0132 Female Led Relationships: So Your Partner’s Into Cuckolding… Now What?

WEBVTT

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I don't know why, but when I just hit that vape, the Cypress Hill hits from the ball and came to mind.

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.

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This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.

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We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.

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We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.

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Hi, welcome back to episode 32.

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Welcome back, episode 32, holy crap.

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This week, we're gonna talk about cuckolding.

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And yes, this has been a debate in our house because when I say it, it sounds like I'm saying cuckolding.

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However, I am not.

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It's just the way my Minnesota accent sounds.

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But first, let's address some housekeeping.

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♪ Housekeeping ♪All right, housekeeping.

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One, as I've mentioned, it is almost camping season here in the Midwest.

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And the subbie and I took a trip to our happy place and checked out our camper, Jerry, and we are rodent free, which makes me very, very happy.

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Two, if you go to my website and experience some technical difficulties, my host is doing some updates or changing some things.

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So bear with me, we are monitoring it.

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It should be functioning as it should very soon, but please bear with me during the technical difficulties.

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And you can always email me too if you have questions or can't find something because the website is not functioning as it should.

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All right, let's get into it.

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This week, we are going to talk about cuckolding and I am going to discuss, I found a fantastic website.

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The link will be in the show notes, as will the link for Tindra, as I was talking about her novella in housekeeping.

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I wanted to, this one is kind of for my ladies.

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However, men, you might find this helpful in how to possibly bring up a cuckolding topic with your woman.

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It kind of explains how our brain works.

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Not everybody, because you can't group us all in one bunch because we're all different.

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The name of the website is called wanthertocheat.com.

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And there is an article that is, it discusses like the different types of, it's not necessarily cuckolding, but it kind of defines the difference between what a cuckold is as opposed to a swinger or a stag.

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We're just gonna kind of cover some of these.

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This article was really interesting to me.

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You can also become a private member.

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I don't know if it costs anything.

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I didn't do it.

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I was just checking out their free content right now.

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I found it very useful.

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And I learned some things that make a lot of sense.

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So I thought I would share them with you.

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So here we go.

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Right away it says, your husband is a cuckold, a beginner's introduction to the seductive world of wife sharing, cuckolding, and the hot wife phenomenon.

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Ladies, has your boyfriend, fiance, or husband ever talked dirty about you flirting with other men?

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Has he teased you about getting sex from other guys?

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Has he told you that he likes the thought of you being with another man?

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Does he ask you about your sex life with old boyfriends?

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My subbie did most of this immediately in the beginning.

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And he is definitely a cuckold.

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So this article is kind of gonna just go over a brief description.

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And why the ladies might enjoy it more than they think they would.

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This is the part of the article that I liked.

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I'm just gonna read this to you.

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I'll interject my thoughts.

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If this is all new to you, don't worry.

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We'll break down your husband or boyfriend's kink, give it a little context and help you try to make sense of what he's asking of you.

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Many women hear this request with no warning and have one of two responses.

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Okay, first of all, men, maybe pick the right time to bring it up.

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Don't bring it up out of the blue.

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But one, you get suspicious.

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There's no way you heard him right.

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He wants me to sleep with other guys while he stays committed?

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Uh-uh, there's gotta be a catch.

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Or two, you get upset.

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Sleep with other guys?

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Are you out of your mind?

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I'm not a slut.

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What you're asking is disgusting.

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I'm not like that.

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Now, I have to say in the beginning when this was presented to me, I think both of those kind of went through my mind.

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Which according to this, these are perfectly understandable reactions.

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After all, you couldn't imagine yourself wanting to see him with another girl, right?

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Absolutely fucking not.

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No desire.

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So how could he expect it from you with no strings attached?

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It's too good to be true.

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This is fantastic.

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The first thing, take a breath and relax.

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If he's mentioned this kinky fantasy to you or if you suspect he's angling for it, it's not the end of the world.

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Here's what he's not trying to do.

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He's not looking to have an affair for himself.

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He doesn't want a hall pass to get with another girl.

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He's definitely not trying to break up your relationship.

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You might think it's a weird fantasy to have or even find it a disgusting turnoff.

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Whatever your own response, you can rest assured he's being 100% serious.

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To all my ladies listening, I have been there.

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I totally, totally, totally fucking get it.

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I was so sick to my stomach when this was first presented to me, this aspect of it.

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There were other areas I was maybe like, oh yeah, hey, cool, let's do that.

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This was not one of them.

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I had to take a good two days, I think it was, to process this because I was so confused because every relationship I had ever been in, it was, there was jealousy, like this would never be even an option.

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But I had to take two days and I tried to talk to a friend of mine to kind of talk me through it and I made a poor choice in who I talked to.

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So then I just stopped talking to anybody about it and I just processed it myself.

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And looking back at previous relationships, I would say that this is probably something that I would have participated in a long time ago had I not come from the small town that I grew up in because there's so many benefits to it.

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One, I know I'm a jealous person or maybe not jealous, I'm possessive.

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I don't want anybody, I don't wanna see my husband or subbie, whatever.

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I don't wanna see him with anybody else.

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He's mine, it's almost like a property thing.

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He's mine, I don't wanna share.

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Now, as we evolve in our relationship, that could change, I highly doubt it.

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It's always open for conversation and because of the fantastic relationship that we have, I know if I told him, no, it's not on the table, I'm not okay with that, he would be like, fine, the subject would be dropped.

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However, if you think about it, it is kind of a good way to keep the spice alive in your relationship.

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But we'll address that a little bit later.

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He wants exactly what he tells you he wants.

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He gets off imagining you hook up with other men.

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There are reasons for this cuckolding fantasy, which we don't need to get into here.

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Some people think that evolution programmed men to find sexual enjoyment in promiscuous women.

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Others think it's a psychological defense mechanism to guard against cheating or a learned response to a past unfaithful girlfriend or girlfriends.

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Her cheating can't hurt you if you're getting off on it, right?

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However you shake it out, a lot of men find sexual pleasures in the idea of their wives and girlfriends being sexual with other men.

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We're talking well over half of men who would be down for their special lady getting frisky if the circumstances were right.

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That is the key.

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The circumstances have to be right.

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If there isn't boundaries, rules, whatever you wanna call them, if there is not a clear foundation established, this could go very wrong.

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Ooh, these are key points too.

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He's not looking to bail on you with another girl and he doesn't find you unsatisfying.

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Those were two hard ones while the unsatisfying part was the hard one for me.

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If anything, it's just the opposite.

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He's so into you that he's deriving his sexual pleasure from you and you alone.

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In his mind, he's adoring you.

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He's putting your pleasure above his own.

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And I think I've said this before.

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And once I had this perspective of it, I was like, well, fuck yeah, let's do this.

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A lot of what I talk about on here is your perspective and how you see things.

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And in honesty, if you take the sex out of it, which is so funny to say because it's considered a kink, it's considered part of the lifestyle, it's whatever label you wanna use for it, but really remove the actual physical sexual aspect of it and look at the emotional side of it, it's pretty intense and it's a pretty intense connection.

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However, I say that a lot.

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That's almost like my so's and um's.

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The female mind doesn't work this way with sex.

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And that is true.

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Women are more prone to get with one guy and commit everything to him.

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True statement.

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Her physical desire is much more strongly connected to her feelings for the person compared to men, which is why when I talk about playing with other men, I refer to them as basically a human sex toy.

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I have to have some sort of connection with them, but it's not necessarily emotional.

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It just has to be some sort of chemistry, I think, or in some cases, you just have to know how to talk because if there's nothing going on in between your ears, I'm real sorry, but I don't know if I can do it.

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Her physical desire is much more strongly connected to her feelings for the person compared to men, like I just said, which means when he tells you that he wants you to sleep around, it's like showing a stop sign to a colorblind person.

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You don't experience sexual attraction this way.

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I think I've said this before too, but if not, men and women are wired so differently.

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It's not a bad thing.

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It's just sometimes I wish I could think like a man, like I overthink, I overanalyze all of this and I know I'm not alone and there might be men that do this too, but man, my life would be easier if I could just something happens and I fucking forget about it and move on.

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So while we are, well, we as in women are overthinking the fuck out of this whole cuckolding thing, our cuckolding husband believes he's allowing us the ultimate sexual gift, the freedom to have sex with any man we desire.

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That's not how we're processing guys.

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You might wonder what he gets out of the deal.

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That depends.

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And then it goes on to talk about what kind of cuck is he and the difference between swingers, hotwives and cuckolds.

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Cuckolds.

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See, every now and then I hear the H in there and I don't intend to put it in there.

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It's just how my mouth wants to say it.

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There are different versions of the wife sharing fantasy.

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And then it has an article that you can read on the difference between a swinger, a cuckold and a stag.

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Until recently, most people knew this as swinging or an open marriage.

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Swingers swap spouses with other couples.

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Open marriages give each partner a free pass for casual sex with others.

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Cuckolding is different.

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Only the wife or girlfriend has sex outside of the relationship while the husband or boyfriend stays monogamous.

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And this is his idea.

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And as bizarre as it sounds, far more men are interested in this than women.

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And I don't know, the more I do this, the more I don't think that's necessarily bizarre because I'm learning more and more how differently men are wired.

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Again, not a bad thing.

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Within cuckolding, you have several different types.

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There is the traditional cuckold, which is a man whose wife is unfaithful to him while he's unaware of it.

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I think that's pretty much a hard no in my world because if I'm going to be with someone else, I want him there.

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And I know I talked about this on the last episode because he is kind of like my safety blanket.

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There is not much the two of us do without each other, really.

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And that's part of the dynamic of our relationship.

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That doesn't mean it will never change.

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That doesn't mean it can't ever change.

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That's just how we choose to participate or how we choose to live the life that we live.

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And this is where we get into me.

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There's still an element of this going on in cuckold relationships where the female motive is dominant.

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She takes control as the dominant partner and gets with other men while her husband is reluctant, hesitant, or more likely, a submissive partner.

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This can get weird because the dynamic doesn't always work.

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Instead, what usually happens is that the cuck husband imagines this playing out, even though his wife is shy, reluctant, submissive, or conservative.

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The cuckold craves humiliation, the angst, and the submissive role.

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He wants his wife and maybe her lover, called a bull, to take charge, boss him around, and treat him like dirt.

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Small penis fantasies and male chastity are a part of this.

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That pretty much describes us in a nutshell or pretty much to the T, however you wanna say it.

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Mix them up, whatever.

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A lot of what you find, however, are couples who approach cuckolding as equal partners.

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In this case, the unfaithful wife is called a hot wife.

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Hot wives date with their husband's enthusiastic consent and limited participation.

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If cuckolding is motivated by the woman, the hot wife fantasy is motivated by masculine energy.

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A cuckold's wife, called a cuckoldress, also dates with her husband's knowledge and permission, but the dynamic is different for hot wife couples.

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The hot wife's husband, we call him a stag for short, experiences sexual pleasure in knowing that his wife has sex with other men.

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He's not interested in the angst and humiliation.

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He's there to watch hot sex, the woman he loves most.

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He wants his wife to be his real-life porn star.

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Sounds like a little bit of voyeurism in there too.

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I'm not opposed.

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My husband is not a stag.

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He very much enjoys the humiliation, as do I.

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Ooh, this is very much true too.

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There's a lot of crossover with other themes, such as denial of penetration, orgasm denial, full male chastity, and even extreme humiliation, like cleanup duty or being tied up in bondage to watch her have sex.

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That whole paragraph sounds fantastic to me.

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I will take it all, every bit of it.

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That very much describes our dynamic.

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Now, a lot of our dynamic, sexually, is on the back burner because I have children in my home that have to do school and shit.

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By the end of the day, I'm exhausted.

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So that being said, I would just like to point out, this does not have to be a 24-7 type of deal.

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You can have this type of relationship and not participate in it on a sexual aspect 24 hours a day, seven days a week, or whatever.

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Obviously, you can't have sex for 24 hours a day.

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Your vagina would fall out or your penis would fall off.

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I would think, I don't know if I'm up for that challenge.

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As I ramble, but I digress.

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In all of this, and I just threw a whole bunch of words out there, so if you are new and listening to this, don't get overwhelmed because I fucking hate labels, but this is the terminology they use in the article that I'm referencing.

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The whole point of me discussing this is just, if there are ladies, I think most of my listening base is men, but for my ladies out there, or men who want to bring this up to their lady, or whatever the case may be, it's all about perspective and it doesn't have to happen tomorrow.

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You can take this one day at a time.

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You can implement different, I don't wanna say play, but you can implement different portions of what this type of relationship consists of slowly.

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It's like when I was in massage school and I had to take a cooking class or something, we were talking about habits.

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And now this was years ago, but 21 days to create a habit.

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So start out slow, add one thing, take away one thing.

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Don't try to do it all in one shot.

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You will get fucking overwhelmed, I guarantee it.

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Add one new thing, take away one thing you don't like.

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And if you just wanna add one new thing and wait, and then take away the thing you don't like or whatever the case may be later, do that.

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Seriously slow and steady wins the race and fucking talk, talk, talk, talk constantly.

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Always be communicating how you're feeling.

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If you don't wanna do it face to face, if it's embarrassing, because fuck, I've been there.

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I understand that sometimes you don't wanna look your partner in the face and be like, I don't like it when you put your finger in my butt.

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Fucking get a notebook that you two can pass back and forth and read in private so that you can communicate your feelings without feeling embarrassed.

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And I promise you eventually that embarrassment goes away or that feeling ashamed of what you're interested in.

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And fuck, if there's one thing I could get across to people, don't ever feel bad for something that turns you on.

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It's fucking who you are, it's what you enjoy.

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There's no reason to be ashamed of that.

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Anyway, let's see.

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This is probably going to be a two-parter, I think.

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Oh, see, this article is right with me.

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The extremes can be a big turnoff, especially if it's your first trip to this pool.

00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:31.740
True fucking statement.

00:21:32.900 --> 00:21:41.539
Porn aside, most guys who show signs of cuckold and hot wife curiosity aren't really into that level of hardcore play.

00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:50.640
If your hubby is like most, he's getting his rocks off imagining you getting down and dirty with another guy while he's watching and jerking off.

00:21:51.099 --> 00:21:52.460
And that's all he's into.

00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:55.299
And that's okay if that's all it consists of.

00:21:56.140 --> 00:22:00.740
The fantasy itself is enough of an earthquake shock to most monogamous partners.

00:22:02.519 --> 00:22:04.740
Yeah, let's think about that for a minute.

00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:13.480
If you've only been monogamous your whole life and your partner comes to you with this, it could be a big shock.

00:22:15.220 --> 00:22:19.680
Because as the next paragraph says, sex is a big deal in marriage.

00:22:20.299 --> 00:22:24.259
Getting it from another partner besides your husband is a big ask.

00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:26.900
Let's touch on that for a minute.

00:22:27.960 --> 00:22:32.759
I have been with my subbie for, well, we'll be married for five years.

00:22:33.619 --> 00:22:37.839
Prior to my subbie, I was a very, very insecure person about my body.

00:22:38.099 --> 00:22:46.539
And I had to be with someone for quite some time before I was actually comfortable enough to relax and enjoy sex.

00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:54.480
So now you're telling me that I'm going to have sex with strangers and maybe not strangers, but a new person.

00:22:54.660 --> 00:22:57.539
I mean, it takes me a long time to get comfortable with somebody.

00:22:58.579 --> 00:23:00.400
And what if the sex is horrible?

00:23:01.960 --> 00:23:07.460
You get into a routine, you get into a rhythm, you know what the other person likes, they know what you like.

00:23:07.720 --> 00:23:10.779
So nine times out of 10, your sex is pretty good.

00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.500
In my case, when I have sex, it's fantastic.

00:23:15.140 --> 00:23:15.920
Thank you, subbie.

00:23:18.339 --> 00:23:23.279
However, there's a whole nother set of issues that goes with having sex with somebody you aren't familiar with.

00:23:23.740 --> 00:23:29.539
And that's why I say there has to be some sort of connection also, because you wanna be able to relax.

00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:33.359
Even if you are relaxed though, I think sex is still gonna be awkward.

00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:35.660
Just my opinion.

00:23:41.700 --> 00:23:48.579
So there is a lot of information on this website that you can go in and check out.

00:23:50.259 --> 00:23:54.099
The next part of it says, so your husband is a cuckold, what now?

00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:59.859
Many women first hear all about this fantasy and pardon our French, they lose their shit.

00:24:00.579 --> 00:24:01.480
How could he?

00:24:01.619 --> 00:24:02.420
Doesn't he love me?

00:24:02.579 --> 00:24:03.420
Aren't I good enough?

00:24:03.819 --> 00:24:06.859
I bet he just wants to get with another girl and this is his way out.

00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:12.160
The thoughts start racing and a serious conversation becomes impossible.

00:24:13.059 --> 00:24:16.359
You must understand one vital thing, sex is weird.

00:24:17.240 --> 00:24:22.779
What gets people off isn't what the romance movies and cheesy sitcoms told you.

00:24:23.559 --> 00:24:25.440
Everybody's into weird stuff.

00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:28.180
True fucking statement.

00:24:28.960 --> 00:24:29.980
And that's okay.

00:24:30.380 --> 00:24:35.099
And I don't even necessarily like the word weird, but everybody likes different things.

00:24:35.299 --> 00:24:38.880
Something that gets me off isn't gonna get everybody else off.

00:24:40.039 --> 00:24:42.339
There are some similarities I think though.

00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:44.140
Oh, hey, look at that.

00:24:44.420 --> 00:24:50.259
It might help if you think of his cuckold fantasy as the mirror image of a voyeurism kink.

00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:51.720
Agreed.

00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:56.819
Many women admit to a thrill from being watched during sex.

00:24:58.559 --> 00:25:04.059
I don't, I would be okay, like I'm okay with my subbie watching me have sex.

00:25:04.619 --> 00:25:08.079
I don't know if I would be okay with strangers watching me have sex.

00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:11.599
May have to do some investigation into that.

00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:15.299
And maybe that's what we'll talk about next week.

00:25:17.180 --> 00:25:21.359
I have had a threesome before, but I don't know that anybody was watching me.

00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:25.900
Everybody was pretty involved in what was going on.

00:25:26.819 --> 00:25:27.440
Okay.

00:25:28.339 --> 00:25:36.160
I apologize because I have rambled a fuck ton on this, but let's just kind of recap the first half of this.

00:25:36.220 --> 00:25:45.759
And next week we will dive a little deeper into women getting off on being watched, more about cuckolding.

00:25:46.440 --> 00:26:00.000
And I think maybe dive in a little bit more into the men's emotional attachment or the men's emotional side of why he would want his wife or girlfriend to participate in this.

00:26:00.500 --> 00:26:05.779
Next week, I think we'll talk a little bit about threesomes and multiple partners and things like that as well.

00:26:12.019 --> 00:26:30.480
My main point to kind of diving into this a little bit is because I know that I have had people reach out to me that are interested in the cuckolding aspect of a relationship and their significant other is flat out appalled.

00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:37.400
And I just kind of wanna put out there a different side of it.

00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:42.519
Maybe again, remove the whips and chains from it or whatever, you know what I mean?

00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:47.119
Like the sexual stigma that goes with this type of lifestyle.

00:26:47.559 --> 00:26:48.940
Like pull all that away.

00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:51.720
It's kind of like peeling in the layers of an onion.

00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:55.460
If you have kids and have watched Shrek, you know what I'm referring to.

00:26:55.980 --> 00:26:58.960
There are many layers to these type of relationships.

00:26:59.359 --> 00:27:06.279
And I have said this so many times, this is the healthiest and most fulfilling relationship that I have ever been in.

00:27:06.900 --> 00:27:12.680
And I think when you remove all of the sex part of it, the communication is fantastic.

00:27:13.420 --> 00:27:15.519
I can literally tell him anything.

00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:29.380
It has taken some time to get to the point where I'm comfortable literally talking about anything because I've always been kind of shy, which is odd because now I'm doing this podcast, but I have been kind of shy discussing sexual matters.

00:27:30.200 --> 00:27:44.140
Things that talk about my body or things that my body does or doesn't do or things that, well, for example, nope, I'm not saying that.

00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:50.579
Things that my body does or doesn't do or things that turn me on.

00:27:50.839 --> 00:27:55.440
That was hard for me for a long time talking about things that turn me on because I was ashamed by it.

00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:00.660
And I'm telling you, it comes from my background.

00:28:01.099 --> 00:28:05.640
I think that it's kind of just how I was brought up.

00:28:05.700 --> 00:28:07.420
Like you don't talk about sex.

00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:09.799
You do it missionary style.

00:28:09.980 --> 00:28:11.920
You let your husband do what he's gonna do.

00:28:12.059 --> 00:28:13.359
He gets you pregnant and you're done.

00:28:13.779 --> 00:28:18.680
I mean, that sounds really old school and I'm not that old, but that's kind of my view on it.

00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:24.720
And I've even had people ask me how I would feel if my kids listened to my podcast.

00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:35.940
And obviously I wouldn't want them to listen to it now, but as they were adults, I'm not necessarily opposed.

00:28:36.099 --> 00:28:40.859
They'd probably get a look into our relationship that they don't really care about or care to hear about.

00:28:41.380 --> 00:28:53.720
But I have always been or have always tried as my daughter got older to be very open about things and talk about things and talk about how your first time having sex is going to be awkward.

00:28:54.059 --> 00:28:55.960
It's probably not going to be enjoyable.

00:28:56.519 --> 00:28:58.319
It's okay if you like different things.

00:28:58.779 --> 00:29:01.059
Fuck, if you like a girl, that's okay too.

00:29:01.220 --> 00:29:04.000
You can like girls and you can like boys, whatever.

00:29:04.619 --> 00:29:06.279
Whatever really makes you happy.

00:29:06.819 --> 00:29:11.480
If you find a human being that you connect with, does it really matter if they have a penis or a vagina?

00:29:11.980 --> 00:29:13.140
No, it doesn't.

00:29:13.140 --> 00:29:16.140
Not to me, it shouldn't to you, in my opinion.

00:29:17.779 --> 00:29:42.900
But I just want something out there that kind of takes away the whips and the chains and the handcuffs or whatever the case may be and really focus on the emotional and the connection level that a lot of these relationships have and how much more confident you become in yourself when you open up and really pay attention to your body, what you like, and don't feel ashamed for talking about it.

00:29:43.900 --> 00:29:45.579
And cuckolding is fucking hot.

00:29:46.579 --> 00:29:49.259
I mean, that pretty much sums up the whole thing I just said, right?

00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:54.940
I think that is where I'm going to end it this week.

00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:57.460
I am not done with the cuckolding subject.

00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:15.920
And if anybody out there has thoughts, comments, tips, tricks, anything like that regarding cuckolding or whatever, email me, message me, TikTok, OnlyFans, whatever the case may be, I would love to hear your thoughts out there.

00:30:16.660 --> 00:30:30.079
My whole goal in this podcast, and I've said this a thousand times as well, I just want to put a different perspective on this lifestyle and make it not feel so...

00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:31.859
I don't want people to look down on it.

00:30:31.940 --> 00:30:35.200
It's a very healthy way to live your life and there's nothing wrong with it.

00:30:35.819 --> 00:30:37.819
My subbie and I are both consenting adults.

00:30:38.019 --> 00:30:40.500
We enjoy this life and we have kids.

00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:41.339
We have a family.

00:30:41.559 --> 00:30:42.640
We know how to do...

00:30:43.200 --> 00:30:45.180
We know how to participate in this relationship.

00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:50.140
And I think in the process, our kids are watching what a healthy relationship looks like.

00:30:50.859 --> 00:30:52.400
They see how well we communicate.

00:30:52.720 --> 00:30:55.019
They see how well my subbie treats me.

00:30:55.279 --> 00:30:59.039
They see how he does things to make my life easier.

00:30:59.220 --> 00:31:00.400
They see how...

00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:01.500
They see the give and take.

00:31:02.859 --> 00:31:09.119
Anyway, I hope you guys all have a fantastic week.

00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:17.140
Stay safe, be good human beings, and come back next week for more Cuffholding Talk.

00:31:17.640 --> 00:31:18.420
Love you all.