Aug. 24, 2025
0506 Female Led Relationships: The Importance of Money Matters
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me! Today we’re diving into one of the most overlooked—but absolutely crucial—parts of any FLR dynamic: financial control. Who holds the money? Who decides how it gets spent? And how do we build structure around money without turning it into a battlefield? Spoiler alert: I hold the debit card. And it’s not just about power—it’s about respect, ritual, and responsibility. What I Talk About in This Episode: Why dominance isn’t just i...
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me!
Today we’re diving into one of the most overlooked—but absolutely crucial—parts of any FLR dynamic: financial control.
Who holds the money? Who decides how it gets spent? And how do we build structure around money without turning it into a battlefield?
Spoiler alert: I hold the debit card. And it’s not just about power—it’s about respect, ritual, and responsibility.
What I Talk About in This Episode:
- Why dominance isn’t just in the play—it’s in the practice
- Real-life examples from our FLR money rituals
- How communication builds trust around finances
- What to do when your sub tops from the bottom (and how to recover)
- Weekly money check-ins as emotional regulation tools
- Chore-based point systems that build structure without infantilizing
- How I reclaimed my power after years of being the “default manager”
- The deep emotional empowerment that comes from owning the finances
“You don’t have to be a CPA to run an FLR household. You just need trust, clarity, and the confidence to say, ‘This is what’s best for us—and I’m deciding it.’”“We forget that holding the money is a kink for some of us. It’s symbolic. It’s ritual. And it’s real fucking power.”
Five Tips for Starting a Financial Control Dynamic:
- Start with a conversation, not a command. Ask, but be firm.
- Define clear categories. Needs, wants, fun, rituals.
- Set financial rituals. Weekly check-ins, allowance transfers, updates.
- Use symbolic tools. Apps, charts, envelopes, or even a ritual wallet.
- Reinforce with structure. Consistency is where confidence is built.
Listener Invitation:
Got rituals around money? Creative systems that work for your FLR?
Tell me. I want to hear it all. Your ideas may inspire an upcoming episode (confidentiality always respected).
- KrystineKellogg@gmail.com
- DM me on socials
- Or join
https://www.krystinekellogg.com/
Email Me! KrystineKellogg@Gmail.com
Want to support the podcast and be involved with the behind-the-scenes, including voting on episode topics, as well as tiptoe with me into this whole "coaching" thing. Find my Patreon HERE!
Keywords:
domestic discipline, female led relationship dynamics, accountability, communication, people pleaser, personal growth, female led relationship challenges, discipline strategies, humor in relationships, shared growth, female led relationship advice, discipline and play, understanding in partnerships, personal anecdotes, physical touch, relationship rules, partnership growth, podcast insights, female-led relationships, submissive rewards, holiday appreciation, partner devotion, relationship dynamics,, control and appreciation, partner confidence, submissive devotion, unique dynamics, balance of control, partner nurturing, relationship empowerment, submissive strength.pegging, female-led relationship, kink, empowerment, dominance, submission, ass play, emotional connection, intimacy, power play, strap-on, control
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.139
Well, here I am to tell you there's been a car accident in my pants. No survivors.
00:00:18.460 --> 00:00:32.960
Welcome back. Here I am. I have notes today because today my brain is not functioning so I need all the help I can get. So buckle up because today we're going to talk about money.
00:00:34.179 --> 00:00:46.039
But we're going to talk about control, who should control the money, what that looks like, and maybe some stigmas that are floating around around the woman being in control of the money.
00:00:47.500 --> 00:00:53.859
I cannot think of any housekeeping, but just in case I'm going to say housekeeping.
00:00:56.200 --> 00:01:03.560
Just kidding. The ladies groups have kind of been on pause due to my overwhelmed feeling.
00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:07.060
I'm going to try and get those up and going. I just don't know when that's going to occur.
00:01:07.420 --> 00:01:10.859
And that's all it is. That's all I can say. I don't know what else to say about it.
00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:17.120
But they're not gone forever. They will be back. I just don't have a date for you.
00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:22.019
I think that's it for housekeeping. I'm going to dive right into the topic.
00:01:26.540 --> 00:01:42.359
So many of you asked me about caging, pegging, rituals, all of that. But I think that we lose sight of how much control I have just by holding the debit card. I'm in control of all of the money.
00:01:43.219 --> 00:01:59.560
So on that note, there needs to be clarity about the rules, about bills, fun money, long-term goals, things like that. That all needs to be very clear. And that's where communication comes in. The dom needs to feel respected. Respect is huge for me.
00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:31.840
There can't be any sneaky purchases or kickback or pushback. That is one way to very quickly ruin a female-led relationship. And we must have been on a live on TikTok where we talked about this and somebody had asked how that happened. And it was a couple who had been in a female-led relationship and the submissive topped from the bottom in a pretty intense way, I think.
00:02:32.120 --> 00:02:39.939
And the dominant then decided that she would give it another go, but then she abused her power.
00:02:40.699 --> 00:03:09.349
She was angry and she was using anger in an inappropriate way, I think is probably the best way to say it. And it put a big divide. And that's the type of female-led relationship where they go awry and it can be terrible. And people see that and they think that that's how all female-led relationships are. Power isn't just expressed in play. It's affirmed in practice.
00:03:10.810 --> 00:05:06.560
I really like that a lot. It kind of goes back to those rituals. Things have been significantly better for us since we have implemented certain rituals into our day-to-day. And I will tell you, it throws me off if Sabi forgets one of them or whatever it is. They are very important. I also feel like, just for us, it's mandatory. We just had this conversation in the car yesterday that mentally it puts us both back where we need to be. And it is mandatory for our female-led relationship to function in a way that we both thrive. Okay, so let's talk about five tips for starting a financial control dynamic. Start with a conversation, not a command. How would it feel if I took charge of our budget for a month? I think it's very important when communicating with your partner that you ask questions or propose things in a manner that shows you care about their opinion. Yes, this is a dumb sub-relationship, but you need to have that consent, and you need to make sure you're both on the same page. And I very much care about my Sabi's feelings about how we live our female-led relationship. So when asking a question, you don't want to be controlling about it. When you're setting up these guidelines, it needs to be an even playing field, and you should care about their feedback. And you should want to hear what they have to say and what's going to work for them, because it needs to work for both of you, or it won't be successful. Define clear categories. Needs, wants, fun, and ritual. I could reward my Sabi for performing the rituals that I have required of him, if finances allowed. If you do this every day for a month, here's $200.
00:05:07.259 --> 00:06:13.870
Just as an example, set rituals, weekly financial check-ins, allowance transfers, and spending updates. Even if you're not in a female-led relationship, I think sitting down and having weekly check-ins just on the financial aspect of things is important. Life tends to get in the way for us, and sometimes we just forget until we're putting out fires. That is pretty much how we survive. We're in fight or flight, and we're just putting out fires, because there's never enough time in the day, and there's never enough money in the bank account. So having conversations on where you're at, it's very helpful for me, because sometimes I forget things, sometimes he forgets things, and we sit down, we have the conversation. Okay, this is where we need to be in our current situation. It's this fire needs to be put out first, because it's the biggest, and then we go on from there. Thankfully, those conversations are not overly uncomfortable. We have gotten to a place where we can have those conversations, and one thing about us is we're very much a team.
00:06:15.110 --> 00:06:41.370
We don't necessarily fight about money, and we don't necessarily, we don't really fight anyway, but the biggest point of contention for us is really, at the end of the day, in the core of it, him seeing my potential and me not. Me not being driven to succeed in certain areas, and him seeing my potential and seeing me piss it away.
00:06:42.970 --> 00:06:55.189
Sabi, I hear you. But these conversations about where money needs to go when we do have it tend to go very smoothly. We are a team. We are very agreeable on that aspect.
00:06:58.529 --> 00:08:20.370
Consider symbolic tools. Spreadsheets, budgeting apps, physical envelopes, or chore-based point systems. The chore, I really like the chore-based point systems, and again, immediately I go to my Sabi is not a child, but it offers the structure that I need to maintain. Structure is important to me, and a lot of times I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Structure, structure, structure. I need it. So I think having a chore-based, a chore-based point system or something along those lines, and having it documented somewhere is going to be very helpful, especially in the beginning when you're not accustomed to exactly how this is going to work. And having it all documented will also allow you to go back and say, I don't know that this really worked. We should try this. And then you have documentation to see how that worked. And that's what, you know, with those weekly check-ins, go over that documentation and see what you think is working, what your Sabi thinks is working, and see how you can tweak it and make it work better for you. When I started stepping into financial authority, especially in my current relationship, I was doing all of this in my previous relationship. It just wasn't labeled and I wasn't receiving respect. I also wasn't, I just wasn't receiving respect, period.
00:08:21.170 --> 00:08:54.690
It was just expected of me. There was no appreciation for it either. I am the one that kept our family going for a lot of years. And my cup felt empty a lot in my previous relationship. So once I got into this dynamic and I took control, I realized this is, this is something I've always done, but now it has a name and I feel respected for doing it. And I feel empowered for doing it. I've never felt more empowered than I do in our dynamic.
00:08:57.309 --> 00:09:26.970
This is my closing message for you. You don't have to be a CPA to run an FLR household. You just need trust, clarity, and the confidence to say, this is what's best for us. I'm deciding it, not debating it. That will be very empowering. If you can say that and stand behind it and meet it and feel it, you will be amazed at how empowering it is and how much confidence you feel and just being firm in your decision and having the confidence in your choice.
00:09:29.629 --> 00:10:01.409
I invite you all, if you listen to this and you have ideas, suggestions, any rituals that you currently do, share them with me. We can talk about them on a podcast episode if I can keep it discreet, I can keep it confidential. But if you're listening to this and you have ideas, tips, tricks, anything like that, please, please reach out to me. You can DM on socials. You can send me an email, christinekellogg at gmail.com. You can join my Patreon and DM me there. Whatever's easiest for you, but I do love, I love hearing from you.
00:10:01.730 --> 00:10:26.450
All of the things that I've said previous in this episode, please know that I am so beyond grateful for everybody that listens to my podcast and takes the time to reach out and tell me how I've helped their dynamic or just help them in general or ask me questions. I love talking to all of you. So please don't hesitate to reach out. I hope you all have a fantastic week. I love you all. Take care, be good humans and be safe.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.139
Well, here I am to tell you there's been a car accident in my pants. No survivors.
00:00:18.460 --> 00:00:32.960
Welcome back. Here I am. I have notes today because today my brain is not functioning so I need all the help I can get. So buckle up because today we're going to talk about money.
00:00:34.179 --> 00:00:46.039
But we're going to talk about control, who should control the money, what that looks like, and maybe some stigmas that are floating around around the woman being in control of the money.
00:00:47.500 --> 00:00:53.859
I cannot think of any housekeeping, but just in case I'm going to say housekeeping.
00:00:56.200 --> 00:01:03.560
Just kidding. The ladies groups have kind of been on pause due to my overwhelmed feeling.
00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:07.060
I'm going to try and get those up and going. I just don't know when that's going to occur.
00:01:07.420 --> 00:01:10.859
And that's all it is. That's all I can say. I don't know what else to say about it.
00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:17.120
But they're not gone forever. They will be back. I just don't have a date for you.
00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:22.019
I think that's it for housekeeping. I'm going to dive right into the topic.
00:01:26.540 --> 00:01:42.359
So many of you asked me about caging, pegging, rituals, all of that. But I think that we lose sight of how much control I have just by holding the debit card. I'm in control of all of the money.
00:01:43.219 --> 00:01:59.560
So on that note, there needs to be clarity about the rules, about bills, fun money, long-term goals, things like that. That all needs to be very clear. And that's where communication comes in. The dom needs to feel respected. Respect is huge for me.
00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:31.840
There can't be any sneaky purchases or kickback or pushback. That is one way to very quickly ruin a female-led relationship. And we must have been on a live on TikTok where we talked about this and somebody had asked how that happened. And it was a couple who had been in a female-led relationship and the submissive topped from the bottom in a pretty intense way, I think.
00:02:32.120 --> 00:02:39.939
And the dominant then decided that she would give it another go, but then she abused her power.
00:02:40.699 --> 00:03:09.349
She was angry and she was using anger in an inappropriate way, I think is probably the best way to say it. And it put a big divide. And that's the type of female-led relationship where they go awry and it can be terrible. And people see that and they think that that's how all female-led relationships are. Power isn't just expressed in play. It's affirmed in practice.
00:03:10.810 --> 00:05:06.560
I really like that a lot. It kind of goes back to those rituals. Things have been significantly better for us since we have implemented certain rituals into our day-to-day. And I will tell you, it throws me off if Sabi forgets one of them or whatever it is. They are very important. I also feel like, just for us, it's mandatory. We just had this conversation in the car yesterday that mentally it puts us both back where we need to be. And it is mandatory for our female-led relationship to function in a way that we both thrive. Okay, so let's talk about five tips for starting a financial control dynamic. Start with a conversation, not a command. How would it feel if I took charge of our budget for a month? I think it's very important when communicating with your partner that you ask questions or propose things in a manner that shows you care about their opinion. Yes, this is a dumb sub-relationship, but you need to have that consent, and you need to make sure you're both on the same page. And I very much care about my Sabi's feelings about how we live our female-led relationship. So when asking a question, you don't want to be controlling about it. When you're setting up these guidelines, it needs to be an even playing field, and you should care about their feedback. And you should want to hear what they have to say and what's going to work for them, because it needs to work for both of you, or it won't be successful. Define clear categories. Needs, wants, fun, and ritual. I could reward my Sabi for performing the rituals that I have required of him, if finances allowed. If you do this every day for a month, here's $200.
00:05:07.259 --> 00:06:13.870
Just as an example, set rituals, weekly financial check-ins, allowance transfers, and spending updates. Even if you're not in a female-led relationship, I think sitting down and having weekly check-ins just on the financial aspect of things is important. Life tends to get in the way for us, and sometimes we just forget until we're putting out fires. That is pretty much how we survive. We're in fight or flight, and we're just putting out fires, because there's never enough time in the day, and there's never enough money in the bank account. So having conversations on where you're at, it's very helpful for me, because sometimes I forget things, sometimes he forgets things, and we sit down, we have the conversation. Okay, this is where we need to be in our current situation. It's this fire needs to be put out first, because it's the biggest, and then we go on from there. Thankfully, those conversations are not overly uncomfortable. We have gotten to a place where we can have those conversations, and one thing about us is we're very much a team.
00:06:15.110 --> 00:06:41.370
We don't necessarily fight about money, and we don't necessarily, we don't really fight anyway, but the biggest point of contention for us is really, at the end of the day, in the core of it, him seeing my potential and me not. Me not being driven to succeed in certain areas, and him seeing my potential and seeing me piss it away.
00:06:42.970 --> 00:06:55.189
Sabi, I hear you. But these conversations about where money needs to go when we do have it tend to go very smoothly. We are a team. We are very agreeable on that aspect.
00:06:58.529 --> 00:08:20.370
Consider symbolic tools. Spreadsheets, budgeting apps, physical envelopes, or chore-based point systems. The chore, I really like the chore-based point systems, and again, immediately I go to my Sabi is not a child, but it offers the structure that I need to maintain. Structure is important to me, and a lot of times I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Structure, structure, structure. I need it. So I think having a chore-based, a chore-based point system or something along those lines, and having it documented somewhere is going to be very helpful, especially in the beginning when you're not accustomed to exactly how this is going to work. And having it all documented will also allow you to go back and say, I don't know that this really worked. We should try this. And then you have documentation to see how that worked. And that's what, you know, with those weekly check-ins, go over that documentation and see what you think is working, what your Sabi thinks is working, and see how you can tweak it and make it work better for you. When I started stepping into financial authority, especially in my current relationship, I was doing all of this in my previous relationship. It just wasn't labeled and I wasn't receiving respect. I also wasn't, I just wasn't receiving respect, period.
00:08:21.170 --> 00:08:54.690
It was just expected of me. There was no appreciation for it either. I am the one that kept our family going for a lot of years. And my cup felt empty a lot in my previous relationship. So once I got into this dynamic and I took control, I realized this is, this is something I've always done, but now it has a name and I feel respected for doing it. And I feel empowered for doing it. I've never felt more empowered than I do in our dynamic.
00:08:57.309 --> 00:09:26.970
This is my closing message for you. You don't have to be a CPA to run an FLR household. You just need trust, clarity, and the confidence to say, this is what's best for us. I'm deciding it, not debating it. That will be very empowering. If you can say that and stand behind it and meet it and feel it, you will be amazed at how empowering it is and how much confidence you feel and just being firm in your decision and having the confidence in your choice.
00:09:29.629 --> 00:10:01.409
I invite you all, if you listen to this and you have ideas, suggestions, any rituals that you currently do, share them with me. We can talk about them on a podcast episode if I can keep it discreet, I can keep it confidential. But if you're listening to this and you have ideas, tips, tricks, anything like that, please, please reach out to me. You can DM on socials. You can send me an email, christinekellogg at gmail.com. You can join my Patreon and DM me there. Whatever's easiest for you, but I do love, I love hearing from you.
00:10:01.730 --> 00:10:26.450
All of the things that I've said previous in this episode, please know that I am so beyond grateful for everybody that listens to my podcast and takes the time to reach out and tell me how I've helped their dynamic or just help them in general or ask me questions. I love talking to all of you. So please don't hesitate to reach out. I hope you all have a fantastic week. I love you all. Take care, be good humans and be safe.
