0130 Female Led Relationships: The Emotional Shift in FLR: From Overwhelm to Ownership

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Hey, thank you for listening. This is Brian. I need to Personally apologize for the terrible mic placement that miss Christine had for her podcast. That is completely my fault and Just to let you all know that we'll be in good shape for next week. Enjoy This podcast is intended for mature audiences only if you are not 18 years of age or older There are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18 This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors lawyers or therapists We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions Episode 30 Welcome back Holy fuck episode 30 crazy Time flies when you're having fun So this week we are going to discuss the cheese but first Housekeeping Housekeeping One Welcome to my new patrons. Thank you so much for your support You are fantastic. And thank you to all my existing patrons. You are also fantastic This week is a short week for us because we are going on vacation We are traveling to beautiful, Florida where we hope the Sun graces us with its presence Any listeners from Florida if you guys could do a Sundance for us I would greatly appreciate it because according to my weather app, it's supposed to rain the whole time. We're there It's just a short mini getaway for some vitamin D But I'm excited Okay Let's dive in We are going to talk about the cheese which is a guest post on a blog That is called the Ben Sorry, them Dom think tank now I brought this blog up last week and I Forgot to put it in the show notes, so I'm real sorry if anybody was looking for it But it's just a fantastic blog post So I'm going to read to you the parts that I think are interesting and give you my thoughts on it And maybe it will Also intrigue you there is also some fantastic comments and replies from the author of the guest post John Dalton Who I've also been emailing with this week, and he did have one thing He wanted me to add so I will be adding that as well You should totally check it out it is fantastic. It is amazing writing Right away it starts out with I'm sure most readers of this blog are men Longing for female authority in their life. Some would disagree, but I am convinced that all men are born with this desire But it takes time and experience with the right woman to come to terms with this need Unfortunately due to most socialization and the general nature of women It is very unlikely that a woman will ever consider dominance as a means to attract the attention of men This is very unfortunate as a dominant presence is much more effective Than all the typical adornments that women apply in their efforts to attract male attention That's just the first paragraph and I agree a hundred percent I think that Men when men are born or just in general now, I'm not old But I'm definitely not 25. So I still have a little bit of old school in me But I think most people view men as The authority figure or the ones that are responsible for supporting the family and they have to be the protector and the main income earner and That's a lot on a man's shoulders or you know, that's what's being programmed into young males heads maybe not anymore because society is changing but I think Not the old days but like when I was growing up your man was the protector and This could be where you live to the demographic that you are surrounded by that's a lot of stress on a man's shoulders and I think that some men in female-led relationships are just thankful to not Have to be the main decision maker It's a turn-on to just be able to come home and do what you're told and maybe that's not even the case Maybe at your job You have a female supervisor that is in charge and it's just nice to not have to make those decisions I Think it's kind of a sense of freedom for some men to be in a female-led relationship Because they can just relax and enjoy their life and their decisions are made They just do what they're told. I Mean, I like it Okay as Enlightened men we often look for ways to entice the women in our lives to become more dominant This may work for a moment, but we forget that women are very intuitive and quickly see that the cheese is part of the trap typically the cheese in most new female-led relationships seems to start out with the man taking on more of the household duties and Allowing the woman to have more time to enjoy her newfound place of authority The energy of this dynamic usually fades over time because the cheese comes with a whole new list of Responsibilities to fulfill his desire for submission She may not be scrubbing the floors now, but she is still serving his needs and desires. I This is one of the main things that people comment to me about Being a little bit overwhelmed with this whole new relationship And now it's a whole new list of things that they have to try and figure out and it can be very frustrating Overwhelming it can just outright piss you off in my opinion because I've been there Take it one day at a time. We talked about this last week patience and taking it slow and don't look at it as Necessarily New responsibilities, I mean in my opinion The more I feel comfortable in our female-led relationship the more I just do what I want because it makes me happy Because if you get down to the brass tacks of what a female-led relationship is in my opinion It's all about me. Whatever makes me happy will make him happy because ultimately his Desire in life is to make me happy. So if I'm happy, he's happy now Obviously, there's other circumstances that contribute to that not being a true statement. But again just a broad Idea of it is whatever literally it's all about me. Whatever makes me happy Then in turn makes him happy It's a simplified version. Don't let yourself get too overwhelmed with everything that's going on. Take it slow Read some books Figure out what sits well with you what resonates with you and customize your female-led relationship to what you want it to be Okay back to the task at hand It is my opinion that the paradigm shift that miss Kaylee so eloquently describes is like an awakening or a new perspective that occurs at the core of the relationship as The woman matures and truly understands the empowering concepts of a woman-led marriage or a female-led relationship She begins to relax in her authority and channel that energy away from his desires to hers Kind of what I just said Odd as it may seem most men experience their own paradigm shift at this point and find the terms of the new relationship even more fulfilling The fantasy play of the past is replaced with an application of authority and direction That serves her desires and actually adds practical value to her daily life The cheese is now on a silver platter and eloquently served according to her desires So that's a fancy way of saying it's basically all about her. I mean it sounds much more Eloquent the way he says it If we look deeper into the elements of this change I believe many women and therefore couples often abandon the concept of a woman-led marriage at the edge of the paradigm shift The unknown of the abyss is scary because intuitively she knows that there can be no return to the traditional concepts of marriage Everything she values in love and relationship is on the line With only a promise of a new beginning that is counter to everything. She has been taught I just had this discussion this morning. It is very hard to Wrap your head around this whole concept and it being all about you, especially as women like I've said before we are nurturers Generally, we put everybody else in front of us kind of like how men are Programmed to be the protector or the main wage earner or you know the decision maker in the same sense women are kind of brought up as the nurturer and Yes, they show immense strength with everything that they handle on their shoulders as well They tend to be put towards the back. Maybe not intentionally and maybe in some cases it is intentional but We are givers nurturers. We want to take care of people. It's kind of what we are programmed to do so wrapping our head around this whole concept of someone else's happiness Kind of depends on my happiness is very hard because that's just not what we're used to And I can see where that then causes female-led relationships that are just starting out to not work out and it's sad because once you embrace the power and the confidence that you get from being in a female-led relationship is mind-blowing and I I read this article or i've read this guest post multiple times and I I personally for myself don't feel that I have reached that paradigm shift myself yet And i've been doing this for years. I don't think there is a time frame on this. I You have to take your time and the more you learn and the more you grow the more confident you get But like I said last week too, I could never go back to a traditional marriage. I I don't I would never be happy I am more fulfilled and happy in this type of relationship than I have ever been in any other relationship so communication and patience And it can be frustrating and it can be discouraging at times But if you have excellent commune or even good communication with your partner and you can sit down And just say hey, here's where i'm at right now. I'm really struggling with this can we just talk about it and Sometimes another point of view or another perspective or even if you have a friend or fuck reach out to me I'm more than happy to talk to you and maybe Help you understand or give you a different perspective on what you're feeling because I feel like i've gone through every emotion that could possibly Present itself in this relationship situation It can be a roller coaster. And if you feel like you don't have anybody to talk to it can be fucking overwhelming It is at this juncture A place she has likely retreated from many times before that she realizes that there is no return to the normalcy of a traditional relationship The experiences and vivid memories of what she thought was only sexual play Have become part of their intimate bond and cannot be undone I'm, just going to stop right there and I will tell you I fucking can't a thousand percent agree. I a thousand percent agree My bond with my subbie is so much more than any bond i've ever had just Not even necessarily on an intimate level I just literally feel like I can tell him anything and he always has my back and I trust him more than any other human being i've ever trusted on the face of the earth Minus my strawberry bestie, of course I trust her a lot Okay His deep and before hidden desires of submission Have been laid bare while she has experienced the often confusing but very real effects of power and control in the relationship All pretense of equality is gone and she realizes that her authority goes far beyond play Her fear and instincts tell her to run but the door is closed in her patriarchal ways of the past Close to the patriarchal ways of the past. I still don't know if i'm saying that right. Sorry Whether chosen or sought the paradigm shift has become real to both of them for both of them He is no longer a husband rather a willing and dedicated servant to the woman. He cherishes If he expects to be her lover, he will have to earn that privilege daily She has become all powerful and has forever put aside any ideas of service to her husband The privileges of an empowered woman are likely far from her visions of love and marriage But in some mysterious way, it seems like she has come home to a truth. She has always known Her confidence grows as she begins to understand that her power is no longer given And therefore cannot be taken away His submission to her is still a choice, but his love and desire for her is now tenfold His source of happiness and contentment are found in service to her This is an old age concept that is found in virtually every part of our marriage culture but remains taboo in the traditional sense of relationship Men are only allowed to give service to their wife as a part of the happy wife happy life excuse There's a lot to unpack in that first and foremost for women Or the dominant in the relationship the real struggle for me personally especially has been getting over the feeling bad for making it all about me and Understanding that my happiness makes him happy and satisfies him and fulfills him That is an intense concept to grasp in this type of relationship It's hard to wrap your head around Basically your own little world revolving around you and it to me it made me almost feel selfish like I was a bitch or I don't know. It's just it was real hard for me to grasp now the way i've grown up I was never made to feel like It was okay to put my needs first not from a not from a parental standpoint more from the relationships that I entered into After I moved out The relationships that I was in it was more of a mothering where I was the one doing everything And specifically the relationship I was in right before I met my husband It was a lot of gaslighting and a lot of if I didn't do what he wanted he Made me feel like it was my fault like I failed Because I didn't satisfy him or give him what he needed Probably a good indication that I was never fucking meant to be a submissive for sure So If there's any women out there entering into this And have had previous relationships like that where the man in your relationship was Constantly gaslighting you or making you feel terrible because you didn't accomplish something in your day This concept is real hard to grasp and it took me a long time however The happy wife happy life thing I can hate that phrase, but I mean it's essentially true And it shouldn't be looked at as a bad thing. Why wouldn't you want to make your wife happy?

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Why isn't that a goal even in a traditional marriage?

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like Isn't that your goal in a marriage to make each other happy and be fulfilled?

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So why is that so taboo like where did that happen?

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Why why did it become a bad thing to want to do nice things for your partner to make them happy?

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Why is that bad?

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I don't know I could ramble on about that for days probably But you guys would all get bored and take off rightfully so Just a last little tidbit on that last paragraph too is Why does it have to be considered taboo if a man does want to serve a woman?

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Why is that a bad thing? It was never a bad thing when women were serving men I believe the paradigm shift is part of a life-changing transformation that goes beyond the confines of the relationship young women with less socialization to the concepts of a patriarchal society Find this transition much less difficult while older women struggle and may never find the courage or even desire to complete the transition I was encouraged to write this post after reading lady D's comments about her struggles as she approached the paradigm shift I think all women experience the same issues and are confused as they approach the crossover point She may be convinced that a female-led relationship or woman-led marriage is truly the way forward But in real life, it still remains awkward and challenging I would liken this to a woman that suddenly realizes that she has won a trip to england This has always been a dream She is filled with excitement until she finds the voucher for her car rental Her dream vacation turns into a nightmare as she considers driving in strange places on the wrong side of the road England sounds beautiful, but not if she has to drive so I can relate to this again. Like I said, i'm not i'm 41 I think i'll be 42 next month Uh, so i'm not i'm not old in my opinion, but i'm also not 25 And I significant I see a significant difference in the way that my daughters see things and see how the world works now, obviously they're teenagers, but It's much more open to them and things are changing for the most part for the better I think um but They see things entirely different than I do and Recently, I had to take a trip with a friend of mine to handle personal things or whatever and So we drove and I ended up there was a boat that needed to come back on a nine-hour trip And I haven't driven a truck and trailer For years like first husband shortly after my oldest son was born. I had pulled his race car trailer a few times I hadn't done it in years and the road leading to the house where the boat needed to be removed from Was very windy no shoulder Drop off and then it's like a cliff. I mean it it was intense driving it without a trailer But I think because of the relationship that I met that i'm in with my subbie. I I said, oh I can do it No problem. I'll do it And I did it I was nervous after I said I would do it. I kind of over Thought it a little bit But we hooked the boat up and took off and I did just fine it was a little stressful But I honestly think had that been five or six years ago. I would not have had the confidence in myself to even say I can do it The doors that being in this type of relationship has opened up for me Are amazing and I think that is a big push to starting this podcast because I feel like women my age or even older Just don't understand the benefits Or it's hard to wrap their head around How amazing you feel?

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Take away all the sexual take away the Bossing your husband around if that's what you want to call it Just the amount of confidence and self-worth and Self-awareness That i've i've gotten from being in this type of relationship like the doors that my hubby opened up for me when I met him It was overwhelming as fuck at first But if you take the time to sit down and think about it and look at it from a different angle It's amazing and that's why i'm here. I want other women To enjoy this feeling. It's so nice to feel empowered and confident in my abilities And fuck I make mistakes everybody fucking makes mistakes but Since being in this relationship, I make a mistake. I learn what I need to learn from it and I move the fuck on I still probably overthink a little bit But that's getting better every day The benefits are just amazing and you have to have thick skin, I think because when you talk about this with other people who maybe don't understand or have The programming of that's sick or that's I mean there's such a stigma of the whips and chains but Break it down to the emotional part of this type of relationship And it is amazing Power in the relationship might have been something that she struggled to obtain but not something that she ever imagined would be laid at her feet The straw I might not have read that right Power in the relationship might have been something that she struggled to obtain but not something she ever imagined would be laid at her feet The struggle for power and control is something all couples deal with in marriage and relationships The paradigm shift enables her to approach problems and challenges from a new perspective The dominance of play becomes part of her demeanor as she realizes that a dominant presence has value in everyday life Like the aforementioned woman that won the trip to england the fear and dread of driving fades as she considers That there are hundreds of handsome young men living in england That would find great privilege in driving her around the city As an empowered woman the solution is there but she has to overcome the meekness and fear that comes with the change basically what I just said is It has everything to do with your confidence and how much more Confident you are in yourself and able to ask for what you want and not feel bad about it If you don't want to do something say you don't want to do something. It's okay If you don't want to do it, don't do it Oh And me and mr. Dalton are on the same page here. The next paragraph begins the point of my rambling You and me both you and me both The point of my rambling is to encourage women to boldly embrace the paradigm shift The man that introduced her to this lifestyle may initially reject the new and powerful woman She has become but his rebellion will quickly fade as his submissive desires take control Like her he will experience a paradigm shift as he falls deeply into submission that is complete and no longer based on his fantasy But rather the fulfillment of her desires This can be a very contentious point in the transition and not a place couples should linger the woman may establish her place of authority with straightforward changes that move the relationship away from the sexual play of dominance and real-life demands and expectations Going back to lady d's comments It is not the application of more dominant sexual play that will raise his commitment to the principles of a woman-led marriage or female-led relationship But rather the maturing of her authority which is presented with an unyielding expectation of obedience and adoration If he chooses to be disobedient If he chooses to be disobedient then he will do so at the loss of fulfilling his most urgent need of submission The threat of losing her or at a minimum a return to the principles of a vanilla relationship Will motivate him far more than new or harsher disciplines I am not trying to suggest that dominant play should be removed from a mature flr or woman-led marriage But as the paradigm shift occurs, it should become an outward expression of her dominance rather than the foundation or means of her authority Her power and control should no longer be based on role play and will not be contained to the confines of the relationship As her confidence grows she will As her confidence grows, so will her dominant presence Her life perspective will change as she realizes that as part of the paradigm shift She is no longer the property of her husband, but rather he has become her property Seemingly a minor play on words, but very powerful when acknowledged in the contents of marriage so I think that For some people it's hard when people are referred to as property like initially reading that I consider my subby mine like I own him But I don't know if I consider him property. I always say I own his ass, but I think that can be a struggle for some people too because a human being is a human being It's not a piece of property and I think maybe that is where part of the stigma or female-led relationships come from Is you know, I own you and sometimes that's what You know in a owner-slave relationship or see I don't even know the lingo been in this for how long and I still don't know the lingo Depending on the dynamic of your relationship, it could be entirely acceptable for me personally I don't like to think of him as a piece of property. He is a human being I own him But and I guess depending on how you want to interpret it. I think that Personally in our relationship my subby is dying for me to reach that paradigm shift And I feel like I get closer and closer to it the longer we are together And the more comfortable I get in my dominant role, but I am not perfect and I am not A master of this relationship I just feel like other women or people in these types of relationships can relate to me because I'm, just plain jane from down the road that's trying something new that I really enjoy and feel very fulfilled by and I have emotions that you can relate to and That's why i'm here I wholeheartedly believe in the benefits of a female-led relationship but it can be So fucking challenging and there can be days where you want to just give the fuck up You have to do what's best for you, but just remember communicate with your partner Figure out what's best for the two of you and go with that Find common ground whatever you need to do and Man it can be a bitch though And in the beginning fucking eliminate the bedroom stuff if you need to don't make it about Being dominant in the bedroom or if that's the easiest place for you to start then fucking start there I think a lot of the stigma with this comes from to The you know, like I said the whips and chains and handcuffs and whatever and it doesn't have to be like that Okay, last paragraph Hopefully you guys aren't bored to death I often find that I have a deeper perspective into the principles of dominance and submission And tend to overthink the subject. Oh, we are two birds of a feather I am truly intrigued by the woman-led marriage or female-led relationship lifestyle and the amazing positive effects it can have on a relationship I am certain my comments will be met with question, especially from From a pragmatic perspective that what has already begun cannot be undone This is a very heartfelt subject And one that my wife and I have experienced She has approached the paradigm shift many times over the years only to retreat back to the perceived security of a traditional relationship Over time the reality truth and happiness Become hard to deny and we find ourselves adapting to the principles of a woman-led marriage once again It is my hope that someday we can mature and finally reach the other side Either way, she is my only love and if we reach this goal, it will be together Okay, so I have said that 30 times I think in here. This is getting to be a lengthy episode And I was going to go over some of the con the comments in here But I think I will leave that to you guys and I wasn't initially going to read the whole blog But it's just fantastic and I wanted to share it all with you I just think it is a great perspective on what a female-led relationship is and it really touches on The different emotions that you go through and it's a great description of it and it helps people see that It's not perfect and it's also not whips and chains all the time So I will link this in my show notes and I very much hope that you will give it a listen Or give it a read not a listen because you can't listen to words on a screen I do want to before I end this I did ask Mr. Dalton in an email if there was anything he would like me to add to this before I covered it on my podcast And this is what he said The principles of nflr are almost universally rejected by women But everyone seems to ignore the presence of the dominant female figure in modern media Nearly every movie or tv show has a strong female role Every action movie made today has a powerful sexy female that nearly always saves the day The modern superhero is a woman He wants me to challenge all my women followers To open your eyes to the truth This is not a radical idea, but rather a lost truth Every man dreams of serving the woman he loves and is willing to lay down his life in pursuit of her favor He will quickly lose interest once she is conquered and in submission Men need to be challenged daily with the knowledge that serving her is a privilege Women should never give up their femininity and reject the attention of men Women were meant to be adored and pursued not locked away and committed to one man Does this mean she has sex outside of the marriage not necessarily?

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But she will remain vibrant healthy and full of life as she embraces her femininity Rather than rejecting it as she tries to be normal I I never really gave it thought about the presence of strong women in Media movies things like that. I think it's fantastic. I think women need to embrace This power this dominance and I think that Maybe that will help how women are sometimes mean to each other. We can be very catty Anyway That's all I have to say on this topic at this moment Women embrace your power. You're beautiful. You're amazing Run with it Make it all about you. It's fun And if anybody ever wants to talk has questions email me Hit me up on twitter. Hit me up on tiktok. Whatever the case may be If you want somebody to talk to i'm here I've been there Ask me questions and I love learning about people So Vacation on the brain, so i'm gonna wrap this up I hope you all have a fantastic week I can't tell you what i'm talking about next week because I haven't decided yet Maybe my patreon peeps can decide for me With the vacation on my brain and all of everything I have to pack and all the kids make sure they have all their shit together kind of a melonhead But you enjoy your week I will talk to you next week Everyone take care be a good human being and we'll chat soon. Bye. Can we come in?