April 15, 2025
0128 Female Led Relationships: How Subs Can Help Dommes Lead
Sadly I cannot respond directly to your text, so please Email me!
This week I’m talking directly to you, my beautiful dommes and the subs who serve them. Because as much as FLR is about power dynamics and structure, it’s also about real-life partnership—and that means growth on both sides.
We’re diving into how submissives can support their dominant partners, especially when the Domme is still finding her confidence, her rhythm, or her voice. Spoiler alert: you don’t have to start with thigh-high boots and whips. You start with communication, patience, and the courage to show up.
Also in this episode: a few raw truths about my chaotic life lately, why I’m done giving a flying fuck what people think on social, and what being called a “FLR Master” made me feel (spoiler: not super comfy).
What You'll Walk Away With:
- Tips on how subs can actively help their dommes grow in confidence
- A real look at what being dominant feels like (hint: it’s not automatic)
- How to build a relationship rooted in affirmation, not humiliation—unless that’s your thing
- The difference between fantasy and actual FLR dynamics
- Why this lifestyle is yours to design, not something to measure by anyone else’s rules
Google-Worthy Questions This Episode Helps Answer:
- How do I support my partner becoming a dominant in an FLR?
- What’s the difference between kink and female-led relationships?
- What does it mean to “top from the bottom”?
- How do I become a more confident Domme?
- What is a loving dominant?
- How do I punish my sub without being physical?
- What’s a good beginner’s guide to FLR dynamics?
Wanna Go Deeper?
Get 30 Days of FREE Starlink!! (<<<<<<CLICK/TAP!!)
Lovense brings tech to the bedroom with high quality sex toys that can be controlled via bluetooth at close range, or through the app across the world!
Find out more HERE!
Oxy-Shop.com If you're feeling creatively blocked in the bedroom, Oxy-Shop.com has a game that I’m obsessed with. It's great for beginners and seasoned FLR couples alike—fun, spicy, and totally built for this lifestyle.
They’ve got a chastity edition, a BDSM edition, and it’s all reasonably priced. I'm going to be talking about it more on the podcast (maybe even playing it on air 👀). There’s a referral link in the show notes—go treat yourself: Oxy-Shop FLR Game 🎲
Email Me! KrystineKellogg@Gmail.com
Want to support the podcast and be involved with the behind-the-scenes, including voting on episode topics, as well as tiptoe with me into this whole "coaching" thing. Find my Patreon HERE!
Get 30 Days of FREE Starlink HIGH SPEED internet!! (<<<<<<CLICK/TAP!!)
Also, my psuedo-autobiographical audio drama podcast "Control" will "re-debut" this spring as we drop the entire first season exclusively on Patreon!
Keywords:
domestic discipline, female led relationship dynamics, accountability, communication, people pleaser, personal growth, female led r...
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.259
The unedited version of this would be real fun.
00:00:02.819 --> 00:00:03.740
Real fun.
00:00:07.620 --> 00:00:11.099
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:11.380 --> 00:00:19.179
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:22.000
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:25.339
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:31.699
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:44.380 --> 00:00:45.579
Welcome back.
00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:50.320
This week, I wanna talk about FLRs.
00:00:50.759 --> 00:00:51.560
Shocker, right?
00:00:52.979 --> 00:01:02.340
But I wanna address how subs can help their partner be the best dom they can be in addition to talking about female-led relationships.
00:01:03.500 --> 00:01:06.459
But first, a little housekeeping.
00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:09.599
Howdy, gang.
00:01:17.510 --> 00:01:38.340
As I'm sure you have all noticed, I can be quite unorganized and add to that my chaotic life and the fucking constant change, which I realize has everything to do with my lack of organization, but tends to put me on the hot mess express a lot of the time.
00:01:38.939 --> 00:01:46.620
But this last couple weeks has been a real eye-opener about how motherfucking short life really is.
00:01:47.519 --> 00:02:05.719
Tomorrow is promised to no one, which is part of the push to get the fuck out of my house and live in a camper and travel this amazing country we live in and maybe someday explore other countries.
00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:11.199
I don't know what's in store for me, but I just, life is short.
00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:12.379
I wanna see the world.
00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:15.159
And of course, share it with all of you.
00:02:16.020 --> 00:02:33.020
It will be a whole new ballgame doing this podcast and living the lifestyle we live in a small camper with one kid for sure, possibly two, one dog for sure, possibly two, and my husband and I.
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:38.240
This podcast could get real interesting real fast.
00:02:39.060 --> 00:02:49.379
I guess what I'm really trying to say here is I'm far from perfect and I fucking overthink everything, but I have to be done with all of that.
00:02:49.379 --> 00:02:54.199
Life is too short to give a flying fuck what other people think about me.
00:02:55.340 --> 00:03:01.699
I'm so fucking worried that people won't like what I post on social media, so then I just stop.
00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:11.460
And I'm sure you've all noticed that my appearance in social media has been nil to none, except for probably on Twitter.
00:03:12.900 --> 00:03:14.439
There's no pictures there.
00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:16.840
I don't know, keyboard warrior in the house.
00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:23.360
I overthink what people want to see from me on social media or don't want to see from me.
00:03:24.340 --> 00:03:25.439
I'm so over it.
00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:28.060
From now on, I'm just gonna post.
00:03:28.680 --> 00:03:32.020
Makeup or not, feeling fat, I don't care.
00:03:33.139 --> 00:03:35.520
I don't feel sexy, so what?
00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:45.139
I'm overly self-conscious about my body, but starting right now, I am making a conscious effort to stop caring.
00:03:45.139 --> 00:03:48.819
This is my life, my family.
00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:51.639
I'll do what I want.
00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:57.360
I just need to be 100% me and post accordingly.
00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:04.860
Some days I can be an emotional rollercoaster, so buckle up because it could be a bit crazy.
00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:21.000
All of that being said, I literally cannot even begin to express my gratitude to all of you who take time out of your day to listen to my podcasts or follow me on social media.
00:04:22.040 --> 00:04:34.199
Time is precious, and I sincerely appreciate all of you taking your precious time or taking precious time out of your day to support me and listen to me on my journey.
00:04:36.519 --> 00:04:38.180
But enough of that.
00:04:38.660 --> 00:04:39.699
Let's move on.
00:04:40.459 --> 00:04:40.579
Three.
00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:45.560
Side note, drinking milk before the podcast, bad idea.
00:04:47.199 --> 00:05:05.439
I know I mentioned a while back that I was being interviewed on another podcast, and I was referred to as an FLR master in the description and on some adult blogs that highlight the episode.
00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:08.839
I gotta be honest.
00:05:09.540 --> 00:05:11.420
That title makes me a little uncomfortable.
00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:15.959
I do not consider myself a master of anything.
00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:25.220
I am constantly learning, and I will always continue learning, and I fucking make mistakes just like everybody else.
00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:35.839
It was flattering to hear that, but I think that I much prefer to just be a mistress or a goddess.
00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:38.759
Seems much more on my level.
00:05:40.819 --> 00:05:45.920
Last thing I wanna say, and then we will get to the topic at hand this week.
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.540
Patreon peeps, you are fucking amazing.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:56.360
And I would also like to welcome any new patrons and say thank you.
00:05:57.120 --> 00:06:01.279
And I would love to thank all my patrons for their continued support.
00:06:02.360 --> 00:06:04.100
You guys mean the world to me.
00:06:04.819 --> 00:06:06.759
Thank you so much to all my patrons.
00:06:07.079 --> 00:06:09.660
I truly appreciate each and every one of you.
00:06:11.139 --> 00:06:13.959
All right, let's dig in.
00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:24.839
I have gotten some emails over the past couple of weeks, and I really want to discuss this topic.
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:38.019
I did some Google searching this week and found some articles I thought might be interesting to any of my listeners considering entering an FLR or talking to their partner about one.
00:06:38.980 --> 00:06:47.579
I will link all of the articles I reference in the show notes, and I hope you all find them useful or interesting for that matter.
00:06:49.399 --> 00:07:00.279
The first article I found is how to be a dominant in the bedroom, even if you are nervous or unconfident.
00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:11.300
Now, while I wanna discuss more than just being a dominant in the bedroom, I found the first paragraph of this article to be spot on.
00:07:12.740 --> 00:07:22.560
The opening paragraph talks about how being dominant or submissive or switch is not ingrained in you from birth, and I would agree with that.
00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:35.600
While I think I've always been a little bit dominant or had dominant traits, I don't think I really put them to use until I met my husband.
00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:38.680
He really does bring out the best in me.
00:07:39.540 --> 00:07:41.240
Okay, back to this article.
00:07:42.699 --> 00:07:45.300
It lists some easy rules or tips.
00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:49.800
I prefer tips, it's not really rules, but I feel are pretty on point.
00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:58.300
First, it's not one giant leap, if that ain't the truth.
00:08:02.100 --> 00:08:04.259
I mean, this title really says it all.
00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:14.819
Most of the conversations I've had with people sharing their stories about how they introduce this lifestyle to their partners have been kind of overwhelming.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:35.019
When my subbie introduced it to me, he did kind of drop it all in my lap in one phone conversation, but he was not pushy and he offered so many researches or resources so that I could do my own research.
00:08:35.019 --> 00:08:43.940
I don't know if it's like impending shark week, but seriously, my brain is not connecting to my mouth.
00:08:45.059 --> 00:08:47.240
Enjoy, this one should be entertaining.
00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:59.019
I totally get that it is exciting and so fucking hot to think about the lifestyle, but seriously, slow and steady wins the race.
00:09:00.679 --> 00:09:04.059
One particular sentence sticks out to me.
00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:14.879
Even if you wind up dominating your man hardcore with whips and blades, don't expect to do that from the beginning.
00:09:15.340 --> 00:09:18.480
Being a good dominant requires experience.
00:09:19.799 --> 00:09:22.980
So true, so fucking true.
00:09:23.820 --> 00:09:29.440
I have made so many mistakes and everyone will, no one's perfect.
00:09:30.179 --> 00:09:33.340
Don't be hard on yourself and learn from your mistakes.
00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:44.820
Oh, and subs, if you are more experienced than your partner, please be patient and help.
00:09:45.279 --> 00:09:50.759
Don't criticize or ridicule your dom while they're learning or ever.
00:09:51.279 --> 00:09:53.679
That is not going to help your relationship succeed.
00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:56.879
Communicate and work together.
00:09:58.460 --> 00:10:02.980
The more confident your partner is, the more dominant they will be.
00:10:08.929 --> 00:10:21.669
The first tip continues on to talk about starting with activities that are less intense or extreme and goes on to say that dominating your man doesn't need to be super extreme.
00:10:22.669 --> 00:10:29.210
If you only feel like commanding him to do a few mostly vanilla acts, that's okay.
00:10:30.169 --> 00:10:32.929
I love that sentence, I love it a lot.
00:10:33.850 --> 00:10:37.610
I feel like people think an FLR is all about kink.
00:10:37.909 --> 00:10:38.750
And it isn't.
00:10:39.889 --> 00:10:45.409
I mean, there is kink involved if you choose to have it involved, I like it.
00:10:47.190 --> 00:10:50.210
Also, it doesn't ever have to be extreme.
00:10:51.509 --> 00:10:54.789
You make your FLR everything you want it to be.
00:10:55.529 --> 00:10:59.330
Whatever works for you and your partner is the perfect FLR for you.
00:11:00.669 --> 00:11:07.549
Last thing from this first tip is steps you can take to become more dominant.
00:11:09.970 --> 00:11:12.149
Try initiating is the first one.
00:11:12.610 --> 00:11:17.110
Kiss your man when he's least expecting it or not expecting it.
00:11:17.669 --> 00:11:20.909
Run your hand up and down his thigh and let him know what you're thinking about.
00:11:22.210 --> 00:11:25.009
I do this to my subbie all the fucking time.
00:11:25.789 --> 00:11:30.669
My favorite thing to do to him is just to walk up to him.
00:11:31.009 --> 00:11:35.769
I tend to grab his neck just because that's who I am nowadays.
00:11:36.590 --> 00:11:39.289
But I grab him and I just lay one on him.
00:11:39.690 --> 00:11:43.269
The reaction I get out of him is fucking amazing.
00:11:43.909 --> 00:11:47.029
It will knock your man's socks off or your partner's socks off.
00:11:47.789 --> 00:11:48.990
It's fantastic.
00:11:49.590 --> 00:11:57.490
For me, it's even better because his dick is in a cage and he gets aroused and voila, pain.
00:11:59.090 --> 00:12:04.110
There are a few other steps in this article as well.
00:12:04.409 --> 00:12:06.190
If you want to check them out.
00:12:06.970 --> 00:12:09.350
This one just stood out to me.
00:12:11.830 --> 00:12:14.669
Second, keep on going.
00:12:15.309 --> 00:12:21.230
Once you're comfortable and have tiptoed into it, take the next step.
00:12:22.090 --> 00:12:28.470
They do list some suggestions, commands like, get me a glass of wine, would you?
00:12:29.029 --> 00:12:31.409
Or go and warm the bed for me.
00:12:32.210 --> 00:12:38.529
I'm not quite sure what that means, but I would like to know how you warm a bed because my bed's fucking cold.
00:12:38.529 --> 00:12:40.570
It's winter here and it's fucking cold.
00:12:40.990 --> 00:12:45.490
Well, I mean, right now it's like 50 degrees, so I should shut the hell up about that.
00:12:46.330 --> 00:12:47.250
It won't last.
00:12:50.350 --> 00:12:53.409
Anyway, these are just some examples so you get the idea.
00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:06.700
The article also goes on to talk about discovering what type of dominance you prefer or domination you prefer.
00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:12.200
I would like to add that there is no wrong answer here.
00:13:13.100 --> 00:13:14.940
Seriously, no wrong answer.
00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:24.159
As long as you and your partner are on the same page, communicating and have clear boundaries, this relationship can be whatever you want it to be.
00:13:25.159 --> 00:13:29.940
And if you don't want it to be a 24 seven lifestyle, it sure doesn't have to be.
00:13:29.940 --> 00:13:32.720
You can do it just in the bedroom.
00:13:32.919 --> 00:13:34.700
You can just do it on the weekends.
00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:39.220
I mean, you have to decide what is a good fit for you and your partner.
00:13:41.419 --> 00:13:46.340
So from this article, I want to point out a couple more things and then I will move on maybe.
00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:47.259
Who knows?
00:13:48.059 --> 00:13:48.899
It's anybody's guess.
00:13:51.500 --> 00:14:06.919
First, you do not have to be extreme or cruel and you'll feel more comfortable dominating your man when you're a dominant version of yourself and not just imitating what you think dominance should be.
00:14:08.659 --> 00:14:09.700
Preach it.
00:14:10.980 --> 00:14:14.179
I fucking love those two sentences right there.
00:14:14.620 --> 00:14:15.379
Seriously.
00:14:17.639 --> 00:14:23.740
Being a dominant woman has boosted my confidence more than anything ever has in the past.
00:14:24.500 --> 00:14:30.159
If you were to have met me 10 years ago, you would never believe I am the same person.
00:14:33.019 --> 00:14:35.000
I don't even know how to explain it.
00:14:35.059 --> 00:14:39.539
I've had people tell me that I have gotten so much better looking with age.
00:14:39.700 --> 00:14:43.059
Like I look better at 41 than I did at 25.
00:14:44.279 --> 00:14:52.980
I truly, truly believe this has everything to do with the confidence I've gained from being dominant.
00:14:55.440 --> 00:15:03.360
I still have insecurities like anybody else, as I said, but I'm much more comfortable in my own skin.
00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:09.960
I also think it helps having a relationship with someone like my subbie.
00:15:10.980 --> 00:15:15.259
He is constantly boosting me up, constantly encouraging me.
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:30.120
He is always, I don't know that there really is a day that goes by that he doesn't tell me in some way that I look fucking sexy or that I look hot today or holy fuck, you're so beautiful.
00:15:30.980 --> 00:15:32.980
There is something to be said for that.
00:15:33.620 --> 00:15:34.519
There really is.
00:15:40.220 --> 00:15:41.519
Okay, here we are again.
00:15:41.620 --> 00:15:43.320
One last thing for real this time.
00:15:45.960 --> 00:15:47.679
You can be a loving dominant.
00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:52.440
Instead of punishment, you focus on rewarding good behavior.
00:15:52.980 --> 00:16:02.720
Instead of telling your partner that he's bad or humiliating him, you let him know how much he's pleased you by doing what you requested the way you wanted.
00:16:04.419 --> 00:16:18.220
I wanted to bring this up because I feel like there's some misconception because in the beginning, I also struggled with how do I inflict pain or humiliation?
00:16:19.299 --> 00:16:20.679
Oh, I sounded like I'm drunk.
00:16:21.700 --> 00:16:25.519
Humiliation on a person that you love so much.
00:16:26.100 --> 00:16:33.940
And I think in one email I even got, it was pain equaling love doesn't register right or just doesn't register.
00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:36.539
And I totally get that.
00:16:36.700 --> 00:16:38.019
I totally get that.
00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:50.620
While I have worked myself into the humiliation aspect of our relationship and grown quite fond of it in certain areas, small weenie, it's not for everyone.
00:16:50.840 --> 00:16:53.840
And it is a hard concept to wrap your head around.
00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:58.139
I love my husband with every fiber of my being.
00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:00.960
He is 100% my soulmate.
00:17:01.100 --> 00:17:01.960
He's my everything.
00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:17.640
So I had to really change my perspective to understand that the things I say to him, it is humiliation, but on his end, he's getting gratification from it.
00:17:17.880 --> 00:17:22.940
He's not feeling bad about himself or it's not hurting his feelings.
00:17:24.779 --> 00:17:25.980
It's hard to explain.
00:17:26.118 --> 00:17:30.500
And I would really like to have him on here to explain it because he does it so much better than I do.
00:17:32.119 --> 00:17:34.279
But your FLR doesn't have to be that way.
00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:39.559
You don't have to have a female led relationship that focuses on punishment and humiliation.
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:41.960
And punishments don't need to be physical.
00:17:48.650 --> 00:17:57.170
This article also goes on to talk about what a scene is, safety, your responsibilities as a dom and much more.
00:17:57.490 --> 00:18:02.049
I think it is a really good read and I would absolutely recommend it.
00:18:04.750 --> 00:18:11.950
One more article I wanted to kind of touch base on is, it's called, what is a female led relationship?
00:18:12.529 --> 00:18:14.869
Three different forms and how to explore.
00:18:15.730 --> 00:18:18.509
I will also put a link to this article in my show notes.
00:18:19.789 --> 00:18:32.549
This article breaks down what a female led relationship is and touches on the kink versus feminist relationships and has three types of FLR.
00:18:33.049 --> 00:18:36.829
I think overall the author of the article breaks it down pretty well.
00:18:37.589 --> 00:18:45.230
I think my favorite part is the benefits of a female led relationship for a man.
00:18:45.730 --> 00:18:59.069
I think too often people see a female led relationship as, oh, well she's a bitch and she's got his balls in her purse and that's my small town reference for the day, enjoy.
00:19:01.150 --> 00:19:02.710
That's really not the case.
00:19:03.630 --> 00:19:09.309
Being in a female led relationship can be just as fulfilling for the man as it is for the woman.
00:19:10.630 --> 00:19:14.349
It relieves some of the pressure from their day-to-day decision-making.
00:19:15.390 --> 00:19:21.230
It allows them to relax a little bit and not have to make so many decisions that they may feel pressured to make.
00:19:22.130 --> 00:19:26.869
Being in a female led relationship can allow a man to live a fuller, happier life.
00:19:28.210 --> 00:19:31.730
Just because you don't understand it, don't judge it.
00:19:32.089 --> 00:19:33.069
Don't be an asshole.
00:19:36.359 --> 00:19:44.380
I just think it's important to point out that men also benefit from a female led relationship.
00:19:44.599 --> 00:19:48.220
I think that is a little bit lost sometimes in this topic.
00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:52.759
I didn't really read this whole article.
00:19:52.940 --> 00:19:54.259
I kind of just skimmed.
00:19:55.420 --> 00:20:01.019
There's some tips at the end of the article on how to start a female led relationship.
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:16.500
Seems to be pretty spot on from what I skimmed and references, knowing what you want, communication, starting slow, and my favorite one, talk to other people who enjoy female led relationships.
00:20:17.259 --> 00:20:22.480
I think surrounding yourself with like-minded people is brilliant.
00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:30.180
And I'm not saying ditch all your vanilla friends or family or whatever the case may be.
00:20:30.619 --> 00:20:45.480
You can have the best of both worlds, but sometimes you need somebody you can relate to who maybe lives the same kind of lifestyle or is more open-minded and has the same perspective.
00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:50.740
And that's not to say vanilla people can't be open-minded because my strawberry bestie is very open-minded.
00:20:51.299 --> 00:20:54.779
She doesn't necessarily understand, but we talk freely about it.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:21:06.759
I mean, sometimes it's just nice to have a conversation with somebody who is living it or who has lived it or whatever the case may be.
00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:10.940
Like me, for example, you can talk to me.
00:21:11.740 --> 00:21:15.079
I'm like-minded and likeable, I think.
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:28.640
Second topic at hand, and this one I should really have my subbie here for because he would be very helpful.
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:34.140
And I'm just gonna kind of touch on it, but that might be my topic for next week.
00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:35.519
We will see what happens.
00:21:38.500 --> 00:21:44.819
So I found an article, how to be the perfect submissive for your dominant.
00:21:45.960 --> 00:21:48.740
And I found this on Lovegasm.
00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:51.200
I will put a link in the show notes.
00:21:55.519 --> 00:21:57.519
Being a good submissive is important.
00:21:58.740 --> 00:22:05.319
And being a submissive is so much more than just doing what you're told.
00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:14.720
I think a lot of times people who don't understand these relationships view a submissive as weak, and that is so not the case.
00:22:15.140 --> 00:22:16.920
That is the exact opposite.
00:22:17.740 --> 00:22:24.579
To be a good submissive, you have to be strong and you have to be smart, and you have to have a good head on your shoulders.
00:22:25.460 --> 00:22:26.839
That's just all there is to it.
00:22:27.579 --> 00:22:29.500
Submissives take a lot.
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:37.680
They make that decision, but they put up with a lot, especially my subbie.
00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:40.819
But I love him.
00:22:46.710 --> 00:23:12.269
So this article gives a definition of what a submissive is, and it kind of does so, it doesn't kind of do so, it does so in a BDSM reference, or a BDSM relationship reference, and kind of focuses more around a dom-sub or master-slave relationship in the bedroom, not so much every day.
00:23:13.410 --> 00:23:16.329
But skimming it, it seems pretty applicable.
00:23:17.630 --> 00:23:22.049
This may not be the best article for a beginner because it might be a little overwhelming.
00:23:23.390 --> 00:23:27.930
I think if I would have read this article, ooh, what was that?
00:23:28.829 --> 00:23:37.529
I think if I would have read this article in my beginning stages, I might have gotten a little overwhelmed or scared, maybe not scared, but a little overwhelmed.
00:23:39.309 --> 00:23:49.170
The main tips to take away from being a good sub are listen to your dom, not just the words, body language as well.
00:23:49.930 --> 00:23:57.509
My subbie gets far more information from my body language than he does from my words.
00:23:58.390 --> 00:24:02.250
And he is very in tune with how I'm feeling.
00:24:02.569 --> 00:24:07.930
Most of the time he senses my frustration before I've really fully grasped that I'm frustrated.
00:24:09.769 --> 00:24:11.509
So it's very important.
00:24:12.589 --> 00:24:14.170
Pay attention to body language.
00:24:15.569 --> 00:24:19.410
And that really applies to anything, even if you're in a play session.
00:24:19.930 --> 00:24:21.630
Pay attention to body language.
00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:31.329
Next tip to being a good subbie, decisions aren't yours to make.
00:24:32.390 --> 00:24:45.930
Now, this is open for interpretation because I make all the decisions, but that being said, I do care about my subbie's opinion.
00:24:46.329 --> 00:24:50.210
And I will get his opinion or his thoughts on things that are very important.
00:24:50.210 --> 00:24:53.490
I mean, obviously I don't give a fuck what he wants for supper.
00:24:53.630 --> 00:24:54.930
He's gonna eat whatever I make.
00:24:54.990 --> 00:25:00.829
And if he doesn't, then he doesn't eat, but he eats everything I make.
00:25:00.970 --> 00:25:03.769
And I know what he likes, but let me stop rambling.
00:25:05.670 --> 00:25:09.630
On decisions that are important, I always get his opinion and his thoughts.
00:25:10.210 --> 00:25:12.309
I, in the end, make the decision.
00:25:12.849 --> 00:25:16.549
However, I take into consideration what his thoughts and opinions are.
00:25:17.769 --> 00:25:19.430
We're usually on the same page.
00:25:19.430 --> 00:25:23.089
We're almost the same person on certain things.
00:25:23.210 --> 00:25:27.490
We agree on almost everything for major decisions.
00:25:31.589 --> 00:25:40.410
The final paragraph of this article talks about the work that it takes both mentally and physically.
00:25:42.710 --> 00:25:48.549
There's a lot of mental and physical work that goes into a relationship like this to make it work.
00:25:49.670 --> 00:25:50.569
It's just true.
00:25:50.890 --> 00:25:51.730
It's all there is to it.
00:25:53.430 --> 00:25:56.150
I was lucky when I found my subbie.
00:25:56.789 --> 00:26:01.450
He is amazing at communicating his thoughts, wants, needs.
00:26:02.269 --> 00:26:10.829
And he has always, always been helpful and supportive on this journey.
00:26:12.329 --> 00:26:14.319
He has never been condescending.
00:26:15.890 --> 00:26:22.109
He maybe in the beginning did a little bit of topping from the bottom, but I didn't know any better.
00:26:22.269 --> 00:26:24.910
And honestly, he recognized it before me and then apologized.
00:26:25.630 --> 00:26:28.470
And if I'm not mistaken, I had to ask him what the fuck it was.
00:26:28.910 --> 00:26:34.349
I mean, and if you don't know, topping from the bottom is when the submissive is acting more like the dominant.
00:26:35.789 --> 00:26:37.349
I didn't fucking know what that meant.
00:26:40.549 --> 00:26:41.670
He's very supportive.
00:26:42.950 --> 00:26:53.849
He helps me see, if I make a mistake, he helps me see the learning I can take away from that mistake, the things I can learn from what I messed up on.
00:26:54.990 --> 00:26:57.609
He's just an amazing subbie.
00:26:57.970 --> 00:26:59.950
Many subbies could take lessons from him.
00:27:01.049 --> 00:27:08.589
I know I say this all the time, but I can be a slow learner and repetition can sometimes be key for me.
00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:18.259
You make your FLR whatever you want it to be.
00:27:18.700 --> 00:27:26.640
As long as you and your partner are communicating and have clear boundaries, the possibilities really are endless.
00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:31.299
If you don't wanna spank your partner, don't fucking spank your partner.
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:34.019
Punishments are what you make them.
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:37.460
They don't have to be physical if you don't want them to be.
00:27:38.140 --> 00:27:41.079
Sometimes you have to get creative thinking of punishments.
00:27:42.700 --> 00:27:45.380
And that could be an episode, the different times.
00:27:45.619 --> 00:27:51.779
I know I've done one on punishments, but maybe we can go more in depth because even still now, sometimes I struggle with punishments.
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:54.559
Not that my subbie gets punished very often.
00:27:55.700 --> 00:27:56.720
He's a pretty good boy.
00:27:58.680 --> 00:28:00.619
Maybe he can come on and give some ideas.
00:28:02.440 --> 00:28:05.720
He has a very interesting mind.
00:28:11.589 --> 00:28:17.309
All right, I need to wrap this up before you guys all get bored to death and fall asleep driving home from work or something.
00:28:17.410 --> 00:28:18.069
That would be terrible.
00:28:18.990 --> 00:28:24.750
I also have a bunch of jobs to record, which should be real fun with my mouth working the way it is.
00:28:25.730 --> 00:28:27.890
I love it, I'm just a little overwhelmed.
00:28:30.490 --> 00:28:41.430
I have not fully decided what's in store for you next week because as I mentioned, I'm not the most organized person in the world, but I have a few ideas and I would really like to bring my subbie back.
00:28:41.869 --> 00:28:52.109
I think the topic of how to be a better sub or tips for being a good sub would be an interesting episode.
00:28:52.789 --> 00:29:00.289
Or maybe we'll talk about punishments or I mean, hell, if my ADD is kicking ass, maybe we'll do it all in one episode.
00:29:00.589 --> 00:29:01.289
We'll see.
00:29:02.710 --> 00:29:09.230
However, if any of you have questions for my subbie, please hit me up on social media, send me an email.
00:29:09.509 --> 00:29:11.349
All my information is in the show notes.
00:29:12.190 --> 00:29:12.869
Ask away.
00:29:13.630 --> 00:29:14.930
He will answer them for you.
00:29:15.490 --> 00:29:23.289
Thank you to all of you so much for taking time to listen to me ramble and be all over the map.
00:29:24.250 --> 00:29:26.369
I appreciate each and every one of you.
00:29:26.569 --> 00:29:32.450
I appreciate your support and I love that people are listening to me on my journey.
00:29:32.809 --> 00:29:37.250
It's just fascinating and I love the feedback, the emails, the comments, everything.
00:29:37.809 --> 00:29:38.990
Keep it up, I love it.
00:29:40.069 --> 00:29:42.650
I hope you all have an amazing week.
00:29:43.390 --> 00:29:46.750
Stay safe, be good human beings.
00:29:47.150 --> 00:29:48.329
Nobody likes an asshole.
00:29:49.369 --> 00:29:50.869
And much love to you all.
00:29:51.509 --> 00:29:51.730
Mwah.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.259
The unedited version of this would be real fun.
00:00:02.819 --> 00:00:03.740
Real fun.
00:00:07.620 --> 00:00:11.099
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
00:00:11.380 --> 00:00:19.179
If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18.
00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:22.000
This podcast is meant solely for entertainment.
00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:25.339
We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:31.699
We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.
00:00:44.380 --> 00:00:45.579
Welcome back.
00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:50.320
This week, I wanna talk about FLRs.
00:00:50.759 --> 00:00:51.560
Shocker, right?
00:00:52.979 --> 00:01:02.340
But I wanna address how subs can help their partner be the best dom they can be in addition to talking about female-led relationships.
00:01:03.500 --> 00:01:06.459
But first, a little housekeeping.
00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:09.599
Howdy, gang.
00:01:17.510 --> 00:01:38.340
As I'm sure you have all noticed, I can be quite unorganized and add to that my chaotic life and the fucking constant change, which I realize has everything to do with my lack of organization, but tends to put me on the hot mess express a lot of the time.
00:01:38.939 --> 00:01:46.620
But this last couple weeks has been a real eye-opener about how motherfucking short life really is.
00:01:47.519 --> 00:02:05.719
Tomorrow is promised to no one, which is part of the push to get the fuck out of my house and live in a camper and travel this amazing country we live in and maybe someday explore other countries.
00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:11.199
I don't know what's in store for me, but I just, life is short.
00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:12.379
I wanna see the world.
00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:15.159
And of course, share it with all of you.
00:02:16.020 --> 00:02:33.020
It will be a whole new ballgame doing this podcast and living the lifestyle we live in a small camper with one kid for sure, possibly two, one dog for sure, possibly two, and my husband and I.
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:38.240
This podcast could get real interesting real fast.
00:02:39.060 --> 00:02:49.379
I guess what I'm really trying to say here is I'm far from perfect and I fucking overthink everything, but I have to be done with all of that.
00:02:49.379 --> 00:02:54.199
Life is too short to give a flying fuck what other people think about me.
00:02:55.340 --> 00:03:01.699
I'm so fucking worried that people won't like what I post on social media, so then I just stop.
00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:11.460
And I'm sure you've all noticed that my appearance in social media has been nil to none, except for probably on Twitter.
00:03:12.900 --> 00:03:14.439
There's no pictures there.
00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:16.840
I don't know, keyboard warrior in the house.
00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:23.360
I overthink what people want to see from me on social media or don't want to see from me.
00:03:24.340 --> 00:03:25.439
I'm so over it.
00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:28.060
From now on, I'm just gonna post.
00:03:28.680 --> 00:03:32.020
Makeup or not, feeling fat, I don't care.
00:03:33.139 --> 00:03:35.520
I don't feel sexy, so what?
00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:45.139
I'm overly self-conscious about my body, but starting right now, I am making a conscious effort to stop caring.
00:03:45.139 --> 00:03:48.819
This is my life, my family.
00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:51.639
I'll do what I want.
00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:57.360
I just need to be 100% me and post accordingly.
00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:04.860
Some days I can be an emotional rollercoaster, so buckle up because it could be a bit crazy.
00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:21.000
All of that being said, I literally cannot even begin to express my gratitude to all of you who take time out of your day to listen to my podcasts or follow me on social media.
00:04:22.040 --> 00:04:34.199
Time is precious, and I sincerely appreciate all of you taking your precious time or taking precious time out of your day to support me and listen to me on my journey.
00:04:36.519 --> 00:04:38.180
But enough of that.
00:04:38.660 --> 00:04:39.699
Let's move on.
00:04:40.459 --> 00:04:40.579
Three.
00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:45.560
Side note, drinking milk before the podcast, bad idea.
00:04:47.199 --> 00:05:05.439
I know I mentioned a while back that I was being interviewed on another podcast, and I was referred to as an FLR master in the description and on some adult blogs that highlight the episode.
00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:08.839
I gotta be honest.
00:05:09.540 --> 00:05:11.420
That title makes me a little uncomfortable.
00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:15.959
I do not consider myself a master of anything.
00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:25.220
I am constantly learning, and I will always continue learning, and I fucking make mistakes just like everybody else.
00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:35.839
It was flattering to hear that, but I think that I much prefer to just be a mistress or a goddess.
00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:38.759
Seems much more on my level.
00:05:40.819 --> 00:05:45.920
Last thing I wanna say, and then we will get to the topic at hand this week.
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.540
Patreon peeps, you are fucking amazing.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:56.360
And I would also like to welcome any new patrons and say thank you.
00:05:57.120 --> 00:06:01.279
And I would love to thank all my patrons for their continued support.
00:06:02.360 --> 00:06:04.100
You guys mean the world to me.
00:06:04.819 --> 00:06:06.759
Thank you so much to all my patrons.
00:06:07.079 --> 00:06:09.660
I truly appreciate each and every one of you.
00:06:11.139 --> 00:06:13.959
All right, let's dig in.
00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:24.839
I have gotten some emails over the past couple of weeks, and I really want to discuss this topic.
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:38.019
I did some Google searching this week and found some articles I thought might be interesting to any of my listeners considering entering an FLR or talking to their partner about one.
00:06:38.980 --> 00:06:47.579
I will link all of the articles I reference in the show notes, and I hope you all find them useful or interesting for that matter.
00:06:49.399 --> 00:07:00.279
The first article I found is how to be a dominant in the bedroom, even if you are nervous or unconfident.
00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:11.300
Now, while I wanna discuss more than just being a dominant in the bedroom, I found the first paragraph of this article to be spot on.
00:07:12.740 --> 00:07:22.560
The opening paragraph talks about how being dominant or submissive or switch is not ingrained in you from birth, and I would agree with that.
00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:35.600
While I think I've always been a little bit dominant or had dominant traits, I don't think I really put them to use until I met my husband.
00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:38.680
He really does bring out the best in me.
00:07:39.540 --> 00:07:41.240
Okay, back to this article.
00:07:42.699 --> 00:07:45.300
It lists some easy rules or tips.
00:07:45.519 --> 00:07:49.800
I prefer tips, it's not really rules, but I feel are pretty on point.
00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:58.300
First, it's not one giant leap, if that ain't the truth.
00:08:02.100 --> 00:08:04.259
I mean, this title really says it all.
00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:14.819
Most of the conversations I've had with people sharing their stories about how they introduce this lifestyle to their partners have been kind of overwhelming.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:35.019
When my subbie introduced it to me, he did kind of drop it all in my lap in one phone conversation, but he was not pushy and he offered so many researches or resources so that I could do my own research.
00:08:35.019 --> 00:08:43.940
I don't know if it's like impending shark week, but seriously, my brain is not connecting to my mouth.
00:08:45.059 --> 00:08:47.240
Enjoy, this one should be entertaining.
00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:59.019
I totally get that it is exciting and so fucking hot to think about the lifestyle, but seriously, slow and steady wins the race.
00:09:00.679 --> 00:09:04.059
One particular sentence sticks out to me.
00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:14.879
Even if you wind up dominating your man hardcore with whips and blades, don't expect to do that from the beginning.
00:09:15.340 --> 00:09:18.480
Being a good dominant requires experience.
00:09:19.799 --> 00:09:22.980
So true, so fucking true.
00:09:23.820 --> 00:09:29.440
I have made so many mistakes and everyone will, no one's perfect.
00:09:30.179 --> 00:09:33.340
Don't be hard on yourself and learn from your mistakes.
00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:44.820
Oh, and subs, if you are more experienced than your partner, please be patient and help.
00:09:45.279 --> 00:09:50.759
Don't criticize or ridicule your dom while they're learning or ever.
00:09:51.279 --> 00:09:53.679
That is not going to help your relationship succeed.
00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:56.879
Communicate and work together.
00:09:58.460 --> 00:10:02.980
The more confident your partner is, the more dominant they will be.
00:10:08.929 --> 00:10:21.669
The first tip continues on to talk about starting with activities that are less intense or extreme and goes on to say that dominating your man doesn't need to be super extreme.
00:10:22.669 --> 00:10:29.210
If you only feel like commanding him to do a few mostly vanilla acts, that's okay.
00:10:30.169 --> 00:10:32.929
I love that sentence, I love it a lot.
00:10:33.850 --> 00:10:37.610
I feel like people think an FLR is all about kink.
00:10:37.909 --> 00:10:38.750
And it isn't.
00:10:39.889 --> 00:10:45.409
I mean, there is kink involved if you choose to have it involved, I like it.
00:10:47.190 --> 00:10:50.210
Also, it doesn't ever have to be extreme.
00:10:51.509 --> 00:10:54.789
You make your FLR everything you want it to be.
00:10:55.529 --> 00:10:59.330
Whatever works for you and your partner is the perfect FLR for you.
00:11:00.669 --> 00:11:07.549
Last thing from this first tip is steps you can take to become more dominant.
00:11:09.970 --> 00:11:12.149
Try initiating is the first one.
00:11:12.610 --> 00:11:17.110
Kiss your man when he's least expecting it or not expecting it.
00:11:17.669 --> 00:11:20.909
Run your hand up and down his thigh and let him know what you're thinking about.
00:11:22.210 --> 00:11:25.009
I do this to my subbie all the fucking time.
00:11:25.789 --> 00:11:30.669
My favorite thing to do to him is just to walk up to him.
00:11:31.009 --> 00:11:35.769
I tend to grab his neck just because that's who I am nowadays.
00:11:36.590 --> 00:11:39.289
But I grab him and I just lay one on him.
00:11:39.690 --> 00:11:43.269
The reaction I get out of him is fucking amazing.
00:11:43.909 --> 00:11:47.029
It will knock your man's socks off or your partner's socks off.
00:11:47.789 --> 00:11:48.990
It's fantastic.
00:11:49.590 --> 00:11:57.490
For me, it's even better because his dick is in a cage and he gets aroused and voila, pain.
00:11:59.090 --> 00:12:04.110
There are a few other steps in this article as well.
00:12:04.409 --> 00:12:06.190
If you want to check them out.
00:12:06.970 --> 00:12:09.350
This one just stood out to me.
00:12:11.830 --> 00:12:14.669
Second, keep on going.
00:12:15.309 --> 00:12:21.230
Once you're comfortable and have tiptoed into it, take the next step.
00:12:22.090 --> 00:12:28.470
They do list some suggestions, commands like, get me a glass of wine, would you?
00:12:29.029 --> 00:12:31.409
Or go and warm the bed for me.
00:12:32.210 --> 00:12:38.529
I'm not quite sure what that means, but I would like to know how you warm a bed because my bed's fucking cold.
00:12:38.529 --> 00:12:40.570
It's winter here and it's fucking cold.
00:12:40.990 --> 00:12:45.490
Well, I mean, right now it's like 50 degrees, so I should shut the hell up about that.
00:12:46.330 --> 00:12:47.250
It won't last.
00:12:50.350 --> 00:12:53.409
Anyway, these are just some examples so you get the idea.
00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:06.700
The article also goes on to talk about discovering what type of dominance you prefer or domination you prefer.
00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:12.200
I would like to add that there is no wrong answer here.
00:13:13.100 --> 00:13:14.940
Seriously, no wrong answer.
00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:24.159
As long as you and your partner are on the same page, communicating and have clear boundaries, this relationship can be whatever you want it to be.
00:13:25.159 --> 00:13:29.940
And if you don't want it to be a 24 seven lifestyle, it sure doesn't have to be.
00:13:29.940 --> 00:13:32.720
You can do it just in the bedroom.
00:13:32.919 --> 00:13:34.700
You can just do it on the weekends.
00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:39.220
I mean, you have to decide what is a good fit for you and your partner.
00:13:41.419 --> 00:13:46.340
So from this article, I want to point out a couple more things and then I will move on maybe.
00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:47.259
Who knows?
00:13:48.059 --> 00:13:48.899
It's anybody's guess.
00:13:51.500 --> 00:14:06.919
First, you do not have to be extreme or cruel and you'll feel more comfortable dominating your man when you're a dominant version of yourself and not just imitating what you think dominance should be.
00:14:08.659 --> 00:14:09.700
Preach it.
00:14:10.980 --> 00:14:14.179
I fucking love those two sentences right there.
00:14:14.620 --> 00:14:15.379
Seriously.
00:14:17.639 --> 00:14:23.740
Being a dominant woman has boosted my confidence more than anything ever has in the past.
00:14:24.500 --> 00:14:30.159
If you were to have met me 10 years ago, you would never believe I am the same person.
00:14:33.019 --> 00:14:35.000
I don't even know how to explain it.
00:14:35.059 --> 00:14:39.539
I've had people tell me that I have gotten so much better looking with age.
00:14:39.700 --> 00:14:43.059
Like I look better at 41 than I did at 25.
00:14:44.279 --> 00:14:52.980
I truly, truly believe this has everything to do with the confidence I've gained from being dominant.
00:14:55.440 --> 00:15:03.360
I still have insecurities like anybody else, as I said, but I'm much more comfortable in my own skin.
00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:09.960
I also think it helps having a relationship with someone like my subbie.
00:15:10.980 --> 00:15:15.259
He is constantly boosting me up, constantly encouraging me.
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:30.120
He is always, I don't know that there really is a day that goes by that he doesn't tell me in some way that I look fucking sexy or that I look hot today or holy fuck, you're so beautiful.
00:15:30.980 --> 00:15:32.980
There is something to be said for that.
00:15:33.620 --> 00:15:34.519
There really is.
00:15:40.220 --> 00:15:41.519
Okay, here we are again.
00:15:41.620 --> 00:15:43.320
One last thing for real this time.
00:15:45.960 --> 00:15:47.679
You can be a loving dominant.
00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:52.440
Instead of punishment, you focus on rewarding good behavior.
00:15:52.980 --> 00:16:02.720
Instead of telling your partner that he's bad or humiliating him, you let him know how much he's pleased you by doing what you requested the way you wanted.
00:16:04.419 --> 00:16:18.220
I wanted to bring this up because I feel like there's some misconception because in the beginning, I also struggled with how do I inflict pain or humiliation?
00:16:19.299 --> 00:16:20.679
Oh, I sounded like I'm drunk.
00:16:21.700 --> 00:16:25.519
Humiliation on a person that you love so much.
00:16:26.100 --> 00:16:33.940
And I think in one email I even got, it was pain equaling love doesn't register right or just doesn't register.
00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:36.539
And I totally get that.
00:16:36.700 --> 00:16:38.019
I totally get that.
00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:50.620
While I have worked myself into the humiliation aspect of our relationship and grown quite fond of it in certain areas, small weenie, it's not for everyone.
00:16:50.840 --> 00:16:53.840
And it is a hard concept to wrap your head around.
00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:58.139
I love my husband with every fiber of my being.
00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:00.960
He is 100% my soulmate.
00:17:01.100 --> 00:17:01.960
He's my everything.
00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:17.640
So I had to really change my perspective to understand that the things I say to him, it is humiliation, but on his end, he's getting gratification from it.
00:17:17.880 --> 00:17:22.940
He's not feeling bad about himself or it's not hurting his feelings.
00:17:24.779 --> 00:17:25.980
It's hard to explain.
00:17:26.118 --> 00:17:30.500
And I would really like to have him on here to explain it because he does it so much better than I do.
00:17:32.119 --> 00:17:34.279
But your FLR doesn't have to be that way.
00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:39.559
You don't have to have a female led relationship that focuses on punishment and humiliation.
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:41.960
And punishments don't need to be physical.
00:17:48.650 --> 00:17:57.170
This article also goes on to talk about what a scene is, safety, your responsibilities as a dom and much more.
00:17:57.490 --> 00:18:02.049
I think it is a really good read and I would absolutely recommend it.
00:18:04.750 --> 00:18:11.950
One more article I wanted to kind of touch base on is, it's called, what is a female led relationship?
00:18:12.529 --> 00:18:14.869
Three different forms and how to explore.
00:18:15.730 --> 00:18:18.509
I will also put a link to this article in my show notes.
00:18:19.789 --> 00:18:32.549
This article breaks down what a female led relationship is and touches on the kink versus feminist relationships and has three types of FLR.
00:18:33.049 --> 00:18:36.829
I think overall the author of the article breaks it down pretty well.
00:18:37.589 --> 00:18:45.230
I think my favorite part is the benefits of a female led relationship for a man.
00:18:45.730 --> 00:18:59.069
I think too often people see a female led relationship as, oh, well she's a bitch and she's got his balls in her purse and that's my small town reference for the day, enjoy.
00:19:01.150 --> 00:19:02.710
That's really not the case.
00:19:03.630 --> 00:19:09.309
Being in a female led relationship can be just as fulfilling for the man as it is for the woman.
00:19:10.630 --> 00:19:14.349
It relieves some of the pressure from their day-to-day decision-making.
00:19:15.390 --> 00:19:21.230
It allows them to relax a little bit and not have to make so many decisions that they may feel pressured to make.
00:19:22.130 --> 00:19:26.869
Being in a female led relationship can allow a man to live a fuller, happier life.
00:19:28.210 --> 00:19:31.730
Just because you don't understand it, don't judge it.
00:19:32.089 --> 00:19:33.069
Don't be an asshole.
00:19:36.359 --> 00:19:44.380
I just think it's important to point out that men also benefit from a female led relationship.
00:19:44.599 --> 00:19:48.220
I think that is a little bit lost sometimes in this topic.
00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:52.759
I didn't really read this whole article.
00:19:52.940 --> 00:19:54.259
I kind of just skimmed.
00:19:55.420 --> 00:20:01.019
There's some tips at the end of the article on how to start a female led relationship.
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:16.500
Seems to be pretty spot on from what I skimmed and references, knowing what you want, communication, starting slow, and my favorite one, talk to other people who enjoy female led relationships.
00:20:17.259 --> 00:20:22.480
I think surrounding yourself with like-minded people is brilliant.
00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:30.180
And I'm not saying ditch all your vanilla friends or family or whatever the case may be.
00:20:30.619 --> 00:20:45.480
You can have the best of both worlds, but sometimes you need somebody you can relate to who maybe lives the same kind of lifestyle or is more open-minded and has the same perspective.
00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:50.740
And that's not to say vanilla people can't be open-minded because my strawberry bestie is very open-minded.
00:20:51.299 --> 00:20:54.779
She doesn't necessarily understand, but we talk freely about it.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:21:06.759
I mean, sometimes it's just nice to have a conversation with somebody who is living it or who has lived it or whatever the case may be.
00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:10.940
Like me, for example, you can talk to me.
00:21:11.740 --> 00:21:15.079
I'm like-minded and likeable, I think.
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:28.640
Second topic at hand, and this one I should really have my subbie here for because he would be very helpful.
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:34.140
And I'm just gonna kind of touch on it, but that might be my topic for next week.
00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:35.519
We will see what happens.
00:21:38.500 --> 00:21:44.819
So I found an article, how to be the perfect submissive for your dominant.
00:21:45.960 --> 00:21:48.740
And I found this on Lovegasm.
00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:51.200
I will put a link in the show notes.
00:21:55.519 --> 00:21:57.519
Being a good submissive is important.
00:21:58.740 --> 00:22:05.319
And being a submissive is so much more than just doing what you're told.
00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:14.720
I think a lot of times people who don't understand these relationships view a submissive as weak, and that is so not the case.
00:22:15.140 --> 00:22:16.920
That is the exact opposite.
00:22:17.740 --> 00:22:24.579
To be a good submissive, you have to be strong and you have to be smart, and you have to have a good head on your shoulders.
00:22:25.460 --> 00:22:26.839
That's just all there is to it.
00:22:27.579 --> 00:22:29.500
Submissives take a lot.
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:37.680
They make that decision, but they put up with a lot, especially my subbie.
00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:40.819
But I love him.
00:22:46.710 --> 00:23:12.269
So this article gives a definition of what a submissive is, and it kind of does so, it doesn't kind of do so, it does so in a BDSM reference, or a BDSM relationship reference, and kind of focuses more around a dom-sub or master-slave relationship in the bedroom, not so much every day.
00:23:13.410 --> 00:23:16.329
But skimming it, it seems pretty applicable.
00:23:17.630 --> 00:23:22.049
This may not be the best article for a beginner because it might be a little overwhelming.
00:23:23.390 --> 00:23:27.930
I think if I would have read this article, ooh, what was that?
00:23:28.829 --> 00:23:37.529
I think if I would have read this article in my beginning stages, I might have gotten a little overwhelmed or scared, maybe not scared, but a little overwhelmed.
00:23:39.309 --> 00:23:49.170
The main tips to take away from being a good sub are listen to your dom, not just the words, body language as well.
00:23:49.930 --> 00:23:57.509
My subbie gets far more information from my body language than he does from my words.
00:23:58.390 --> 00:24:02.250
And he is very in tune with how I'm feeling.
00:24:02.569 --> 00:24:07.930
Most of the time he senses my frustration before I've really fully grasped that I'm frustrated.
00:24:09.769 --> 00:24:11.509
So it's very important.
00:24:12.589 --> 00:24:14.170
Pay attention to body language.
00:24:15.569 --> 00:24:19.410
And that really applies to anything, even if you're in a play session.
00:24:19.930 --> 00:24:21.630
Pay attention to body language.
00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:31.329
Next tip to being a good subbie, decisions aren't yours to make.
00:24:32.390 --> 00:24:45.930
Now, this is open for interpretation because I make all the decisions, but that being said, I do care about my subbie's opinion.
00:24:46.329 --> 00:24:50.210
And I will get his opinion or his thoughts on things that are very important.
00:24:50.210 --> 00:24:53.490
I mean, obviously I don't give a fuck what he wants for supper.
00:24:53.630 --> 00:24:54.930
He's gonna eat whatever I make.
00:24:54.990 --> 00:25:00.829
And if he doesn't, then he doesn't eat, but he eats everything I make.
00:25:00.970 --> 00:25:03.769
And I know what he likes, but let me stop rambling.
00:25:05.670 --> 00:25:09.630
On decisions that are important, I always get his opinion and his thoughts.
00:25:10.210 --> 00:25:12.309
I, in the end, make the decision.
00:25:12.849 --> 00:25:16.549
However, I take into consideration what his thoughts and opinions are.
00:25:17.769 --> 00:25:19.430
We're usually on the same page.
00:25:19.430 --> 00:25:23.089
We're almost the same person on certain things.
00:25:23.210 --> 00:25:27.490
We agree on almost everything for major decisions.
00:25:31.589 --> 00:25:40.410
The final paragraph of this article talks about the work that it takes both mentally and physically.
00:25:42.710 --> 00:25:48.549
There's a lot of mental and physical work that goes into a relationship like this to make it work.
00:25:49.670 --> 00:25:50.569
It's just true.
00:25:50.890 --> 00:25:51.730
It's all there is to it.
00:25:53.430 --> 00:25:56.150
I was lucky when I found my subbie.
00:25:56.789 --> 00:26:01.450
He is amazing at communicating his thoughts, wants, needs.
00:26:02.269 --> 00:26:10.829
And he has always, always been helpful and supportive on this journey.
00:26:12.329 --> 00:26:14.319
He has never been condescending.
00:26:15.890 --> 00:26:22.109
He maybe in the beginning did a little bit of topping from the bottom, but I didn't know any better.
00:26:22.269 --> 00:26:24.910
And honestly, he recognized it before me and then apologized.
00:26:25.630 --> 00:26:28.470
And if I'm not mistaken, I had to ask him what the fuck it was.
00:26:28.910 --> 00:26:34.349
I mean, and if you don't know, topping from the bottom is when the submissive is acting more like the dominant.
00:26:35.789 --> 00:26:37.349
I didn't fucking know what that meant.
00:26:40.549 --> 00:26:41.670
He's very supportive.
00:26:42.950 --> 00:26:53.849
He helps me see, if I make a mistake, he helps me see the learning I can take away from that mistake, the things I can learn from what I messed up on.
00:26:54.990 --> 00:26:57.609
He's just an amazing subbie.
00:26:57.970 --> 00:26:59.950
Many subbies could take lessons from him.
00:27:01.049 --> 00:27:08.589
I know I say this all the time, but I can be a slow learner and repetition can sometimes be key for me.
00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:18.259
You make your FLR whatever you want it to be.
00:27:18.700 --> 00:27:26.640
As long as you and your partner are communicating and have clear boundaries, the possibilities really are endless.
00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:31.299
If you don't wanna spank your partner, don't fucking spank your partner.
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:34.019
Punishments are what you make them.
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:37.460
They don't have to be physical if you don't want them to be.
00:27:38.140 --> 00:27:41.079
Sometimes you have to get creative thinking of punishments.
00:27:42.700 --> 00:27:45.380
And that could be an episode, the different times.
00:27:45.619 --> 00:27:51.779
I know I've done one on punishments, but maybe we can go more in depth because even still now, sometimes I struggle with punishments.
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:54.559
Not that my subbie gets punished very often.
00:27:55.700 --> 00:27:56.720
He's a pretty good boy.
00:27:58.680 --> 00:28:00.619
Maybe he can come on and give some ideas.
00:28:02.440 --> 00:28:05.720
He has a very interesting mind.
00:28:11.589 --> 00:28:17.309
All right, I need to wrap this up before you guys all get bored to death and fall asleep driving home from work or something.
00:28:17.410 --> 00:28:18.069
That would be terrible.
00:28:18.990 --> 00:28:24.750
I also have a bunch of jobs to record, which should be real fun with my mouth working the way it is.
00:28:25.730 --> 00:28:27.890
I love it, I'm just a little overwhelmed.
00:28:30.490 --> 00:28:41.430
I have not fully decided what's in store for you next week because as I mentioned, I'm not the most organized person in the world, but I have a few ideas and I would really like to bring my subbie back.
00:28:41.869 --> 00:28:52.109
I think the topic of how to be a better sub or tips for being a good sub would be an interesting episode.
00:28:52.789 --> 00:29:00.289
Or maybe we'll talk about punishments or I mean, hell, if my ADD is kicking ass, maybe we'll do it all in one episode.
00:29:00.589 --> 00:29:01.289
We'll see.
00:29:02.710 --> 00:29:09.230
However, if any of you have questions for my subbie, please hit me up on social media, send me an email.
00:29:09.509 --> 00:29:11.349
All my information is in the show notes.
00:29:12.190 --> 00:29:12.869
Ask away.
00:29:13.630 --> 00:29:14.930
He will answer them for you.
00:29:15.490 --> 00:29:23.289
Thank you to all of you so much for taking time to listen to me ramble and be all over the map.
00:29:24.250 --> 00:29:26.369
I appreciate each and every one of you.
00:29:26.569 --> 00:29:32.450
I appreciate your support and I love that people are listening to me on my journey.
00:29:32.809 --> 00:29:37.250
It's just fascinating and I love the feedback, the emails, the comments, everything.
00:29:37.809 --> 00:29:38.990
Keep it up, I love it.
00:29:40.069 --> 00:29:42.650
I hope you all have an amazing week.
00:29:43.390 --> 00:29:46.750
Stay safe, be good human beings.
00:29:47.150 --> 00:29:48.329
Nobody likes an asshole.
00:29:49.369 --> 00:29:50.869
And much love to you all.
00:29:51.509 --> 00:29:51.730
Mwah.
