Jan. 21, 2026
0201 Female Led Relationships: How Chastity Boosts My Confidence as a Domme
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me! ///// RE-RELEASE ///// Welcome to Season 2! And what better way to kick it off than with my favorite month — Locktober. 💋 This week, I’m taking you inside our real-life dynamic — how chastity works in our relationship, how it doesn’t always go to plan, and the honest truths I’ve learned about myself as a Domme. This episode is part education, part vulnerability, part hype for Locktober — and I’m so damn glad you’re here for it....
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me!
///// RE-RELEASE /////
Welcome to Season 2! And what better way to kick it off than with my favorite month — Locktober. 💋
This week, I’m taking you inside our real-life dynamic — how chastity works in our relationship, how it doesn’t always go to plan, and the honest truths I’ve learned about myself as a Domme. This episode is part education, part vulnerability, part hype for Locktober — and I’m so damn glad you’re here for it.
We’re not just talking cock cages. We’re talking:
- What happens when life throws curveballs (like heart issues and homecoming madness)
- Why a locked cock brings me confidence
- How submission without communication is just performance
- And what to do if you’re new to chastity and your partner has no clue what you’re talking about
What You’ll Hear in This Episode:
- A quick update on my other podcast Control (yes, it’s still coming!)
- Why I took a break — and what three senior girls prepping for homecoming will do to your schedule
- The emotional shift I feel when my subbie is locked
- Why male chastity is about more than just denial or control
- How chastity boosts my confidence and makes our home run smoother
- Why communication is non-negotiable (especially when you’re new)
- My tips for presenting chastity to your partner — without making it all about sex
- A full walkthrough of cage types, body fit tips, hygiene, and red flags to watch for
- What people say when they find out you lock up your man — and how I learned not to give a single fuck
Krystine Asks You to Reflect:
- Have you noticed how different your dynamic feels with chastity vs without?
- If you’re a Domme, what impact does keyholding have on you, not just your partner?
- What’s your biggest fear in talking about this side of your relationship with friends or family?
- Could you take sex off the table to show submission in other ways?
🔗 Extras Mentioned:
- 🎙️ Control Podcast – coming soon (and getting spicy 👀)
- 🛑 Reminder: Check your cage f
https://www.krystinekellogg.com/
Email Me! KrystineKellogg@Gmail.com
Want to support the podcast and be involved with the behind-the-scenes, including voting on episode topics, as well as tiptoe with me into this whole "coaching" thing. Find my Patreon HERE!
Keywords:
domestic discipline, female led relationship dynamics, accountability, communication, people pleaser, personal growth, female led relationship challenges, discipline strategies, humor in relationships, shared growth, female led relationship advice, discipline and play, understanding in partnerships, personal anecdotes, physical touch, relationship rules, partnership growth, podcast insights, female-led relationships, submissive rewards, holiday appreciation, partner devotion, relationship dynamics,, control and appreciation, partner confidence, submissive devotion, unique dynamics, balance of control, partner nurturing, relationship empowerment, submissive strength.pegging, female-led relationship, kink, empowerment, dominance, submission, ass play, emotional connection, intimacy, power play, strap-on, control
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Oh, the coffee is making me sound real phlegmy.
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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
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If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers or therapists.
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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:42.759 --> 00:00:44.159
Welcome back.
00:00:44.679 --> 00:00:51.100
Season two, episode one, and it's my favorite month, L'October.
00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:56.579
Today, we're going to talk about chastity and how it works in our relationship.
00:00:57.859 --> 00:01:01.000
But first, housekeeping.
00:01:12.989 --> 00:01:15.689
One. First issue of housekeeping.
00:01:16.310 --> 00:01:24.269
I don't know if you are all aware, but we do have another podcast called Control, loosely based on real life events.
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We have, I don't know, I think it's two episodes out and somehow we have managed to get 5000 downloads with no advertising and no promoting.
00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:41.840
It is a project that my subbie truly loves.
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And has been struggling to find the time, but we are working on getting the remaining episodes of that podcast out.
00:01:51.239 --> 00:01:52.920
So stay tuned for that.
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I also took a week off last week to get ready for season two.
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:02.459
It was kind of a hectic week.
00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:08.599
We have our two senior daughters and then one of my daughter's friends is staying with us.
00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:13.539
So three senior girls getting ready for homecoming was quite the time suck last week.
00:02:14.060 --> 00:02:20.539
So we are back on track now and it's L'October, so yay.
00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:25.300
Uh, TikTok, I don't know.
00:02:26.180 --> 00:02:26.860
It's TikTok.
00:02:27.419 --> 00:02:36.000
My last episode got a bunch of people fired up about, you know, pegging means you're gay or bi or whatever.
00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:44.800
I it's a hot button for me, and I don't understand how if you like putting something in your butt that determines your sexuality.
00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:47.900
But maybe I'm the confused one.
00:02:48.020 --> 00:02:48.699
I don't know.
00:02:48.939 --> 00:02:51.280
So I got some hate comments on that and.
00:02:52.599 --> 00:02:56.139
Whatever, I did get a lot of positive feedback, though, so I appreciate it.
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I don't know if anybody on here listening looks at my TikTok, but sometimes I just have to take a time out because social media fucking pisses me off.
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:07.159
All right.
00:03:07.659 --> 00:03:10.439
Let's get into chastity, shall we?
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We have done episodes on chastity before, and I think one of them, my subbie was actually with me.
00:03:22.110 --> 00:03:25.150
So it is my ever favorite month of L'October.
00:03:26.710 --> 00:03:35.530
And somebody should keep a tally of how many times I say so, and because apparently it is my word of choice or they are my words of choice today.
00:03:36.139 --> 00:03:38.990
The last month, life has kind of been a fucker.
00:03:39.310 --> 00:03:57.189
So with my husband's heart issues and all of that shit, we have kind of abstained from putting the chastity device on him just until we figured things out and things kind of got more back to normal.
00:03:57.669 --> 00:04:04.389
Thankfully, by October 1st, things were good to go and he is locked up tight.
00:04:04.389 --> 00:04:16.149
Before we get too far into that, first, I'm going to preface this by saying the discussions that I'm having or the things that I'm talking about on today's episode are pretty much directly how they relate to my subbie and I.
00:04:16.230 --> 00:04:18.410
So it's going to be based on male, female.
00:04:19.129 --> 00:04:20.550
There are many variations.
00:04:20.970 --> 00:04:23.209
I do know that they make female chastity devices.
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Your dynamic is your dynamic.
00:04:25.930 --> 00:04:35.970
I'm just kind of talking about how chastity enhances our relationship and different things that you should consider when considering chastity.
00:04:41.750 --> 00:04:46.470
So first, real quick, just to briefly overview.
00:04:47.970 --> 00:04:51.129
When starting out with chastity, you should start out slow.
00:04:51.629 --> 00:04:53.990
Don't go straight to 24-7 immediately.
00:04:55.550 --> 00:04:57.629
I think you have to work into it.
00:04:58.829 --> 00:05:02.610
Also, it may take some time to find the cage that fits.
00:05:03.350 --> 00:05:09.230
Everybody's body is built differently and you have to find what works for you and your body style.
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For me personally, I enjoy the visual appeal of the metal cage.
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Not everybody. I mean, you go with what works for you.
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I also like the weight of the metal cage for him.
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We did try multiple different cages in the beginning, and this was the one that actually he also liked the best.
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So we stuck with it. And here we are.
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There are so many different things or different cages out there that you can try.
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Different variations, things that go up your urethra.
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That's a hard fucking no for me.
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And I think my subbie is pretty thankful about that.
00:05:50.189 --> 00:05:56.430
But if you have piercings, there's cages that can incorporate the piercing in the cage.
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There is a plethora.
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You should also be sure that when first getting into wearing a chastity device, that you are checking your groin area for any open sores.
00:06:11.089 --> 00:06:15.250
Getting an infection down there would be a real fucker and probably quite painful.
00:06:16.389 --> 00:06:25.389
All of that being said, let's talk about the mental aspects of the chastity device, which personally is my favorite part.
00:06:30.870 --> 00:06:37.360
So let's talk about what male chastity means to our relationship specifically.
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So my husband and I live a full time female led relationship.
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I have control over everything.
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He is extremely submissive.
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And we've discussed this before.
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My husband is quite attentive to me when he isn't in his chastity device.
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However, the second that fucker goes on, it ramps it up tenfold.
00:07:03.819 --> 00:07:04.699
And it's amazing.
00:07:05.540 --> 00:07:13.720
But one thing that I don't know that people maybe realize is how it affects the dominant when the submissive is caged.
00:07:14.199 --> 00:07:18.279
And this is something that I really hadn't given much thought to myself.
00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:25.980
Like I said, this last month was kind of crazy, and he was not in his cock cage.
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Chastity device, whatever you want to call it.
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And this last month, I've noticed, too, that I have struggled a little bit with my body image, my appearance.
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A lot of different things.
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Just it's been kind of a weird month.
00:07:44.100 --> 00:07:46.319
I don't something in the universe is going on.
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I don't know, but it was kind of a rough month emotionally for me.
00:07:52.139 --> 00:07:59.379
And it's just strange because the second that cage went on, it was like everything was right in my world.
00:08:00.579 --> 00:08:05.139
I am a much more confident person when he is locked up.
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:10.939
Now, my best way to explain this is that I feel like I have control back.
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Not that I don't always have control, but it's just that next level.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:21.100
And I've talked about this before, too, even just in being the dominant of our relationship.
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It carries over into all aspects of your life.
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Before I met my hubby and before we started practicing or living this dynamic, whatever you want to call it, I was very insecure about myself, very insecure.
00:08:37.158 --> 00:08:41.000
I was almost on the verge of submissive and I didn't like it.
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Like I had control of everything in my life.
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I was a single mom, whatever.
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I mean, I had control of that.
00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:51.840
But in my relationships, I was more of a nurturer and kind of did what I was told.
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And then I met my hubby and he introduced this whole lifestyle to me.
00:08:56.539 --> 00:08:57.639
And looking back.
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The amount of confidence I have now as compared to who I was then is crazy.
00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:12.240
When you practice a dom sub relationship, female led relationship, whatever your dynamic may be.
00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:16.720
It really carries over into all aspects of your life.
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Like I am so much more confident.
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I am not.
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My body type is not.
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I'm not a model. I'm not skinny.
00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:29.259
I'm I always say I'm built like a football player.
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I have very broad shoulders.
00:09:30.940 --> 00:09:31.960
I have a big frame.
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And I used to be real insecure about how I looked.
00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:39.740
And this last month, it was like kind of all surfacing again.
00:09:40.179 --> 00:09:48.159
But I have not had the amount of insecurity about my appearance that I used to have since being with my subbie.
00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:51.840
A lot of that could just be how he reacts to me physically.
00:09:52.539 --> 00:09:53.940
That boosts my confidence.
00:09:54.120 --> 00:10:00.860
But I think a lot of it is because I have so much more confidence being the dominant in our relationship.
00:10:06.500 --> 00:10:09.740
So along with the confidence, I am.
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It's weird.
00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:14.500
I'm much more outgoing in a group setting, too, when he is caged.
00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:22.659
And just the whole aspect, like he puts it on and our life just falls into place, like everything's the way it should be.
00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:33.019
There's so much stigma attached to dom sub relationships or female led relationships or male chastity.
00:10:33.500 --> 00:10:42.419
And it's interesting because you would think that it would be females that are more interested in participating in male chastity.
00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:50.220
Nine times out of 10, it is the submissive male that suggests the chastity to his partner.
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And my personal belief for that is a true submissive.
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That is his way of 100 percent submitting to his dom.
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That is a way to 100 percent show your submission to your dom.
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And I think it's a big misconception that.
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Submissive men are weak.
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I just totally disagree with that.
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And a lot of this is, excuse me, a lot of this is kickback that I'm getting on TikTok or other social media, mainly TikTok, about a real man wouldn't live like that.
00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:27.679
And whatever the case may be, or that submissives are weak.
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In my honest opinion, a dom sub relationship doesn't work if there's no submissive.
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It's just as easy as that.
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I personally believe that the submissive is the key to a dom sub relationship.
00:11:47.159 --> 00:11:54.460
So if there's anybody out there who is looking to present the idea of chastity to their partner.
00:11:55.120 --> 00:12:01.620
And again, I would assume that this would be a male wanting to present it to his female partner, because that is generally how it goes.
00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:05.759
I think your best bet to presenting it is to take the sex out of it.
00:12:06.299 --> 00:12:07.740
Present it in a way.
00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:19.019
I mean, if you're already living a female led relationship or a dom sub relationship, you can present it in the aspect of this is how I fully submit to you.
00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:23.039
And your dynamic with chastity can be whatever you want it to be.
00:12:23.299 --> 00:12:25.200
It doesn't mean you can never have sex.
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It can be something that you just do for two days and then you get to have sex.
00:12:28.899 --> 00:12:31.539
It doesn't have to be a 24-7 thing.
00:12:32.940 --> 00:12:35.059
It's whatever works for you and your partner.
00:12:35.559 --> 00:12:41.240
And if you're suggesting this to a partner who's new to the whole lifestyle, I would highly recommend taking it slow.
00:12:41.659 --> 00:12:47.299
It can kind of be a shock for your partner to see your penis locked in a cage.
00:12:47.750 --> 00:12:49.659
For me, it was not. It was fucking hot.
00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:56.220
There's a lot of programming in people's brains just from how our society is.
00:12:56.340 --> 00:12:59.860
And sometimes you have to allow your partner some time to get out of that.
00:13:00.340 --> 00:13:13.279
Give them some time to understand why you're suggesting this and why you think it would be interesting or not interesting, but why it would be a good addition to your existing relationship.
00:13:18.580 --> 00:13:24.919
There's so many different ways to participate in chastity that isn't so permanent.
00:13:25.519 --> 00:13:28.779
Not everybody wants to do this 24-7 and that's OK.
00:13:29.220 --> 00:13:34.200
I like to do it 24-7, but I mean, lock his dick in a cage, not it.
00:13:34.980 --> 00:13:39.480
It can be a struggle for people to get into the headspace of chastity.
00:13:40.100 --> 00:13:41.639
You just have to communicate.
00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:44.259
You just have to talk to each other, be open.
00:13:44.259 --> 00:13:55.960
And sometimes it's hard because if you don't have open communication and you're worried, like I've said this before, too, there is really nothing that I wouldn't say to my subbie.
00:13:56.379 --> 00:13:59.799
Like I there's nothing that I could say to him that would embarrass me.
00:14:00.120 --> 00:14:01.860
And I think he feels the same way.
00:14:02.779 --> 00:14:08.360
And I think that's the type of foundation you have before you or you should have before you enter into this.
00:14:08.519 --> 00:14:14.179
And listen, maybe both of you are new to the whole lifestyle thing.
00:14:14.179 --> 00:14:15.799
And you can navigate together.
00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:18.879
Take it slow. Start out with small things.
00:14:19.899 --> 00:14:30.559
If you want to be in a female led relationship and neither of you is quite sure how that works, try different things like the submissive is responsible for doing the dishes.
00:14:30.980 --> 00:14:41.600
Something as simple as a small household task and then work your way up and change your perspective on what that means and what those household tasks mean.
00:14:41.600 --> 00:15:03.980
And like in my case, if my subbie does the dishes or cleans the house or something, sometimes a reward can be a small spanking session or a small crop session where I'm hitting him with a crop or you just figure out what works for you and your dynamic and what makes you happy.
00:15:04.200 --> 00:15:07.299
And a lot of that is going to require communication from you and your partner.
00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:10.919
And you can't be embarrassed saying, you know what, that just didn't do it for me.
00:15:11.340 --> 00:15:20.440
You just have to find some common ground and communicate and find out what makes the other one tick. What what makes what's going to make this work for both of you?
00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:23.519
It can be a struggle to get into that headspace.
00:15:24.279 --> 00:15:27.519
But if you have communication, you can do anything.
00:15:34.440 --> 00:15:35.500
Let me see.
00:15:36.620 --> 00:15:39.179
One other thing I I want to address.
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One of the biggest comments that I get is that people don't want to, you know, their partner doesn't want to do chastity because they enjoy having sex.
00:15:47.259 --> 00:15:49.419
Usually the female enjoys having sex with the male.
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:59.340
The other most frequent comment I get is, what would my friends say if they found out or or there's concern about, you know, the night erections, things like that.
00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:07.860
Just because you're not having sex with your and listen, you can totally have sex with your submissive, even if they are in chastity.
00:16:07.940 --> 00:16:12.519
Again, that can be your dynamic where they're locked up for three days and then you guys screw for two days straight.
00:16:13.080 --> 00:16:14.519
It's whatever works for you.
00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:25.919
And like in our case, just because my subbie is locked up doesn't mean that I can't have an orgasm. I mean, we have different things that we do where I get off.
00:16:26.279 --> 00:16:30.240
I mean, it's like our thing and he enjoys it.
00:16:30.279 --> 00:16:34.279
It's almost verging on the humiliation aspect of things.
00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:40.320
I will use his hand to get myself off or, you know, whatever the case may be.
00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:41.759
Everybody has their own thing.
00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:43.639
You just have to find what works for you.
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:45.259
Are you noticing a trend?
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:46.279
Communication.
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Find what works for you.
00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:51.179
As far as what people will think if you practice chastity.
00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:58.919
This was a big point of contention for me in the beginning, I was like, oh, my God, what if my friends find out?
00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:00.899
What if people think less of me?
00:17:01.879 --> 00:17:10.019
I we've gotten a comment at camp that, oh, my gosh, what if my family found out or what would my friends think if I locked my dick in a cage or.
00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:15.078
Who gives a fuck? Like, I'm 42 years old.
00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:23.960
And when I started all of this, I was concerned about what my kids would think or my kids don't know about this, but just.
00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:37.180
If they should ever find out or what would my friends think if they found out any of those things, my husband, you know, what would happen if somebody in his family found out or whatever the case may be?
00:17:38.259 --> 00:17:39.980
I've said this before, I'll say it again.
00:17:39.980 --> 00:17:45.400
The people in my life that have been in my life for the past six or seven years that I've been doing this.
00:17:46.339 --> 00:18:07.759
Who didn't know and then they find out and decide that they can't be friends with me anymore. That's just the universe's way of telling me they aren't meant to be in my life. Now, that's a little different when it comes to family, I mean, obviously it's family, but if it's what truly makes you happy, I would like to think that your family would find a way to accept it.
00:18:08.539 --> 00:18:14.980
And just you don't have to talk about it, I mean, fuck, it's not like I'm going to go have a conversation with my mom about how I locked my husband's dick in a cage.
00:18:16.180 --> 00:18:18.000
I would hope that it would be unconditional.
00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.819
You have to do what's right for you when it comes to.
00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:25.779
What if your family finds out, what if your friends find out?
00:18:26.539 --> 00:18:35.099
For us personally, my life just doesn't feel right if we're not living this lifestyle like this is what makes me truly happy and this is what makes my son be truly happy.
00:18:35.099 --> 00:18:36.960
This is what's right for us.
00:18:38.420 --> 00:18:55.700
And anybody in my life that can accept that isn't supposed to be in my life, I don't think. Now, if it was one of my kids, I don't know, I'll cross that bridge if it ever comes to that. Let's see.
00:18:56.539 --> 00:19:06.440
Kind of a rambling episode, kind of where my brain is at this month, I guess, just to sum it all up. One, October is my favorite month of the year.
00:19:07.019 --> 00:19:11.680
I thoroughly enjoy this month and I'm learning that I really love fall in Minnesota.
00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:16.599
I hate what comes after it, but I sure do love the fucking pretty colors.
00:19:18.099 --> 00:19:22.200
Two, you have to figure out your dynamic, what works for you.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:28.059
And anybody that's considering in participating or trying out chastity.
00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:34.920
Take it slow and when presenting it to your partner, take the sex out of it.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:39.259
Discuss it, have conversation and make it your own.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:45.299
Anybody thinking about trying out chastity should absolutely give it a shot.
00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:47.140
It may or may not work.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:49.500
It doesn't hurt to give it a try.
00:19:49.660 --> 00:19:53.559
Just make sure you start out slow and have a strong foundation with your partner.
00:19:54.180 --> 00:19:57.920
If anybody has any questions at all, you can sure reach out to me.
00:19:58.059 --> 00:20:00.339
All my contact information is in the show notes.
00:20:00.940 --> 00:20:04.380
And I hope everybody has a fantastic week.
00:20:04.740 --> 00:20:07.900
Be decent human beings and we will chat soon.
00:20:08.359 --> 00:20:14.440
Again, don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or just want to chat about chastity.
00:20:15.019 --> 00:20:15.740
Take care.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.660
Oh, the coffee is making me sound real phlegmy.
00:00:06.519 --> 00:00:09.980
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:18.059
If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:18.699 --> 00:00:20.879
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:24.179
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers or therapists.
00:00:24.660 --> 00:00:30.600
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:42.759 --> 00:00:44.159
Welcome back.
00:00:44.679 --> 00:00:51.100
Season two, episode one, and it's my favorite month, L'October.
00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:56.579
Today, we're going to talk about chastity and how it works in our relationship.
00:00:57.859 --> 00:01:01.000
But first, housekeeping.
00:01:12.989 --> 00:01:15.689
One. First issue of housekeeping.
00:01:16.310 --> 00:01:24.269
I don't know if you are all aware, but we do have another podcast called Control, loosely based on real life events.
00:01:25.590 --> 00:01:36.329
We have, I don't know, I think it's two episodes out and somehow we have managed to get 5000 downloads with no advertising and no promoting.
00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:41.840
It is a project that my subbie truly loves.
00:01:42.540 --> 00:01:51.099
And has been struggling to find the time, but we are working on getting the remaining episodes of that podcast out.
00:01:51.239 --> 00:01:52.920
So stay tuned for that.
00:01:54.219 --> 00:01:59.920
I also took a week off last week to get ready for season two.
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:02.459
It was kind of a hectic week.
00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:08.599
We have our two senior daughters and then one of my daughter's friends is staying with us.
00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:13.539
So three senior girls getting ready for homecoming was quite the time suck last week.
00:02:14.060 --> 00:02:20.539
So we are back on track now and it's L'October, so yay.
00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:25.300
Uh, TikTok, I don't know.
00:02:26.180 --> 00:02:26.860
It's TikTok.
00:02:27.419 --> 00:02:36.000
My last episode got a bunch of people fired up about, you know, pegging means you're gay or bi or whatever.
00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:44.800
I it's a hot button for me, and I don't understand how if you like putting something in your butt that determines your sexuality.
00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:47.900
But maybe I'm the confused one.
00:02:48.020 --> 00:02:48.699
I don't know.
00:02:48.939 --> 00:02:51.280
So I got some hate comments on that and.
00:02:52.599 --> 00:02:56.139
Whatever, I did get a lot of positive feedback, though, so I appreciate it.
00:02:56.240 --> 00:03:06.020
I don't know if anybody on here listening looks at my TikTok, but sometimes I just have to take a time out because social media fucking pisses me off.
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:07.159
All right.
00:03:07.659 --> 00:03:10.439
Let's get into chastity, shall we?
00:03:15.449 --> 00:03:21.509
We have done episodes on chastity before, and I think one of them, my subbie was actually with me.
00:03:22.110 --> 00:03:25.150
So it is my ever favorite month of L'October.
00:03:26.710 --> 00:03:35.530
And somebody should keep a tally of how many times I say so, and because apparently it is my word of choice or they are my words of choice today.
00:03:36.139 --> 00:03:38.990
The last month, life has kind of been a fucker.
00:03:39.310 --> 00:03:57.189
So with my husband's heart issues and all of that shit, we have kind of abstained from putting the chastity device on him just until we figured things out and things kind of got more back to normal.
00:03:57.669 --> 00:04:04.389
Thankfully, by October 1st, things were good to go and he is locked up tight.
00:04:04.389 --> 00:04:16.149
Before we get too far into that, first, I'm going to preface this by saying the discussions that I'm having or the things that I'm talking about on today's episode are pretty much directly how they relate to my subbie and I.
00:04:16.230 --> 00:04:18.410
So it's going to be based on male, female.
00:04:19.129 --> 00:04:20.550
There are many variations.
00:04:20.970 --> 00:04:23.209
I do know that they make female chastity devices.
00:04:24.149 --> 00:04:25.589
Your dynamic is your dynamic.
00:04:25.930 --> 00:04:35.970
I'm just kind of talking about how chastity enhances our relationship and different things that you should consider when considering chastity.
00:04:41.750 --> 00:04:46.470
So first, real quick, just to briefly overview.
00:04:47.970 --> 00:04:51.129
When starting out with chastity, you should start out slow.
00:04:51.629 --> 00:04:53.990
Don't go straight to 24-7 immediately.
00:04:55.550 --> 00:04:57.629
I think you have to work into it.
00:04:58.829 --> 00:05:02.610
Also, it may take some time to find the cage that fits.
00:05:03.350 --> 00:05:09.230
Everybody's body is built differently and you have to find what works for you and your body style.
00:05:09.970 --> 00:05:15.810
For me personally, I enjoy the visual appeal of the metal cage.
00:05:18.689 --> 00:05:21.269
Not everybody. I mean, you go with what works for you.
00:05:21.509 --> 00:05:24.490
I also like the weight of the metal cage for him.
00:05:25.230 --> 00:05:32.730
We did try multiple different cages in the beginning, and this was the one that actually he also liked the best.
00:05:32.850 --> 00:05:34.709
So we stuck with it. And here we are.
00:05:35.470 --> 00:05:39.910
There are so many different things or different cages out there that you can try.
00:05:41.129 --> 00:05:44.629
Different variations, things that go up your urethra.
00:05:45.029 --> 00:05:46.709
That's a hard fucking no for me.
00:05:47.170 --> 00:05:49.689
And I think my subbie is pretty thankful about that.
00:05:50.189 --> 00:05:56.430
But if you have piercings, there's cages that can incorporate the piercing in the cage.
00:05:56.829 --> 00:05:58.449
There is a plethora.
00:05:59.269 --> 00:06:10.910
You should also be sure that when first getting into wearing a chastity device, that you are checking your groin area for any open sores.
00:06:11.089 --> 00:06:15.250
Getting an infection down there would be a real fucker and probably quite painful.
00:06:16.389 --> 00:06:25.389
All of that being said, let's talk about the mental aspects of the chastity device, which personally is my favorite part.
00:06:30.870 --> 00:06:37.360
So let's talk about what male chastity means to our relationship specifically.
00:06:38.339 --> 00:06:43.120
So my husband and I live a full time female led relationship.
00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:46.079
I have control over everything.
00:06:46.420 --> 00:06:48.540
He is extremely submissive.
00:06:49.519 --> 00:06:51.339
And we've discussed this before.
00:06:51.540 --> 00:06:57.060
My husband is quite attentive to me when he isn't in his chastity device.
00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:03.500
However, the second that fucker goes on, it ramps it up tenfold.
00:07:03.819 --> 00:07:04.699
And it's amazing.
00:07:05.540 --> 00:07:13.720
But one thing that I don't know that people maybe realize is how it affects the dominant when the submissive is caged.
00:07:14.199 --> 00:07:18.279
And this is something that I really hadn't given much thought to myself.
00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:25.980
Like I said, this last month was kind of crazy, and he was not in his cock cage.
00:07:27.060 --> 00:07:29.019
Chastity device, whatever you want to call it.
00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:37.560
And this last month, I've noticed, too, that I have struggled a little bit with my body image, my appearance.
00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:41.220
A lot of different things.
00:07:41.379 --> 00:07:43.959
Just it's been kind of a weird month.
00:07:44.100 --> 00:07:46.319
I don't something in the universe is going on.
00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:51.540
I don't know, but it was kind of a rough month emotionally for me.
00:07:52.139 --> 00:07:59.379
And it's just strange because the second that cage went on, it was like everything was right in my world.
00:08:00.579 --> 00:08:05.139
I am a much more confident person when he is locked up.
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:10.939
Now, my best way to explain this is that I feel like I have control back.
00:08:11.259 --> 00:08:15.360
Not that I don't always have control, but it's just that next level.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:21.100
And I've talked about this before, too, even just in being the dominant of our relationship.
00:08:21.660 --> 00:08:24.480
It carries over into all aspects of your life.
00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:36.360
Before I met my hubby and before we started practicing or living this dynamic, whatever you want to call it, I was very insecure about myself, very insecure.
00:08:37.158 --> 00:08:41.000
I was almost on the verge of submissive and I didn't like it.
00:08:41.058 --> 00:08:43.299
Like I had control of everything in my life.
00:08:43.379 --> 00:08:45.019
I was a single mom, whatever.
00:08:45.220 --> 00:08:46.659
I mean, I had control of that.
00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:51.840
But in my relationships, I was more of a nurturer and kind of did what I was told.
00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:56.360
And then I met my hubby and he introduced this whole lifestyle to me.
00:08:56.539 --> 00:08:57.639
And looking back.
00:08:58.299 --> 00:09:04.700
The amount of confidence I have now as compared to who I was then is crazy.
00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:12.240
When you practice a dom sub relationship, female led relationship, whatever your dynamic may be.
00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:16.720
It really carries over into all aspects of your life.
00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:19.019
Like I am so much more confident.
00:09:19.700 --> 00:09:20.500
I am not.
00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:23.100
My body type is not.
00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:25.840
I'm not a model. I'm not skinny.
00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:29.259
I'm I always say I'm built like a football player.
00:09:29.480 --> 00:09:30.700
I have very broad shoulders.
00:09:30.940 --> 00:09:31.960
I have a big frame.
00:09:32.620 --> 00:09:36.299
And I used to be real insecure about how I looked.
00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:39.740
And this last month, it was like kind of all surfacing again.
00:09:40.179 --> 00:09:48.159
But I have not had the amount of insecurity about my appearance that I used to have since being with my subbie.
00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:51.840
A lot of that could just be how he reacts to me physically.
00:09:52.539 --> 00:09:53.940
That boosts my confidence.
00:09:54.120 --> 00:10:00.860
But I think a lot of it is because I have so much more confidence being the dominant in our relationship.
00:10:06.500 --> 00:10:09.740
So along with the confidence, I am.
00:10:10.120 --> 00:10:10.720
It's weird.
00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:14.500
I'm much more outgoing in a group setting, too, when he is caged.
00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:22.659
And just the whole aspect, like he puts it on and our life just falls into place, like everything's the way it should be.
00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:33.019
There's so much stigma attached to dom sub relationships or female led relationships or male chastity.
00:10:33.500 --> 00:10:42.419
And it's interesting because you would think that it would be females that are more interested in participating in male chastity.
00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:50.220
Nine times out of 10, it is the submissive male that suggests the chastity to his partner.
00:10:50.779 --> 00:10:55.179
And my personal belief for that is a true submissive.
00:10:55.340 --> 00:10:59.659
That is his way of 100 percent submitting to his dom.
00:10:59.960 --> 00:11:04.059
That is a way to 100 percent show your submission to your dom.
00:11:04.600 --> 00:11:07.820
And I think it's a big misconception that.
00:11:08.799 --> 00:11:10.100
Submissive men are weak.
00:11:10.320 --> 00:11:12.340
I just totally disagree with that.
00:11:13.080 --> 00:11:24.360
And a lot of this is, excuse me, a lot of this is kickback that I'm getting on TikTok or other social media, mainly TikTok, about a real man wouldn't live like that.
00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:27.679
And whatever the case may be, or that submissives are weak.
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:34.019
In my honest opinion, a dom sub relationship doesn't work if there's no submissive.
00:11:34.820 --> 00:11:36.500
It's just as easy as that.
00:11:36.700 --> 00:11:40.519
I personally believe that the submissive is the key to a dom sub relationship.
00:11:47.159 --> 00:11:54.460
So if there's anybody out there who is looking to present the idea of chastity to their partner.
00:11:55.120 --> 00:12:01.620
And again, I would assume that this would be a male wanting to present it to his female partner, because that is generally how it goes.
00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:05.759
I think your best bet to presenting it is to take the sex out of it.
00:12:06.299 --> 00:12:07.740
Present it in a way.
00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:19.019
I mean, if you're already living a female led relationship or a dom sub relationship, you can present it in the aspect of this is how I fully submit to you.
00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:23.039
And your dynamic with chastity can be whatever you want it to be.
00:12:23.299 --> 00:12:25.200
It doesn't mean you can never have sex.
00:12:25.320 --> 00:12:28.740
It can be something that you just do for two days and then you get to have sex.
00:12:28.899 --> 00:12:31.539
It doesn't have to be a 24-7 thing.
00:12:32.940 --> 00:12:35.059
It's whatever works for you and your partner.
00:12:35.559 --> 00:12:41.240
And if you're suggesting this to a partner who's new to the whole lifestyle, I would highly recommend taking it slow.
00:12:41.659 --> 00:12:47.299
It can kind of be a shock for your partner to see your penis locked in a cage.
00:12:47.750 --> 00:12:49.659
For me, it was not. It was fucking hot.
00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:56.220
There's a lot of programming in people's brains just from how our society is.
00:12:56.340 --> 00:12:59.860
And sometimes you have to allow your partner some time to get out of that.
00:13:00.340 --> 00:13:13.279
Give them some time to understand why you're suggesting this and why you think it would be interesting or not interesting, but why it would be a good addition to your existing relationship.
00:13:18.580 --> 00:13:24.919
There's so many different ways to participate in chastity that isn't so permanent.
00:13:25.519 --> 00:13:28.779
Not everybody wants to do this 24-7 and that's OK.
00:13:29.220 --> 00:13:34.200
I like to do it 24-7, but I mean, lock his dick in a cage, not it.
00:13:34.980 --> 00:13:39.480
It can be a struggle for people to get into the headspace of chastity.
00:13:40.100 --> 00:13:41.639
You just have to communicate.
00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:44.259
You just have to talk to each other, be open.
00:13:44.259 --> 00:13:55.960
And sometimes it's hard because if you don't have open communication and you're worried, like I've said this before, too, there is really nothing that I wouldn't say to my subbie.
00:13:56.379 --> 00:13:59.799
Like I there's nothing that I could say to him that would embarrass me.
00:14:00.120 --> 00:14:01.860
And I think he feels the same way.
00:14:02.779 --> 00:14:08.360
And I think that's the type of foundation you have before you or you should have before you enter into this.
00:14:08.519 --> 00:14:14.179
And listen, maybe both of you are new to the whole lifestyle thing.
00:14:14.179 --> 00:14:15.799
And you can navigate together.
00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:18.879
Take it slow. Start out with small things.
00:14:19.899 --> 00:14:30.559
If you want to be in a female led relationship and neither of you is quite sure how that works, try different things like the submissive is responsible for doing the dishes.
00:14:30.980 --> 00:14:41.600
Something as simple as a small household task and then work your way up and change your perspective on what that means and what those household tasks mean.
00:14:41.600 --> 00:15:03.980
And like in my case, if my subbie does the dishes or cleans the house or something, sometimes a reward can be a small spanking session or a small crop session where I'm hitting him with a crop or you just figure out what works for you and your dynamic and what makes you happy.
00:15:04.200 --> 00:15:07.299
And a lot of that is going to require communication from you and your partner.
00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:10.919
And you can't be embarrassed saying, you know what, that just didn't do it for me.
00:15:11.340 --> 00:15:20.440
You just have to find some common ground and communicate and find out what makes the other one tick. What what makes what's going to make this work for both of you?
00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:23.519
It can be a struggle to get into that headspace.
00:15:24.279 --> 00:15:27.519
But if you have communication, you can do anything.
00:15:34.440 --> 00:15:35.500
Let me see.
00:15:36.620 --> 00:15:39.179
One other thing I I want to address.
00:15:40.039 --> 00:15:47.080
One of the biggest comments that I get is that people don't want to, you know, their partner doesn't want to do chastity because they enjoy having sex.
00:15:47.259 --> 00:15:49.419
Usually the female enjoys having sex with the male.
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:59.340
The other most frequent comment I get is, what would my friends say if they found out or or there's concern about, you know, the night erections, things like that.
00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:07.860
Just because you're not having sex with your and listen, you can totally have sex with your submissive, even if they are in chastity.
00:16:07.940 --> 00:16:12.519
Again, that can be your dynamic where they're locked up for three days and then you guys screw for two days straight.
00:16:13.080 --> 00:16:14.519
It's whatever works for you.
00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:25.919
And like in our case, just because my subbie is locked up doesn't mean that I can't have an orgasm. I mean, we have different things that we do where I get off.
00:16:26.279 --> 00:16:30.240
I mean, it's like our thing and he enjoys it.
00:16:30.279 --> 00:16:34.279
It's almost verging on the humiliation aspect of things.
00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:40.320
I will use his hand to get myself off or, you know, whatever the case may be.
00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:41.759
Everybody has their own thing.
00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:43.639
You just have to find what works for you.
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:45.259
Are you noticing a trend?
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:46.279
Communication.
00:16:46.779 --> 00:16:47.940
Find what works for you.
00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:51.179
As far as what people will think if you practice chastity.
00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:58.919
This was a big point of contention for me in the beginning, I was like, oh, my God, what if my friends find out?
00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:00.899
What if people think less of me?
00:17:01.879 --> 00:17:10.019
I we've gotten a comment at camp that, oh, my gosh, what if my family found out or what would my friends think if I locked my dick in a cage or.
00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:15.078
Who gives a fuck? Like, I'm 42 years old.
00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:23.960
And when I started all of this, I was concerned about what my kids would think or my kids don't know about this, but just.
00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:37.180
If they should ever find out or what would my friends think if they found out any of those things, my husband, you know, what would happen if somebody in his family found out or whatever the case may be?
00:17:38.259 --> 00:17:39.980
I've said this before, I'll say it again.
00:17:39.980 --> 00:17:45.400
The people in my life that have been in my life for the past six or seven years that I've been doing this.
00:17:46.339 --> 00:18:07.759
Who didn't know and then they find out and decide that they can't be friends with me anymore. That's just the universe's way of telling me they aren't meant to be in my life. Now, that's a little different when it comes to family, I mean, obviously it's family, but if it's what truly makes you happy, I would like to think that your family would find a way to accept it.
00:18:08.539 --> 00:18:14.980
And just you don't have to talk about it, I mean, fuck, it's not like I'm going to go have a conversation with my mom about how I locked my husband's dick in a cage.
00:18:16.180 --> 00:18:18.000
I would hope that it would be unconditional.
00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.819
You have to do what's right for you when it comes to.
00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:25.779
What if your family finds out, what if your friends find out?
00:18:26.539 --> 00:18:35.099
For us personally, my life just doesn't feel right if we're not living this lifestyle like this is what makes me truly happy and this is what makes my son be truly happy.
00:18:35.099 --> 00:18:36.960
This is what's right for us.
00:18:38.420 --> 00:18:55.700
And anybody in my life that can accept that isn't supposed to be in my life, I don't think. Now, if it was one of my kids, I don't know, I'll cross that bridge if it ever comes to that. Let's see.
00:18:56.539 --> 00:19:06.440
Kind of a rambling episode, kind of where my brain is at this month, I guess, just to sum it all up. One, October is my favorite month of the year.
00:19:07.019 --> 00:19:11.680
I thoroughly enjoy this month and I'm learning that I really love fall in Minnesota.
00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:16.599
I hate what comes after it, but I sure do love the fucking pretty colors.
00:19:18.099 --> 00:19:22.200
Two, you have to figure out your dynamic, what works for you.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:28.059
And anybody that's considering in participating or trying out chastity.
00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:34.920
Take it slow and when presenting it to your partner, take the sex out of it.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:39.259
Discuss it, have conversation and make it your own.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:45.299
Anybody thinking about trying out chastity should absolutely give it a shot.
00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:47.140
It may or may not work.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:49.500
It doesn't hurt to give it a try.
00:19:49.660 --> 00:19:53.559
Just make sure you start out slow and have a strong foundation with your partner.
00:19:54.180 --> 00:19:57.920
If anybody has any questions at all, you can sure reach out to me.
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All my contact information is in the show notes.
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And I hope everybody has a fantastic week.
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Be decent human beings and we will chat soon.
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Again, don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or just want to chat about chastity.
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Take care.
