July 21, 2025
0505 Female Led Relationships: “Dominance When Life is a Shitshow”
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me! Chaos, Chastity, Confidence… and a Whole Lot of Honesty And NOT a re-release!! Life lately? An absolute fucking circus. But I’m back—with a raw, unfiltered brain-dump about what it means to hold power when your whole world feels like it's spinning off its axis. In this episode, I take you through: Real updates from my summer of survivalA powerful email that reminded me why this podcast mattersAnd a mind-blowing blog post that ...
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me!
Chaos, Chastity, Confidence… and a Whole Lot of Honesty
And NOT a re-release!!
Life lately? An absolute fucking circus.
But I’m back—with a raw, unfiltered brain-dump about what it means to hold power when your whole world feels like it's spinning off its axis.
In this episode, I take you through:
- Real updates from my summer of survival
- A powerful email that reminded me why this podcast matters
- And a mind-blowing blog post that reframed dominance for me completely
If you’ve ever questioned your role, your energy, or your ability to lead when your tank is empty—this one’s for you.
What You’ll Hear Me Process (in real time):
- Navigating FLR while caring for a parent with dementia
- Work-camping drama, bus life upgrades, and parenting on the go
- How to order kinky things without your kids discovering them
- A heartfelt listener email about not topping from the bottom
- The emotional burden of dominance—and why it doesn’t always feel sexy
- Non-sexual intimacy through dominance (and why it still counts)
- Letting him serve you even when you feel guilty
- Faking confidence… until it stops being fake
“Dominance isn’t a reward for being in the right mood. It’s a structure that holds me up when I feel like I’m falling apart.”“Just because you’re touched out, burnt out, or pissed off doesn’t mean you have to lose connection. You get to define what intimacy looks like.”
Questions to Reflect On:
- Do you still feel dominant when your life is falling apart?
- How do you maintain structure and rituals in chaos?
- Are you holding back from giving direction because of guilt?
- How does your sub respond when you're emotionally unavailable?
- What small rituals can you create to reclaim power?
Resource Shout-Out:
https://www.krystinekellogg.com/
Email Me! KrystineKellogg@Gmail.com
Want to support the podcast and be involved with the behind-the-scenes, including voting on episode topics, as well as tiptoe with me into this whole "coaching" thing. Find my Patreon HERE!
Keywords:
domestic discipline, female led relationship dynamics, accountability, communication, people pleaser, personal growth, female led relationship challenges, discipline strategies, humor in relationships, shared growth, female led relationship advice, discipline and play, understanding in partnerships, personal anecdotes, physical touch, relationship rules, partnership growth, podcast insights, female-led relationships, submissive rewards, holiday appreciation, partner devotion, relationship dynamics,, control and appreciation, partner confidence, submissive devotion, unique dynamics, balance of control, partner nurturing, relationship empowerment, submissive strength.pegging, female-led relationship, kink, empowerment, dominance, submission, ass play, emotional connection, intimacy, power play, strap-on, control
Transcript
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I have no sex drive whatsoever.
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My poor subbie.
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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
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If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
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Welcome back.
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Holy shit, it's been a long time since I said that.
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This is in real time.
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This is up to date, current.
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I'm going to do a little bit of housekeeping and then we're going to talk about dominance.
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So let's dive right in to the housekeeping.
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And just because house keeping, okay, so the first thing you'll notice is there is video on Patreon.
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I also want to say thank you to all of my patrons for sticking in there with me.
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It has been an in-fucking-sane summer.
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I can't even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I feel about a lot of things.
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It is very hard caring for someone with dementia and we aren't, I mean she's not living with us, but we spend about three hours or so every day on the road, including our time visiting to take my husband's mom, you know, things that she needs and just trying to make her comfortable and all of that.
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And then on top of that, we are working.
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The work camping position that we took is not turning out like we thought.
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It is not nearly as many hours as we were told it would be.
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It might be for the months of July and August, but it just has not, it just has not panned out like we thought it was going to be.
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And we're in a constant state of limbo because we don't know what's going to happen with Sabi's mom and where we're going to live this winter and all of these things.
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And it significantly stresses me out and I tend to bury myself and just not communicate.
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I shut everybody out and just try to focus on surviving.
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I have solidly been in fight or flight mode this entire time.
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So I'd like to just, as I said, to say thank you to my patrons.
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There are a few of you who are just holding strong and I can't tell you how much that support means to me.
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So thank you to my patrons.
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I appreciate each and every one of you.
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And that little bit of housekeeping is really just kind of a real quick life update.
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Oh, another real quick life update.
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Sabi put flooring in the bus.
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It really made a difference.
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It really opened it up.
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It looks beautiful.
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He did such a good job and it was hot as shit in there, but he did a very good job and we're working on hopefully getting the ceiling done very soon as well.
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And it's 100 percent going to feel more like a home and less like a construction project. So I'm very, very excited about that.
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I do want to point out some goods.
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I don't want all of this to be bad.
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I think that's it for housekeeping.
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We have some stuff going in the background, but we really have to focus our time on taking care of his mom right now and.
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Just surviving and figuring out what our plan is going forward or, you know, how much of a plan we can make until we.
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I mean, nobody can predict when someone's going to pass away.
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It's kind of just a take it day by day.
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And that's where we're at.
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The first part of this, I'm going to talk about some emails because I will tell you, I can't thank you enough for the emails that I get that say my words have helped your relationship. Sometimes I lose sight of what this podcast is really about and how it helps people. I think sometimes.
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I just get caught up and I don't know, but I can't tell you how much these emails mean to me and how much I appreciate them.
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Anybody that's watching on TikTok, your comments and, you know, telling me how much I've helped your relationship, that just means so much to me.
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I can't even express how much and how much I appreciate you taking the time.
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To reach out and tell me these things.
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One of the emails that I did receive from someone, and I'm not going to go too much in detail because I was told that if things were released because they're in the FLR closet, which I thought was funny, but I believe his exact words were his wife would put out a campfire with his face.
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So if that rings true to you and those that phrase sounds familiar, this is for you.
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Thank you so much for the email that you sent.
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It was fantastic.
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Very well written.
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I also appreciate that you recognized the topping from the bottom early on.
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And I love the approach you're taking now with the really just letting her get comfortable in her lead and doing what she says to the T.
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I think that is a super important tip for any man looking to be in a submissive relationship.
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It's very hard to not want to correct or do something differently because maybe you have a better idea of how it could be done.
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Or so here's an example.
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Sometimes I do things very ass backwards the first time.
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I will go about it the longest way, probably the most work for myself, right?
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Or I will direct my subbie to do it a certain way.
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He's nine years older than me.
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He's made a few more trips around the sun.
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He probably knows an easier way to do the task that I've assigned or the task that I'm attempting to do.
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And I think it's so important that he lets me do it because nine times out of 10, I figure it out.
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I'm like, oh, this would have been way faster if I would have done it this way.
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Most instances, he will just let me do it my way or he will do it my way.
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And then once it's finished or we have a check in, he'll be like, remember when we were doing this, it might have been a lot easier if you would have done it this way or whatever.
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I think him allowing me to do it my way and letting me learn from fucking it up or letting me figure it out myself is far more beneficial to my confidence because I think if in the situation he were to say, you know, if we did it this way, it would be a lot easier and maybe there's a better way to say it.
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But even still, if he was to do that, I think it would knock my confidence down or it would make me second guess myself.
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And I'm a terrible second guesser.
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So I very much appreciate that he kind of just lets me do the thing.
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And in this email that I received from this gentleman, he implied that he is really just following what she says to the T, doing it exactly how she wants it done, and that she's very much getting into her role of being the dominant.
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I feel like a lot of times women get very, very overwhelmed with the whole idea of having to control everything.
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It can be so overwhelming.
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For those women, I would say, one, you can always delegate.
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You can delegate to your partner if it's something that you don't want to do.
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I struggle with delegating because I want things done a certain way.
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And then I have to take the time to tell my Savi, this is how I want it done.
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And then half the time I end up showing him because in my brain, I know he's capable, but I still need to fucking show him how to do it.
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I can't. These are things that I need to fix about myself.
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However, he's very patient with me.
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And it sounds like you're very patient with your wife.
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I just thought that was great.
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That specific part of the email of how you're allowing her or you're doing, not allowing her, but you're doing the things just as she's directing.
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And it's really increasing her confidence and allowing her to really step into her dominant role and feel comfortable.
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That is huge.
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So well done.
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I do believe in the email.
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Also, you asked me about how do we order chastity hitches and get them to us without them being discovered by our kids?
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So we have a little bit of a different situation.
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We obviously live in a converted school bus and right now we're at a campground.
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And all of our packages go to the office and we are the only ones that can pick them up. So that is an advantage.
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We only have one kid in the house.
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He's 15 and he doesn't go up to the campground office to get our packages.
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If we were living, say, in an apartment or a house or whatever, and we've even done this since we've been in the bus.
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I will ship things to my daughter at her apartment and just tell in her name and tell her not to open it. I'll be like, hey, I ordered something from Amazon or hey, I ordered something from somewhere.
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Don't open it. Or if you do.
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You might be surprised.
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She is aware of our dynamic.
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She is also aware that we practice chastity to some extent.
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She has asked me questions and I've said this before.
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I always ask her.
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I will answer this question truthfully and honestly.
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Are you sure you want the answer?
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Most of the time she will say, maybe I don't.
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But sometimes she'll be like, yes, I want to know.
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So she is mildly aware of the chastity.
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Maybe not. I don't know.
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She's very good about not opening packages if I send them there.
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So that's kind of how we get to that aspect or how we get our stuff shipped is I'll either ship it to my daughter.
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Now, my stepdaughter, I would not do that with.
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I mean, we could we could totally ship things there and she wouldn't open them.
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She's not as interested in this lifestyle that we live.
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My daughter is more curious.
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My stepdaughter, who is my daughter.
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But just to clarify, because they're exactly the same age, I think there's an 11 month difference between the two.
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So we've essentially had twins.
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Only I didn't have to birth them.
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Big win. But she's a little bit less comfortable talking about our dynamic or about sexual things in in general, especially with her dad.
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She will ask me questions, but she still gets a little uncomfortable when we talk about like the functions of the human body or sex or, you know, things like that.
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So we tend to just send them to my daughter at her apartment.
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But that's how we get around that.
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I think that was the only question and I am going to respond to the email as well.
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But I wanted to throw this in the podcast because it kind of aligns with what I want to talk about.
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I have talked in the past about the Evolving Your Man blog.
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I love this so, so much.
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This is a fantastic resource.
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And I think the podcast focus is going to shift a little bit.
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I think I've I've really focused on the submissive, how to be a good submissive, because a majority of my listeners are men, right?
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I feel like I'm drawn to talk more about how to empower women.
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There is a very uneven playing field and I don't even like to use playing field, but there's it's very uneven.
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There are so many more men that are wanting to submit to their partner and so many women that maybe don't understand what that looks like or feel like they can't be dominant. So I would like to focus a little bit more on.
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And maybe this is geared more towards men to let me let me teach you how to empower your partner so that she can step into her role as a dominant.
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So thank you to the listener for the email.
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You kind of sparked this in my brain.
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So this is Dominance as the Bridge of Female Emotion and Non-Sexual Sexuality.
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That's the name, the title of the blog that I'm looking at.
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The beginning parts of it kind of just talk about how as women we can feel overwhelmed and we're not always hot, wet and ready to go.
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There are so many pressures in life in general for both men and women, and women, I think, deal with them a little differently than men.
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I think I don't know.
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I think women just deal with it differently than men.
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So this says, because when I lean into my feminine dominance, my femdom, I unlock a form of a form of intimacy that isn't always about penetration or even pleasure.
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It's about power.
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If I feel like if you can grasp that, there's such a misconception around sex that it has to be about penetration or intimacy has to be about penetration.
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There are so many of these dynamics where there is no penis and vagina sex at all, but their intimacy is off the charts.
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Once you can figure out how to, I don't know, embrace that and reprogram, and I hate that to reprogram.
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It just sounds so woowooey.
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But once you can break that cycle of thinking that intimacy revolves around penis and vagina penetration or, you know, that you have to have sex.
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Another thing is women.
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You are allowed to orgasm.
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Your partner does not need to.
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That was a hard one for me.
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But once you can grasp that and not feel guilty, that's also very empowering.
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This one made me giggle a little bit.
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Let's start by dismantling the myth that women should be consistent sexual creatures.
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Responsive, eager, radiant, glowing, touched by the finger of Aphrodite every time our man's arousal clicks on.
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This expectation, it's crushing because let's be honest, when I'm overwhelmed with work, navigating hormonal swings or trying to survive a tough day, sex can be the furthest thing from my mind.
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My goodness, how true is that?
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Just like I said in the beginning with the housekeeping issues, I feel so overwhelmed with everything that's going on in our life right now.
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And like I said, I feel like I'm in fight or flight mode all the time.
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I have no sex drive whatsoever, my poor subbie.
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It goes on to say that's where non-sexual sexuality comes in.
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Instead of avoiding intimacy when I'm not feeling hot and heavy, I reach for dominance, I reach for control.
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I reach for the version of sexuality that I create, one that serves my emotional needs in the moment.
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That, my love, is the beating heart of femdom.
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So here's what I took from that and what I really liked about that is that for me personally, a lot of my being overwhelmed is I feel like I don't have control and I feel like maybe taking control feels like more work sometimes.
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However, if I lean into that control, it's going to give me structure.
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And I think that will also help me get out of my fight or flight mode a little bit because I have structure.
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I'm in control of what's going to happen for the next hour, two hours, whatever it is. Having that control or taking that control, I think, after reading this, is going to allow me to relax a little bit.
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I'm going to be able to shut everything else out and just focus on what I'm in control of in that moment.
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Now, if I can do that in my everyday life, maybe that would be helpful, too.
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But this area is a little bit easier for me to grasp, taking control.
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And it's a little hard to do all the things that I want to do because, like I said, we are in a bus. However, that thing is way more soundproof than our camper ever was.
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And my youngest is now on a better sleep schedule, so there are possibilities.
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I just need to be more intentional with it.
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I think it would be beneficial.
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In this next part, she talks about dominance as confidence.
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Dominance can be an incredible substitute for confidence, especially in moments when you're feeling unsure, overwhelmed or just plain tired of second guessing yourself.
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The beauty of taking a dominant role, particularly in a relationship, is that it doesn't require you to feel confident in order to act confidently.
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That's a pretty powerful statement right there.
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I've said this before, too.
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Like the second I put a strap on, I feel super confident, super dominant.
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Like I don't second guess myself at all.
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I need to be able to harness that in other areas, too.
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I do feel that sense of confidence also when Sabi puts his chest device on or when he's caged. That necklace is pretty significant.
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It's a pretty significant weight around my neck when we are practicing chastity.
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That also helps, I think, for me.
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When you fake confidence through dominance, something fascinating happens.
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Your body and mind start to believe you.
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You make a decision without wavering.
00:17:57.309 --> 00:17:58.950
You command instead of asking.
00:17:59.470 --> 00:18:00.450
You hold eye contact.
00:18:00.849 --> 00:18:01.710
You speak slower.
00:18:01.990 --> 00:18:06.829
You start to feel yourself take up space, his space, your space, shared space.
00:18:07.049 --> 00:18:08.809
And the feedback loop begins.
00:18:09.170 --> 00:18:13.769
You start to feel like a woman who knows what she wants because now you do.
00:18:14.529 --> 00:18:19.690
Dominance is an invitation to play the part of the woman who is done apologizing.
00:18:20.049 --> 00:18:23.230
And before you know it, she stops being a role.
00:18:23.549 --> 00:18:25.190
You play and becomes who you are.
00:18:28.180 --> 00:18:30.180
It's just like the affirmations that we've talked about.
00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:41.200
If you were to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that you're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, all of that, and you continue looking at yourself, it's really hard in the beginning.
00:18:42.059 --> 00:18:45.900
You will eventually realize it's true.
00:18:46.460 --> 00:18:48.259
You are beautiful. You are strong.
00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:49.759
You are empowering.
00:18:50.259 --> 00:18:54.220
You can be in control and you shouldn't be scared to try.
00:18:55.099 --> 00:18:56.319
It will have its ups and downs.
00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:59.740
It will be. I don't know.
00:19:01.970 --> 00:19:04.029
Let's circle back to me because, you know, it's all about me.
00:19:05.490 --> 00:19:06.789
I have been very intentional.
00:19:07.609 --> 00:19:10.029
My subbie is very good about telling me how sexy I am.
00:19:10.029 --> 00:19:16.869
Like he will be doing something and he will stop what he's doing and just gasp and be like, I cannot get over how incredibly sexy you are.
00:19:18.210 --> 00:19:21.750
I never really knew how to react to that.
00:19:21.849 --> 00:19:23.009
I didn't know how to take a compliment.
00:19:23.970 --> 00:19:28.829
And I have intentionally about instead of just saying thank you, being like, I know.
00:19:30.049 --> 00:19:31.730
Or that's how I was made.
00:19:31.849 --> 00:19:33.529
Or I've been this way since birth.
00:19:33.710 --> 00:19:36.750
Or and just being confident about these compliments.
00:19:36.750 --> 00:19:44.210
Like. I don't know, it almost sounds conceited, but I think it turns him on because I think there is nothing sexier than a confident woman.
00:19:45.569 --> 00:19:47.569
And, you know, I don't always do that either.
00:19:48.809 --> 00:19:55.410
Sometimes I am very open and honest about my feelings and I'm like, you know, I really like the way you make me feel. I really like when you do that.
00:19:55.450 --> 00:19:57.329
Like I communicate those emotions as well.
00:19:57.690 --> 00:20:00.390
But I'm trying to be more intentional instead of saying thank you.
00:20:00.609 --> 00:20:04.109
I'll be like, I know. Or yep, I know.
00:20:04.109 --> 00:20:08.210
You know, whatever. And it seems to have a positive effect on him.
00:20:08.609 --> 00:20:16.329
I think that is one of the biggest things that women can do to embrace their control is. Be dominant, fake it till you make it.
00:20:16.349 --> 00:20:18.710
I've said that before, too. Fake it till you make it.
00:20:20.819 --> 00:20:24.140
Eventually it will sink in that you are very powerful.
00:20:24.440 --> 00:20:25.779
You don't need to second guess.
00:20:25.980 --> 00:20:36.680
And it's 100 percent OK and valid for you to say how you want something, how you like something. Telling your partner what to do.
00:20:37.059 --> 00:20:41.339
And the big thing, too, is to remember that your partner is craving this dynamic.
00:20:41.900 --> 00:20:43.240
They want to submit to you.
00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:45.500
They want to serve you.
00:20:46.339 --> 00:20:48.200
That was a hard one for me to grasp.
00:20:48.380 --> 00:20:51.119
I think I still struggle with it to this day.
00:20:53.660 --> 00:21:02.339
For example, if my water bottle is empty, I will generally either one, get up and fill it myself, or I will look at my subbie and be like.
00:21:03.859 --> 00:21:05.500
Could you fill my water bottle? It's empty.
00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:08.460
Here's what I'm trying to be more intentional about.
00:21:08.900 --> 00:21:11.859
I will look at my water bottle and I'll say, why is this empty?
00:21:12.539 --> 00:21:14.460
And he will jump up and fill it for me.
00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:17.619
For us personally, this is what he's looking for for me.
00:21:17.700 --> 00:21:20.400
This is what he really likes when I'm dominant like that.
00:21:20.500 --> 00:21:22.859
I don't because I'm a very people-pleasing person.
00:21:23.259 --> 00:21:27.000
So I tend to, you know, will you do this for me?
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:32.180
Or, you know, I ask in a way that's not very dominant.
00:21:32.819 --> 00:21:36.460
And he thrives off of me being dominant and controlling.
00:21:36.740 --> 00:21:40.519
And rather than saying, will you, I need to just demand that it gets done.
00:21:41.220 --> 00:21:55.700
Another big thing that has made a difference, and I feel like I've talked about this maybe on a TikTok, is that every single night before we go to bed, he has something that he says to me, like a phrase that we have set up that he needs to say to me every night.
00:21:56.180 --> 00:21:59.440
And in the beginning, it was very weird, like I didn't know how to respond.
00:22:00.099 --> 00:22:02.200
And now if he doesn't do it, like I get pissed.
00:22:04.220 --> 00:22:18.960
So I think having these things that you, if there's something that can be said at night that's encouraging to encourage your partner to feel comfortable in her dominance, that is so helpful. It's going to be very awkward at first.
00:22:19.019 --> 00:22:20.059
At least it was for me.
00:22:20.299 --> 00:22:27.599
But once you hear it for so long and then you don't hear it, you're like, what the fuck? It's so helpful.
00:22:28.579 --> 00:22:35.039
The blog does go on to talk about resentment, frustration, anger, anger, consistent sexual energy without consistent desire.
00:22:35.940 --> 00:22:37.559
Sexuality is an essential practice.
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:41.500
And what to do when you're, oh, this is a good one.
00:22:41.819 --> 00:22:42.700
What to do when you're anxious.
00:22:43.380 --> 00:22:44.259
Don't avoid sex.
00:22:44.380 --> 00:22:45.380
Use it to soothe.
00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:46.480
Put him in chastity.
00:22:46.599 --> 00:22:48.660
Let him rub your shoulders, your feet, your thighs.
00:22:48.900 --> 00:22:53.779
Let him focus entirely on your body without any expectation that you'll perform.
00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:57.539
Make it about you, not about penetration or pleasure.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:03.619
Teach him that intimacy means showing up for your anxiety and not escaping it.
00:23:04.220 --> 00:23:07.839
So, and it goes on to talk about anger and things like that as well.
00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:11.099
Again, all of all of my struggles.
00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:15.119
I have a hard time because my subbie works very hard, right?
00:23:15.220 --> 00:23:24.849
And I feel like I don't, maybe that I don't work as hard as he does, but then I feel bad if he's working.
00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:29.789
And then comes home and then I want him to do things for me.
00:23:30.990 --> 00:23:32.170
He thrives on that.
00:23:32.390 --> 00:23:33.109
He wants that.
00:23:33.309 --> 00:23:34.089
He needs that.
00:23:34.250 --> 00:23:37.109
That's how he releases his stress from the day.
00:23:37.630 --> 00:23:38.430
And here's the other thing.
00:23:38.690 --> 00:23:39.789
I do a fucking lot.
00:23:40.549 --> 00:23:42.009
I do a lot for his mom.
00:23:42.250 --> 00:23:44.009
I do a lot around the bus.
00:23:44.150 --> 00:23:46.230
I cook, I clean by my choosing.
00:23:46.670 --> 00:23:48.049
And I don't always clean.
00:23:48.309 --> 00:23:49.230
He cleans as well.
00:23:49.369 --> 00:23:53.950
He's more in charge of the outside things because I'm picky about how the inside things are done.
00:23:53.950 --> 00:23:55.049
So this is my choice.
00:23:55.329 --> 00:24:03.190
I enjoy doing these things, but I need to let go of the guilt of asking him to do things for me because this is what he wants.
00:24:03.269 --> 00:24:04.470
This is what he craves.
00:24:05.569 --> 00:24:08.490
I'm only denying him of something that he wants.
00:24:08.650 --> 00:24:09.789
This would make him happy.
00:24:11.269 --> 00:24:12.529
Okay, so this one is good too.
00:24:16.650 --> 00:24:17.569
And I think important.
00:24:17.930 --> 00:24:18.549
Touched out.
00:24:19.029 --> 00:24:21.130
You don't have to be touched to be sexual.
00:24:21.730 --> 00:24:25.789
Lock him in his chastity cage and make him stay across the room.
00:24:25.789 --> 00:24:28.450
Have him watch you undress without coming closer.
00:24:29.109 --> 00:24:32.049
Be in control of every inch of contact.
00:24:33.450 --> 00:24:37.789
Femdom means you decide how much, how frequently, and what kind.
00:24:38.170 --> 00:24:41.670
You're in control of what happens next, if anything.
00:24:42.210 --> 00:24:43.150
That's a big one.
00:24:43.910 --> 00:24:48.789
I don't know if with age, I very much like touching my subbie.
00:24:48.869 --> 00:24:50.509
I very much like when he touches me.
00:24:51.390 --> 00:25:02.650
I think there's a couple days, maybe prior to my period, or I haven't really paid attention to exactly where they are, where even my clothes on my skin make me want to fucking scream.
00:25:04.289 --> 00:25:06.089
It seems to get more intense with age.
00:25:06.410 --> 00:25:12.490
Like, I don't know if I'm just more sensitive, sometimes clothes, just the fabric of them irritate my skin.
00:25:13.910 --> 00:25:17.789
Not irritate, but irritate me that they're touching my skin, I guess is a better way to put it.
00:25:18.670 --> 00:25:27.549
And also as far as like putting him in the corner while I undress, this is also a form of punishment that I've used before when he doesn't do as he's been directed.
00:25:28.170 --> 00:25:30.329
I will make him watch me undress.
00:25:30.450 --> 00:25:34.029
I'll sometimes put lotion on because I know he enjoys that and not let him touch me.
00:25:34.490 --> 00:25:41.369
It's more of a punishment for not doing something and it maybe could be classified as a punishment too.
00:25:41.529 --> 00:25:42.049
I don't know.
00:25:42.309 --> 00:25:44.329
I think he just enjoys seeing me naked.
00:25:44.509 --> 00:25:46.109
So really, is he being punished?
00:25:46.190 --> 00:25:46.710
Probably not.
00:25:47.359 --> 00:25:48.829
Maybe a little because he can't touch me.
00:25:48.990 --> 00:25:56.650
But in these instances, especially, you know, ladies, if you're feeling touched out, that's valid.
00:25:57.170 --> 00:25:57.789
That's OK.
00:25:59.109 --> 00:26:01.230
You don't have to feel guilty for it.
00:26:02.650 --> 00:26:03.769
You're in control.
00:26:04.210 --> 00:26:08.670
Embrace that control and run with it.
00:26:09.750 --> 00:26:15.230
Oh, here, let me just throw this in and then we'll wrap it up because I'm a bit of a rambly randy on this one.
00:26:15.950 --> 00:26:18.509
So real life, how I use it.
00:26:19.230 --> 00:26:22.890
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, Kev massages my shoulders in silence while I sip tea.
00:26:23.130 --> 00:26:23.789
He's locked.
00:26:23.930 --> 00:26:24.509
He's present.
00:26:24.910 --> 00:26:25.869
That's our intimacy.
00:26:26.589 --> 00:26:28.849
When I'm angry, I bring out my strap on.
00:26:29.009 --> 00:26:29.869
I don't need to talk.
00:26:29.930 --> 00:26:31.569
I just need to act.
00:26:31.730 --> 00:26:33.329
The power shift claims me.
00:26:33.609 --> 00:26:34.450
It grounds me.
00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:40.650
That's an interesting one because a lot of times we have talked about not doing doing things in anger.
00:26:41.869 --> 00:26:44.990
But I don't think this specifically means like she's angry at him.
00:26:44.990 --> 00:26:47.210
Maybe it's just been a bad day or she's angry.
00:26:47.609 --> 00:26:48.390
But either way.
00:26:49.430 --> 00:26:53.809
Embrace it if you can be responsible and not take it.
00:26:54.730 --> 00:26:58.069
To a bad place or as long as it's consensual.
00:26:59.470 --> 00:26:59.970
Absolutely.
00:27:03.460 --> 00:27:07.480
Then she says, when I'm anxious, I have him like candles and worship me quietly.
00:27:07.740 --> 00:27:08.460
Sometimes I cry.
00:27:08.579 --> 00:27:09.319
Sometimes I scream.
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:10.859
Sometimes I fall asleep in his lap.
00:27:11.019 --> 00:27:12.259
It's still intimacy.
00:27:12.869 --> 00:27:23.099
These are all sexual acts in the femdom world, not because they involve penetration or orgasms, but because they're deeply rooted in dominance, trust, control and connection.
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:31.339
I care about his sexual needs and realize that what I do with him plays back into the way he serves my emotional needs.
00:27:31.660 --> 00:27:38.339
He sees effort for what it is and gives it back in the ways I receive it best.
00:27:38.819 --> 00:27:44.019
The biggest thing I took from that is that her subbie knows her.
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:45.319
My subbie knows me.
00:27:45.720 --> 00:28:00.779
He knows how to handle me when I'm going through all of my and I don't even like the word handle, but he knows how to interact with me when I'm having my mood swings, whether it's hormones or just I'm angry with something happened that was something that happened that day.
00:28:00.859 --> 00:28:02.579
I'm frustrated with nothing going right.
00:28:02.579 --> 00:28:12.119
For example, trying to set up for this fucking podcast today, nothing would go right. I text him a little bit, whatever.
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:13.759
Calm down.
00:28:14.859 --> 00:28:17.559
I found everything I needed and I got it done.
00:28:17.900 --> 00:28:28.380
He knows me well enough to know how to interact with me and he also knows me well enough to know how to encourage me to be dominant and be confident in who I am.
00:28:28.839 --> 00:28:40.380
He's very encouraging in the way he interacts with me on my dominance and he also just makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:43.039
So there is that.
00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:45.160
I will link the article in the show notes.
00:28:45.859 --> 00:28:46.740
You can go check it out.
00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:48.180
It's a fantastic article.
00:28:48.519 --> 00:28:49.400
It could be very helpful.
00:28:49.980 --> 00:28:51.779
Take what applies to you and run with it.
00:28:52.019 --> 00:28:52.920
Not everything will.
00:28:53.579 --> 00:28:55.099
And whatever does it, let it go.
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.200
Move with what does.
00:28:57.079 --> 00:28:58.059
I hope this helps.
00:28:58.619 --> 00:29:00.960
I feel seriously like this is my first podcast.
00:29:01.079 --> 00:29:04.400
I don't have to be here to bounce ideas off of or to have a conversation with.
00:29:04.579 --> 00:29:06.140
I haven't talked to myself in a long time.
00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:09.680
Thank you again to the listener who emailed me.
00:29:10.059 --> 00:29:15.420
I will get back to you and I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to share a little bit about your dynamic with me.
00:29:16.259 --> 00:29:17.759
And that wraps this one up.
00:29:18.019 --> 00:29:19.180
More to come soon I hope.
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:23.759
I don't even remember what I used to say at the end you guys.
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:24.559
What the hell.
00:29:25.500 --> 00:29:26.279
Be kind.
00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:27.980
What is it?
00:29:29.180 --> 00:29:29.980
Stay safe.
00:29:30.339 --> 00:29:30.940
Be kind.
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:32.160
Fuck.
00:29:32.380 --> 00:29:33.240
I don't remember.
00:29:33.460 --> 00:29:34.420
What am I going to do now?
00:29:35.019 --> 00:29:36.319
I'm going to have to just do.
00:29:36.819 --> 00:29:37.779
Love you all.
00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:39.400
Can we come in?
00:29:39.660 --> 00:29:40.140
Can we come in?
00:00:00.010 --> 00:00:02.990
I have no sex drive whatsoever.
00:00:03.390 --> 00:00:04.049
My poor subbie.
00:00:09.970 --> 00:00:13.650
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:13.849 --> 00:00:21.730
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:22.309 --> 00:00:24.530
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:24.949 --> 00:00:27.890
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:27.890 --> 00:00:34.270
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:47.490 --> 00:00:48.369
Welcome back.
00:00:49.509 --> 00:00:51.689
Holy shit, it's been a long time since I said that.
00:00:52.130 --> 00:00:53.710
This is in real time.
00:00:53.710 --> 00:00:57.009
This is up to date, current.
00:00:57.789 --> 00:01:02.310
I'm going to do a little bit of housekeeping and then we're going to talk about dominance.
00:01:03.640 --> 00:01:06.189
So let's dive right in to the housekeeping.
00:01:07.769 --> 00:01:20.450
And just because house keeping, okay, so the first thing you'll notice is there is video on Patreon.
00:01:20.450 --> 00:01:25.549
I also want to say thank you to all of my patrons for sticking in there with me.
00:01:26.849 --> 00:01:30.590
It has been an in-fucking-sane summer.
00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:37.900
I can't even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I feel about a lot of things.
00:01:39.200 --> 00:02:02.700
It is very hard caring for someone with dementia and we aren't, I mean she's not living with us, but we spend about three hours or so every day on the road, including our time visiting to take my husband's mom, you know, things that she needs and just trying to make her comfortable and all of that.
00:02:02.900 --> 00:02:04.799
And then on top of that, we are working.
00:02:05.579 --> 00:02:09.780
The work camping position that we took is not turning out like we thought.
00:02:09.780 --> 00:02:14.919
It is not nearly as many hours as we were told it would be.
00:02:16.039 --> 00:02:26.039
It might be for the months of July and August, but it just has not, it just has not panned out like we thought it was going to be.
00:02:26.219 --> 00:02:37.639
And we're in a constant state of limbo because we don't know what's going to happen with Sabi's mom and where we're going to live this winter and all of these things.
00:02:37.639 --> 00:02:44.939
And it significantly stresses me out and I tend to bury myself and just not communicate.
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:47.919
I shut everybody out and just try to focus on surviving.
00:02:48.199 --> 00:02:51.639
I have solidly been in fight or flight mode this entire time.
00:02:52.939 --> 00:02:56.360
So I'd like to just, as I said, to say thank you to my patrons.
00:02:56.780 --> 00:03:02.460
There are a few of you who are just holding strong and I can't tell you how much that support means to me.
00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:04.759
So thank you to my patrons.
00:03:04.759 --> 00:03:06.759
I appreciate each and every one of you.
00:03:07.259 --> 00:03:12.639
And that little bit of housekeeping is really just kind of a real quick life update.
00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:14.479
Oh, another real quick life update.
00:03:15.099 --> 00:03:18.379
Sabi put flooring in the bus.
00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:20.919
It really made a difference.
00:03:21.020 --> 00:03:22.180
It really opened it up.
00:03:22.280 --> 00:03:23.419
It looks beautiful.
00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:32.479
He did such a good job and it was hot as shit in there, but he did a very good job and we're working on hopefully getting the ceiling done very soon as well.
00:03:32.479 --> 00:03:38.919
And it's 100 percent going to feel more like a home and less like a construction project. So I'm very, very excited about that.
00:03:39.020 --> 00:03:40.240
I do want to point out some goods.
00:03:40.340 --> 00:03:42.039
I don't want all of this to be bad.
00:03:43.319 --> 00:03:44.740
I think that's it for housekeeping.
00:03:45.020 --> 00:03:51.699
We have some stuff going in the background, but we really have to focus our time on taking care of his mom right now and.
00:03:54.180 --> 00:04:01.139
Just surviving and figuring out what our plan is going forward or, you know, how much of a plan we can make until we.
00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:03.939
I mean, nobody can predict when someone's going to pass away.
00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:06.819
It's kind of just a take it day by day.
00:04:06.979 --> 00:04:08.800
And that's where we're at.
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:29.779
The first part of this, I'm going to talk about some emails because I will tell you, I can't thank you enough for the emails that I get that say my words have helped your relationship. Sometimes I lose sight of what this podcast is really about and how it helps people. I think sometimes.
00:04:31.459 --> 00:04:39.699
I just get caught up and I don't know, but I can't tell you how much these emails mean to me and how much I appreciate them.
00:04:40.100 --> 00:04:49.420
Anybody that's watching on TikTok, your comments and, you know, telling me how much I've helped your relationship, that just means so much to me.
00:04:49.660 --> 00:04:54.319
I can't even express how much and how much I appreciate you taking the time.
00:04:55.540 --> 00:04:57.740
To reach out and tell me these things.
00:04:58.839 --> 00:05:19.879
One of the emails that I did receive from someone, and I'm not going to go too much in detail because I was told that if things were released because they're in the FLR closet, which I thought was funny, but I believe his exact words were his wife would put out a campfire with his face.
00:05:20.379 --> 00:05:25.819
So if that rings true to you and those that phrase sounds familiar, this is for you.
00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:28.319
Thank you so much for the email that you sent.
00:05:28.500 --> 00:05:29.600
It was fantastic.
00:05:30.019 --> 00:05:31.079
Very well written.
00:05:31.459 --> 00:05:37.439
I also appreciate that you recognized the topping from the bottom early on.
00:05:37.540 --> 00:05:45.279
And I love the approach you're taking now with the really just letting her get comfortable in her lead and doing what she says to the T.
00:05:45.540 --> 00:05:53.160
I think that is a super important tip for any man looking to be in a submissive relationship.
00:05:54.100 --> 00:06:03.480
It's very hard to not want to correct or do something differently because maybe you have a better idea of how it could be done.
00:06:03.720 --> 00:06:05.560
Or so here's an example.
00:06:06.199 --> 00:06:09.259
Sometimes I do things very ass backwards the first time.
00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:14.579
I will go about it the longest way, probably the most work for myself, right?
00:06:14.939 --> 00:06:17.699
Or I will direct my subbie to do it a certain way.
00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:20.560
He's nine years older than me.
00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:22.519
He's made a few more trips around the sun.
00:06:22.519 --> 00:06:30.959
He probably knows an easier way to do the task that I've assigned or the task that I'm attempting to do.
00:06:31.699 --> 00:06:37.220
And I think it's so important that he lets me do it because nine times out of 10, I figure it out.
00:06:37.300 --> 00:06:40.399
I'm like, oh, this would have been way faster if I would have done it this way.
00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:45.480
Most instances, he will just let me do it my way or he will do it my way.
00:06:45.680 --> 00:06:55.339
And then once it's finished or we have a check in, he'll be like, remember when we were doing this, it might have been a lot easier if you would have done it this way or whatever.
00:06:57.319 --> 00:07:15.620
I think him allowing me to do it my way and letting me learn from fucking it up or letting me figure it out myself is far more beneficial to my confidence because I think if in the situation he were to say, you know, if we did it this way, it would be a lot easier and maybe there's a better way to say it.
00:07:15.620 --> 00:07:23.800
But even still, if he was to do that, I think it would knock my confidence down or it would make me second guess myself.
00:07:23.939 --> 00:07:25.720
And I'm a terrible second guesser.
00:07:26.019 --> 00:07:29.360
So I very much appreciate that he kind of just lets me do the thing.
00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:45.100
And in this email that I received from this gentleman, he implied that he is really just following what she says to the T, doing it exactly how she wants it done, and that she's very much getting into her role of being the dominant.
00:07:46.180 --> 00:07:54.620
I feel like a lot of times women get very, very overwhelmed with the whole idea of having to control everything.
00:07:54.939 --> 00:07:56.300
It can be so overwhelming.
00:07:59.060 --> 00:08:02.939
For those women, I would say, one, you can always delegate.
00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:06.740
You can delegate to your partner if it's something that you don't want to do.
00:08:07.300 --> 00:08:10.800
I struggle with delegating because I want things done a certain way.
00:08:11.100 --> 00:08:15.220
And then I have to take the time to tell my Savi, this is how I want it done.
00:08:15.220 --> 00:08:23.759
And then half the time I end up showing him because in my brain, I know he's capable, but I still need to fucking show him how to do it.
00:08:23.839 --> 00:08:26.259
I can't. These are things that I need to fix about myself.
00:08:26.899 --> 00:08:30.040
However, he's very patient with me.
00:08:30.160 --> 00:08:32.240
And it sounds like you're very patient with your wife.
00:08:32.918 --> 00:08:34.080
I just thought that was great.
00:08:34.918 --> 00:08:42.918
That specific part of the email of how you're allowing her or you're doing, not allowing her, but you're doing the things just as she's directing.
00:08:42.918 --> 00:08:50.460
And it's really increasing her confidence and allowing her to really step into her dominant role and feel comfortable.
00:08:50.700 --> 00:08:52.500
That is huge.
00:08:52.860 --> 00:08:53.779
So well done.
00:08:54.500 --> 00:08:55.860
I do believe in the email.
00:08:55.860 --> 00:09:07.039
Also, you asked me about how do we order chastity hitches and get them to us without them being discovered by our kids?
00:09:07.139 --> 00:09:09.580
So we have a little bit of a different situation.
00:09:10.110 --> 00:09:15.440
We obviously live in a converted school bus and right now we're at a campground.
00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:22.879
And all of our packages go to the office and we are the only ones that can pick them up. So that is an advantage.
00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:26.580
We only have one kid in the house.
00:09:26.860 --> 00:09:31.559
He's 15 and he doesn't go up to the campground office to get our packages.
00:09:32.340 --> 00:09:40.299
If we were living, say, in an apartment or a house or whatever, and we've even done this since we've been in the bus.
00:09:40.539 --> 00:09:49.320
I will ship things to my daughter at her apartment and just tell in her name and tell her not to open it. I'll be like, hey, I ordered something from Amazon or hey, I ordered something from somewhere.
00:09:49.740 --> 00:09:51.720
Don't open it. Or if you do.
00:09:52.720 --> 00:09:53.960
You might be surprised.
00:09:54.440 --> 00:09:56.460
She is aware of our dynamic.
00:09:56.720 --> 00:10:01.100
She is also aware that we practice chastity to some extent.
00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:03.820
She has asked me questions and I've said this before.
00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:04.899
I always ask her.
00:10:05.259 --> 00:10:07.159
I will answer this question truthfully and honestly.
00:10:07.159 --> 00:10:09.259
Are you sure you want the answer?
00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:12.039
Most of the time she will say, maybe I don't.
00:10:12.139 --> 00:10:13.980
But sometimes she'll be like, yes, I want to know.
00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:17.740
So she is mildly aware of the chastity.
00:10:18.779 --> 00:10:20.799
Maybe not. I don't know.
00:10:20.919 --> 00:10:23.879
She's very good about not opening packages if I send them there.
00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:31.120
So that's kind of how we get to that aspect or how we get our stuff shipped is I'll either ship it to my daughter.
00:10:31.460 --> 00:10:34.120
Now, my stepdaughter, I would not do that with.
00:10:34.120 --> 00:10:37.679
I mean, we could we could totally ship things there and she wouldn't open them.
00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:40.860
She's not as interested in this lifestyle that we live.
00:10:41.379 --> 00:10:42.700
My daughter is more curious.
00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:44.559
My stepdaughter, who is my daughter.
00:10:44.659 --> 00:10:49.759
But just to clarify, because they're exactly the same age, I think there's an 11 month difference between the two.
00:10:50.539 --> 00:10:51.879
So we've essentially had twins.
00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:53.139
Only I didn't have to birth them.
00:10:53.419 --> 00:11:04.399
Big win. But she's a little bit less comfortable talking about our dynamic or about sexual things in in general, especially with her dad.
00:11:05.259 --> 00:11:12.899
She will ask me questions, but she still gets a little uncomfortable when we talk about like the functions of the human body or sex or, you know, things like that.
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:16.360
So we tend to just send them to my daughter at her apartment.
00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:18.259
But that's how we get around that.
00:11:19.299 --> 00:11:23.320
I think that was the only question and I am going to respond to the email as well.
00:11:23.500 --> 00:11:28.139
But I wanted to throw this in the podcast because it kind of aligns with what I want to talk about.
00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:34.769
I have talked in the past about the Evolving Your Man blog.
00:11:35.409 --> 00:11:38.350
I love this so, so much.
00:11:38.509 --> 00:11:40.330
This is a fantastic resource.
00:11:42.309 --> 00:11:46.470
And I think the podcast focus is going to shift a little bit.
00:11:46.889 --> 00:11:54.529
I think I've I've really focused on the submissive, how to be a good submissive, because a majority of my listeners are men, right?
00:11:55.309 --> 00:12:00.470
I feel like I'm drawn to talk more about how to empower women.
00:12:01.289 --> 00:12:06.710
There is a very uneven playing field and I don't even like to use playing field, but there's it's very uneven.
00:12:06.870 --> 00:12:21.850
There are so many more men that are wanting to submit to their partner and so many women that maybe don't understand what that looks like or feel like they can't be dominant. So I would like to focus a little bit more on.
00:12:21.850 --> 00:12:31.769
And maybe this is geared more towards men to let me let me teach you how to empower your partner so that she can step into her role as a dominant.
00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:35.460
So thank you to the listener for the email.
00:12:35.620 --> 00:12:37.419
You kind of sparked this in my brain.
00:12:37.860 --> 00:12:43.500
So this is Dominance as the Bridge of Female Emotion and Non-Sexual Sexuality.
00:12:43.860 --> 00:12:47.139
That's the name, the title of the blog that I'm looking at.
00:12:51.149 --> 00:12:59.710
The beginning parts of it kind of just talk about how as women we can feel overwhelmed and we're not always hot, wet and ready to go.
00:13:00.769 --> 00:13:09.190
There are so many pressures in life in general for both men and women, and women, I think, deal with them a little differently than men.
00:13:09.309 --> 00:13:10.990
I think I don't know.
00:13:11.570 --> 00:13:13.529
I think women just deal with it differently than men.
00:13:14.330 --> 00:13:24.529
So this says, because when I lean into my feminine dominance, my femdom, I unlock a form of a form of intimacy that isn't always about penetration or even pleasure.
00:13:24.529 --> 00:13:26.149
It's about power.
00:13:26.669 --> 00:13:36.269
If I feel like if you can grasp that, there's such a misconception around sex that it has to be about penetration or intimacy has to be about penetration.
00:13:36.690 --> 00:13:44.250
There are so many of these dynamics where there is no penis and vagina sex at all, but their intimacy is off the charts.
00:13:45.649 --> 00:13:55.379
Once you can figure out how to, I don't know, embrace that and reprogram, and I hate that to reprogram.
00:13:55.460 --> 00:13:56.899
It just sounds so woowooey.
00:13:57.279 --> 00:14:07.840
But once you can break that cycle of thinking that intimacy revolves around penis and vagina penetration or, you know, that you have to have sex.
00:14:07.919 --> 00:14:09.820
Another thing is women.
00:14:10.679 --> 00:14:12.379
You are allowed to orgasm.
00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:14.039
Your partner does not need to.
00:14:14.580 --> 00:14:16.080
That was a hard one for me.
00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:22.100
But once you can grasp that and not feel guilty, that's also very empowering.
00:14:23.419 --> 00:14:25.519
This one made me giggle a little bit.
00:14:25.899 --> 00:14:30.720
Let's start by dismantling the myth that women should be consistent sexual creatures.
00:14:31.159 --> 00:14:37.440
Responsive, eager, radiant, glowing, touched by the finger of Aphrodite every time our man's arousal clicks on.
00:14:37.779 --> 00:14:49.259
This expectation, it's crushing because let's be honest, when I'm overwhelmed with work, navigating hormonal swings or trying to survive a tough day, sex can be the furthest thing from my mind.
00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:51.960
My goodness, how true is that?
00:14:52.620 --> 00:14:59.940
Just like I said in the beginning with the housekeeping issues, I feel so overwhelmed with everything that's going on in our life right now.
00:15:00.139 --> 00:15:03.679
And like I said, I feel like I'm in fight or flight mode all the time.
00:15:04.679 --> 00:15:08.559
I have no sex drive whatsoever, my poor subbie.
00:15:11.259 --> 00:15:15.659
It goes on to say that's where non-sexual sexuality comes in.
00:15:15.720 --> 00:15:23.220
Instead of avoiding intimacy when I'm not feeling hot and heavy, I reach for dominance, I reach for control.
00:15:23.220 --> 00:15:29.360
I reach for the version of sexuality that I create, one that serves my emotional needs in the moment.
00:15:29.960 --> 00:15:34.259
That, my love, is the beating heart of femdom.
00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:52.620
So here's what I took from that and what I really liked about that is that for me personally, a lot of my being overwhelmed is I feel like I don't have control and I feel like maybe taking control feels like more work sometimes.
00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:58.120
However, if I lean into that control, it's going to give me structure.
00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:04.480
And I think that will also help me get out of my fight or flight mode a little bit because I have structure.
00:16:04.700 --> 00:16:19.519
I'm in control of what's going to happen for the next hour, two hours, whatever it is. Having that control or taking that control, I think, after reading this, is going to allow me to relax a little bit.
00:16:19.899 --> 00:16:26.840
I'm going to be able to shut everything else out and just focus on what I'm in control of in that moment.
00:16:27.379 --> 00:16:30.919
Now, if I can do that in my everyday life, maybe that would be helpful, too.
00:16:31.320 --> 00:16:36.460
But this area is a little bit easier for me to grasp, taking control.
00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:47.549
And it's a little hard to do all the things that I want to do because, like I said, we are in a bus. However, that thing is way more soundproof than our camper ever was.
00:16:49.929 --> 00:16:54.730
And my youngest is now on a better sleep schedule, so there are possibilities.
00:16:55.490 --> 00:16:57.850
I just need to be more intentional with it.
00:16:58.330 --> 00:16:59.730
I think it would be beneficial.
00:17:00.230 --> 00:17:03.089
In this next part, she talks about dominance as confidence.
00:17:03.509 --> 00:17:11.868
Dominance can be an incredible substitute for confidence, especially in moments when you're feeling unsure, overwhelmed or just plain tired of second guessing yourself.
00:17:12.108 --> 00:17:19.650
The beauty of taking a dominant role, particularly in a relationship, is that it doesn't require you to feel confident in order to act confidently.
00:17:20.068 --> 00:17:21.990
That's a pretty powerful statement right there.
00:17:22.368 --> 00:17:23.750
I've said this before, too.
00:17:23.910 --> 00:17:28.250
Like the second I put a strap on, I feel super confident, super dominant.
00:17:28.509 --> 00:17:30.650
Like I don't second guess myself at all.
00:17:31.170 --> 00:17:33.730
I need to be able to harness that in other areas, too.
00:17:34.130 --> 00:17:43.049
I do feel that sense of confidence also when Sabi puts his chest device on or when he's caged. That necklace is pretty significant.
00:17:43.049 --> 00:17:46.730
It's a pretty significant weight around my neck when we are practicing chastity.
00:17:47.170 --> 00:17:49.130
That also helps, I think, for me.
00:17:49.670 --> 00:17:52.809
When you fake confidence through dominance, something fascinating happens.
00:17:53.250 --> 00:17:54.890
Your body and mind start to believe you.
00:17:55.230 --> 00:17:57.029
You make a decision without wavering.
00:17:57.309 --> 00:17:58.950
You command instead of asking.
00:17:59.470 --> 00:18:00.450
You hold eye contact.
00:18:00.849 --> 00:18:01.710
You speak slower.
00:18:01.990 --> 00:18:06.829
You start to feel yourself take up space, his space, your space, shared space.
00:18:07.049 --> 00:18:08.809
And the feedback loop begins.
00:18:09.170 --> 00:18:13.769
You start to feel like a woman who knows what she wants because now you do.
00:18:14.529 --> 00:18:19.690
Dominance is an invitation to play the part of the woman who is done apologizing.
00:18:20.049 --> 00:18:23.230
And before you know it, she stops being a role.
00:18:23.549 --> 00:18:25.190
You play and becomes who you are.
00:18:28.180 --> 00:18:30.180
It's just like the affirmations that we've talked about.
00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:41.200
If you were to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that you're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, all of that, and you continue looking at yourself, it's really hard in the beginning.
00:18:42.059 --> 00:18:45.900
You will eventually realize it's true.
00:18:46.460 --> 00:18:48.259
You are beautiful. You are strong.
00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:49.759
You are empowering.
00:18:50.259 --> 00:18:54.220
You can be in control and you shouldn't be scared to try.
00:18:55.099 --> 00:18:56.319
It will have its ups and downs.
00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:59.740
It will be. I don't know.
00:19:01.970 --> 00:19:04.029
Let's circle back to me because, you know, it's all about me.
00:19:05.490 --> 00:19:06.789
I have been very intentional.
00:19:07.609 --> 00:19:10.029
My subbie is very good about telling me how sexy I am.
00:19:10.029 --> 00:19:16.869
Like he will be doing something and he will stop what he's doing and just gasp and be like, I cannot get over how incredibly sexy you are.
00:19:18.210 --> 00:19:21.750
I never really knew how to react to that.
00:19:21.849 --> 00:19:23.009
I didn't know how to take a compliment.
00:19:23.970 --> 00:19:28.829
And I have intentionally about instead of just saying thank you, being like, I know.
00:19:30.049 --> 00:19:31.730
Or that's how I was made.
00:19:31.849 --> 00:19:33.529
Or I've been this way since birth.
00:19:33.710 --> 00:19:36.750
Or and just being confident about these compliments.
00:19:36.750 --> 00:19:44.210
Like. I don't know, it almost sounds conceited, but I think it turns him on because I think there is nothing sexier than a confident woman.
00:19:45.569 --> 00:19:47.569
And, you know, I don't always do that either.
00:19:48.809 --> 00:19:55.410
Sometimes I am very open and honest about my feelings and I'm like, you know, I really like the way you make me feel. I really like when you do that.
00:19:55.450 --> 00:19:57.329
Like I communicate those emotions as well.
00:19:57.690 --> 00:20:00.390
But I'm trying to be more intentional instead of saying thank you.
00:20:00.609 --> 00:20:04.109
I'll be like, I know. Or yep, I know.
00:20:04.109 --> 00:20:08.210
You know, whatever. And it seems to have a positive effect on him.
00:20:08.609 --> 00:20:16.329
I think that is one of the biggest things that women can do to embrace their control is. Be dominant, fake it till you make it.
00:20:16.349 --> 00:20:18.710
I've said that before, too. Fake it till you make it.
00:20:20.819 --> 00:20:24.140
Eventually it will sink in that you are very powerful.
00:20:24.440 --> 00:20:25.779
You don't need to second guess.
00:20:25.980 --> 00:20:36.680
And it's 100 percent OK and valid for you to say how you want something, how you like something. Telling your partner what to do.
00:20:37.059 --> 00:20:41.339
And the big thing, too, is to remember that your partner is craving this dynamic.
00:20:41.900 --> 00:20:43.240
They want to submit to you.
00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:45.500
They want to serve you.
00:20:46.339 --> 00:20:48.200
That was a hard one for me to grasp.
00:20:48.380 --> 00:20:51.119
I think I still struggle with it to this day.
00:20:53.660 --> 00:21:02.339
For example, if my water bottle is empty, I will generally either one, get up and fill it myself, or I will look at my subbie and be like.
00:21:03.859 --> 00:21:05.500
Could you fill my water bottle? It's empty.
00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:08.460
Here's what I'm trying to be more intentional about.
00:21:08.900 --> 00:21:11.859
I will look at my water bottle and I'll say, why is this empty?
00:21:12.539 --> 00:21:14.460
And he will jump up and fill it for me.
00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:17.619
For us personally, this is what he's looking for for me.
00:21:17.700 --> 00:21:20.400
This is what he really likes when I'm dominant like that.
00:21:20.500 --> 00:21:22.859
I don't because I'm a very people-pleasing person.
00:21:23.259 --> 00:21:27.000
So I tend to, you know, will you do this for me?
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:32.180
Or, you know, I ask in a way that's not very dominant.
00:21:32.819 --> 00:21:36.460
And he thrives off of me being dominant and controlling.
00:21:36.740 --> 00:21:40.519
And rather than saying, will you, I need to just demand that it gets done.
00:21:41.220 --> 00:21:55.700
Another big thing that has made a difference, and I feel like I've talked about this maybe on a TikTok, is that every single night before we go to bed, he has something that he says to me, like a phrase that we have set up that he needs to say to me every night.
00:21:56.180 --> 00:21:59.440
And in the beginning, it was very weird, like I didn't know how to respond.
00:22:00.099 --> 00:22:02.200
And now if he doesn't do it, like I get pissed.
00:22:04.220 --> 00:22:18.960
So I think having these things that you, if there's something that can be said at night that's encouraging to encourage your partner to feel comfortable in her dominance, that is so helpful. It's going to be very awkward at first.
00:22:19.019 --> 00:22:20.059
At least it was for me.
00:22:20.299 --> 00:22:27.599
But once you hear it for so long and then you don't hear it, you're like, what the fuck? It's so helpful.
00:22:28.579 --> 00:22:35.039
The blog does go on to talk about resentment, frustration, anger, anger, consistent sexual energy without consistent desire.
00:22:35.940 --> 00:22:37.559
Sexuality is an essential practice.
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:41.500
And what to do when you're, oh, this is a good one.
00:22:41.819 --> 00:22:42.700
What to do when you're anxious.
00:22:43.380 --> 00:22:44.259
Don't avoid sex.
00:22:44.380 --> 00:22:45.380
Use it to soothe.
00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:46.480
Put him in chastity.
00:22:46.599 --> 00:22:48.660
Let him rub your shoulders, your feet, your thighs.
00:22:48.900 --> 00:22:53.779
Let him focus entirely on your body without any expectation that you'll perform.
00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:57.539
Make it about you, not about penetration or pleasure.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:03.619
Teach him that intimacy means showing up for your anxiety and not escaping it.
00:23:04.220 --> 00:23:07.839
So, and it goes on to talk about anger and things like that as well.
00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:11.099
Again, all of all of my struggles.
00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:15.119
I have a hard time because my subbie works very hard, right?
00:23:15.220 --> 00:23:24.849
And I feel like I don't, maybe that I don't work as hard as he does, but then I feel bad if he's working.
00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:29.789
And then comes home and then I want him to do things for me.
00:23:30.990 --> 00:23:32.170
He thrives on that.
00:23:32.390 --> 00:23:33.109
He wants that.
00:23:33.309 --> 00:23:34.089
He needs that.
00:23:34.250 --> 00:23:37.109
That's how he releases his stress from the day.
00:23:37.630 --> 00:23:38.430
And here's the other thing.
00:23:38.690 --> 00:23:39.789
I do a fucking lot.
00:23:40.549 --> 00:23:42.009
I do a lot for his mom.
00:23:42.250 --> 00:23:44.009
I do a lot around the bus.
00:23:44.150 --> 00:23:46.230
I cook, I clean by my choosing.
00:23:46.670 --> 00:23:48.049
And I don't always clean.
00:23:48.309 --> 00:23:49.230
He cleans as well.
00:23:49.369 --> 00:23:53.950
He's more in charge of the outside things because I'm picky about how the inside things are done.
00:23:53.950 --> 00:23:55.049
So this is my choice.
00:23:55.329 --> 00:24:03.190
I enjoy doing these things, but I need to let go of the guilt of asking him to do things for me because this is what he wants.
00:24:03.269 --> 00:24:04.470
This is what he craves.
00:24:05.569 --> 00:24:08.490
I'm only denying him of something that he wants.
00:24:08.650 --> 00:24:09.789
This would make him happy.
00:24:11.269 --> 00:24:12.529
Okay, so this one is good too.
00:24:16.650 --> 00:24:17.569
And I think important.
00:24:17.930 --> 00:24:18.549
Touched out.
00:24:19.029 --> 00:24:21.130
You don't have to be touched to be sexual.
00:24:21.730 --> 00:24:25.789
Lock him in his chastity cage and make him stay across the room.
00:24:25.789 --> 00:24:28.450
Have him watch you undress without coming closer.
00:24:29.109 --> 00:24:32.049
Be in control of every inch of contact.
00:24:33.450 --> 00:24:37.789
Femdom means you decide how much, how frequently, and what kind.
00:24:38.170 --> 00:24:41.670
You're in control of what happens next, if anything.
00:24:42.210 --> 00:24:43.150
That's a big one.
00:24:43.910 --> 00:24:48.789
I don't know if with age, I very much like touching my subbie.
00:24:48.869 --> 00:24:50.509
I very much like when he touches me.
00:24:51.390 --> 00:25:02.650
I think there's a couple days, maybe prior to my period, or I haven't really paid attention to exactly where they are, where even my clothes on my skin make me want to fucking scream.
00:25:04.289 --> 00:25:06.089
It seems to get more intense with age.
00:25:06.410 --> 00:25:12.490
Like, I don't know if I'm just more sensitive, sometimes clothes, just the fabric of them irritate my skin.
00:25:13.910 --> 00:25:17.789
Not irritate, but irritate me that they're touching my skin, I guess is a better way to put it.
00:25:18.670 --> 00:25:27.549
And also as far as like putting him in the corner while I undress, this is also a form of punishment that I've used before when he doesn't do as he's been directed.
00:25:28.170 --> 00:25:30.329
I will make him watch me undress.
00:25:30.450 --> 00:25:34.029
I'll sometimes put lotion on because I know he enjoys that and not let him touch me.
00:25:34.490 --> 00:25:41.369
It's more of a punishment for not doing something and it maybe could be classified as a punishment too.
00:25:41.529 --> 00:25:42.049
I don't know.
00:25:42.309 --> 00:25:44.329
I think he just enjoys seeing me naked.
00:25:44.509 --> 00:25:46.109
So really, is he being punished?
00:25:46.190 --> 00:25:46.710
Probably not.
00:25:47.359 --> 00:25:48.829
Maybe a little because he can't touch me.
00:25:48.990 --> 00:25:56.650
But in these instances, especially, you know, ladies, if you're feeling touched out, that's valid.
00:25:57.170 --> 00:25:57.789
That's OK.
00:25:59.109 --> 00:26:01.230
You don't have to feel guilty for it.
00:26:02.650 --> 00:26:03.769
You're in control.
00:26:04.210 --> 00:26:08.670
Embrace that control and run with it.
00:26:09.750 --> 00:26:15.230
Oh, here, let me just throw this in and then we'll wrap it up because I'm a bit of a rambly randy on this one.
00:26:15.950 --> 00:26:18.509
So real life, how I use it.
00:26:19.230 --> 00:26:22.890
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, Kev massages my shoulders in silence while I sip tea.
00:26:23.130 --> 00:26:23.789
He's locked.
00:26:23.930 --> 00:26:24.509
He's present.
00:26:24.910 --> 00:26:25.869
That's our intimacy.
00:26:26.589 --> 00:26:28.849
When I'm angry, I bring out my strap on.
00:26:29.009 --> 00:26:29.869
I don't need to talk.
00:26:29.930 --> 00:26:31.569
I just need to act.
00:26:31.730 --> 00:26:33.329
The power shift claims me.
00:26:33.609 --> 00:26:34.450
It grounds me.
00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:40.650
That's an interesting one because a lot of times we have talked about not doing doing things in anger.
00:26:41.869 --> 00:26:44.990
But I don't think this specifically means like she's angry at him.
00:26:44.990 --> 00:26:47.210
Maybe it's just been a bad day or she's angry.
00:26:47.609 --> 00:26:48.390
But either way.
00:26:49.430 --> 00:26:53.809
Embrace it if you can be responsible and not take it.
00:26:54.730 --> 00:26:58.069
To a bad place or as long as it's consensual.
00:26:59.470 --> 00:26:59.970
Absolutely.
00:27:03.460 --> 00:27:07.480
Then she says, when I'm anxious, I have him like candles and worship me quietly.
00:27:07.740 --> 00:27:08.460
Sometimes I cry.
00:27:08.579 --> 00:27:09.319
Sometimes I scream.
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:10.859
Sometimes I fall asleep in his lap.
00:27:11.019 --> 00:27:12.259
It's still intimacy.
00:27:12.869 --> 00:27:23.099
These are all sexual acts in the femdom world, not because they involve penetration or orgasms, but because they're deeply rooted in dominance, trust, control and connection.
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:31.339
I care about his sexual needs and realize that what I do with him plays back into the way he serves my emotional needs.
00:27:31.660 --> 00:27:38.339
He sees effort for what it is and gives it back in the ways I receive it best.
00:27:38.819 --> 00:27:44.019
The biggest thing I took from that is that her subbie knows her.
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:45.319
My subbie knows me.
00:27:45.720 --> 00:28:00.779
He knows how to handle me when I'm going through all of my and I don't even like the word handle, but he knows how to interact with me when I'm having my mood swings, whether it's hormones or just I'm angry with something happened that was something that happened that day.
00:28:00.859 --> 00:28:02.579
I'm frustrated with nothing going right.
00:28:02.579 --> 00:28:12.119
For example, trying to set up for this fucking podcast today, nothing would go right. I text him a little bit, whatever.
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:13.759
Calm down.
00:28:14.859 --> 00:28:17.559
I found everything I needed and I got it done.
00:28:17.900 --> 00:28:28.380
He knows me well enough to know how to interact with me and he also knows me well enough to know how to encourage me to be dominant and be confident in who I am.
00:28:28.839 --> 00:28:40.380
He's very encouraging in the way he interacts with me on my dominance and he also just makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:43.039
So there is that.
00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:45.160
I will link the article in the show notes.
00:28:45.859 --> 00:28:46.740
You can go check it out.
00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:48.180
It's a fantastic article.
00:28:48.519 --> 00:28:49.400
It could be very helpful.
00:28:49.980 --> 00:28:51.779
Take what applies to you and run with it.
00:28:52.019 --> 00:28:52.920
Not everything will.
00:28:53.579 --> 00:28:55.099
And whatever does it, let it go.
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.200
Move with what does.
00:28:57.079 --> 00:28:58.059
I hope this helps.
00:28:58.619 --> 00:29:00.960
I feel seriously like this is my first podcast.
00:29:01.079 --> 00:29:04.400
I don't have to be here to bounce ideas off of or to have a conversation with.
00:29:04.579 --> 00:29:06.140
I haven't talked to myself in a long time.
00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:09.680
Thank you again to the listener who emailed me.
00:29:10.059 --> 00:29:15.420
I will get back to you and I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to share a little bit about your dynamic with me.
00:29:16.259 --> 00:29:17.759
And that wraps this one up.
00:29:18.019 --> 00:29:19.180
More to come soon I hope.
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:23.759
I don't even remember what I used to say at the end you guys.
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:24.559
What the hell.
00:29:25.500 --> 00:29:26.279
Be kind.
00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:27.980
What is it?
00:29:29.180 --> 00:29:29.980
Stay safe.
00:29:30.339 --> 00:29:30.940
Be kind.
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:32.160
Fuck.
00:29:32.380 --> 00:29:33.240
I don't remember.
00:29:33.460 --> 00:29:34.420
What am I going to do now?
00:29:35.019 --> 00:29:36.319
I'm going to have to just do.
00:29:36.819 --> 00:29:37.779
Love you all.
00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:39.400
Can we come in?
00:29:39.660 --> 00:29:40.140
Can we come in?
