0144 Female Led Relationships: What to Do When the Power Dynamic Feels Off in Your FLR

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He did like a swimsuit photo shoot and edited it all.

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Did I say that right?

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Edited.

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Edited.

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Edited.

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Edited.

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.

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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.

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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.

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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.

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♪♪♪Welcome back.

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Episode 44.

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Just hanging out at the camper, drinking out of my nice new blue tech mug.

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should check them out. This week it's gonna be like another coffee time with Miss Christine. I really like them. We're gonna talk about what happens when your relationship kind of falls flat in a way. But first let's address some housekeeping shall we? Well I have some exciting news. I am getting my logo tattooed on my hand.

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I'm excited and curious how it's going to go over. Once I have that logo tattooed on my hand what do I say if people ask? I mean I'm not ashamed of what I do. I might as well be honest right? Might be a good conversation starter. So this Sunday it's going down. I'll post some pictures, OF, TikTok, you know all the fun stuff. So if you're watching this on my YouTube channel I am at camp. I'm in the camper all by my onesie. My subbie is at home getting some stuff ready for a trip we're taking in a couple weeks to Iowa. I would give you more idea of where that is. All I know is it's five hours away from where I live going south and maybe west. I shit I don't know. Listen I grew up in a small town farming country. I don't know my fucking directions from nothing. Just tell me what landmarks if you're giving me directions. You turn left on this street name or what I don't don't tell me to go north because I'll be like what? I'm directionally challenged. Also TikTok struggles aside my subbie is trying his hand at editing.

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Now he has been an editor long time. He's been doing editing. He's done a photo shoot before for swimsuit like in the 90s. He did like a swimsuit photo shoot and edited it all. Did I say that right? Edited. He has been doing some editing for a pretty big channel on YouTube and he edits all of our videos.

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He is the mastermind behind my OnlyFans videos. He's the mastermind behind my TikToks most of the time. He pulls them right from the podcast and edits them and makes them good. So I just want to give a shout out to my subbie and hey if anybody's in need of some editing hit us up. He's real good at it and really enjoys it. I'm recording this with my new Canon camera and it throws me for a loop a little bit because I can see myself where when I record myself with the GoPro I can't see my face. Kind of throws me off a little bit so I might be a little stuttery adjusting. Hopefully it turns out well and there's a little bit of noise outside. Hopefully you don't pick up on any of that but it's a Friday.

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People are starting to get here and things are gonna get a little loud so I wanted to get this done. However today I have been enjoying my time alone to clean out my computer and it needs to be wiped. It's so fucking slow but I was cleaning some of the junk out of my computer and I was thinking about the messages that I get on social media about people's relationships kind of falling flat and how they wish they could get a spark back in their relationship and just maybe how you feel like you've lost that connection. So today we're gonna talk about little ways that you can maybe bring that spark back or maybe make that spark something where your partner is open to discussing other avenues of your relationship to possibly change your dynamic a little bit to be open-minded about maybe putting a cage on your dick. I mean I'd be fantastic in that is my world. Oh that coffee is hot I love it.

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Precursor to this chat let me just say first of all your vanilla relationship the foundation what vanilla again I hate that word but the foundation of your relationship before any kink enters into your world has the foundation has to be solid there has to be open communication you have to kind of both be on the same page and be open to talking about your feelings and things that bother you and maybe explore why certain things bother you and I will be the first person to say that sometimes exploring that stuff or really digging down to the root of the insecurity or what makes you uncomfortable can be a little bit uncomfortable for you. Nobody wants to admit something that they feel like is a failure if that makes sense. If there's something you're insecure about you maybe feel that way because you feel like you should be doing something better and maybe recognize it as a failure and sometimes self-work can be real hard but the reward is so worth it. All right let's see I'm going to take a peek at this so this is an article that my subbie actually found from Healthline I suspect he because he is my techie will put the link in the show notes but it's a Healthline article and it says when you just aren't feeling it a lack of passion or case of the miss doesn't automatically mean your relationship is beyond repair. Just that paragraph alone I think is interesting because I think a lot of people, I need to crack my back so please hold, shit I have had one hell of a fucking headache for the last week it has been fucking horrible and I don't know if it's just because I haven't been as active because I've kind of been immobile because my fucking head hurts man my back is just killing me again ADD. Okay so when you have a case of the miss meh whatever I think a lot of people tend to just give up because like I said that self-work is hard you don't want a deep dive to what your issues are you you just want to blame it on the other person not everybody I just think that sometimes it's easier to place blame than to accept your own responsibility in something so I can see I mean I can understand why people are kind of you know oh this isn't working we don't have the sex drive we used to or there's just not that spark or that chemistry and I think a lot of people tend to just throw in the towel and be like well I'll find somebody else and then you have that spark with the someone new for a while and then it falls away because you get into a routine that's just the way relationships are if you're not intentional with making the other person feel special or keeping that spark alive it will die that's just my personal opinion so there's some tips in this article let's just kind of look and as usual I'll give you my thoughts I mean that's why you're all here right because you want my thoughts so look at the upside of your relationship spend a week noticing or writing down all the things your partner does right this is a fantastic idea I really like this idea because I think that a lot of times things go unnoticed or unappreciated just because well especially in a submissive and dominant and submissive relationship I think there's a lot of things sometimes that my subbie does for me and our life gets so busy that maybe I just don't show him how much I appreciate him and I think writing everything down like this for me it makes me more aware of my thoughts writing is a fantastic tool for me to really get the thoughts out of my head and when I reread them it makes me think and I tend to have real good results probably why they always tell you to journal or write down how you're feeling sometimes things will just come out that you didn't even realize you were thinking I really like this idea say thank you for the small things similar similarly don't just silently observe your partner's right doings when they do something that's kind or helpful or even if it's just tidying up the kitchen after a meal meal verbally thank them I think I think this is a hundred percent right because I know how I feel when my subbie shows me appreciation which you know we've kind of talked about our dynamic in the past and how I generally when he gets home from work he sits down and starts editing or doing you know some of our other business stuff that for the other businesses we're trying to get up and going so I generally cook supper and I generally feed it to him I know that totally goes against every rule with a dom sub relationship but listen this is our world right now and we have a lot going on and this is what works for us so I'm not sorry that's just how it works but he is always very appreciative he always and he tells me to it makes him feel guilty because he's sitting down and I'm serving him I don't look at it that way I'm just giving him his food something as simple as walking across the kitchen to hand it to him whatever it's not I'm cooking for the rest of the family too so it's not I don't see it that way but he's always very very good at telling me thank you and I really appreciate that you do this and and it makes me feel better and in honesty it makes me want to do more because I thrive off of his appreciation in a way it makes me happy to know that I'm making him happy and I don't know I just think that in general even just in everyday life even if it's not somebody you're in a relationship with just be kind to other people if you're at a coffee shop thank you or I don't know that people express themselves enough that way showing gratitude is an amazing amazing thing you could make somebody's day with just a few words so easy okay have fun together sometimes you just fall into a rut it might sound cliche but setting aside some time even just for a few hours to go do something outside the ordinary can make a big difference I agree with that taking a break try taking a break from the same old routine and spend time participating in novel uplifting experiences now I think for my subbie and I coming to the campground is where we get our where we go to have fun it's where we get away from the everyday life we can sometimes we can relax my subbie is usually working on things or whatever or you know this is where we come to do photo shoots and things like that for my only fans because well one I can be naked in public and it doesn't fucking matter so this is kind of our getaway for a whole bunch of reasons sometimes it's work related but this is where we go just to let loose and have fun and I think that is very important to let go of all the seriousness laughing makes a big difference in your life which is part of the reason why a sense of humor is so fucking important for me if you can make me laugh I am putty in your damn hands a sense of humor is so important and my subbie has a fantastic one I we can just be sitting on the couch and he can't make me laugh so hard I cry and that is one of my favorite things about him is his sense of humor it's fantastic as if I'm not talking fast enough let's have another sip of coffee okay it does give you some ideas on how to keep the spark some ideas on things that you can do to have fun together take an online take a one-time class together grab a deck of cards or a board game you both used to love and head to the park scan your local weekly paper for unusual events even if you're not totally sure what the event entails and make a plan to go check it out together whether it's a craft fair or a car show I know before we found the campground my subbie and I used to get up real early on Saturday mornings and we would go to the farmers market and just kind of explore the area and that was really fun it was just time for us to be one-on-one and kind of reconnect and just talk about our week or you know what our goals were sometimes just that one-on-one time to connect without the outside distractions is so nice maintain intimacy and communication establish how to take care of each other emotionally what does this actually mean for starters commit to giving each other a heads up when it feels like you're drifting apart sit down together and take a look at what might be causing that have you both been wrapped up in work has it been too long since you spent the day just enjoying each other's company commitment to working on the relationship is just as important as commitment to the partner so I think this is a big big big part as to why I still to this day when my subbie gets home from work I get butterflies because I'm happy he's home and we will have been married for five years this New Year's Eve and together for seven this August I have never had this feeling with anyone that I've been with ever after a couple years everything just kind of dies I mean I just didn't you just get into a routine and it's just the same old basically the same shit different day so I really and I and I think this is the change that this is the major difference between my past relationship well there's a lot of differences between my past relationships and this one obviously but my subbie and I are very good at I mean we've had our rough patches our life is not a fucking cakewalk blending a family is fucking hard it's very very fucking hard and we are very good at expressing to each other when we feel like there's a disconnect both of us and we're very good at you know I'm not sure why I feel this way but I feel like you're distant or I feel like you're upset with me or your tone with me is a little bit different is everything okay is there something that I'm doing that's aggravating you or is there something that I can do to make your life easier and that's for both of us take away the dom sub part of it completely this part is important to us maintaining our solid foundation for this dynamic to continue to work so when situations like this happen and we're so on the same page that we generally reach out to each other around the same time and say listen something's not right we need to sit down and have a talk what's going on is it just stress from work is it something that's going on with the kids is it what is it and then we just talk it out and listen these talks are not fucking easy they can be real fucking hard but you have to have them and generally when we start to feel this disconnect the cage comes off because we need that intimate connection he calls it plugging in which I mean in honesty it's not a bad definition and we've just gone with it sometimes when we have this disconnect after we have this talk then there's then we plug in and let me tell you it's usually pretty fucking fantastic not that it's not fantastic all the time but it's usually pretty good and then we're fine we've discussed the issue and I feel like our foundation is back to that solid state where it should be and that disconnect is gone okay so the next ones are the next part says is it worth it there's no easy answer here ultimately you need to evaluate whether your relationship is worth the work that's required to save it from a low point it's always wise to make sure everyone involved is committed to saving the relationship if you're the only one willing to put in the work reconciliation probably isn't likely that said abuse of any kind whether it's physical verbal or emotional is a red flag keep in mind that signs of toxicity can be quite subtle are you walking on eggshells around your partner have you lost your confidence or sense of self so that's a pretty valid I think you know I just said that people give up so easily and and are just ready to move on and be done with it and don't try to work on it just from personal experience I can tell you it is fucking scary when you realize it's over and you want out because you know I mean listen man or woman you know in your gut when something isn't going to be when you're not gonna reconcile you just know you know in your gut and if it gets to that point and you know in your gut this isn't going to work it's scary as fuck trying to get you know figuring out how you're gonna do that I mean fuck I had three kids one of which was under a year old and I wasn't I wasn't working full-time because I just had a baby and it was cheaper for me to stay home with the kids than it was for me to put him in daycare and I felt scared I was so fucking scared I've never was never on my own I went right from I moved out of I moved out on my own when I was probably 15 or 16 but I had kind of always lived with somebody whether it was a friend or well and then my ex-husband when we met I was really young and I had never been on my own and I was terrified and now I was on my own with three kids it's fucking scary but listen whatever the case is you are strong and you can do it you just have to have faith in yourself but it's scary scary as fuck I totally get it but life is too short to put all this energy into a relationship that isn't going to end well anyway you don't want to live your whole life being unhappy life's too short for that you have to enjoy it so in summation I get a lot of messages about bringing the spark back to your marriage I think just even the small writing down the things your partner does right and acknowledging the things your partner does right or showing your appreciation for your partner is a huge step in the right direction and sit down and have those conversations about you know what happened what why do you think the spark is gone get your partner's feedback it might be something so simple or sadly it might not but see where see where your partner's at have that communication and figure out what the next step is together and whether the outcome is favorable or not something you're really looking forward to at least you can close that chapter if that's what's happening and move on because there's somebody else out there for you and who knows you could end up having a podcast and putting a cock cage on your future husband I mean life is crazy it's a crazy wild ride and if you had asked me five fucking okay well now it's been longer than five years ten years ago if this is where I thought I would be I would have been like you're fucking crazy no way that stuff doesn't even exist well guess what it does and I'm happier than I've ever been so I'm so thankful for that and again I swear there's no alcohol in my coffee but at that camp there sure could be just always remember what I always say solid foundation open communication share your feelings with your partner you should always feel like you can share your feelings with your partner if you can't maybe evaluate why that is but I'm going to wrap this up before it gets entirely too loud and it looks like it's starting to get windy you may get a storm tonight I don't like that when I'm sleeping by myself maybe I won't sleep by myself I hope everyone has a fantastic week thank you so much for taking time out of your day to listen to me ramble on coffee, pie, coffee and pie I hope you all have a fantastic weekend you decent human beings and I will talk to you next week love you all