, oh, how old are you?

00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:18.859
I'm like, so I will say this.

00:28:19.180 --> 00:28:19.579
Salt wound.

00:28:19.700 --> 00:28:30.000
Yeah, I will say this, you know, another thing it says after the prior prioritized self-care as as a command, it says seek support hormone replacement therapy.

00:28:30.099 --> 00:28:30.779
I will not.

00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:33.599
That's touchy, huh?

00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:35.519
No, I don't know that I will ever do anything.

00:28:35.660 --> 00:28:36.480
I feel like my body.

00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:39.619
For anyone, that could be a touchy thing.

00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:41.839
Yeah, I'm not saying nobody should do it.

00:28:41.980 --> 00:28:46.680
I just don't know if the side effects, again, I know nothing about it.

00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:48.059
I know nothing about it.

00:28:48.559 --> 00:29:01.700
I know that I don't like to take pills and I know that's stupid as someone who takes Advil like it's candy once a month, but I don't know like my blood pressure medicine.

00:29:01.880 --> 00:29:12.900
I just didn't want to take it and the first time I was on my blood pressure medicine though, when I was smoking, I felt so much better when I took it.

00:29:13.180 --> 00:29:15.559
I did not notice a difference at all.

00:29:16.200 --> 00:29:18.240
Now that doesn't mean that it's not benefiting me.

00:29:18.500 --> 00:29:22.980
I understand that and I understand that I sound a little woo-woo-y and that's not my intention.

00:29:23.319 --> 00:29:26.660
I am very much a firm believer though of listening to my body.

00:29:26.660 --> 00:29:35.519
Yep, and I feel like my body has always given me enough warning when something is wrong.

00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:36.819
You know what I mean?

00:29:36.920 --> 00:29:44.220
And I have faith that if something was awry, it would give me a warning signal in enough time to seek help.

00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:46.140
Do I think that that's a little bit naive?

00:29:46.299 --> 00:29:50.559
Like obviously there are heart attacks called Widowmakers and things like that.

00:29:50.619 --> 00:30:07.559
I understand the consequences of my decisions when I say that but I just believe that us working out is going to help a ton. I do think my anxiety is a little bit worse, but I don't know that I need to take a medicine for that.

00:30:07.940 --> 00:30:09.660
Anyway, we got way off track.

00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:11.619
I have no interest in hormone therapy.

00:30:11.779 --> 00:30:12.900
That doesn't mean I never will.

00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:15.160
That doesn't mean I won't do research on it.

00:30:15.460 --> 00:30:19.160
I just choose not to necessarily discuss that.

00:30:19.259 --> 00:30:19.460
Sure.

00:30:19.640 --> 00:30:20.980
I will not be doing it.

00:30:21.099 --> 00:30:21.500
Okay.

00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:22.559
I don't think.

00:30:22.759 --> 00:30:22.960
Yeah.

00:30:23.660 --> 00:30:24.440
And I don't know.

00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:27.200
Oh, look, they even use emotional roller coaster.

00:30:27.980 --> 00:30:30.440
I use the, what did I say?

00:30:30.539 --> 00:30:31.460
The Hot Mess Express.

00:30:31.700 --> 00:30:31.940
Yes.

00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:32.680
Same, same.

00:30:33.579 --> 00:30:36.059
Maybe I've been going through this since we started the podcast.

00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:37.599
Maybe.

00:30:40.059 --> 00:30:40.700
Interesting though.

00:30:40.819 --> 00:30:41.140
I don't know.

00:30:41.220 --> 00:30:44.460
I will tell, I will say this though as far as me saying I don't like to take pills.

00:30:44.599 --> 00:30:55.339
I do take fish oil pills and I take two of them a day and I will tell you that when I don't take them, I can tell a difference.

00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:57.059
The brain fog is ridiculous.

00:30:57.440 --> 00:30:58.099
It's terrible.

00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:03.740
I feel much better when I take them and it also cut one of my cholesterol numbers.

00:31:03.839 --> 00:31:06.579
I don't know which one it was specifically because I also have high cholesterol.

00:31:06.980 --> 00:31:07.420
Shocker.

00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:10.960
It cut it in half.

00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:12.960
It was literally three something and it cut it.

00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:14.839
It was 145 on my last blood work.

00:31:15.019 --> 00:31:17.339
So and the only thing that's changed is my.

00:31:17.700 --> 00:31:20.279
But but that's not like a pharmaceutical.

00:31:20.720 --> 00:31:21.559
No, it's a supplement.

00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:22.900
But so it's a supplement.

00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:23.180
Yep.

00:31:23.180 --> 00:31:31.880
So that's different than being hopped up on a lot of pharmaceuticals and I'm you know, I'm not saying one way or the other on that.

00:31:32.140 --> 00:31:45.380
I my personal thing is I don't want to be on a bunch of pills, but I understand the necessity for it for some people and and I understand you can just close that.

00:31:45.859 --> 00:31:51.380
Okay, I understand that some people are cool with that and that's fine to not judging.

00:31:51.380 --> 00:31:53.059
We listen and we don't judge.

00:31:53.339 --> 00:31:55.519
No, there will be no judging.

00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:58.660
No, and and that's the that's the biggest thing too.

00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:10.720
It's not the biggest thing but that is one of the reasons that I enjoy talking to people about the relationship dynamics, right? Like that was a big part of why I loved the campground.

00:32:11.319 --> 00:32:46.660
Yeah, I fuck the owners and I will never go back but we met some phenomenal people and it was so fun to meet people when they would come on the weekends and just I could just hear about their experiences and learn, you know, when the neighbors were there and we used to get to sit on their deck and just talk about like I really love hearing about what type of life people enjoy living and why they enjoy it and what works for them. It's not because I you know, it might not be for me this lifestyle might not be for you.

00:32:47.079 --> 00:32:49.460
Right, but you don't you don't know if it's of any interest.

00:32:49.559 --> 00:32:50.700
You don't know till you try it.

00:32:50.980 --> 00:32:58.900
Right a hundred percent and if anyone has anything to add to the perimetopause chit chat.

00:32:59.799 --> 00:33:02.799
I know for a while a couple years few years ago.

00:33:02.819 --> 00:33:04.940
I was getting a lot of emails or not a lot.

00:33:05.059 --> 00:33:27.380
I got a few emails about how this dynamic can work once there is no drive for the PIV or that type of intimacy and we could do a whole we could probably do another episode or whatever on just the intimacy aspect and what intimacy can look like like a difference the different, you know, this is just a part one.

00:33:27.500 --> 00:33:49.279
I think yeah, we're going to be talking about this often on and in the future if anybody has anything that they want me specifically to address if we were to do a second part to this you can reach me by email or any of my social media inboxes or any of those things or my website all that if you do it on buzzsprout and do the fan mail just know I cannot respond to you.

00:33:49.480 --> 00:33:51.559
But we will respond probably in an episode.

00:33:51.900 --> 00:33:52.059
Yep.

00:33:52.259 --> 00:33:55.500
I think we will keep doing those because I think it's kind of cool that we can read it.

00:33:55.799 --> 00:33:59.859
Sometimes they make me giggle but I don't have anything else to add.

00:33:59.940 --> 00:34:03.240
I mean, is there anything else that I don't think so.

00:34:03.539 --> 00:34:18.139
I think that this relationship is far beyond a PIV type relationship, which is interesting because when we started this we had talked about how sometimes we needed to we needed to plug in to connect and I think that because I was away more I bet.

00:34:18.500 --> 00:34:19.139
Yeah, that's true.

00:34:19.300 --> 00:34:21.159
Yeah, because you were doing tile the distance.

00:34:21.380 --> 00:34:23.880
Yeah, so we had to reconnect that way.

00:34:24.159 --> 00:34:31.670
No, we're fucking together all I wouldn't have it any other way when either I really like being with him.

00:34:32.849 --> 00:34:36.170
Ask me tomorrow, but we don't I probably shouldn't breathe.

00:34:38.210 --> 00:34:39.630
That's going to be the new thing.

00:34:39.750 --> 00:34:46.510
Yeah, it's my fucking podcast and your breathing aggravates me. There's the opener.

00:34:47.329 --> 00:34:47.889
Stop breathing.

00:34:50.070 --> 00:34:50.929
All I see is you.

00:34:54.510 --> 00:34:55.530
I don't know.

00:34:55.610 --> 00:34:57.010
Is there anything else that you can think of?

00:34:57.210 --> 00:34:58.849
I don't know but this will be continued.

00:34:59.010 --> 00:35:09.710
I'm sure because we'll come across things and emails will come in maybe or comments on TikTok and Twitter and stuff and yeah, we can we can revisit at a later date.

00:35:09.909 --> 00:35:10.289
Absolutely.

00:35:10.289 --> 00:35:12.909
I think this is a valid topic.

00:35:13.449 --> 00:35:14.710
This was a fun one to do.

00:35:14.909 --> 00:35:17.150
Yeah to talk about my crazy hormones.

00:35:17.969 --> 00:35:18.630
Just kidding.

00:35:18.829 --> 00:35:19.110
Not crazy.

00:35:19.389 --> 00:35:20.130
I didn't say I was crazy.

00:35:20.230 --> 00:35:21.309
I said my hormones are crazy.

00:35:21.449 --> 00:35:22.409
All your hormones are crazy.

00:35:22.510 --> 00:35:23.329
Fucking crazy.

00:35:24.130 --> 00:35:25.829
If you're crazy then our crazies match.

00:35:25.909 --> 00:35:26.489
So how's that?

00:35:26.610 --> 00:35:27.309
Yeah, that's true.

00:35:28.130 --> 00:35:29.130
The Deadpool reference.

00:35:31.489 --> 00:35:32.389
Are we done then?

00:35:32.489 --> 00:35:33.150
I think we might be.

00:35:33.670 --> 00:35:34.710
I think we might have exhausted it.

00:35:34.750 --> 00:35:35.889
We're off the rails.

00:35:36.090 --> 00:35:36.230
Yeah.

00:35:37.030 --> 00:35:38.030
Thank you all for listening.

00:35:38.030 --> 00:35:42.750
I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as we did recording it. It was fun.

00:35:42.909 --> 00:35:44.269
I love when you make me laugh.

00:35:45.889 --> 00:35:48.150
One of my gifts I get to give.

00:35:48.909 --> 00:35:50.329
Have a fantastic week.

00:35:50.590 --> 00:35:51.489
Be good human beings.

00:35:51.690 --> 00:35:52.150
Show grace.

00:35:52.230 --> 00:35:52.750
Be kind.

00:35:52.889 --> 00:35:53.849
I love you all.