0151 Female Led Relationships: Can You Be a Domme and a Mom?

WEBVTT

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I don't know how to tiptoe around this without sounding creepy.

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to, and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle, and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.

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Welcome back. Look who's here. Oh, and for those of you just listening, who's here?

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Oh, I'm the subbie. Yes. Yes, he is.

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Yep. Today we are going to touch on BDSM and family life. I have an article here from boldpleasures.com. We will put the link in the show notes.

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But it talks about family life and how parents have to be equals.

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But first, housekeeping. I don't know. What do we have?

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We're real planners. Wow.

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Social media has been pretty slow this week. It's been a busy week with getting some other stuff done. Plus, last week we didn't record video for that podcast at the request of the guests that we had on the podcast. So really wasn't much to post as far as content.

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I received a comment a while back. I mean, it's been months since I've gotten it.

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And this is an FLR podcast, and we don't generally talk a whole lot specifically about the FLR lately. It's been a lot about swinging in different topics, pegging, things like that, that really aren't FLR related. So maybe we will circle back around and I'll maybe try and focus more on specifically the FLR portion. You know, just kind of give you guys some insight into like what our life is like being in an FLR with kids or just things that have happened during our week.

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Or just getting back to basics. Yeah.

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As far as the communication of like just setting up your FLR or just exploring the concept of your FLR. One of you really wants that sort of relationship and the other has no idea it exists. That would be us.

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Yeah. And I don't want, I mean, this podcast, I mean, it's Christine's FLR podcast. It's my fucking podcast. It is.

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But I like to encompass other areas of our lifestyle just because, I mean, not everybody wants to do an FLR. It's interesting to venture down different dynamics.

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I mean, there's certain things that people participate in that wouldn't be maybe labeled as an FLR.

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Right. It's always good when you are, I mean, it's always good to learn. Let's just start with that. Learn anything, learn as much as you can at any time really.

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And it's good to talk with other people that are quote unquote in the lifestyle and their experiences and what they've learned. And it's as far as, well, I can speak for me for sure. But for us, I think that's how we've learned some of the things that we know now by talking with other people, listening to other podcasts, watching other podcasts, you know, reading blogs, all of this stuff. It's really good to be able to form the most solid opinion with the most information that you have.

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Well, and also I like the having conversations with people because, I mean, we all know how much I like fucking labels. I hate them, just like the word normal.

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But it's interesting because there might be a certain aspect of a dynamic that you like that you can incorporate into your relationship. So learning about other people's dynamics might help be, I mean, it might help you incorporate something new and spicy in your dynamic or something. I mean, you don't have to be full on this, this and this.

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Correct.

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I mean, make it your fucking own. It's your relationship.

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Right. Yeah. You can learn the things that you really would like to explore and things you have no interest in whatsoever.

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And maybe there's one.

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That's good.

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Yeah. Maybe there's one thing about a dynamic that really fucking gets your motor running and there's other parts of it that you're like, I don't, I just don't like that.

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Yeah.

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Don't do those parts.

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Yeah.

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You know, next week, I think what I'd like to do since it's my Savvy's birthday weekend and the button game is coming out.

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Cool. Remind people the button game, just in case.

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Oh, yeah. If you didn't listen. So the button game, Love Ents is an affiliate of mine, and they make really high quality products that are operated remote control by remote.

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It's an app on your phone.

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Right. Bluetooth.

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Yeah. Bluetooth. You can do it from anywhere.

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Right. And literally anywhere because you could be in a different part of the world and be connected to that person's phone via the app and control their toy.

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Yep.

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Which, holy shit, that's ridiculous.

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That's so cool. So the button game for him is, we call it the button game because when you download the Love Ents app, there's two little buttons because there's two different vibrators on his toys specifically. It is non-gender specific. You can use for either gender.

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This has one spot that we put up his ass and the other spot nestles right underneath his cock cage.

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Yep.

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Jiggles all the good parts.

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Yep.

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And so for his birthday, we're going to let Carly, who was on last week, control the buttons for a little bit.

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Yeah. That should be a fun day.

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Next weekend might be real fun. Anyway, back at the ranch, we've gotten way off topic here.

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Yeah.

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But next week, maybe we'll just set the podcast up on the table and we can go over our weekend events and I think my subbie's going to have a good weekend.

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Yeah.

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Some plans for you.

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We'll keep you posted.

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Okay.

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Maybe.

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Come on. I might keep you posted.

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Oh, you can keep me posted.

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All right. Okay. Back on topic.

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On to it.

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Was there anything else you wanted for housekeeping issues?

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Covered it pretty good.

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Okay. So on to the article, BDSM and family life, parents have to be equal. Let's see.

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This all kind of came about because, you know, it's back to school and people are basically kind of getting back into their routines with kids being around.

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And, you know, sometimes you have some free time during the day.

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Who knows? But it's more of a, it's kind of more of a family time of year with kids going back to school and stuff.

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So I'm just going to read some of this. It is a blog.

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If you followed our blog for a while, you will know that we are adamant about there not being one true way in BDSM, which I agree with.

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So how come the title of this article is parents have to be equal?

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That sounds pretty one way, doesn't it?

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Parents are equally responsible for their children.

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100% every minute of the day for as long as they come of age.

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And it feels like the rest of your life.

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How fucking true is that?

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That is true.

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As a parent, you are responsible for your child's emotional and physical wellbeing.

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The decisions you take for your child from before they are born will shape their future.

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No pressure there or here.

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Either one.

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This responsibility demands that you make these decisions to the best of your knowledge and ability.

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It is crucially important that you do so out of your own free will.

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Side note.

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It may seem like we talk about our lifestyle a lot in how it relates to our kids.

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And a big part of that is because with me being new to this lifestyle and the way we live our life and things like that, I feel like we're not alone.

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And I feel like there are a bunch of other people out there who have children.

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Absolutely.

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Who are putting their dynamic on hold because they don't know how to navigate what they want while having kids in the house.

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Right.

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I think that's a big part of why I continually keep bringing it up because I think you can have both.

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Right.

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You just have to figure out what works for your family.

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Right.

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So that's another reason that in case anybody's listening to this going, I mean, fuck, she keep talking about that about her kids.

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Well, the thing is that the kids are a massive element in your life.

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Yeah.

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And you don't have to have, it doesn't have to be a one thing or another situation.

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Like you can establish your FLR and you can tiptoe your way into, you know, further into that journey.

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Well, being good and supportive parents.

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You know.

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Like even the way my oldest son grew up as compared to how my two younger ones are growing up now, like the relationship they're seeing me and my younger two, as opposed to how my older one.

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Massively different.

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It's massively different.

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And you know, the thing that makes me feel like I'm doing something right is because that my daughter has a couple times said to me that she's looking for her Brian, which is my subbie's name.

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So she recognizes how well he treats me and how well he takes care of me and our family.

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And I'm glad that she sees that.

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I'm glad that she recognizes that this is a healthy relationship.

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Now, what she knows is not the whole story, but she sees how we interact with each other.

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And, you know, she wants that.

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She wants that respect because there is a lot of respect between the two of us.

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And, you know, I'm not fucking degrading him and beating him in front of the children.

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No.

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And there's times where she will subtly push things.

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And I don't know if the kids catch on to it or not, but that's the fun that you can have with your FLR to be very subtle in the way that you navigate it with watching eyes around.

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Well, I mean, it can absolutely be done tactfully.

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And I think it's funny, too, because we were just discussing Brian's daughter wants to do a trip in October to go to a concert.

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And I told her she needed to talk to her dad.

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And she said, well, you talk to him because you're much better at talking to him about that.

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So I think the kids come to me when they really want something because they think that if I talk to you about it, the answer is always going to be yes.

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But the funny thing is, is he's much more laid back than I am.

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My answer is usually no.

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And his is usually yes.

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So well, depending on what it is.

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Yeah, depending on what it is or I mean, if I don't know, if you have all the information, sometimes you can make really good decisions.

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And sometimes when you don't have the information, it's hard to make that decision.

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Sometimes you need to step back from a situation and get like a bird's eye view of it, the thousand foot view of it in order to make a better decision.

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So not that my decision is better than your decision necessarily, but.

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He's really good at presenting the girls' case a lot if there's something that I say no to.

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And generally, this happens in a group discussion situation where we're all sitting down and having a group discussion.

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And somebody will say something to me.

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I'm like, no.

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And Brian's like, well, wait a minute.

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Let's just think about it.

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Well, he brings me around full circle and shows me, you know, it's kind of like a pros and cons.

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Here's where we're at with this, this or this.

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And a lot of times we go to hypothetical land.

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That's a great place to live.

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It is.

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Well, not live.

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Great place to visit.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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But that doesn't, I mean, that doesn't necessarily happen every time where, you know, you say no and I say yes.

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Sometimes it's the other way around.

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Like the dogs.

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Oh, we have the dogs.

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Like the dogs.

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Like we needed dogs and we didn't.

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We didn't need dogs.

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But they're sure a great addition to the family.

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They're like two more kids, basically.

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Yep.

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But they're sure fun.

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So I think that, and this gets back to the thing that we constantly talk about is communication.

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Yeah.

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We have this communication.

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It's not like he vetoes my decision or I veto his.

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Right.

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And that's, we want to show that to the kids to show them that that's a healthy.

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It's a, it's a part of a good, healthy relationship is the communication and being able to talk through things instead of fighting about things or not talking at all about things.

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And then it blows up in your face or whatever the case may be.

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You know, I was thinking about that too.

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I can't remember the last time we had an argument.

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Like, I don't know that we.

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That's very true.

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But it's not all rainbows and butterflies.

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No, it sure isn't.

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You know, don't, don't get that impression.

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But a good, like, angry argument of any sort has been.

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It's been maybe once since we've been.

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Yeah.

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Years it's been.

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Yeah.

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For sure.

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So anyway.

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Yeah.

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Our relationship is awesome.

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Back on track.

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It is.

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And that's, that's what we want to show the kids.

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Yes.

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Like, but we're not acting.

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It's just the way we are.

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Yeah.

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You know, and I think they can pick up on the bullshit if we're bullshitting, right?

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Yeah.

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They just don't bullshit detectors.

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Correct.

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So we want to show them that this is a, this is, you know, tooting our own horns or whatever.

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But our relationship is healthy.

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There's great communication.

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There's honesty.

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There's working together.

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That's covered.

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There's covering each other's back.

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There's, you know, united in one front, you know, and I think that that's a real healthy thing to show the kids so that when they are choosing their life partner, whatever that looks like, they remember how they grew up and the house that they grew up in and they look for that similar thing.

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That's just my two cents on it.

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I like it.

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I like your two cents a lot.

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Okay.

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Back to the article.

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Moving on.

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Submission has no place in parenthood.

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Ooh, what's this all about?

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As a submissive, it is your responsibility towards your child to have the rights of an equal father or mother in your parenting relationship.

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This is not always easy, especially if you are living a 24-7 BDSM lifestyle.

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Which does exist.

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And feel deeply connected to your submissive side.

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But I am very one true way here.

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You have to realize that submission has no place in parenthood.

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You are responsible for your child's well-being 100%.

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It's a responsibility you cannot, must not, delegate to your dominant.

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Okay.

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I get it now.

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I was kind of like, what do you mean?

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Okay.

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As a dominant, it is not just your responsibility to take care of your child.

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It is also your responsibility to create a safe environment for your submissive to be an equal parent.

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Consider establishing a switch in protocol to help.

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A signal word or nonverbal sign.

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Encourage your sub to speak freely.

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Repeat often that you expect your submissive to be an equal parent.

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Show and articulate that you are proud of your sub when he or she switches roles successfully.

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Naturally, like with any parenting couple, you will at times disagree about decisions.

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If that is the case, fall back to vanilla parenting models to come to agreement.

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Make pro and cons list.

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Find compromises.

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Ultimately, find consensus in a positive way.

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Never fall back to dom-sub hierarchy, especially not if that seems like an easy way out.

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You owe it to your child.

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That's really a fantastic point.

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When I first read that, I'm like, I don't.

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But I understand if you're living a 24-7 lifestyle.

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It'd be really, it'd be really hard to.

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I mean, because you're in your submissive role all the time.

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Right.

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We are 24-7, right?

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Yeah.

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I guess when I think of BDSM, which really we could, again, here's my fucking labels that I dislike, but we would technically probably be classified as a BDSM couple.

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It's how we live.

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Yeah.

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Legit.

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That, again, does not mean she walks around in like 10-inch high stilettos and wielding a flogger.

00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:17.340
God, how good would your life be if I did though?

00:16:17.340 --> 00:16:18.120
It'd be fantastic.

00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:19.240
But that's besides the point.

00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:19.500
Okay.

00:16:19.639 --> 00:16:20.379
It's not that.

00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:22.940
It's about your emotion.

00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:26.779
It's about your, the way you carry yourself.

00:16:27.299 --> 00:16:32.720
It's about your connection to your wife, partner, spouse, wife, husband.

00:16:32.940 --> 00:16:33.159
Yeah.

00:16:33.240 --> 00:16:33.539
Whatever.

00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:39.159
Dad is 24-7, right?

00:16:39.500 --> 00:17:08.470
So, what kind of not bothered me, but made me take note, I guess, is this article split the difference between a BDSM relationship and a vanilla relationship when in fact you almost, and again, my opinion, you can't have a good BDSM relationship unless you have.

00:17:09.108 --> 00:17:11.710
Like they're one in the same to me, right?

00:17:11.990 --> 00:17:17.930
They're one in the same because you need the honesty, you need the communication, you need to working together.

00:17:19.930 --> 00:17:28.589
And that's just an aspect of your BDSM, your FLR, whatever letters you want to throw out.

00:17:28.910 --> 00:17:31.049
That's just an aspect of that relationship.

00:17:31.460 --> 00:17:46.910
So, when you are confronting something with a child, working something out with a child, I think that it's not necessarily a switch over to something.

00:17:47.849 --> 00:17:58.390
You're just, you're using your, you're using your relational tool set, your relationship tool set to work with the child.

00:17:58.990 --> 00:18:06.150
And I think that you don't have to switch out of something into something else for you to work with your children.

00:18:06.369 --> 00:18:15.750
I think you just, if you have a healthy relationship, I think you address anything head on in a healthy way.

00:18:16.130 --> 00:18:21.069
Do you think this might be more geared towards though some of the couples?

00:18:21.829 --> 00:18:29.089
Because, okay, so we've done an episode on female-led relationships where the dominant has control of everything.

00:18:29.690 --> 00:18:32.089
Everything is in her or his name.

00:18:32.470 --> 00:18:36.910
There's even a power of attorney stating that they have control over everything.

00:18:37.529 --> 00:18:51.329
So, when I read this, I kind of took it as, like, do you suspect this could be something in this, in a case where the dominant just says to the submissive, you handle the children, I'm going to go off and do my own thing.

00:18:51.710 --> 00:18:53.829
Like, do you think people have a dynamic like that?

00:18:53.890 --> 00:18:56.650
Maybe that's what, I mean, that's what came to my mind.

00:18:56.650 --> 00:19:04.250
You know, where, for instance, like in our relationship, if I said, I'm not doing anything with the kids today, you're responsible.

00:19:04.430 --> 00:19:05.569
I'm going to go get my nails done.

00:19:05.690 --> 00:19:08.069
I'm going to go play with someone or I'm going to go whatever.

00:19:08.289 --> 00:19:09.089
I'm going to go to camp.

00:19:09.329 --> 00:19:09.529
Yeah.

00:19:11.230 --> 00:19:12.349
Ouch, that one hurt a little.

00:19:12.490 --> 00:19:13.029
No, no, no.

00:19:14.730 --> 00:19:22.329
Yeah, that's an example of you are going to deal with this and I am going to go do that.

00:19:22.470 --> 00:19:34.130
I mean, do you think there's some relationships where one of the parents, I mean, I know there is because I had one for a long time, but the parent has nothing to do really with the kid unless it's convenient for them and they just throw it all on their subbie.

00:19:35.410 --> 00:19:36.289
That's possible.

00:19:36.650 --> 00:19:37.230
You know, I mean.

00:19:37.549 --> 00:19:59.279
And I guess to your point, you were trying to bring up about, you know, the FLRs that are a little more, they're a little more like our brand of FLR isn't necessarily everybody's brand.

00:19:59.440 --> 00:19:59.579
Right.

00:19:59.579 --> 00:20:10.440
So I guess I speak from where we are, but I still think that there's elements in every relationship that should be there.

00:20:11.000 --> 00:20:13.779
Oh, I agree with that a hundred percent.

00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:17.819
You should have a solid vanilla or whatever you want to fucking call it.

00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:19.299
You should fucking sex out of it.

00:20:19.359 --> 00:20:24.420
You should always have a solid foundation before practicing or participating in any dynamic.

00:20:24.579 --> 00:20:24.839
Right.

00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:29.039
So, you know, you bring that part up.

00:20:29.400 --> 00:20:43.240
Now, I can look at this section of the blog a little bit different, but I guess for us, you know, maybe we're not as deep like power of attorney.

00:20:43.480 --> 00:20:45.559
Like, well, I mean, you could do that if you wanted to.

00:20:45.740 --> 00:20:46.599
Everything's in my name.

00:20:46.700 --> 00:20:47.839
We really don't need to do that.

00:20:48.019 --> 00:20:48.160
Right.

00:20:48.380 --> 00:20:50.599
I mean, I have control over everything.

00:20:50.599 --> 00:20:52.880
Anyway, you asked me before you spend money and.

00:20:53.380 --> 00:21:02.019
You know, there's couples who do that even, I guess, to a deeper level than we do it.

00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:02.640
Maybe.

00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:03.720
I guess I don't know.

00:21:04.920 --> 00:21:11.759
I guess what I'm trying to say is that from our point of view, you don't necessarily have to switch between one thing or another.

00:21:11.859 --> 00:21:11.960
Right.

00:21:11.980 --> 00:21:19.039
Just be the strong, you know, couple, the partners, you know, the united front.

00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:19.539
Yep.

00:21:19.539 --> 00:21:24.960
Be that strong example or role models for your kids.

00:21:25.099 --> 00:21:25.259
Yeah.

00:21:25.859 --> 00:21:29.460
Like we really we're really just ourselves and that's just how we are with each other.

00:21:29.559 --> 00:21:31.180
There really isn't a dom sub role.

00:21:31.460 --> 00:21:31.920
It's more.

00:21:32.359 --> 00:21:33.660
I mean, there is, but anyway.

00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:34.240
Right.

00:21:34.420 --> 00:21:36.039
We can talk about that all damn day.

00:21:36.200 --> 00:21:36.339
Yep.

00:21:36.759 --> 00:21:37.039
Okay.

00:21:37.079 --> 00:21:37.559
Moving on.

00:21:37.619 --> 00:21:37.799
Sorry.

00:21:38.259 --> 00:21:40.559
Children have no place in a BDSM dynamic.

00:21:41.220 --> 00:21:44.160
You wouldn't dream of playing an impact play scene in front of your children.

00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:47.059
I hope that is pretty obvious.

00:21:47.319 --> 00:21:49.400
It is not age appropriate for a start.

00:21:50.250 --> 00:21:53.480
Children don't understand the concept of consent yet.

00:21:53.839 --> 00:22:05.819
They wouldn't understand that daddy likes to be spanked by mommy or that mommy enjoys a good old flogging by daddy or their mental and emotional well-being for their sanity and for their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.

00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:08.240
Never expose children to BDSM play.

00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:09.259
Let's be clear.

00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:14.140
I think that's pretty much common sense in my opinion.

00:22:14.599 --> 00:22:16.740
Consent separates BDSM from abuse.

00:22:16.740 --> 00:22:18.019
Children cannot consent.

00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:22.859
Exposing children to a BDSM dynamic is a little less obvious because the lines are blurry.

00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:28.440
Certainly, if your BDSM relationship is part of your household, if mother and father are in a 24-7 dynamic.

00:22:28.740 --> 00:22:30.119
I totally agree with that.

00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:30.859
I get that.

00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:40.740
You know, again, from our point of view or us as an example or whatever, I think that your daughter understands a little bit more about us than my daughter.

00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:48.140
But they don't know like the adult details.

00:22:48.420 --> 00:22:55.180
Yeah, I think, well, and my daughter heard me refer to him as my subbie once and she's like, what did you just say?

00:22:56.019 --> 00:23:03.079
So, I mean, I just kind of said, okay, some relationship, there's some relationships, they have a dominant and a submissive.

00:23:03.160 --> 00:23:10.279
So, the dominant is the one in control and the submissive is submissive to the dominant, meaning they do what they're told, things like that.

00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:12.660
And I said, it's a real in-depth conversation.

00:23:12.900 --> 00:23:14.640
That's just a glazed over definition.

00:23:15.299 --> 00:23:18.039
If you want to know more, we can talk about it more.

00:23:18.619 --> 00:23:20.319
And she's like, well, why do you call him your subbie?

00:23:20.380 --> 00:23:21.960
And I said, because he does what I tell him to.

00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:23.640
She's like, oh, that makes sense.

00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:24.839
And that was the end of it.

00:23:25.339 --> 00:23:26.079
You know, I mean.

00:23:27.099 --> 00:23:31.099
Which, I mean, that's healthy because you explained roles.

00:23:31.319 --> 00:23:36.680
Yeah, it was a very, again, vanilla or just a very basic.

00:23:37.799 --> 00:23:39.180
Just a simple conversation.

00:23:39.180 --> 00:23:41.359
And I think too, go ahead.

00:23:41.539 --> 00:23:47.180
Oh, I was just going to say, however, now she will not grow up like you grew up.

00:23:47.880 --> 00:23:56.039
She will grow up now knowing that there's reasons for one being in charge and one not so much.

00:23:56.180 --> 00:23:56.279
Yeah.

00:23:56.519 --> 00:24:01.059
She would be, she'll be familiar with the words dominant and submissive.

00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:04.039
And she'll do her own exploring on that, I'm sure.

00:24:04.440 --> 00:24:04.660
Yeah.

00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:07.299
You know, or maybe not, whatever, you know.

00:24:07.299 --> 00:24:14.460
Well, and my biggest thing with both of our girls, all of our kids, boys or girls, you know, because I had a conversation with my daughter.

00:24:14.980 --> 00:24:16.440
It was a while ago.

00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:21.660
And she was talking about being kind of a people pleaser in a sexual aspect.

00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:33.799
And if there's anything I want, especially our girls to understand, if you are not into something that's happening or you're done doing whatever it is you're doing, stop.

00:24:34.279 --> 00:24:36.559
There is no reason.

00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:44.819
I just want, I mean, that's the benefit of, like, for instance, me slowly stepping into the dominant role.

00:24:45.140 --> 00:24:48.059
I did a lot of reading and research in the beginning of our relationship.

00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:53.960
And there are so many studies that show how much more confident dominant women are.

00:24:54.119 --> 00:25:03.720
And I mean, even if you don't do the 24-hour or 24-7 dynamic, just even if you were doing just bedroom play, that confidence carries out into your real life.

00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:04.259
Absolutely.

00:25:04.259 --> 00:25:06.480
I'm not saying I want my daughter to be a dominant.

00:25:06.700 --> 00:25:09.599
I mean, if she wants to be perfect, if she wants to be submissive, perfect.

00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:10.839
I don't care what she is.

00:25:10.859 --> 00:25:11.599
I love her anyway.

00:25:11.640 --> 00:25:15.980
But I want her to know that she doesn't have to do something she doesn't want to do.

00:25:16.059 --> 00:25:21.519
I want her to be able to stand up for herself and not feel bad because the other person didn't get what they were looking for.

00:25:22.180 --> 00:25:31.220
And her being like that is a lot to do with me because that's how I was for a long, I mean, even now, I'm still that way to a certain extent when I interact with other people.

00:25:32.019 --> 00:25:33.779
And sometimes even with my subbie.

00:25:34.259 --> 00:25:40.059
I think I sometimes do that because I feel bad that I'm at camp sometimes and he's at home with the kids.

00:25:40.420 --> 00:25:43.599
Just because one, the kid he's there for isn't even him.

00:25:43.640 --> 00:25:45.240
I mean, it's not biologically his.

00:25:45.339 --> 00:25:46.460
It's not his responsibility.

00:25:46.859 --> 00:25:49.039
It's his fucking dad's, to be honest.

00:25:49.180 --> 00:25:54.079
But I just want her to be confident in her ability to say fucking no.

00:25:54.339 --> 00:25:57.319
God, that's so important for people to understand.

00:25:57.500 --> 00:26:00.880
It's okay to say no and don't feel guilty about the other person's feelings.

00:26:01.059 --> 00:26:02.960
I mean, be tactful and respectful.

00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:04.740
Don't be an asshole about it.

00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:06.599
It absolutely is.

00:26:06.900 --> 00:26:10.220
Now, sort of to the counterpoint of that.

00:26:11.579 --> 00:26:32.940
If she has discovered that she is submissive and she and her play partner or whatever have negotiated terms to the point where some submissives like to be forced to do things.

00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:35.460
It's part of being submissive.

00:26:35.619 --> 00:26:38.480
Yeah, if that's part of her dynamic that she wants.

00:26:38.539 --> 00:26:38.819
Right.

00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:39.319
Fine.

00:26:39.460 --> 00:26:40.940
But she has to know her limits.

00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:41.180
Right.

00:26:41.420 --> 00:26:51.200
As long as that is negotiated prior to, you know, nobody is entitled to get anything from you that you don't want to give them.

00:26:51.700 --> 00:26:51.940
Right.

00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:54.240
And I think we get that message.

00:26:54.500 --> 00:27:03.960
Like my stepdaughter maybe isn't at the same place in her development when it comes to sex and relationships.

00:27:04.339 --> 00:27:10.839
They're just on different levels and they are very different girls, but both very smart and know what they want.

00:27:11.460 --> 00:27:13.440
But we have conversations all the time.

00:27:13.480 --> 00:27:18.880
Like if you ever have questions about sex or anything, come to us.

00:27:18.980 --> 00:27:19.140
Right.

00:27:19.619 --> 00:27:21.740
We will give you honest, straight answers.

00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:25.500
So, and it's not, we're not the parents that are like, well, you shouldn't be having sex.

00:27:25.539 --> 00:27:26.119
You're not married.

00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:35.440
I mean, I would rather have them have the right information and be safe because listen, nine times out of 10, kids aren't going to fucking do what you tell them anyway.

00:27:35.539 --> 00:27:40.460
I'd rather have them have accurate information so that when they do what they're going to do, they're informed.

00:27:40.779 --> 00:27:40.900
Right.

00:27:41.019 --> 00:27:47.720
And once you've established that you are a safe person to come to for information, they will come to you continually.

00:27:48.160 --> 00:28:01.460
Like if they know that they want to come to you with a question and you give them the real no bullshit answer, they will come back to you for more of that real no bullshit answers because they trust you.

00:28:02.420 --> 00:28:07.119
You know, we're kind of off topic there, but you know, it's parenting.

00:28:07.339 --> 00:28:08.680
And this is kind of about parenting.

00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:09.740
Jesus Christ.

00:28:09.799 --> 00:28:11.819
It does not come with a fucking manual.

00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:14.900
Oh, and by the way, we're not telling you how to be a parent.

00:28:15.019 --> 00:28:15.160
No.

00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:17.519
We are telling you how we are parents.

00:28:17.859 --> 00:28:20.640
And if you glean something from that, great.

00:28:20.640 --> 00:28:24.680
If you think we're complete fucking idiots, that's great too.

00:28:25.480 --> 00:28:25.960
Yeah.

00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:27.119
Just a disclaimer.

00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:27.539
Yep.

00:28:28.259 --> 00:28:35.039
From your children's perspective, I recommend always looking at the way you interact from your child's perspective.

00:28:35.859 --> 00:28:38.779
Children instinctively repeat what they see adults doing.

00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:40.140
Their parents most of all.

00:28:40.259 --> 00:28:45.740
If a daughter sees her mother being bossed around by her father in a harsh voice all day, how does that set her up for life choices?

00:28:46.160 --> 00:28:54.740
If a son sees daddy fall on his knees when mommy comes home, what does that teach him about mutual respect and his relationship future?

00:28:55.640 --> 00:28:58.460
Again, children don't understand the concept of consent.

00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:04.279
They pick up on behavioral patterns way before they could even ask why things are the way they are.

00:29:04.519 --> 00:29:07.700
And children don't typically question their parents until teenage years.

00:29:07.859 --> 00:29:08.519
True story.

00:29:09.319 --> 00:29:12.539
What they see at home, that's how it's supposed to be.

00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:16.160
That's what they will most likely repeat in their relationships.

00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:21.319
So just looking at this, let's just say we look at it from our children's perspectives.

00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:24.759
I think, I mean, he doesn't get down on his knees at my feet.

00:29:24.900 --> 00:29:27.380
I mean, he has and rubbed my feet, things like that.

00:29:27.819 --> 00:29:29.460
But then I've done that for him.

00:29:30.140 --> 00:29:31.039
Oh, for sure.

00:29:31.180 --> 00:29:36.599
Which brings me back to that TikTok comment about how I'm teaching women to hate their man.

00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:36.940
Yeah.

00:29:37.059 --> 00:29:39.539
Like, listen, my subbie is very well taken care of.

00:29:39.940 --> 00:29:40.299
Extremely.

00:29:40.859 --> 00:29:41.200
So.

00:29:41.400 --> 00:29:42.240
I am spoiled.

00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:45.160
I don't fucking feel bad about going to camp.

00:29:45.259 --> 00:29:46.059
I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

00:29:46.059 --> 00:29:47.039
I don't know what you're talking about.

00:29:47.039 --> 00:29:47.920
We are fucking spoiled.

00:29:48.079 --> 00:29:48.539
You can have a look.

00:29:48.740 --> 00:29:51.259
If I'm the one good with it, I don't know why you're having a problem.

00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:51.880
Yeah.

00:29:51.940 --> 00:29:52.460
True story.

00:29:53.180 --> 00:29:53.579
Okay.

00:29:53.619 --> 00:30:05.539
So from our children's perspective, I mean, I think if anybody was to question our girls about what kind of relationship we have, I really think that they would say that we have, I mean, we have good communication about the things that matter.

00:30:06.420 --> 00:30:12.880
Not so good communication sometimes with events that are going to be happening or coming up or things like that, because it's hectic.

00:30:13.019 --> 00:30:15.480
And that happens a lot in people's relationships.

00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:17.619
Information in our house is fluid.

00:30:18.359 --> 00:30:26.119
You know, what is written in stone one minute, a minute later is completely false.

00:30:26.319 --> 00:30:26.519
Right.

00:30:26.700 --> 00:30:40.049
You know, so sometimes when the one of us doesn't have all the information or all the right information, it's more likely just a thing where...

00:30:44.009 --> 00:30:44.990
It's a time thing.

00:30:45.210 --> 00:30:45.390
Yeah.

00:30:45.470 --> 00:30:47.849
It's like a time timing thing.

00:30:47.849 --> 00:30:48.069
Yeah.

00:30:48.269 --> 00:30:53.089
A lot of times, like for a while there, his daughter wouldn't really talk to me a ton.

00:30:53.410 --> 00:30:55.890
And it was just a weird time.

00:30:56.089 --> 00:30:56.990
We've worked through it.

00:30:57.130 --> 00:30:58.630
And I mean, her and I are real close now.

00:30:58.769 --> 00:30:58.990
All right.

00:30:59.009 --> 00:30:59.529
We're close.

00:31:01.269 --> 00:31:06.329
But she would text him and ask him things, or she would text him and tell him where she was going.

00:31:06.970 --> 00:31:10.990
And then he would not, because he was at work, he would forget to text me, tell me.

00:31:11.069 --> 00:31:12.789
And I'd be like, hey, where's your kid going?

00:31:13.029 --> 00:31:13.170
Yeah.

00:31:13.230 --> 00:31:13.750
Oh, shit.

00:31:13.769 --> 00:31:14.349
I'm so sorry.

00:31:14.410 --> 00:31:14.670
I forgot.

00:31:14.950 --> 00:31:15.109
Yeah.

00:31:16.309 --> 00:31:16.890
Excuse me.

00:31:16.890 --> 00:31:21.930
So if you ask the girls, I think they would say that we have good communication for the most part.

00:31:22.069 --> 00:31:22.289
Right.

00:31:22.450 --> 00:31:27.210
I mean, we communicate very well on the things that matter, and we're on the same page for a lot of the things that we do.

00:31:27.690 --> 00:31:33.109
But our kids don't see him bowing down at my legs when I walk in the door.

00:31:33.269 --> 00:31:41.970
I mean, I really believe that they see a healthy relationship, especially since, you know, with my daughter saying, you know, I really want to find my Brian.

00:31:42.190 --> 00:31:42.430
Right.

00:31:43.329 --> 00:31:45.789
They see me going out of my way for you.

00:31:45.950 --> 00:31:46.170
Yeah.

00:31:46.170 --> 00:31:49.170
At the same time, they see you going out of your way for me.

00:31:49.329 --> 00:31:49.450
Yeah.

00:31:49.750 --> 00:31:50.150
You know.

00:31:50.410 --> 00:31:52.130
Like I serve him dinner every night.

00:31:52.269 --> 00:31:53.549
Is that weird in an FLR?

00:31:54.009 --> 00:31:54.869
Just fucking weird.

00:31:55.269 --> 00:31:56.630
It's my mommy and me.

00:31:56.769 --> 00:31:56.970
Yeah.

00:31:57.349 --> 00:31:57.829
I don't know.

00:31:57.950 --> 00:31:59.250
But he works hard all day.

00:31:59.390 --> 00:32:02.450
And, you know, he comes home, does his thing, and I serve him dinner.

00:32:02.589 --> 00:32:03.730
And sometimes he does the dishes.

00:32:03.950 --> 00:32:05.009
Sometimes my mom does the dishes.

00:32:05.170 --> 00:32:06.170
Sometimes I do the dishes.

00:32:07.309 --> 00:32:08.269
It's just how we work.

00:32:08.430 --> 00:32:08.670
Anyway.

00:32:09.789 --> 00:32:12.609
Make a conscious choice in your child's best interest.

00:32:12.609 --> 00:32:18.829
My husband and I have made the choice to keep the majority of our domicile relationship away from our children.

00:32:20.009 --> 00:32:24.990
We have established different levels of protocol for when they are present versus when we are alone.

00:32:25.349 --> 00:32:31.910
The subtle act of submission that they still see are just very polite couple acting respectfully with each other.

00:32:32.190 --> 00:32:34.970
And we compensate accordingly when the kids are not there.

00:32:35.569 --> 00:32:40.529
As a submissive, I am proud of the fact that I could make the choice to submit.

00:32:40.529 --> 00:32:44.710
My parents raised me to be a self-determined and emancipated woman.

00:32:45.009 --> 00:32:48.130
I personally intend to raise my children in that same mindset.

00:32:48.869 --> 00:32:51.990
So basically, they said exactly what we said, I think.

00:32:52.150 --> 00:32:53.250
That kind of summed it up.

00:32:53.369 --> 00:33:03.849
So I think overall, this episode is mainly just for, you know, if you are out there trying to live some sort of dynamic, figure out what works for you.

00:33:04.029 --> 00:33:09.930
And there are ways to practice this lifestyle of, well, any variety, really.

00:33:09.930 --> 00:33:10.410
Absolutely.

00:33:11.210 --> 00:33:14.250
Like I was saying, you don't have to have one or the other.

00:33:15.190 --> 00:33:23.829
It is very possible to have both as long as you are subtle in how you interact around kids.

00:33:24.349 --> 00:33:27.029
I think it's totally attainable to do both.

00:33:27.950 --> 00:33:28.829
Yeah, I agree.

00:33:29.009 --> 00:33:29.349
I think...

00:33:30.190 --> 00:33:31.089
Just use your head.

00:33:31.250 --> 00:33:31.509
Yeah.

00:33:32.849 --> 00:33:33.329
Yeah.

00:33:33.470 --> 00:33:34.170
Be smart about it.

00:33:34.289 --> 00:33:34.509
Yep.

00:33:34.710 --> 00:33:35.349
Common sense.

00:33:35.849 --> 00:33:36.009
Yep.

00:33:37.210 --> 00:33:37.509
Okay.

00:33:37.549 --> 00:33:39.269
Well, I think that wraps up this episode.

00:33:39.269 --> 00:33:39.869
It does.

00:33:40.289 --> 00:33:44.849
So next week for episode 52, it's a pretty big episode.

00:33:44.990 --> 00:33:51.829
We might just kind of take bits and pieces from last episodes too and make an episode out of it for anybody who's just starting up.

00:33:51.950 --> 00:33:52.190
Maybe.

00:33:52.509 --> 00:33:52.930
I don't know.

00:33:53.089 --> 00:33:57.809
We could do like reflect on the year of the podcast.

00:33:58.069 --> 00:33:58.450
We could.

00:33:59.130 --> 00:34:01.250
A year ago, we were just talking about this.

00:34:01.250 --> 00:34:08.909
And I think, in fact, about a year ago this weekend, we got the logo for the podcast.

00:34:09.409 --> 00:34:09.509
Yeah.

00:34:09.949 --> 00:34:12.849
I mean, we're a year into this.

00:34:13.070 --> 00:34:13.989
It's so fucking crazy.

00:34:14.269 --> 00:34:15.110
You guys are amazing.

00:34:15.349 --> 00:34:22.329
Like I really, when I started this and I've listened, I actually just the other day went back and listened for real the other day.

00:34:22.409 --> 00:34:22.630
Yeah.

00:34:23.309 --> 00:34:24.909
And listened to episode one.

00:34:25.929 --> 00:34:27.309
Gosh, just listening to it.

00:34:27.349 --> 00:34:29.550
I remember exactly how I feel.

00:34:29.550 --> 00:34:32.010
I was fucking terrified.

00:34:32.590 --> 00:34:37.809
You could totally tell I had written down everything I was going to say, and I did not venture off of that.

00:34:37.909 --> 00:34:38.530
And now look at me.

00:34:38.590 --> 00:34:40.230
Here I am, just a rambling fool.

00:34:40.329 --> 00:34:40.909
Shaggy Cathy.

00:34:42.030 --> 00:34:42.429
Crazy.

00:34:42.610 --> 00:34:43.969
It's been a pretty crazy year.

00:34:44.429 --> 00:34:46.929
It's hard to believe I've done this 51 times.

00:34:47.070 --> 00:34:47.210
Yep.

00:34:48.389 --> 00:34:53.510
Well, technically it's 50 times because 37 was the last episode.

00:34:53.809 --> 00:34:54.610
Oh, shh.

00:34:54.650 --> 00:34:55.329
We don't talk about that.

00:34:55.329 --> 00:34:55.550
Yeah.

00:34:56.650 --> 00:34:57.650
But it's been a year.

00:34:57.869 --> 00:34:58.309
Either way.

00:34:58.469 --> 00:34:58.630
Yeah.

00:35:00.010 --> 00:35:04.090
So stay tuned next week to see what we decide.

00:35:04.309 --> 00:35:06.469
And if anybody wants to leave feedback, feel free.

00:35:06.650 --> 00:35:07.190
That would be great.

00:35:07.269 --> 00:35:09.429
And you could even do that on Patreon if you wanted to.

00:35:10.309 --> 00:35:10.570
Okay.

00:35:12.369 --> 00:35:13.210
I like it.

00:35:13.349 --> 00:35:15.309
To our lovely Patreon peeps.

00:35:15.869 --> 00:35:16.909
You guys are the bomb.

00:35:16.929 --> 00:35:17.070
Yep.

00:35:17.190 --> 00:35:17.789
The bomb.

00:35:17.889 --> 00:35:18.030
Yep.

00:35:19.849 --> 00:35:23.309
Well, everyone have a fantastic week.

00:35:23.309 --> 00:35:32.489
If you are in areas where it is turning cold, enjoy these last few warm days.

00:35:32.690 --> 00:35:35.969
I'm not looking forward to the cold, but I sure do love fall.

00:35:36.329 --> 00:35:37.110
Minus the wind.

00:35:37.909 --> 00:35:39.789
Anyway, have a fantastic week.

00:35:40.030 --> 00:35:40.570
Stay safe.

00:35:40.809 --> 00:35:41.849
Be good human beings.

00:35:42.150 --> 00:35:43.250
And we will chat soon.