0133 Female Led Relationships: Cuckolding, Chastity, and Choosing Your Dynamic

WEBVTT

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I love chastity, whether we were cuckolding or not, but it isn't a necessity.

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And I think some people think that it is, like you have to have that.

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And you sure don't.

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.

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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.

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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.

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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.

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Welcome back, episode 33.

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And my smoker's voice is on.

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Enjoy.

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This week, we are again talking about cuckolding.

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Seems to be a hot topic with a lot of people.

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So there were a couple more things I wanted to talk about before moving on to my next subject.

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But first, let's address some housekeeping.

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All right, as I referenced my smoker's voice, I was at my happy place yesterday and occasionally, I indulge in a cigarette or two, which is terrible and I won't be doing it anymore because somebody in my voiceover work commented that I sounded sick.

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Back to my happy place, we got some major projects going on.

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And I'm hoping very soon, some of my episodes will be recorded in my very happy place.

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It's so relaxing.

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I did some work on our lot.

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It was just nice and grounding.

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And the cigarettes were a little nice too.

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Sad to see them go.

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All right, let's dig in, shall we?

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I, oh, first, I should tell you what I'm looking at.

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So the website I'm on is called threesomes.wordpress.com.

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This article is from September 27th of 2014.

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So it's a bit old, but it's called Cuckolding Beginner's Guide.

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After yes, now what?

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Last week, we kind of discussed what cuckolding was, the different names, the difference between a hot wife and cuckolding, things like that.

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Sometimes the husband watches, sometimes he doesn't.

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If you want more information, you can check out last week's episode.

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I would appreciate it.

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The biggest thing that I received for comments on my TikTok was that it's cheating, you'll ruin your marriage.

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Anybody in the lifestyle doesn't make it past 10 years of marriage.

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Just, and don't get me wrong, there was a fuck ton of positive feedback too.

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And I was very thankful for that.

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However, I want to say, that first of all, the statistics for the average length of a marriage in a normal, cause you know I love my fucking labels, marriage as opposed to a lifestyle marriage, I don't know that there's necessarily any differences.

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I haven't done the hard research, but if I recall reading somewhere correctly, the average marriage barely makes it to 10 years.

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Swingers are not.

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Lifestyle participants are not.

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People don't take marriage seriously anymore.

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It's just not, and it's not for everyone.

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And that's totally fucking fine too.

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You do you and what makes you happy.

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Cuckolding to me, my dynamic, because here's my biggest tip.

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If this is something you're tiptoeing into, and I say this all the time, communication is key.

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Talk about what you're into.

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And for fuck's sake, please don't feel embarrassed.

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If you don't feel confident in telling your partner what you're into, maybe there's other issues that need to be revisited.

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Like I got a comment that said that him and his significant other were into cuckolding.

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They had talked about it or just her playing with other people or whatever, but he was worried that if he watched, she would think he was gay.

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First of all, who fucking cares if you are gay?

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Rock on.

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Second of all, I fucking hate labels.

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Why don't you look at the person as opposed to who they like to have sex with?

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Anyway, whole nother topic.

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However, just because you are participating in this dynamic and you may be paying attention to the man, I would guess nine times out of 10, your attention is on the man because of what he's doing to your woman.

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And that's fine.

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Be comfortable in the things that turn you on.

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It's okay.

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As long as nobody's getting hurt and it's between consenting adults, power to you.

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Rock on.

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Do your thing, man.

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I don't, and I appreciate the people that commented, not kink shaming.

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And I did get some people that were just curious in general.

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I love answering questions.

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Ask me, I will give you my opinion.

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I will be real and I will be honest.

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I'm not ashamed of anything that I am turned on by.

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I'm not ashamed of anything that I do.

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Granted, I kind of keep it on the down low because of my kids, but when they're adults, if they have questions, I will answer them to the best of my capabilities for what I think they're ready for.

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And again, we're off on another rant.

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Back to our dynamic.

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In my dynamic, I choose if I'm going to play with someone else, I want my husband there.

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I just feel better with him being there.

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It's part of what turns me on too.

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I want him to see what I'm doing.

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It's part of our dynamic.

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It isn't that way for everybody.

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Maybe you want to let your partner play and you want no part of it.

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You're at home doing things around the house, things like that.

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Perfect.

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That's your dynamic.

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I choose to have my husband there.

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I have to have an emotional connection or I have to have some sort of connection.

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It can't, and this is where it's tricky for me because there's no emotion as far as I will never love anybody that I'm playing with ever.

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My husband has my heart, my whole heart.

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It's his.

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There's nobody that can take his place.

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But there has to be a connection because I cannot have a sexual connection with somebody without having some sort of mental connection as well.

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My whole point to this is you figure out what your dynamic is and what works for you.

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I think I've ranted enough about...

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Oh, one last thing.

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Chastity is not necessary for cuckolding.

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I find it a great addition.

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I love chastity, whether we were cuckolding or not.

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But it isn't a necessity and I think some people think that it is, like you have to have that and you sure don't.

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You do what works for you.

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It's not for everyone.

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Okay, so I'm going to start on this article with after yes, what next?

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She agrees to try cuckolding, but what next?

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Being a couple with that look like deer in a headlight is not an option.

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After agreeing to explore cuckolding and before the first date, there is a period between agreeing and the first date.

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During this period, the couple goes through some drastic changes.

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These changes range from emotional withdrawal to fear and to sheer excitement.

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Some describe the experience as a rollercoaster of emotions.

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I agree.

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That is 100% spot on.

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A lot of the comments that I got on TikTok were I could never watch my woman with another man.

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That's just sick.

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That's narcissistic.

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Okay, let's break that down for a minute.

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My subbie wanting to watch me with another person has everything to do with him giving me the freedom.

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My best interest is his first thing in mind and he's getting enjoyment out of it because he knows I'm being pleasured and his ultimate goal in life is my happiness.

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It's really as simple as that.

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And maybe that's not simple for some people and that's okay.

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But if you take the whole sex aspect of it away, he's doing something that he knows will make me happy and that's his goal.

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That's where he derives happiness from, my happiness.

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Just like I get turned on knowing that he's turned on watching me do something with someone else.

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I mean, when you say it that way, it sounds real healthy, doesn't it?

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It does to me.

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Okay, so where do you look?

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First step involves finding a suitable male.

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Finding a suitable male for cuckholding is a nerve wracking.

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Finding a suitable male for cuckholding is nerve wracking.

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Fucking right it is.

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Since it has to be someone that is trust...

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Ooh, fuck.

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Voiceover work's gonna be real hard today.

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Since it has to be someone that is trustworthy and will not hurt her.

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This can lead to the search taking longer and being more cautious.

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Oh, hey, can you hear my labs barking in the background?

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That's my female because she's a mouthy bitch.

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Okay, so on this note, this is why my subbie is with me if I'm playing because people are fucking crazy and they're only getting crazier by the day.

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And for my ability to be able to relax, I need him there.

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He's like my protector.

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I feel safe when he's with me.

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You have to be real careful.

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And there's also a whole aspect of protecting yourself from STDs and things like that, which could be a whole nother episode in itself.

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So back to this.

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In the digital age, there are many ways you can search from using the internet, talking to friends, using apps on your phone, striking up conversations, letting it happen naturally like giving her a hall pass or visit a swingers club or social.

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Searching for a cuckolding experience is different from a threesome.

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Cuckolding relates to how the couple relate to each other instead of how they relate to the invited male.

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When searching for a threesome it involves finding someone who shares similar interests as the couple and because having a threesome is more popular than cuckolding.

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As a result, many sites have sprung up catering to subgroups of threesomes such as bisexual men or single women seeking a couple.

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Whereas cuckolding involves finding a compatible male.

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This means cuckolding tends to blend in a bit more and taking time to read profiles to become more...

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Taking time to read profiles becomes more important.

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I 100% agree and I think serious props need to be given to the bulls out there because a lot falls on their shoulders too coming into a new dynamic like this, especially if it's with a beginner because once shit starts to happen, emotions get a little crazy and I suspect there's some bulls out there that won't touch that with a 10 foot pole.

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So props to you.

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We appreciate you.

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I do anyway.

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She is shy.

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She is shy or introverted.

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The issue.

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For her agreeing to try cuckolding might be overwhelming.

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Sure as fuck is.

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It means finding another male to have sex with and worry if the relationship will survive the experience.

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It may cause her to be cautious and actively seek the experience.

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Alternatively, she may be naturally shy and does not seek a cuckolding experience.

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So how can you help her if she is shy or reluctant?

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Before searching, it is important to talk about her reluctance if she is normally outgoing.

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Without talking, discussing...

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Without talking and discussing her reluctance, it can be an open door to relationship issues that can have a far reaching effect long after the experience is over.

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Furthermore, it can impact her to effectively communicate her comfort.

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It can impact her enjoyment and impact her feelings of security because she is not meeting a need.

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Does this mean that she should not try cuckolding?

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No.

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Being shy does not mean she is unable to enjoy the experience, nor does it mean she should not have the experience.

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Instead, it means making sure she is able to effectively communicate her needs and those needs are understood.

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There's a lot to unpack in that one.

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Like I've said in the past, finding somebody because I love my subbie and I'm very attracted to my subbie and I enjoy sex with my subbie when it happens or when I allow it.

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It's hard for me to be sexually attracted to somebody else.

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And I think this is a struggle that a lot of women have.

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I think it's changing the perspective of what you're looking for.

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And this is where my human toy reference comes in.

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Yes, you need to have, I think you need to have a connection with the person.

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But I also think you need to remove the emotion from it as well and understand that this is just sex.

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Enjoy it like a vibrator.

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It's just, I don't know, like a human doll.

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And that sounds very, I don't know what it sounds mean to say about the bull, but sometimes it's all about your perspective.

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And as you do it more, you will change and figure out what works for you.

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However, don't ever participate in this lifestyle if it is not something you wholeheartedly want or are not turned on by.

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Never do anything for the pleasure of your partner ever because it will end horribly.

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And that's where relationship fails happen because then you are, oh my God, I'm totally drawing a blank.

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Resentful towards your partner because maybe something didn't go right or maybe you didn't enjoy it like you thought you would.

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And then you're like, what's your fault?

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Because you made me do this.

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That's why communication is so important.

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And I think that's what they're touching on in this part of it.

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I think taking it slow is fucking key.

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I would do maybe multiple dates where the three of you go out you talk, you converse, you laid on your boundaries, rules, whatever you want to call them.

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Make sure everybody is on the same page.

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Make sure everybody is in touch with how they feel.

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And of course, there has to be some sort of attraction.

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And the more personally for me, the more I get to know the person as a human being, the more attracted I get to them.

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There are people that I used to think were so fucking hot, like, holy shit, I want to do you so bad.

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Talked to him for an hour and I was like, fuck, I can't touch you with a 10 foot pole.

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Sorry.

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Your personality totally fucking murders your looks.

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That's just how I am.

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Not everybody's like that.

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So communication is key.

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This can absolutely ruin your relationship if you do not have a strong foundation for your relationship and open communication.

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And don't be ashamed about anything that turns you on.

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You have to be able to be open with your partner about that.

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It's important to me.

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Can you tell?

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Overcoming the hurdle of being shy and introverted.

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Being introverted and cuckolding are not incompatible.

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However, it can pose a hurdle.

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Finding a cuckolding experience is similar to a threesome because both use similar sources.

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The difference lies in the process of finding a suitable male.

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Typically, searching for a cuckolding, searching for a cuckolding individual is an individual experience, whereas searching for a threesome is more of a shared couple experience.

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Since she is shy, it may mean as her husband or boyfriend, you will have to help her.

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This may mean seeking her, this may mean seeking her agreement to allow you to find someone, seeking her agreement to allow you to arrange for her to meet someone, or it may mean giving her support.

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So initially, before my first experience with all of this, my sobby did feel pretty much everything.

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Like you had to make it through him.

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He knows me better than anybody in the entire world.

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So he knows what I like.

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He knows what I'm into.

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He probably knows better than fucking me, to be honest.

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So he did field everything for this, while the story that I told a couple of weeks ago on an episode.

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He fielded all the messages and then when he felt comfortable with the person he was talking to, he sent them to me.

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He always lets them know that they're talking to him.

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It's not a catfish thing where they think they're talking to me.

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Everybody was aware they needed to go through him to get to me.

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That was nice for me because it wasn't so overwhelming then.

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And I've noticed as I'm getting older, I get a little bit more overwhelmed easier.

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This was a while back.

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So it was just nice for him to take care of that for me.

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It really helped me process everything that was going on.

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And by the time the person got to me that I was talking to, he kind of knew a little bit about me and it went very smoothly for the most part.

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Setting basic boundaries.

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One of the biggest differences between having a threesome and cuckolding are boundaries.

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Threesome boundaries tend to focus on protecting the relationship, building trust and providing a sense of wellbeing by ensuring needs are met.

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Cuckolding boundaries are different.

00:19:24.369 --> 00:19:31.309
The focus of cuckolding is physical safety and to a certain extent, protecting while ensuring information is communicated.

00:19:33.650 --> 00:19:41.750
This was another question or a lot of comments, questions, things like that that I received when I posted a few videos about cuckolding.

00:19:44.759 --> 00:19:47.619
It doesn't always, there isn't always the humiliation factor.

00:19:48.099 --> 00:19:49.900
For us, my husband enjoys that.

00:19:50.059 --> 00:19:55.119
So we participate in active humiliation in a cuckolding situation.

00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:57.099
It does not have to be that way.

00:19:57.900 --> 00:20:04.059
He does not have to be, well, okay, my subbie has to be in chastity while he's there watching, whatever.

00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:06.579
But that doesn't have to be that way for everybody.

00:20:06.940 --> 00:20:08.640
You decide what works for you.

00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:11.980
If you don't want your partner there, that's your choice.

00:20:12.140 --> 00:20:17.000
If you want him there but blindfolded so he can only hear, that's also your choice and pretty fucking hot.

00:20:17.579 --> 00:20:21.900
If you want to tie him to a chair in the corner so that he can't do nothing but watch, perfect.

00:20:22.180 --> 00:20:24.700
Just as long as he's consenting to being restrained.

00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:28.400
Consent communication, big ones.

00:20:30.519 --> 00:20:34.819
Okay, finally, because I can ramble about this for days.

00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:40.180
Many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning.

00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:42.940
Oh, wait, I lied.

00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:47.380
Oh, no, I didn't.

00:20:48.779 --> 00:20:51.039
I might've had too much caffeine today.

00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:52.880
I'm sorry if I sound like an auctioneer.

00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:55.079
Okay, seriously, finally.

00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:01.859
Not many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning before the real work begins.

00:21:02.259 --> 00:21:06.660
No fucking kidding, real fucking work involved in practicing this lifestyle.

00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:14.680
Taking time to set boundaries and to search will help make sure for an enjoyable experience and help make sure the relationship survives.

00:21:15.339 --> 00:21:20.519
Without taking time to talk through issues and set basic boundaries, the risk to her is high.

00:21:21.059 --> 00:21:30.150
Okay, I think this is where the misconception is that this lifestyle ruins relationships.

00:21:30.710 --> 00:21:33.029
It probably does if you're not communicating.

00:21:33.349 --> 00:21:35.549
I would suspect that is the outcome.

00:21:38.069 --> 00:21:45.269
For somebody who has been cheated on, this may be a fucking hard no because they didn't get into that.

00:21:47.839 --> 00:21:50.059
I really think you have to know yourself.

00:21:50.339 --> 00:21:52.599
You have to know your partner and communicate.

00:21:53.279 --> 00:22:04.180
Because if you don't have, if you don't have it, if you don't have open communication and you, I mean, even if there's the littlest bit of hesitation, it needs to be talked about.

00:22:06.019 --> 00:22:08.920
I also got some comments and I wanted to address this too.

00:22:09.380 --> 00:22:15.920
Somebody commented that only Caucasians are practicing this lifestyle.

00:22:18.660 --> 00:22:22.160
I just want to say in here, I think that's absolutely fucking absurd.

00:22:22.619 --> 00:22:26.099
And who fucking cares what color your skin is?

00:22:26.099 --> 00:22:28.160
And I flat out don't think that's true.

00:22:28.619 --> 00:22:40.640
But talking about this stuff and posting videos on TikTok, social media, things like that, I can understand why people don't come out and talk about their kinks.

00:22:41.220 --> 00:22:45.000
Fucking people can be mean and it's usually dumb people.

00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:51.019
It's people who don't investigate, don't do their own research, don't know the fucking facts.

00:22:51.339 --> 00:22:54.640
It's shit that's been fucking programmed in their head from years ago.

00:22:54.940 --> 00:22:55.880
And how do I know this?

00:22:55.880 --> 00:22:57.519
Because I was that dumb fucker.

00:22:57.859 --> 00:23:02.859
I was, I was a long time ago, but that's how I grew up and that's okay.

00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:12.119
But can you imagine what the world would be like if people would just fucking open their mind and say, hey, that's not for me, but I'm glad you enjoy it.

00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:17.630
Anyway, this article is fantastic.

00:23:18.789 --> 00:23:20.410
I am all over the map today.

00:23:20.890 --> 00:23:22.490
I hope you guys hung out for the whole thing.

00:23:24.410 --> 00:23:25.710
This article is pretty good.

00:23:26.369 --> 00:23:29.529
They have other articles too.

00:23:30.210 --> 00:23:38.950
They have cuckolding beginner's guide for her, surviving the first date, cuckolding beginner's guide, enjoying sloppy seconds.

00:23:40.690 --> 00:23:42.369
I might have to check that one out.

00:23:43.730 --> 00:23:49.630
Another area of this lifestyle that, I mean, cream pies are fantastic, but just my opinion.

00:23:50.670 --> 00:23:59.609
Universal boundaries, five laws for establishing boundaries, cuckolding relationship, easing into a cuckolding or threesome.

00:24:00.210 --> 00:24:02.730
There is a lot of things out on the internet.

00:24:02.730 --> 00:24:06.490
If you have questions, you can be careful.

00:24:08.089 --> 00:24:19.309
Again, you don't have to trust anything or when you're doing your own research, my best advice to you is find what resonates with you.

00:24:20.069 --> 00:24:31.109
The source maybe isn't always reliable, but if you find something that resonates with you, you can do a more defined search on that specific issue and get more information.

00:24:32.789 --> 00:24:39.890
My best piece of advice is honestly, whatever sits best with you and makes you feel comfortable in what you're doing.

00:24:40.650 --> 00:24:50.309
If you, safety issues, things like that, whatever the case may be, you know you and you can trust your gut instinct.

00:24:50.450 --> 00:24:51.170
So trust it.

00:24:51.170 --> 00:24:52.730
That's my personal opinion.

00:24:53.150 --> 00:24:55.490
I think I'm going to check out some of these articles.

00:24:55.730 --> 00:25:04.170
I will link this below or in my show notes so that you can go check it out and see if there's anything in there that interests you.

00:25:04.349 --> 00:25:08.069
And if you find something and want to share, hit me up.

00:25:08.869 --> 00:25:13.970
If anybody has questions, email me, hit me up on TikTok.

00:25:14.309 --> 00:25:17.650
Whatever the case may be, I am always open to answering questions.

00:25:18.230 --> 00:25:19.529
There is never judgment.

00:25:19.529 --> 00:25:22.309
I will never judge anybody for something that turns them on.

00:25:22.670 --> 00:25:25.210
If it's something that I don't have experience in, I'll tell you.

00:25:25.349 --> 00:25:27.049
I don't know, but here's my opinion.

00:25:27.549 --> 00:25:28.630
Do with it what you will.

00:25:29.609 --> 00:25:33.930
I am not about making somebody feel bad for something that turns them on.

00:25:34.250 --> 00:25:35.369
It's just not okay.

00:25:36.190 --> 00:25:38.049
Just fucking be kind, man.

00:25:43.640 --> 00:25:45.339
It's been kind of a stressful week.

00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:45.880
Can you tell?

00:25:45.940 --> 00:25:49.359
There's a little bit of tension in my state right now.

00:25:49.960 --> 00:25:56.259
And I've maybe spent a little bit too much time on the old TikTok or the old Facebook this week.

00:25:56.819 --> 00:26:06.579
And I'm a little bit passionate about just fucking be kind to each other and be accountable for your own fucking mistakes.

00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:10.819
If you fuck up, own it, learn from it and move the fuck on.

00:26:12.299 --> 00:26:18.819
So before I get off on another rant, I appreciate all of you for being here.

00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:32.240
I hope that this episode has helped anybody that maybe has some questions or any of my ladies out there who are interested in doing this, but are having a hard time wrapping their head around it.

00:26:32.420 --> 00:26:33.960
Please know I'm there with you.

00:26:34.299 --> 00:26:40.819
I had the hardest time getting a good view of this.

00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:45.059
It was hard to change my perspective and see it for what it really is.

00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:57.660
As I've said before in the past, my relationship with my subbie is the healthiest, strongest, most trusting relationship I've ever been in.

00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:02.000
Even with these extracurricular activities that we participate in.

00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:11.099
I attribute our relationship to the extracurricular activities that we participate in because it has opened up our communication.

00:27:12.619 --> 00:27:14.000
He knows me better than anyone.

00:27:14.299 --> 00:27:19.000
I know him better than anyone and I will tell him anything and he will tell me anything.

00:27:19.980 --> 00:27:24.240
I just think it's healthy and everybody doesn't have to agree and that's okay.

00:27:24.680 --> 00:27:26.140
Just be good human beings.

00:27:27.099 --> 00:27:28.779
And I'm done ranting for real now.

00:27:29.019 --> 00:27:30.079
That was a Minnesota goodbye.

00:27:30.279 --> 00:27:31.140
Hope you all enjoyed it.

00:27:31.900 --> 00:27:35.500
I hope everyone has a fantastic, fantastic, fantastic week.

00:27:36.220 --> 00:27:37.380
Be kind to one another.

00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:38.599
Be good human beings.

00:27:39.059 --> 00:27:39.920
I love you all.

00:27:40.059 --> 00:27:41.880
And next week's episode is a surprise.

00:27:42.200 --> 00:27:43.980
So come back.

00:27:44.839 --> 00:27:45.319
Bye.

00:27:45.859 --> 00:27:46.539
Can we come in?